I think mine is: Holy Crip, He's a Crapple!
:lol: :lol:

Nobody should pay attention to the crippled they dont do anything... they should pay attention to ME!!:wave:

One time Stewie shouted "Have at you!" as he attacked.

I love that line.

:lol:

i love it when stewie calls peter "fat man":D :rolleyes: :cool: :p

Lois - Peter, you're drunk.
Peter - I'm just exhausted cause I've been up all night drinking.

:lol:

Peter: "BABABOOIE, BABABOOIE, HOWARD STERN'S PENIS, BABABOOIE, BABABOOIE!!!!" :lol: :lol:

How could I forget: "Giggidy, Giggidy, Giggidy, Giggidy!!"

Peter: Do club-footed midgets get their justice in heaven?

**

Lois: Peter, what did you promise me last night?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag part--oh ho ho, I almost walked into that one.

Originally posted by TJL
One time Stewie shouted "Have at you!" as he attacked.

I love that line.

:lol: :lol: Yeah, that episode was on last night. It was his tooth that said it though. "Have at you" :lol:

Peter: I'd like to speak to Colonal Sanders.
Redneck: He dead.
Peter: No, Colonal Sanders.
Redneck: I say you he dead!

:lol: I love that one!

"Sweet Mary Mother of God, Jackpot!"

- Brian

:lol:

Quagmire: Oh Right!


I liked how he says it.

What the deuce!!

I got another great one. I was watching an episode on DVD today.

Stewie and Brian are having a snowball fight. Stewie whips out his snowball bazooka and cries "Now is the winter of your discontent!"

:lol:

Good day shop keep.

lady i think your an idiot
peter i dont pay you to think, in fact i dont pay you at all...count it
lady im watching you, whats your name
peter my name uhhhh uhhh pea....uhhhh tear....uhhhh griffin, yeah yeah peter griffin, ah crap
(the thin white line = the best episode)

What'd we get what'd we get come on big money big money big money no wammy no wammy STOP
when lois' aunt dies

Death's mom: "If you're going out, wear a sweater! You'll get frostbite!"
Death: "I don't have any skin, mom!"
Death's mom: "That's because you didn't eat your beans!"

Peter: It's time you live like the Piece Of Shmidt you really are!
Lois: It's Pewdershmidt!

"NOthing says good job like a firm open palmed smack on the behind"

It's a tie between

"It's okay to lie to women, they're not people like us."

or

"There's only one thing to do! Learn the language of the fleas, earn their trust, then breed with their women, and in time our differences will be forgotten."

or

"You know some, some people think that dandelions are weeds but, uh, you know, I always think who the, who the hell decided tulips are so great?"

Lois: A woman is not an object.
Peter: Your mother is right, son. Listen to what it says.
Lois: Peter!

----

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'
Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.
-------

Hotel manager: Open up or I'll hit you with this blunt instrument I use to hit dead-beats with bad credit cards. Well, it's not an instrument, it's more of an object, but it's blunt, hard and blunt, and well ... it's kinda like a bat. I found it out back one day when I was raking.
------

Stewie's Letter: Dear stupid dog, I've gone to live with the children on jolly farm. Good bye forever. Stewie.
P.S. I never got a chance to return that sweater Lois gave me for Christmas. Umm, I left the receipt on top of my bureau. I'm probably over the thirty day return limit but umm… I'm sure if you make a fuss they'll at least give you a store credit or something. Umm.. It's actually not a horrible sweater. It's... It's just I can't imagine when I would ever wear it you know? Oh I also left a button on the bureau. I'm not sure what it goes to, but I can never bring myself to throw a button away. I know that as soon as I do I'll find the garment it goes to and then it'll… Wait a minute, could it be from the sweater? Did that sweater have buttons? Hmm… Well I should wrap this up before I start to ramble. Again, goodbye forever.
P.P.S. You know, it might be a little chilly in London, I'm actually going to take the sweater.
----
Security Guard: Alright son, we're gonna need those two hams back.
Chris: Huh? I don't have any hams.
Guard: Lift up your shirt, son.
Chris: I need an adult! I need an adult!
Guard: You're not a shoplifter, you're just a fat kid. Sorry about that fatty fat fatty. Hey Tom he's just a fat kid! Aren't you, fatty? You're just a big ol' fat kid. Here's some chocolate fatso.
Chris: Thanks.
--------
Meg: I just want to kill myself I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a whole bowl of peanuts.
(Lois and Peter stare in silence)
Meg: I'm alergic to peanuts.
(Peter and Lois keep staring)
Meg: You dont know anything about me. (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who was that guy?
----------
Dennis Miller: I don't wanna go on a RANT here but America's foreign policy makes about as much sense as Beowolf having sex with Robert Fulton at the first Battle of Antetum. I mean when a neo-conservative defenstrates it's like Raskalnakov filibuster dioxymonohydrostinate.
Peter: What the hell does RANT mean?

and the quotes in my siggy.

i have nothing better to do so i'll list all i can think of.

CNN reporter: ...leaving thousands injured. for cnn, i am bernard shaul. KEEPING IT REAL AND KICKING ASS, IT'S SPRING BREAK! WOOOOO *runs off the set and dives into the beach*

Judge: peter griffin, i sentence you to life in prison.
lois: oh no!
meg: oh no!
chris: oh no!
kool aid man: (bursts through wall) OH YEAHHHH!

Stewie: i was under the impression this show was called "kids say the darndest things", not "old black comedians never shut the hell up."

Stewie: where did you go, the university of DUHHHHHH?

Chris: there's games in the bathroom! look, i won a balloon!

cavities marching with peter following them dressed like them, chanting: WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH! WE MAKE HOLES IN TEETH!

(Phone rings, lois answers)
lois: hello?
peter: hi lois, i can't take out the trash because i'm at the office and they're having me stay late.
lois: the caller id says you're calling from the kitchen. in fact, i can see you.
peter: (moves out of her view) now can you see me?
lois: no.
peter: ok, now i'm at the office.

(On the "Diane!" show)
Mario: erica, you know i love you, but i gotta come clean. i'm not really a man. i'm a woman! *takes off male costume and the audience applauds*
erica: oh mah gawd, you a woman?
mario: actually, i'm not really a woman. i'm a horse! *takes off woman costume and the audience applauds*
erica: oh mah gawd, you a horse?
mario: actually, i'm not really a horse. i'm a broom! *takes off horse costume and falls on the floor as a broom, the audience applauds*
diane: ok, so how do you feel about this?
erica: to be honest with you, diane, ah'm surprised.

(Actors dressed as cats are dancing on stage in a theater, peter runs his car over one of them)
Peter: Oh my god, i didn't even see it! it was just ran in front of me!

Diane: our top story tonight: i will be playing the role of ana in the quahog player's production of "the king and i." tom?
tom: thanks diane. in other news, i won't be going to the play because i'm sure it will be lousy.
diane: tom, i'm getting late word that you're a petty, jealous closet case.
tom: in breaking news, we now go live to diane being a bitch. diane?

TV announcer: Lifetime - television for idiots.

(Peter on a raft like in cast away)
peter: (talking to a ball) WIIIIILLSOOON!!!!!! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO NOW!?!?! WILSOOOON!!!! WILSOOOOON!!!!
Ball: My name is voit, dumbass!

Lady: what's your name?
peter: my name is, uhhhh... *seas a pea on someones plate* pea... *sees someone crying* tear... *a griffin flies across the room* griffin. pea tear griffin!

Gene simmons (in "KISS saves santa"): someone stole santa? THAT DOES NOT ROCK!

Tom (practicing reports in front of the mirror): good evening america, i'm tom tucker, our top story: the president has been shot. - tragedy has struck the nation... our president has been shot. - what's the president doing in this casket? find out after this!

(Commercial)
Doctor: mrs. lipstein l'm afraid l have some bad news. the tumor is malignant. i'm afraid you only have 6 months to live.
mrs. lipstein: oh my god!
(pause)
narrator: got milk?

Chris: there's this game where you put in a dollar and you win 4 quarters! I WIN EVERY TIME!

Stewie: yay, and god said to abraham, "you will kill your son isaac" and abraham said, "i can't hear you, you'll have to speak into the microphone" and god said, "oh, i'm sorry, is this better? check check check. jerry, pull the high end out, im still getting some hiss back here."

Peter: hey, brian. if cops are pigs, does that make you a snausage?
brian: clever peter. did you stay up all night writing that?
peter: nah, i got to bed around two, two thirty.

Quagmire: hey there gorgeous, how old are you?
connie: 16.
quagmire: 18? you're first.
connie: mooooooom!

Lois: oh, i'm a terrible mother!
stewie: ha! i've got it all on tape. (takes out tape recorder and pushes play)
stewie's voice on tape: ok, ok, this is me interviewing johnny carson. how are we doing today mr. carson? we have a really great show. ok, and now a word from our sponsors. (stewie quickly shuts off tape)
stewie: i was...i was making radio shows for fun. everyone does it...at least everyone i know...SHUT UP! *leaves room*

Diane: we now take you live to asian reporter tricia takanawa.
tricia (outside in a tornado): diane-- *flying billboard hits her and swipes her away*

Peter: what did he do that for? all i did was ask him to buy me some peanuts and cracker jacks!
brian: i don't care if he ever gets back. (pause) i'm not being cute, i really hope he's dead.

