Okay guys.... Here it is...
This is where you can read about the shows tapings and upcoming scripts...

IMPORTANT
If you do not want to know what happens in upcoming episodes of the show then please do not read past this post.... If you read past this post then there is a good chance that the show will be spoiled for you.

I am going to extend this post down quite a bit so as you don't have two posts on the screen at one time...

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Let the Spoilage Begin!!

FROM JG5207
FORUMS4FANS.COM



Ok-- for all of those who I haven't sent this too yet-- Here is the script for Black Dog airing this Tuesday. I apologize for taking so long but I wanted to wait until closer to the airdate.
I also thought we could have fun with some great Hyde and Jackie! Enjoy it! This is going to be an awesome episode!
Please also don't post this anywhere until after it airs. This is a spoiler group exclusive!

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN- Day (Day 1)

Music Cue: “Love The One You’re With”

THE GANG, Minus Fez, is here.

Jackie: Steven, I am telling you, beards are out. Look at Malibu Barbie. She could date anyone she wants, but she’s with Malibu Ken. Why? Because Malibu Ken doesn’t have a beard.

Hyde: Yes he does: Malibu Barbie’s his beard. No straight man would wear shorts that tight.

Jackie: I don’t care, shave your beard. It’s like making out with a bathmat.

Kelso: So here it is. The beginning of the end for you two. I remember the part of our relationship when all Jackie did was boss me around.

Eric: Yeah, that part lasted what, what, like six years?

Jackie: And he’s a better man for it. (WITH SPIRIT) So come one, Steven, let’s shave that beard!

Donna: Jackie, you just gave an order in the form of a cheer.

HYDE HEADS FOR SLIDING DOOR

Jackie: Hey, where are you going?

Hyde: Wherever the beard take me.

HE EXITS. RED AND KITTY ENTER FROM THE LIVING ROOM.

Kitty: Oh, Jackie, sweetie, we just got a phone call. You’re needed at home. Grab your coat and Mister Forman will give you a ride.

Jackie: Do you know what’s going on?

Kitty: No, I don’t know anything.

JACKIE EXITS TO THE BASEMENT. AS SOON AS SHE’S GONE:
Kitty: I know everything. (Then) You know how Jackie’s father is a city councilman? Well, not anymore. He just got arrested for bribery. He could go to prison.

Red: Well, I’m glad. That guy makes Republicans look like a bunch of crooks and greedy businessmen.

Eric: Yeah, thank God for the honest ones like Richard Nixon.

Kitty/Donna/Kelso: Oh God!/Oh no./ Eeesh.

Red: What did you say?

Eric: I said…Nixon was framed and Kennedy was a commie.

Red: That’s right!

Opening Credits


ACT ONE
Scene A

Fade in:

Forman Basement- Day (Day 1)

Music: “Jailbreak”

DONNA, KELSO, AND FEZ HANG. KELSO CLEANS A BB GUN. ERIC AND HYDE ENTER FROM HYDE”S ROOM.

Eric: What’s with the gun, trigger?

Kelso: Relax, Eric. It’s not a gun. It’s a BB gun. I lost it when I was like ten and I found it this morning buried in my backyard.

Donna: Why were you digging in your backyard?

Kelso: (Condescending) Uh, dinosaurs? Watch the news, Donna. (starts cleaning gun)

Eric: I can’t believe Mr. Burkhart might actually go to prison.

Fez: It’s a tragedy. My father was sent to prison, and it led to a life of drugs and prostitution.
Donna: What?

Fez: Yes. Then his pimp killed him but the medical examiner found a tiny hair, solved the crime and sent the pimp bastard to THE CHAIR!

Eric: Fez, that was last night’s episode of “Quincy.”

Fez: (caught) Oh. I didn’t know you watched that show.

Kelso: Yeah, this is rough stuff Jackie’s going through. And she’ll come running to me. Old faithful.

Hyde: Kelso, Jackie’s with me now.

Kelso: Maybe, nut we have history, so when Jackie needs a shoulder to cry on, she gonna rest her head on these broad babies. (TO FEZ) Feel ‘em.

Fez: (RE: SHOULDER) Rock hard, amigo

Hyde: Man, you don’t want Jackie leaning on your shoulder. It’s all bruised.

Kelso: Where?

HYDE PUNCHES KELSO IN THE SHOULDER

Kelso (cont’d): Ah! I should really see those coming by now.

AS KELSO WRIGGLES IN PAIN, THE BB GUN MUZZLE SWINGS TOWARD ERIC

Eric: Hey, Cool Hand Luke, watch it.

Kelso: (STANDS UP) Relax. Guns don’t just go off by accident.

Donna: Oh really? What about Eric’s fourth-grade hamster, Snowball?

Eric: What? No, Snowball didn’t get shot. He went upstate to live with a nice farm family. (OFF STARES) You shot snowball?!!

Kelso: The gun went off by accident!

JACKIE ENTERS, WEEPY. KELSO HOLDS OUT HIS ARMS. JACKIE WALKS TOWARD HIM…

Kelso (Cont’d): Aw, sweet pea, I’m here for you.

