This is the my script of the premiere of Cheers:Season 12.
Episode 276 - Frasier Has Left The Building


Starring:
Sam Malone
Carla Tortelli LeBec
Woody Boyd
Kelly Gaines Boyd
Cliff Clavin
Dr. Lilith Sternin
Paul Krapitz
and
Norm Peterson

Guest Stars:
Dr. Frasier Crane
Esther "Ma" Clavin

Scene 1: Bar
(Sam is behind the bar, with Cliff and Paul at the bar.)
Sam: (on the phone), OK, Ill be sure to tell him. (hangs up the phone)Wow, I can't believe the Cranes are leaving eachother, I mean, sure she cheated on him, but, ya know?

Cliff: Of course I know, only a Postman with as keen since of relationships as myself can spot that he's a crackpot psychiatrist who thinks he knows everything and never shuts his (is interrupted by Paul)

Paul: Trap, Pothole, Mousetrap to Hell?? (Sam and Paul laugh)

Cliff: Exactly. (laughs) And she's well....

Paul: Scary behind all belief? (Sam laughs)

Cliff: Ohh, is this your little way of telling me that you know as much as me?

Paul: Twice.

Cliff: Ohh yeah??

Paul: Yeah!

Cliff: Well, uhh, yeah, I uhh, (stalls) well, you don't have a uniform, so you don't count.
(Paul and Sam laugh)

(cue themesong)

tell what you think.

Scene 2: Bar
(Sam is behind Bar, Carla is waiting tables)
(Frasier walks in)

Frasier: Sam, fill 'em up.

Carla: Sorry bout the icicle leavin ya.

Frasier: Why thank you Carla, you've sure had a change in heart.

Carla: Yeah, and now you'll have more room in your freezer.

Frasier: (laughs) HA HA (sarcastically)

Sam: Fras, how's it goin? How's Freddy takin it?

Frasier: Me, terrible. Frederick, he's been alright. I think he may be too young to understand.

Sam: If there's anything you need me, or any us guys to do you just tell us, got it?

Frasier: Actually, Sam, could we talk for a minute? In the back or something?

Sam: Carla, take the bar.

Carla: Hey, everybody, everybody! SHUT UP Clavin!
Carla's got the bar!

(Sam and Frasier walk go into the office)

Cliff: (talking to Paul, Carla's now behind the bar) Ehh, it's a little known fact that by the year 2008 almost 87% of all marriages will be broken off. And that by the year, uhh, 2021 I believe, marriages all together will no longer exist.

(Paul gets up and walks away)
(Cliff goes on to follow him into the pool room)

Cliff: And in 2047 the average single ma(gets cut off, as walking in the back)

(Now in the office with Sam and Frasier)

Sam: So what is it you're tryin to say Doc?

Frasier: Well, its, I better just cut right to the chase, I'm leaving Boston.

Sam: Leaving? Comon Fras, you saved my life, there's gotta be something I can do, I mean, what about Freddy?

Frasier: Its final, I have to leave, I can't bear being within miles, let alone blocks, from that tramp.

Sam: And Freddy?

Frasier: It's ok, "Lady and the Tramp" always was one of his favorites. (Sam laughs) Make that "Lady IS the Tramp". (both laugh)

Sam: See Fras, it's ok, you can go on.

Frasier: But I already have a job waiting for me in Seattle.

Sam: Seattle. Wow. You REALLY want to get away from her, don't ya?
(both laugh)

Frasier: Actually, I was born and raised in Seattle. Fine town. Weather's a bit much, but I'll survive.

Sam: What did Lilith say?

Frasierp No, thats what I needed to talk about.

Sam: (jumps back a step) ARE YOU CRAZY? Never! She's insane. I mean, she was married to YOU. (Frasier stares at him)
I'm sorry man, I didn't mean anything bye th(gets cut off by Frasier)

Frasier: I, (heavy breath) I understand, I guess, guess I have to.

Sam: I'm sorry Fras, this is just somethin I cant do.

Frasier: Ya sure?

(Sam waves his arms in front of chest in x-like motion) (Sam mouths NO, NO, NO)

(Frasier makes a puppy face)

Sam:
Ohh God, that's just sick, I can't believe you'd do that.

Frasier: So you will?

Sam: (walking out of the office) I hate you Frasier. (shakes head, rolls eyes) (whispers-- I hate you!, hate you, hate!)

(Frasier laughs, and walks out of the office)

(Sam is walking to go behind the bar, Frasier sits at his "regular" seat, by the piano)

Frasier: Thanks Sam, I really appreciate this.

Sam: (peeling lemons) Heh, you better. (Frasier laughs)

Frasier: Well, Im off now.

(Norm walks in, hangs up his coat.)

Norm: Afternoon everybody!

EVERYONE: NORM!!
Sam: How's life treatin' ya Norm?

Norm: Like snowman in hell.
(Frasier walks over to Norm)

Frasier: Im sure gonna miss you guys. (Frasier walks out of Cheers)

Norm: Where's Fras goin?

Sam: (whispers) Seattle.

Norm: (shouts) Seattle?!

Frasier: Bye all. (makes phone motion with hands to Sam)

Sam: Will do. Later Fras.

(Cliff walks back into the bar, from the pool room)

Cliff: Ahh, Seattle, America's 5th grandest city. Rains there a whole lot too. Actually, Seattle and Boston have very similar typical weather patterns.

(Norm makes circles with his fingers near his ears, like "pyscho")
(Sam laughs)

Sam: Hey, I was thinking, uhh, Carla, come here.

Carla: Huh Sam?

Sam: I was thinking we should have a big going away bash for Frasier. I mean he's our friend and all.

Carla: Where's he going? I got nothin for my divorce.

Sam: He's movin out of town.

Carla: Where to?

Norm: Seattle I guess.

Carla: Seattle, why the hell would the Doc want to leave Beantown, for Seattle?

Norm: Seattle, whats he want to do in Seattle?

Cliff: Uhh Seattle is actually one of the top destina-- (gets cut off by Sam).

Sam: No, No, No, I guess he grew up there, and he's already got a job and everything.

Norm: How nice, I spend almost 3 years looking for jobs, and he's got one waiting for him for him, right when he moves to Seattle. (rolls eyes)

A new set added to this season is Woody's House, Woody's front door is on the right of the set, leading into his family room, then there is a doorway into the dining room area, which behind it is a doorway to his kitchen. In the living room is a staircase leading up to Woody's second floor, with 2 bedrooms , and a bathroom. From the upstairs' hallway, the master bedroom is on the left, and the smaller bedroom and bathroom on the right.

That's so you can have an image of what the set looks like.

more soon....

Scene 3: Woody's House

Kelly: (walking in from dining room into living room)
Woody! (pouting) Why don't you ever let me come with you when you hang out with the guys?

Woody: Kelly, you got to understand, theres somethin special when its just me and the guys.

Kelly: What about Carla?

Woody: You start dressing like her, come on down.

Kelly: Im serious Woody, how come you never let me come with you and the guys??

Woody: If it means that much to you, we're all going down to a fight sometime next week.

Kelly: Ohh no, fights are no good.

Woody: Thats it! Thats exactly why I dont want you hangin out with me and the guys.

Kelly: What about that party next week? For Dr. Crane?

Woody: Ohh thats nothing, just a bunch of us guys gettin together to send Dr. Crane off to Seattle.

Kelly: Wheres he going?

Woody: Ya see, him and Dr. Sternin Crane got a divorce, and he's moving to Seattle.

Kelly: Boy, he sure is lucky. (Woody laughs)

Woody: You have NO idea. (shakes his head and smirks)

Scene 4: Bar (Afternoon of Frasier's Farewell)

(Frasier, Norm, Cliff and Paul are all sitting around the bar, Sam is behind the bar, and Carla's serving tables)

Frasier: Well, I better go finish packing. Still on for cards tonight boys?

(all saying "sure, yeah, gotcha")
(Frasier walks out, Sam grabs box from under table)

Norm: (blows a party blower) I love these things. (laughs)

Cliff: Its a little known fact that the party blower was first invented by Franklin Isaac Clavin in the year 1841. And that it was first used by accident, contrary to popular belief.

Carla: Clavin.

Cliff: I know, I know, we've heard it all before. (coughs) In fact it wa(gets cut off by Norm)

Norm: Cliff, go to your room. (Cliff walks into the pool room with a box of decorations)

Sam: Comon guys. We got to hurry up, the Doc 'll be back in a couple of hours.
(Sam and Norm start putting streamers and party stuff up)

Paul: Hey guys, want me to do somethin?

Norm: When'd you get here?

Paul: I've been here for over 2 hours. Geez guys, you never notice me, or let me in on anything. What is it, cause Im short, I wear glasses, what? What?

Norm: No, we just well, we just don't like you. (laughs)

Paul: Im serious guys, I wanna be included, this bar is all I got.

Sam: Yeah, you REALLY should get out more man.
(Norm mouths "loser")

Norm: Alright, deal, we'll let you in. Now get the confetti ready, (stalls), four eyes.

(Woody walks in)
Woody: Hey everybody!

Sam: Woodman, whats happenin? Where ya been?

Woody: Well, Councilman work is pretty hard, wish I could be back here at Cheers.

Carla: Farmboy, what exactly is it that you DO?

Woody: Well I uhh, yeah. Pretty much.

Sam: Comon Woody, help us out. When's Kelly comin?

Woody: Sorry Sam, she won't make it, she says I don't let her hang out with us guys, and that she doesnt want anything to do with us.

Cliff: (walking back into bar from pool room) Women. Ehh, you don't see me goin around complainin about that so called fairer sex.

Carla: That's right, sex with you is never fair. Eww. (Norm shakes sarcastically)

Norm: Ya know, Paul was just complainin about the same thing. (stalls) Women.

more more lol

I just edited Scene 4, so its all on one post, heres the next scene....

Scene 5: Frasier's House
(Frasier is putting a letter down on the dresser in the bedroom) (Frasier comes out of the room, down the stairs)

Lilith: Ohh God, Frasier, I thought you had left.

Frasier: Well sorry to upset you.

Lilith: Ohh Frasier, shut up and get out.

Frasier: Lilith, please, is there anything I can do to save us?

Lilith: Its over, get on with your life, quick. I already told Frederick you had left for Seattle.

Frasier: Ohh sure, make ME look like the bad guy.

Lilith: I NEVER said that!

Frasier: You implied it!

Lilith: Oh Frasier, be quiet, you're being rational.

Frasier: I am NOT being rational!

Lilith: Get your big head out of my home. Quick, before you wake Frederick.

Frasier: Ohh, ohh, I see how it is, before I wake Frederick?!
(walks upstairs and slams the door, you see the letter fall behind the dresser)

Lilith: How nice.

Frasier: GOODBYE! (slams the front door shut)
(Lilith stands there for a second)
(Frasier opens the door)
(they kiss for about 15 seconds)

Lilith: Thank you.
(Frasier shuts the door, and leaves)

more soon, tell me what you think.

All of my episodes will be much shorter than normal episodes of Cheers.

Haha. Sick dude.

haha
thanks.

new avatar, he looks so.... "jolly" in that pic

Good episode. Continue!:D

im drawin a blank.

cant think of any good jokes.
maybe Ill have more tomorrow.

Scene 6: Bar

(the lights are all out)
(Frasier comes walking down the stairs)

(Frasier walks in, lights flash on)

Everybody: FRASIER!!

Frasier: Ohh God, Im Norm?!

Woody: Dr. Crane, Dr. Crane! (smiles)

Frasier: Yes, Woody?

Woody: Uhh, yeah. Nothin. (laughs to Norm and Paul)

(Cliff comes walking from the other side of the bar to talk to Frasier)

Cliff: So Doc, you're really leavin us? You think we're ready to go? We'll we are! So just get out here you big coward!

Frasier: Cliff.

Cliff: NO I will NOT!

Frasier: That's right, you won't.
(Cliff gives Frasier a hug)

Frasier: Not hugging! Good God Cliff, get ahold of yourself!

Ma Clavin: Frasier Crane! (shrugs down and smiles) (gives him a hug)

Cliff: Ohh Ma, stop embarassing him. He's a grown man, who probably brought someone other than his mother to the prom.

Ma Clavin: Ohh Clifford, I was proud to take you.

Norm: (whispers to Paul) His cousin stood him up.

Paul: So, uhh, Frasier, why Seattle?

Sam: Yeah Doc, why not Portland or Chicago, maybe even Pittsburgh?

Frasier: Well, after doing some extensive studies into my past I came to realize that I....

Carla: FRASIER!?

Frasier: Ohh God, now Im Cliff!
(cut to front of Cheers)

Scene 7: Bar
(a couple of hours after the party started)
(Paul, Norm, Cliff and Frasier are sitting at the table)
(Sam and Carla are picking up the tables, Woody starts to help)

Sam: Hey, Woodman, you don't work here anymore, go have a couple of beers with the guys. Carla, fill 'em up.

Frasier: (walking over from "frasier and lilith's table", to the bar) Thanks Sam, I appreciate this. Its just, I was hoping that uhh well....

Sam: (shakes, pushes head forward) Huh?

(Frasier gives him a quick stare)

Sam: Ohh, ohh, yeah. All covered, she took it pretty hard. Hopefully Freddy'll be alright.

Frasier: He will Sam, he will. Hey, by any chance have you talked to Lilith since?

Sam: (shakes head very slowly, thinking) Nope, not since I gave her the news. Why, what's up?

Frasier: Well, you see, I left her a note, a (rolls eyes) love note, and.... she hasnt said anything.

Sam: Ohh, (gasps slowly), that's why your going to Seattle, you're still in love with her??

Frasier: Sam, don't be ridiculous, I would never go back to her. Ohh God Sam, Im a coward. I never stopped loving her.

Sam: Here ya go, (hands him a coffee), sober up a bit.
(Frasier starts staring into the mug)

Carla: Ya know Doc, I've made lots of jokes, plenty were worth it. But you're a good friend, and I'll miss ya.

Sam: We'll all miss ya!

Cliff: To Frasier!!

Everybody: To Frasier!!

(Kelly comes walking in)
Kelly: Woody!! (whining) How come you didn't invite me?

Woody: Kelly comon, this is Frasier's big good-bye party. And you just come barging(sarcastically) in!!

Kelly: Ohh Woody! (laughs, shakes her head smiling)
(waves to the guys) Hi guys!

Paul, Cliff, and Norm: Uhh, (startled) hi Kelly!

Cliff: So, how's (gets cut off by Norm)

Norm: How's life been Kelly??

Kelly: Ohh its been great. Pregnancy is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Im almost as big as you know Mr. Peterson.

(Norm cringes his head angrily)
(Sam stares at him)

Kelly: So, what's on TV??

Norm and Cliff: Uhh, nothin.

Paul: Yeah, this old flick, The Magnificent Seven or something.

Norm: Uhh, I thought it was Magnificent Six, but, uhh, whatever. Not that we're into those kind of movies.
Hey (motions to Kelly and Paul to come along) can you guys do this, I learn (gets cut off by walking into pool room.

(Cliff reaches up, and takes the tape out of the VCR)
Cliff: Phew, close one. Not the Magnificent Seven, nobody can touch the Magnificent Seven.

Norm: (walking back in from pool room) Until Now.

Sam: To Frasier!

Everybody: To Frasier!!

Frasier: Thank you very much guys, I'll miss you all very much.

Sam and Norm: Thank you!

Frasier: Well, its been a pleasure. Ill miss you all.
(everybody gives him a hug goodbye)

(as Frasier walks away from Woody's hug, Woody begins to drag down to Frasier's ankles and is dragged out of the door weeping)

(cue end credits)

:( sniff sniff......:crying: awwww..!! Beautifully written :)

haha
thanks Maria!!

:blush:

you asked me what I thought- I like very much!:D

thanks Krista....

for the next episode....

Cheers 277 - Confessions, Cousins and Card Tricks (http://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?s=&threadid=80478)