Announcer on hitler's talk show: if you're going to be in the los angeles area und vould like tickets to hitler, call 213-DUVERISTIDUHAGDISTVESTEBLAACHEN!

Rappers in rap video:
I was brought up on the streets
No moms and dads
I had to fend for myself
With my own two hands
But today I'm hurtin'
And I'll tell you why

I got a hangnail (hangnail)
Hangin' from my cuticle
Hangnail (hangnail)
It ain't beautiful

It hurts like a bitch that I did last night

Check out familyguyquotes.com it rules!

Some of my faves are:

"What do you want me to do? Whack a guy? Off a guy? Whack off a guy?"

The "Diamonds: She'll pretty much have to" advertisement

Brian singing, "Money, money, money, money, money, money...MONEY!" while peeing on a plant

I think my all-time-favorite Family Guy quote is:
























































































"Nya-he-he-he-he"

O love this one

Black Night- What's his fat ass doing here?

Guy on dat donkey- Well he's my only means of convayence, but I guess I do spoil him!

It's the way he says it that's funny.

Peter: "Lois, our relationship cannot be measured in nipples and dimes. I mean nickels and boobs..... money."

I just love it when Stewie said

"Who the hell do you think you are"

or

"You promised the fat one would parish"

"I'm going to kill you"

"The life of the wife is ended by the knife."

- Stewie

Peter: "Hey Alfons, were you on Silver Spoons?"
Alfonso Ribeiro: "Why yes, I was."

Heres one of them

Stewie : *knocks down bookcase*PAAAAAAANNNNCAAAAKES!!!!!!!

Meg: He guys guess what I am?

Stewie: The end result of a drunken backseat gropefest and a broken prophylactic?
==========================================================

Stewie : I am going to kick your ass

Here are some of my favorite quotes

Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Peter Griffin: [giving a speech running for school board] This is life so go and have a ball. Because the world don't move to the beat of just one drum. What might be right for you may not be right for some. You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have... my opening statement. Sit, Ubu, sit. Good dog.

[they are in court]
Judge: I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
[bangs Gavel]
Lois: Oh no!
Brian: Oh no!
Chris: Oh no!
Meg: Oh no!
[Kool Aid Man busts through wall]
Kool-Aid Man: Oh yeah!
[all stare, Kool-Aid Man backs out uncomfortably]

Lois Griffin: Peter, what did you promise me last night?
Peter Griffin: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois Griffin: And what did you do?
Peter Griffin: Drank at the stag pa -... Whoa! I almost walked right into that one.

Meg: I'm gonna go up to my room and eat a whole bag of peanuts! (Peter and Lois stare at her) I'm allegeric to peanuts! (Peter and Lois continue to stare) You don't know anything about me!(runs upstairs)

Peter: Jeez, who was that guy?

(From the episode The Kiss Seen Around the World)

Lois:Stewie,did you just unhook mommy's bra?

Lois: "I just got a bikini wax and let's just say I'm cleared for landing!"

Quagmire: (unseen; just his voice) "Giggedy!!"

Peter Griffin: Brian, there's a message in my Alpha Bits. It says "OOOOOO".
Brian Griffin: Peter, those are Cheerios.

Peter Griffin: [inside Lois' head] I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor. I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, I'm a tumor, oh-oh, I'm a tumor!

My favorites would have to be -

Lois: Peter, tell your son that women are not objects.
Peter: Your mother's right, son, listen to what it says.

Peter: Lois, I know you're a feminist and I think that's adorable, but this is grownup time and I'm the man!

Trisha Takanawa - Diane, I'm standing outside the Park Barrington Hotel because they do not allow Asians inside.

Stewie-Damn you all

I saw an episode the other night that had me :rofl:. Stewie was in a locker watching a bunch of cheerleaders get undressed and he said; "My wee-wee seems to have been stricken with rigor-mortis"

Stewie: "Aha! So they *do* make bigger diapers! That deceitful woman told me I'd have to learn to use the toilet! Well, fie on the toilet! It's made slaves of you all! I've seen it sitting in there, lazy, slothful, porcelain layabout feeding on other people's doo-doos while contributing nothing of its own to society!
[runs to toilet]
[shouts] You get a job!"