…AND BLOWS RIGHT PAST HIM. SHE HUGS HYDE, WHO REMAINS SEATED AND ILL-AT-EASE.

Jackie: Steven, my dad’s in prison, what am I going to do?

Hyde: Uh, I don’t know, bake him a cake with a file in it? (OFF HURT LOOK) What, it worked for Tom and Jerry. What do you want me to say?

Jackie: Nothing. I just... never mind.

SHE TURNS AWAY FROM HYDE, THROWS HER ARMS AROUND DONNA WHO HUGS HER.

Fez: Now we’re talking. Donna, give her a kiss.

DONNA FOGS FEZ.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ACT ONE
Scene B
DMV- Day (Day 1)

KELSO AND FEZ ENTER

Kelso: Man, Jackie blew right by me to get to Hyde!

Fez: Yes, I know because you told me twenty times!

FEZ SPOTS NINA TENDING TO A LINE OF CUSTOMERS

Fez (cont’d): Oh, there’s my boss Nina, queen of the DMV. She haunts my dreams.

Kelso: I thought Mr. Roper from “Three’s Company” haunted your dreams.

Fez: He’s there, too. (HAUNTED) Bug-eyed bastard! (THEN, RE: NINA) Look how beautiful she is. You have to help me win her heart.

Kelso: What happened to Jackie’s heart? I thought she and Hyde were just killing time—

Fez: --But Nina—

Kelso: Now, I think they’re actually getting serious—

Fez: --But Nina—
Kelso: Man, Jackie and Hyde—

Fez: (SNAPS) Enough! It’s over for you, pin-brian! Now to summarize: Jackie, gone. Nina, still in play. Help me do this thing!

NINA SPOTS FEZ.

Nina: Fez!

NINA HOLDS OUT DMV FORMS.

Fez: Nina my queena.

Nina: I told you I don’t like that. Now, you’re late for your fingerprints tutorial, so move it.

SHE HEADS OFF.

Kelso: Wow, tough cookie.

Fez: Yes, Fez likes the hard-headed mamas.

Kelso: Really? I’m starting to get into the Asian ladies.

Fez: I know what you mean, mystery of the Orient, very sexy.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

ACT ONE
Scene C

FORMAN DRIVEWAY

ERIC FINISHES SHOVELING SNOW, AS DONNA ENTERS EATING A PRETZEL. SHE WEARS HER ENGAGEMENT RING.

Eric: Donna, what are you doing wearing your engagement ring? It’s supposed to be a secret. You haven’t told anyone, have you?

Donna: (sarcastic) Yeah, Eric. I have no self control so I told the pretzel guy at the park.

THEY LAUGH

Donna (cont’d): Seriously, I have no self control so I told the pretzel guy at the park.
Eric: Donna!

Donna: I’m sorry! I am excited. I had to tell someone. Plus (HOLD UP PRETZEL) free pretzel!

FORMAN KITCHEN- CONTINOUS

KITTY PUT A SANDWICH IN FRONT OF HYDE, SEES THAT HE LOOKS BUMMED.

Kitty: Okay, Steven, what’s wrong? Problems with Jackie?

Hyde: I said the wrong thing—

Kitty: (SNAPS) Well, I have menopause! Do you have menopause?!

Hyde: Uh, no.

Kitty: Lucky bastard! (BRIGHTLY) I’m sorry, just tell me what happened.

Hyde: Well, it’s just she wanted me to say something to make her feel better and I couldn’t think of anything.

Kitty: Oh, Steven, you don’t know how to comfort someone because you’ve never been comforted yourself.

Hyde: That’s not true. One time my dad felt so bad about missing my little league game he made up for it by disappearing for nine years.

ERIC AND DONNA ENTER

Kitty: Well, after what you’ve been through, you shouldn’t have to say anything nice to anybody. Jackie should just leave you alone. Now, I am going upstairs to cry a little.

SHE EXITS. ERIC AND DONNA CROSS OVER TO HYDE.

Eric: So, you’re having a little problem with Jackie. I’d like to remind you (PUTS HIS ARM AROUND DONNA) Donna and I are basically the perfect couple.

Donna: We really are.

Eric: So, we might just have a little something to teach you about relationships.

Donna: We really do.

Eric: All you need to do is…

Eric/Donna: Back off/ Go to her.

Donna: What?

Eric: What?

Donna: No, he needs to be with her.

Eric: No, he needs to give her space. When your mom left, I gave you space.

Donna: I know. But I didn’t want space. I wanted you with me.

Eric: You didn’t tell me that.

Donna: I couldn’t find you!

Hyde: And they lived happily ever after.


ACT ONE
Scene D

DMV BACK ROOM- Day (Day 1)

FEZ AND NINA ARE IN BACK ROOM, BY A TABLE. NINA WEARS WHITE PANTS AND TEACHES FEZ TO FINGERPRINT.

Nina: Fingerprinting is one of the most important jobs at the DMV, Fez. It helps our customers feel like common criminals.

SHE TAKES FEZ’S HAND. HE WHIMPERS SLIGHLY. SHE FINGERPRINTS FEZ IN A VAGUELY SEDUCTIVE FASHION.

Nina (cont’d): See? Firm but gentle. Repeat that: firm but gentle.

Fez (IN LOVE) Fur ba jaja

SHE GENTLY BUT FIRMLY RUBS HIS HANDS

Nina: Your hands are strong. (THEN) But your right hand is much stronger than your left. Why’s that?

Fez: (Caught) Oh, uh, I am a swordfighter.

Nina: You fence?

Fez: Who doesn’t?

Nina: Most people.

Fez: Touche

NINA SCOOTS CLOSER TO FEZ AND RUBS HIS WRIST.

Nina: Look, I’m sorry if sometimes I’m a little short tempered with you. It’s just, when I see you, I…well…

THEIR EYES MEET. THEY LEAN IN AND KISS. FEZ PULLS HER CLOSE. NINA PULLS AWAY.

Nina: No, I can’t.

Fez: But I’m all atwitter!

Nina: I’m sorry. I just can’t. And no one can know about this.

SHE TURNS TO LEAVE. AS SHE WALKS OUT, WE SEE BLACK HAND PRINTS ALL OVER HER BUTT.

ACT ONE
Scene E

FORMAN KITCHEN- DAY (DAY 1)

JACKIE’S ON THE PHONE. KITTY POURS A CUP OF COFFEE AT THE COUNTER. RED SITS AT THE TABLE.

Jackie: But Mom, Dad’s in trouble. So I really think you need to come back from Acapulco now. (BEAT) Uh-huh, wow, that is a lot of tequila.

ANGLE ON RED AND KITTY

Kitty: Red, Jackie’s been moping in our kitchen for an hour.

Red: So call the cops.

Kitty: I don’t want her arrested. I want to help her. She needs a father figure, go talk to her.

Red: No
Kitty: Yes!

Red: No.

Kitty: (DANGEROUS) Red.

Red: Fine. (Muttering) Every damn argument. You’d think I’d win one by chance.

KITTY EXITS; RED HEADS TO JACKIE

Jackie: Oh. Mister Foreman.

HE PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND HER

Red: Look, Jackie. I know things seem grim, but your father’s rich, right?

Jackie: Uh-huh.

Red: Well then I’m sure whatever trouble he’s in, he’ll buy his way out and wriggle free.

Jackie: You’re right. This is America. The rich are treated differently here.

Red: Yep, I’m so glad I took some shrapnel to make that happen.

Jackie: Me, too. (THEN) So, do you have any advice on how to handle my heartless boyfriend?

Red: Well…see, boy problems aren’t up my alley. Now, if you’d like to talk more about how your father brought shame to our God-fearing town, I’m your guy.

Jackie: No, I’m good.

SHE GIVES HIM A KISS ON THE CHEEK AND SKIPS OFF.


ACT ONE
Scene H

FORMAN BASEMENT- DAY (DAY 1)

ERIC, DONNA, KELSO, AND HYDE HANG. KELSO, AGAIN, FUTZES WITH A BB GUN.

Donna: So, Hyde, have you talked to Jackie yet?

Eric: ‘Cause don’t. You gotta give her room to breathe.

Donna: Yeah and if she ever falls out of a plane, just let her fall.

Eric: He’s supposed to jump out after her?

Donna: At least they’ll be together!

Kelso: Man, I don’t get Jackie. We were together for years and the second I turn my back, she frenches Hyde.

Hyde: And by “turn your back” you mean ditching her for two months to have sex with random beach trash?

Kelso: Whatever, man! It’s always about “words” with you!

Hyde: Kelso, you know what?Jackie’s my girlfriend. We’re together. Get over it.

ANGLE ON: KELSO, UPSET.

Kelso: Fine!

SFX: BBG GUN FIRING

HYDE YELPS IN PAIN AND WRITHES ON THE GROUND. FACE DOWN.

Eric: Dude, you shot him!

Donna: (Pointing) That is exactly what happened to Snowball!

END OF ACT 1

ACT 2
Scene J

FORMAN BASEMENT- DAY (DAY 1)
ERIC, DONNA, AND KELSO STAND OVER HYDE, WHO’S ON THE GROUND< CURLED IN A BALL. KELSO HOLDS THE BB GUN. ERIC AND DONNA AD-LIB CONCERN.

Kelso: Omygod I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry! Did I shoot your eye?

Hyde: Yes!

HYDE SITS UP HOLDING HIS EYE.
Hyde (Cont’d): Now I can’t see, moron! You’re a dead man!

HYDE, HAND STILL OVER HIS EYE, MAKES A MOVE FOR KELSO.

Eric: (TO KELSO) I’d start running now.

KELSO RUNS TO THE STAIRS

KELSO: Chasing me is futile! I’ll hide in your blind spot!

HE RUNS UP THE STAIRS AND EXITS

Eric: (TO HYDE) Are you okay, man?

HYDE TAKES HIS HAND OFF HIS EYE. HE IS FINE.

Hyde: I’m fine. The BB just winged my shoulder. But that kid needs to be taught a lesson.

Donna: Hyde, it was an accident.

Hyde: No, it wasn’t. He’s been bitching about me and Jackie since he found out, and he’s so out of control he shot me. I don’t like getting’ shot. So I’m gonna punish him the way my parents punished me.

Eric: You’re gonna leave him at the mall?

Hyde: No, I’m going to milk this eye thing until he feels as bad as he should. And they didn’t leave me at the mall, they forgot me. They were drunk.

ACT TWO
Scene K

FORMAN BASEMENT- DAY
ERIC, DONNA, FEZ HANG

Fez: I am in pain.

Donna: Yeah, we’re sorry about Nina. Rejection hurts.

Fez: No, Nina and I were kissing and she made me stop and now I am in pain!

Donna: Ewwwwww.

Fez: I have to do something.

FEZ RUNS OUT.

Donna: I think we’re all getting a little too comfortable with each other.

Eric: Maybe we wouldn’t be so comfortable if we gave each other space.

Donna: Would you let it go?

Eric: You mean give the argument some space?

Donna: Don’t make me hit you.

Eric: Good luck reaching me through all the space.

KELSO ENTERS, HOLDING A BURGER, FRIES, AND MILKSHAKE

Kelso: Is Hyde here?

HYDE ENTERS FROM HIS ROOM, WEARING AN EYE PATCH. KELSO OFFERS THE FOOD.

Kelso: Hey, man. Here I brought you this.

Hyde: What is it? I can’t see.

Kelso: It’s a burger. With a bite out of it. ‘Cause I’m sorry, but I’m also hungry.

Hyde: Yeah, well, it’s almost two. I have to go flush out my eye.

HYDE EXITS TO HIS ROOM.

Kelso: You guys, how bad is it? Is Hyde gonna be a cyclops?

Eric: Kelso, what were you thinking? I mean, did you do it on purpose?

Kelso: No! It was an accident.

Eric: Well, he kinda thinks you did.

Kelso: How could I? I mean, yeah, I was mad. I don’t know, maybe I did it accidently-on-purpose.

Donna: You mean subconsciously?

Kelso: No, I was definitely awake the whole time.

ACT TWO
Scene L

HYDE’S ROOM- DAY

HYDE WEARS HIS EYE PATCH AND EATS HIS BURGER. JACKIE TALKS TO HYDE.

Jackie: I’m glad your eye’s not hurt. Even though you deserve it, because you were such a jerk about my dad.

Hyde: Look, Jackie, I’m never gonna be the guy who says the right thing at the right time. I’m just not.

Jackie: You’re so full of it. All I’m looking for is a gesture and you can’t even do that. Come on, Steven, give me something.

Hyde: Okay. I got something. Get your dad a carton of cigarettes, so he can trade ‘em for not being someone’s wife.

Jackie: That’s horrible. I’m wasting my time.

SHE STARTS TO GO

Hyde: No, it’s funny. When my dad went to prison, that’s what someone said to me to make me feel better. (CALLING AFTER HER) It was my mom, we had a real good laugh.

SHE’S GONE

FORMAN KITCHEN- DAY

ERIC AND DONNA ENTER. RED AND KITTY ARE AT THE TABLE EATING LUNCH

Donna: Hey Mr. and Mrs. Forman, can you settle this for us: if someone you love is kinda depressed, should you shower them with kindness or give them space?

KITTY SMILES AT RED, THEN LOOKS AT DONNA.

Kitty: Well that’s a very good question. (TAKES RED’S HAND) And it really takes a lot of living with someone to get it right.

Red: That’s true.

Kitty: But you’ll find that the best thing to do is—
Kitty/Red: Shower them/ Give them space… (OFF KITTY’S LOOK)…to shower them.

Kitty: What did you say?

Red: I said what you said.

Kitty: You’re lying.

Red: Kitty, come on. When menopause makes you crazy, I could be with you all day and it wouldn’t do any good. You need space.

Kitty: Menopause makes me crazy? I’m crazy? (CRAZY) I’m crazy?!! Well if you want space Red Forman, you got it! This crazy lady’s out the crazy door!

SHE STORMS OUT. RED GLARES AT ERIC.

Red: We were having a nice lunch.

ACT TWO
Scene P

FORMAN BASEMENT- DAY
Music Cue: My Best Friend’s Girl

HYDE WATCHES TV. HE HEARS SOMEONE COMING AND FLIPS THE EYE PATCH DOWN OVER HIS EYE. KELSO ENTERS WITH THE BB GUN.

Kelso: Okay, Hyde, I feel really bad, I shouldn’t have shot you, and I think I might’ve done it on purpose ‘cause I’m not okay with you and Jackie, and I’m not sure I ever will be. And I’m almost positive I’ll never shoot you again, but the way to be really sure is for you shoot me. I’ve always responded really well to corporal punishment.

KELSO HANGS THE BB GUN TO HYDE

Kelso (cont’d): So here.

KELSO BENDS OVER THE COUCH

Kelso (cont’d): Do it. Shoot me.

Hyde: This is like “Old Yeller.”

Kelso: C’mon, just do it. (SLAPS BUTT) Right here. It’s the only way.

Hyde: Okay

HYDE FLIPS UP HIS EYE PATCH.

KELSO, WHO LOOKS BACK AND SEES HYDES EYE IS FINE

Kelso: You lied!

SFX: BB GUN FIRING

Kelso (cont’d): Oww!! (THEN) You’re dead!

KELSO CHASES HYDE UPSTAIRS

ACT TWO
Scene T

Forman Basement- Later Day
ERIC AND DONNA CONSOLE JACKIE

Jackie: Well, my mom’s flying home from the Fiesta de Las Margaritas, so I guess it’s pretty serious.

Eric: That is serious. “Playboy” voted Fiesta de Las Margaritas Latin America’s number one singles party.

DONNA GIVES JACKIE A HUG. HYDE ENTERS, CLEAN SHAVEN

Hyde: Hey

JACKIE LOOKS UP. SEES HIM. HER FACE LIGHTS UP.

Jackie: Steven! You shaved your beard!

Hyde: I thought it might cheer you up.

Jackie: Oh my God. You shaved it for me! You let your razor say the words your mouth couldn’t speak.

Donna/Eric: Awwww!

Hyde: Shut up!

Jackie: You are the best hairless boyfriend ever! (HUGS HIM)

THEY EXIT TO HIS ROOM
Donna: Huh. So the answer to their problem wasn’t more or less space. It was more or less hair. And that’s….bizarre.

Eric: Yeah, about that space thing, look, I’ve been thinking about it and here’s what’s gonna happen: you’ll want to talk about stuff, and I’ll just leave!

Donna: And I’ll follow you! And I’m strong enough to take you down and make you listen.

Eric: And I’ll let you lie on me and pretend it bother me.

Donna: Yeah, we’re perfect together.

THEY NUZZLE. FEZ ENTERS. PANICKED.

Fez: Something horrible has happened! The little men in my pants has turned black!

Eric: What?!

ERIC AND DONNA LAUGH

Fez: It’s not funny! Black is the color of death! Oh, my little man is going to die before he gets to see the world! (TO GROIN) I’m so very sorry! (THEN) How could this happen?!

HE HOLDS HIS HANDS PALMS UP, NEAR HIS FACE, AND LOOKS HEAVENWARD. HIS PALMS ARE INKY BLACK.

Fez (cont’d): How?!

END OF ACT TWO

Credit Window

FORMAN BASEMENT

THE GANG HANGS. FEZ ENTERS FROM THE BACK. PANICKED.

Fez: Okay, I washed but the ink isn’t coming off my little man! Help!

Kelso: You should try bleach!

Donna: Or comet.

Jackie: Or steel wool
Hyde: If all else fails, the one thing that gets out ink, is more ink.

Eric: Whatever you do, use the steel wool first--- really scrub---so the soap gets in there. If it doesn’t sting, it’s not working.

END OF SHOW

I SAT IN THE FRONT ROW!!! I WAS PERSON #1!!!!

BEHIND THE SCENES
> I saw a baby with a banana (thought that was cute)
> JESSICA SIMPSON, BETTY WHITE and TOM POSTON were on
> While passing by TWICE: Kurtwood Smith smiled and pointed at me and waved!
> There was a mannequin on the set, Laura was pointing the boobs at Wilmer
> Wilmer was jokingly hitting on Jessica Simspon
> While Wilmer was blindfolded (part of the scene), Danny was dragging Wilmer around everything and it was sooo funny!
> Danny and David (director) talked for a LONG time in the driveway
> Danny and Mila didn't flirt as much as before
> When Eric had to hit Kelso, Topher hit reallie hard and he was apologizing for it
> Laura was doing a scene and spit a huge chunk of french fries and she said, "Wait a minute. I just spit a huge chunk of french fries" AND Wilmer looked at the camera jokingly displeased and shook his head tsk tsk to us
> Jessica and Laura made the most mistakes
> While Kurtwood waits for the scene, he pats himself on the leg many times
> Don Stark said Hi to me while passing by
> Don Stark came and talked to the crowd:
Q: Where's Tommy Chong?
DS: I dunno man. Maybe he was smoking and forgot he was suppose to come. Man. I think I left him in my trunk man.
Q: Are you bald?
DS: Are you gay? I have a special combover. It gets itchy.
HE'S SOOO FUNNY!
> Laura has to blow a bubble gum and could not do it! She kept messing up on the bubble part.
> Mila couldn't hold a straight face about it.
> The bubble finally blew out of Laura's mouth.
> Mila fell to the floor laughing in frenzy.
> Wilmer waved at me as he passed by
> Mila saw a crew member's old navy pic and told him, "That's you? Oh my God. You are so cute! (sings) In the Navy In the Navy"
> Mila and Mr. Filgo (teleplay) talk about Eric
> The Filgos (teleplay people) are going to have a baby: Mila suggests a name: Mila Laura Filgo!
> Mila is close with the crew... she hugs them a lot
> Topher talks about his teeth to the crew
> Mila talks about islands
> Wilmer gets up to the crowd and thanks everyone.
> Talked to a CUTE page (VERY cute!):
Me: So you meet any other stars?
P: Yeah. People come and go on the set a lot. Like Laura's boyfriend-
Me: Chris Masterson?
P: No Seth. Seth Green.
Me: What? No. She's with Chris Masterson. Danny's brother.
P: Doesn't seem like it to me.
Me: Really? Wow.
P: Yeah and Mila's boyfriend comes.
Me: Maculay Culkin.
P: Yeah and Danny's brother, Chris comes.
Me: How about Danny's girlfriend?
P: No. Haven't seen her here.

WHEN I MET THEM: Not the actualy conversation, but similar!!!

MILA:
SHE GAVE ME A HUG!
She also remembered me!
ME: Mila! Remember me?
MILA: Yeah! I remember you! You drew those pictures for me!
ME: Yeah and I made you a copy of the one you wanted plus I made some more for you!
(Hands her the pictures)
MILA: Oh my gosh! Thank you so much! They are so great!
ME: Made them for you and the cast! Cuz you're so great!
MILA: Thank you. (looking at pics) Do you have no life or something to draw these? Always drawing pictures!!! (jokingly)
ME: No I do comic and drawings for you guys online that is THAT 70'S SHOW based on a forum. All about you guys. So yeah. I draw you guys.
MILA: Thanks so much! They are so cute!
ME: Yeah. We all love you! And please... DON'T let Jackie and Hyde break up.
MILA: (laughs) Don't worry. That won't happen for a long time.
ME: Mila! Can I have a hug!
MILA: Of course!!!
(Give me hugs)
Thank you so much for the drawings!
ME: Thank you!
(MILA GOES SHOWS OFF MY DRAWINGS - I saw her do it!!!)

ASHTON:
HE GAVE ME A KISS ON THE CHEEK!
ME: Hey Ashton! Do you remember me? I drew you some drawings and these are for you. (Hands him the drawings) The one with you and the ducky!
ASHTON (smiles): Thank you so much! Wow!
ME: Yeah and there's a comic of you that's online on a comic thread online. Based on THAT 70'S SHOW!
ASHTON: Really? Thanks! Is this for me?
ME: Yeah. I want you to have it.
ASHTON: Wow. (Starts reading it)
ME: Can I have a kiss on the cheek?
ASHTON: Sure thing babe.
(MUAH! - he actually said Muah when he kissed me on the cheek)
ME: Tell Britney I said Hi.
ASHTON: Sure will.

LAURA & WILMER
WILMER GAVE ME ANOTHER KISS ON THE CHEEK!
ME: Laura! I have drawings for you!
LAURA: Really?
ME: (grabs and gives them to her) Here you go. These are for you.
LAURA: Oh my. You drew all these? There are SO cool!
ME: Yeah. All for you! There's a comic/drawing site online of you guys.
LAURA: This is so nice! Thank you. (Looks through it) Wow.
ME: I hope you like them!
LAURA: Thank you. I do!
(Wilmer comes and sees)
LAURA: Will. Look at these!
WILMER: Oh wow! Those are nice!
ME: Wilmer! Do you remember me?
WILMER: Yes I do!
ME: Yeah (hands him his pictures) I have these for you! You wrote I'm the cute on in this picture.
WILL: Oh wow! Thanks so much.
(Pulls out the sketch one) WOW! Look! (show to people) Thank you.
ME: No problem. I asked you last time for a kiss on the cheek. Can I have another one?
WILL: Of course.
(KISS - nice)
ME: Thank you.
WILL: No problem. (winks)

TOPHER:
HE TALKED TO ME AND CALLED ME COOL!!!
I showed him my drawings and he said those were awesomes...
ME: Can you sign this... I onlee need ur signature left!
TOPHER: OH WOW! THIS IS AWESOME!
ME: I made u a copy? Do u want it.
TOPHER: Yeah I want a copy! Thanks. Wow. You're cool.
ME: WOW!!! Here! This and these I drew for u!
TOPHER: Thanks! This is cool!

DEBRA:
(Hands her the picture I drew of her)
ME: Here I drew this for you.
DEBRA: Oh my GOD! This is amazing! Why thank you!
ME: You are awesome!
DEB: Thank you! Wow! You drew this!
ME: Yeah there's a site online blah blah
DEB: Thank you.
ME: Oh and do you remember Kryssi? She says hi!
DEB: I remember Kryssi! Tell her I said Hi back!!!
ME: Will do!

KURTWOOD SMITH:
ME: I just want to tell you I think you are amazing! I loved u on Dead Poet's Society.
KS: Thank you.
ME: I know you were suppose to be the "bad" dad, but you were one of my favorites.
KS: He is an interesting character.
ME: Yeah. That's what made him so good!
KS: Thank you.
Later on...
ME: I forgot to give you this comic strip of you and Debra Jo. These comics are online BLAH BLAH BLAH
KS: Reallie? What site?
ME: www.forums4fans.com
KS: Forums?
ME: My email is in the back if you ever want copies of comics!
KS: I don't have my glasses on, but this is so cool. Thank you!

NOW... THE AMAZING DANNY WHO I HAD A CONVERSATION WITH!!!
HE LOOKED ME DEEP INTO MY EYES AND WE MADE LONG LONG EYE CONTACT! I saw his beautiful BLUE eyes so clearly and wonderfully... He also gave me a LONG, nice, SOFT kiss on the cheek! It was nice! It was soft! AND it was long!!!
I'm sorry... DANNY WINS!!!
Me: Danny! Do you remember me?
Danny: I remember you! Yeah. I have that picture of you that you drew of me in my room.
Me: In your room?
Danny: Yeah. My room at home.
Me: In your bedroom?
Danny: Yup.
Me: Oh wow! That means a LOT to me!
Danny: Thank you for it. It means a lot to me.
Me: Well. I have more for you.
Danny: Really?
Me: Yeah! (hands it to him) I made copies because Mila wanted the original badly.
Danny: Copies. That's cool.
(looks at them)
Wow! Thanks. Looks... I've seen this one, but not these two. Thanks.
Me: No problem. Yeah. Those are new comics that have just been released and there's one of you and Mila.
Danny: These are so cool. Thank you.
Me: Thank you! Danny. Can I have a kiss on the cheek?
Danny: Yeah. Sure
(((LONG KISS!!! - He has SOFT skin!)))
Me: Thank you.
Danny: No Thank you. (smiles and stares as I leave)
OH WOW! WOW! WOW!! WOW!

NOW TO THE SHOW!!!

I DIDN'T TYPE THE SCRIPT YET... I WILL POST IT BECAUSE I DON'T HAVE TIME TO EMAIL PEOPLE IT!

>Jessica Simpson, Betty White, Tom Poston guest starred
> Jessica was actually better than last time

- Annette comes back and FEZ is awestruck
- Grandpa and Grandma comes because they lost all their money.
- Jackie doesn't like Annette... she's JEALOUS
- Hyde tells her to quit being jealous and he feels that Jackie still has feelings for Kelso
- They notice that there's something different about Annette... something evil... SHE'S ANOTHER JACKIE! but blonde:BLACKIE!
- Donna, Jackie, and Annette have a slumber party. Jackie discusses how much she hates Annette, when she leaves.
- Jackie and Annette bond
- Grandpa dies
- Grandma shows no sadness
- Kitty is upset about that
- Hyde doesn't worry about Jackie anymore because Jackie and Annette are friends
- Kitty finds Grandma crying by herself
- Kelso and Annette kiss, Jackie sees and yelled "GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND"
- Hyde looked crushed
- Jackie ran out the door

JACKIE AND HYDE HAVE A PROBLEM!

First... let me say the following:
1. I got all of their autographs, EXCEPT Topher... he's not the type to sign stuff... onlee SOMETIMES... I just needed his for my script AND the pic of the friends in tub...
2. Wilmer and I had a conversation... it was real nice. We talked about his YM convo thing and how we had so much to ask and he said: HE'LL COME TO THE FORUM and CHECK IT OUT... he'll confirm it with me... so if u guys have ANYTHING to edit... I suggest u do... :P hehe... He gave me a kiss on the cheek and he thought the picture I drew was cute. I told him about the comics I made and yeah.
3. Wilmer kissed me on the cheek. It was nice!
4. Danny and I had a conversation... actually.. he asked FOR MY AUTOGRAPH... of the picture of him I drew. I was like WOW! He liked it! He signed the stuff I needed to be signed... I told him I'm a Yankees fan and he said cool and he thanked me for the pic. I also told him about the comics I made of him and the cast.
5. Ashton was funnie... He saw the pic and loved the fact I gave him a rubber ducky and boat.
6. Mila was a SWEETHEART... she wore this hat over her head and she couldn't hear me and I told her about the pic and she loved my drawing.. she kept showing it to everyone!
7. Laura and I didn't talk, but she smiled at me during the taping
8. I asked Don if he was reallie naked with Midge for the Nude Party? He said, "How u doin'?" hahahaha... and then he said it was a big platter huh?
9. I asked Wilmer what he wants to happen to FEZ and he said the writers were surprising... Fez LOSES his virginity... Hyde and Jackie are together... we just never know what's next.

