jsizzle
10-19-2003, 12:51 AM
The clash of hormonally imbalanced titans begins (began) Thursday night, and for all you who like to contemplate the nuances of a fine Cincinnati Bengals vs. Carolina Panthers clash or the vicissitudes of the NFL standings, this here feature is not for you. Well, maybe it's for you. And maybe it's just for the clods who don't really care. We're not telling.Here are the NFL Players and commentators football talks of the year!
Bottom 10
32. Saints. I'd like to see Mother Teresa hold off 6-foot-2, 303-pound Warren Sapp. Nah. Ain't gonna happen.
31. Patriots. Named after a missile that couldn't even shoot down a scud. How friggin' pathetic is that?
30. Chargers. Electricity-based teams taking a beating lately.
29. Packers. Meat. Fudge. ... It's like naming your kid Eugene.
28. N'Sync. With Justin a solo star, they're best bet is off-Broadway. Maybe an odd commercial or two.
27. Browns. Have you ever feared a Brown? Well, yes. But still.
26. Buccaneers/Vikings. Their reign of terror has been over for hundreds of years.
25. Giants/Titans. Their reign of terror has been over for thousands of years.
24. Eagles. Once a fearsome front-four. Had legendary rivalry with Doobie Brothers. But now content to get rich off personal seat licenses.
23. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Increase in public demand for T&A opens the door for Hooters Girls to run away with public imagination.
Top 10 Conversations
10. Broncos. Poised to be re-energized by DVD release of "Bronco Billy," 1980 Clint Eastwood dramedy.
9. Cruz Bustamente. Californians finding it rolls off the tongue better than Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Markets well to Latinos and Mennonites. Energizing voters with Tone-Loc-inspired campaign slogan: "Don't just stand there. Bustamente."
8. Falcons. Dare to be birds in a generally non-bird league. Edgy! Resisted change even when Catholic Church bought out and rebranded the Arizona Cardinals franchise. (Oddly, the logo change was largely unnecessary.)
7. Halliburton. Nobody better at bullying. Lobbyists feared league-wide. Masters at getting what they want without earning it.
6. Texans. See No. 7.
5. Raven-Symone. Poised for comeback after breakthrough on Cosby Show. Has breasts now,and will soon be legal!
4. Redskins. Nothing says mean like dermal irritation.
3. Bengals/Panthers/Lions/Jaguars. Separately, these felines can barely scratch out a win between them. Together, they are a powerful cat family, capable of a collective look of studied indifference that puts opponents at ease until, BOOM, they're feasting on your small intestines.
2. Bills. They're oppressive and come at you in waves.
1. Dolphins. Powerfully cute.
Direct your attentions to number 5...ok NFL Players and commentators talking about Raven who has nothing to do with football...i'M FLATTERED lol,she's pretty popular among males:grineyes:
Bottom 10
32. Saints. I'd like to see Mother Teresa hold off 6-foot-2, 303-pound Warren Sapp. Nah. Ain't gonna happen.
31. Patriots. Named after a missile that couldn't even shoot down a scud. How friggin' pathetic is that?
30. Chargers. Electricity-based teams taking a beating lately.
29. Packers. Meat. Fudge. ... It's like naming your kid Eugene.
28. N'Sync. With Justin a solo star, they're best bet is off-Broadway. Maybe an odd commercial or two.
27. Browns. Have you ever feared a Brown? Well, yes. But still.
26. Buccaneers/Vikings. Their reign of terror has been over for hundreds of years.
25. Giants/Titans. Their reign of terror has been over for thousands of years.
24. Eagles. Once a fearsome front-four. Had legendary rivalry with Doobie Brothers. But now content to get rich off personal seat licenses.
23. Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders. Increase in public demand for T&A opens the door for Hooters Girls to run away with public imagination.
Top 10 Conversations
10. Broncos. Poised to be re-energized by DVD release of "Bronco Billy," 1980 Clint Eastwood dramedy.
9. Cruz Bustamente. Californians finding it rolls off the tongue better than Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Markets well to Latinos and Mennonites. Energizing voters with Tone-Loc-inspired campaign slogan: "Don't just stand there. Bustamente."
8. Falcons. Dare to be birds in a generally non-bird league. Edgy! Resisted change even when Catholic Church bought out and rebranded the Arizona Cardinals franchise. (Oddly, the logo change was largely unnecessary.)
7. Halliburton. Nobody better at bullying. Lobbyists feared league-wide. Masters at getting what they want without earning it.
6. Texans. See No. 7.
5. Raven-Symone. Poised for comeback after breakthrough on Cosby Show. Has breasts now,and will soon be legal!
4. Redskins. Nothing says mean like dermal irritation.
3. Bengals/Panthers/Lions/Jaguars. Separately, these felines can barely scratch out a win between them. Together, they are a powerful cat family, capable of a collective look of studied indifference that puts opponents at ease until, BOOM, they're feasting on your small intestines.
2. Bills. They're oppressive and come at you in waves.
1. Dolphins. Powerfully cute.
Direct your attentions to number 5...ok NFL Players and commentators talking about Raven who has nothing to do with football...i'M FLATTERED lol,she's pretty popular among males:grineyes: