Joy
02-04-2004, 09:16 PM
I guess god works in weird ways...second night in a row I missed CATM. I was awake at 1:30 then must have fell asleep soundly until 5:00 so again I missed the show. And I understand Freddie isn't looking well in these last episodes... Now I'll tell you why I say god works in weird ways. I had a terrible day yesterday. And I couldn't stop think of Freddie and what tourment he must have been in. I was very sad for my own reasons but I just kept thinking of him. I pulled into the parking lot and just sat there and prayed. Then I looked up and said I'm sorry Freddie you went through everything feeling so alone and hopeless that you had to end your life. Then I said just give me a sign it will be ok...you're ok and I will be ok. Amen...Ok so I sat there maybe 5 more mins...Opened the card door and this huge wind came out of nowhere dust and dirt and dand all over me all in my car. Me...I was smiling like an idiot all I could say was thanks. And I still felt bad all day but I knew I wasn't alone. It was very weird and I hope I don't freak anyone out. But it gets weirder. I went for a walk around 8-9pm last night still thinking of Freddie how sick he was, how thin, how depressed, how alone...with all those damn people no one woke up. And I guess I related instances in my own life for a second cause I really felt a connection, a true saddness for him. Anyhow...get this out of nowwhere a Collie I think it was a collie but it was black and white the shape and fur looked like a collie...Well it came running up to me right up to me and I froze I was terrified and I looked at him straight in the eyes, it sat down stared at me but it looked so kind and gentle...he got up and ran away...I started walking away slowly and when I stopped I turned around and he was watching me walk away from the end of the street...Another sigh? I don't know...I'm still confused. But hey I'll take it.