Stewie: "It's time for a Sexy Party!" :eyes:

One of my favorite Stewie quotes

"God, this is such an old people house, you know? I mean, look at this candy jar. Let's, uh, take a look in here. Let's see what you got here. You got, uh... oh, you got licorice. Oh, that's, uh, that's, uh... oh, oh, Freedent! Oh, that's good. Yeah, yeah, I got-- I got a sweet tooth, I think I'll have some Freedent. Yeah, uh, oh, oh, what's this? Oh, a cough drop, a Luden's cough drop. Is that candy? No, I don't think that's candy; I think it's a cough drop! Uh, what else we got? Oh, oh, look! Look at this! There's a fishing lure in here! There's a fishing lure in the candy jar! W-w-what! Am I-- am I supposed to eat this? Eat a fishing lure? Hey, look, Brian's on TV!"

Peter (when he's hungover): This sucks worse than that time I went to that museum. (Flashback to childhood, standing in museum looking at dinosaur
skeltons.)
Peter (as a child): Why did all the dinosaurs die out?
Man at Museum: Because you touch yourself at night.

Chris: Dad, What's a library?

Peter: It's a place where homeless people go to shave and make B.M.

:lol:

Chris Dad, What's a Library?

Chris Dad, What's a Library?

Why would you feel the need to repeat my posting, and not even bother to finish the quote itself? LOL...

Lois: Peter, did you take the money from the family jar?
Peter: Who me? Yes me! Couldn't be! Then who?........................yeah I did it.
(This is funny because one of my kids used to watch Barney and they'd sing: Who took the cookies from the cookie jar? Who me? Yes me! Couldn't be. Then who?)

-----

They have a flashback and it goes back to when Peter was in college and he farts for his first time ever.

Peter: (farts)
Peter: What the hell was that?

-----

Peter is in an elevator with another guy.

Peter: (farts)
(Other guy stares at him weird)
Peter: Uhhhh, it was you.

-----

Peter and Lois are going to a wedding or something (in a flashback) and Peter is looking in the mirror and putting on a tie while wearing a tux and Lois looks at the mirror to look at Peter.

Lois: Oh, look at that handsome man!
Peter: You son of a bitch.
(Peter punches and breaks the mirror)

-----

Goes to a flashback and a couple is on the sidewalk about to cross the street, and there's mud right when you step down. Then, Peter comes by.

Peter: Wow, look at that! I don't want you to walk and get your nice shoes all dirty!
(Peter then lifts up the wife, puts her whole body faced down into the mud, then helps the man walk him over his wife)

-----

In the episode "Family Goy" when Peter gets a cut-out of a beautiful girl. He spends "a lot of time" with the cut-out and has sex with her once in a while.

Meg is in the hall and goes to the bathroom, she walks in. She notices Peter taking a shower and suddenly, the cut-out gets stuck onto the glass of the shower and then Peter's hands suddenly appear on the glass on each side of the cut-out.

-----

Meg: I'm gonna go upstairs and eat a full bag of peanuts!
(Peter and Lois stare at her)
Meg: I'm allergic to peanuts.
(They still stare)
Meg: You don't know anything about me! (runs upstairs)
Peter: Who the hell was that guy?

Peter: They will clean up all your talking in a menace such as this

Brian: They will make you take a tinkle when you want to take a p*ss

Stewie: And they'll make you call fellatio a trouser-friendly kiss

Peter, Brian, & Stewie: It's the plain situation!

There's no negiotiation!

Peter: With the fellows at the freakin FCC!



Brian: They're as stuffy as the stuffiest of the special interest groups...

Peter: Make a joke about your bowels and they order in the troops

Stewie: Any baby with a brain could tell them everybody poops!

Peter, Brian, & Stewie: Take a tip, take a lesson!

You'll never win by messin'

Peter: With the fellas at the freakin' FCC



Peter: And if you find yourself with some you sexy thing

You're gonna have to do her with your ding-a-ling

(Cuz you can't say penis)



Peter: So they sent this little warning they're prepared to do the worst

Brian: And they stuck it in your mailbox hoping you could be co-erced

Stewie: I can think of quite another place they should have stuck it first!



Peter, Brian, & Stewie: They may just be neurotic

Or possible psychotic

They're the fellas at the freakin FCC!

yea, I love that scene!:lol: :lol:

Brian to Peter-"When it came, it said FOR PETER so you thought it said FROM PETER so you...you know, it would be easier to say you're just stupid".

Stewie: Cool Hwhip
Brian: Cool Whip
Stewie: Cool Hwhip
Brian: Cool Whip
Stewie:Cool Hwhip
Brian: YOU'RE EATING HAIR!!
(Stewie spits it out)

:lol: