Best
Fred- Pardon Me-How long have you been doing manual labor.
Fred- What is that a summons?
Fred- You're not over the hill-you're down in the valley.
Fred- Everthing you eat-must go to your back pocket.
Fred- His guest don't have to worry about where they sit, walk, or put they hands- they just fly around the room.
Fred- Hey negro-bring me more of this shangri-la-hold the garbage.
Fred- What kind of brother are you- you must be a West Indian.

Worst- Any line spoken by Grady. Sorry people he caused the show to jump the shark.

Fred- I can stick your face in some dough and make me some gorilla cookies!!
Fred- ......and three days for 7UP.
Fred- oh she wouldnt want a drink..cause she is a drink..a ZOMBIE!!
Fred- ....thats the same thing they said about Social Security.
Fred-.....you got Henry Kissinger out there??
Fred-for $500 i can turn Yule Gibbons into a meatloaf freak!!
Fred-I used to be a boxer...they used to call me "Kid Death."
Fred-exaclty what is a decathelon??

Fred(referring to baseball bat): This is my snakebite kit. If a snake bites me, i am gonna stick this upside your "copper" head and "rattle" it.


:lol:

Fred: How can electricity be painless? Have you ever seen a guy jump out of the electric chair and say, "oh, that was nice and painless!"

Bubba: What's an Oriental Express?
Fred: I don't know, but Ah-choo says it makes you feel loose in the caboose.

John: You mean a zero shot you out of the sky at Iwo Jima?
Fred: No, a bigot threw me off the pier in El Segundo.

Fred: I'm having a religious picture painted on the ceiling - like Michaelangelo. It's gonna be Moses parting an oil spill in El Segundo.

Lamont (to Donna): How's it gonna feel - being married to an old man?
Fred: What do you think it feels like being the father of a young dummy?

Fred: What are you gonna call it - Julio & Son, or Son & Fuentes?
I'll tell ya what you should call it - Julio & damn foolio!

Lamont: This is just the beginning, pop. Rollo was just saying that from here we go to Las Vegas - then on to Reno, Tahoe...
Fred: ...and back to the ghetto!

Rodney: Foul, foul, foul!
Fred: I'll show you fowl - how'd you like me to shove a chicken up your nose?

Fred: Look what we have here - a wino and a rhino.

Fred: It's a smoking jacket. You got something to smoke?

Woody: Esther & I are going to have a baby.
Fred: Well, someone better call the zoo!

Fred: You're both too old and too ugly to have a child.

Fred ( to Nora Simpson): Oh, you like his mustache? Well, why don't you get ready to leave and I'll have him shave it off and you can take it home and smoke it.

More great lines in this episode.


Esther: May I sit down?
Fred: Certainly. I'll push the couch out on the freeway.

Fred: Undoubtedly, this is not the proper environment for a child. Look what we have here - a boozer and a loser.

Esther: Oh Fred Sanford, I love you.
Fred: Don't be tryin' to kiss me. That's all I need - a terminal hickey!

Fred (to Lamont after slamming the door in Esther's face) : Son, someone left an ape out on the doorstep.

Man: Could you please be quiet? I'm trying to absorb this lecture.
Fred (raises fist): How would you like to absorb this?

Fred: I'd like something in black.
Store owner: What?
Fred (raises fist): Your eye!

Fred refering to Lamont: The next time some little bird whispers something in your ear, make sure it's not a looneybird