Now... to the IN BETWEEN TAKES... (Yes... I wrote notes)
> Wilmer gives thumbs up to the crowd.
> Topher yells "THIS AUDIENCE KICKS ASS!"
> Mila and Danny shoot hoops
> Ashton, Topher and Wilmer mess around fighting each other... Wilmer can kick high
> Wilmer was dancing: either swing or salsa
> Danny pinched Mila's elbow and it hurt
> Mila almost falls off the car
> Wilmer answered my Q
> Mila was on the camera thingy, and it moved and said, "Whoa. I was like what the hell-"
> Mila and Danny mess around (fighting)
> Topher said to the script lady, "No Jacket. That's the way Eric goes."
> Topher sings to himself
> "This audience STILL kicks ass!" - Topher
> "This audience is cool" - Wilmer
> "This audience is neat" - Ashton
> Wilmer comes up and talks to the crowd, thanking us.
> Ashton hears a football talk and joins in. He grabs the Microphone and wants Iowa to win since he's from there. When Ron was saying something against it... Ashton said hey i'm trying to look cool.
> While YMCA was on, Danny and Topher danced YMCA
> SOMEONE FARTED DURING THE SHOOT - Ashton smelled it and walked away from the set. Laura called him a D*ckHead (Funny way... nothing mean) and the crowd went OOOOOO... and Ashton was just complaining... funny way too... Laura pointed to Topher and Topher pointed to Laura... we still do not know the culprit. :P hehe...
> While Ron was juggling fruit. He dropped one and Don said, "You dropped fruit? Let me get it for you" He prances away and brings back a Banana... and he asks the audience who wants it and the girls jump and he said, "That's dirty!!!"
> He then comes back with a Corndog... :P

Now to the Episode:
WHOLE LOTTA LOVE
> Okay... remember I told u guys about How I wanted to keep FEZ innocent... well of all eppies to go to I go to the one where he LOSES IT! Yes... FEZ loses his virginity to Nina and was bad at it. Which I am VERY VERY mad about... I want him to remain innocent... he was so innocent!
> Red knows about Eric and Donna's engagment and is FURIOUS! Red complains to Bob and Midge and Kelso spies on them.. but he didn't know what they said because he was too busy trying to NOT spy on them. :P hehehe... and Red fires Eric from Pricemart because Eric said he could pay for the wedding himself. Kitty accepts Donna into the family. Red calls Donna a 'Dumbass'... Red and Eric don't talk: Silent Treatment... it was funnie. Donna calls Red and dumbass and runs.
> Jackie and Hyde ARE BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND by then... and damn they are cute. No kissing... sorry... but Kelso is trying to break them up... It was Jackie's birthday and Hyde didn't know. Kelso got her a gift (cute pink sweater) Kelso was trying to sabotage the relationship and have Jackie again. Cept Hyde wins by telling Jackie about Kelso's real relationship with her. We see Jackie take off her shirt! (she is wearing a undershirt) hehehe... it's just cute! She's adorable!
> No menopause attacks... :P sorrie guys.

the whole SCRIPT!!!
THAT 70’S SHOW: Episode #514 – “YOUR TIME IS GONNA COME” (“Get off my boyfriend”)

Teleplay: Jackie Filgo & Jeff Filgo
Story: Will Forte
Directed: David Trainer
Transcribed: NewYorkerInCalif

COLD OPENING
FADE IN:

INT. Forman Basement – Day (Day 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Fez, Annette)

THE GANG, MINUS KELSO, HANDS OUT IN THE BASEMENT. DONNA HOOKS A BRA ONTO A DRESSMAKER’S DUMMY THEY’VE WHEELED OUT FROM THE STOREROOM. HYDE FINISHES BLINDFOLDING FEZ, ERIC STANDS BY WITH A STOPWATCH.

HYDE:
Okay Fez. Remember, the bra wants to come off, but it can’t be forced, it has to be coaxed.

ERIC:
And go!

FEZ EMBRACES THE DUMMY AND BEGINS WORKING TO UNHOOK THE BRA. A FEW SECONDS AND SNAP, THE BRA’S OFF,

FEZ:
And they’re out!

ERIC:
Eight seconds, that’s a new foreign exchange student record!

FEZ:
(Takes off blindfold) And I thinks she liked it!

DONNA:
That’s good FEZ, but remember, the real girl will have a head. And hopefully arms.

THE DOOR OPENS, KELSO ENTERS.

KELSO:
Hey guys, have I got a surprise for me… (Calls out) Annette!!!

ANNETTE, A BEAUTIFUL BLONDE ENTERS.
KELSO:
That’s right. Annette came all the way from California to visit, because we are in love. Yeah, since Hyde stole my girlfriend, (points to Hyde) that’s him—

ANNETTE:
He’s so hairy.

KELSO:
I remembered Annette and I called her up and one thing led to another and (Notices dummy) Well hello there.

FEZ:
So Annette, when you get bored with this one, (nods to Kelso) I can take a bra off in eight seconds. Maybe more if you fight me.

KELSO:
Back off FEZ. What Annette and I have is special.

ANNETTE:
Which is amazing because I even told him I used to be flat chested and have a different nose.

KELSO:
I figured she looks okay now, so what the hell. Anyways, Annette, you’ll be staying with Donna.

DONNA:
Uh what?

ERIC:
It’ll be fun. Like having a giant Barbie to play with.

KELSO:
Come on, Donna, you were such great friends in California.

DONNA:
Friends? The most I ever said to her was, “Yeah, those probably do hurt when they’re sunburned.”

KELSO:
Well, I need a place to stash her!

HYDE:
I got a footlocker in my room but you’ll have to fold her in half.

ANNETTE:
Please Donna? I already had to take a shower at Michael’s house and one of his brothers took a picture of me.

ERIC:
Kelso, I thought all of your brothers were out of the house.

KELSO:
Uh, well, then I guess it was a burgular.

Cut to:

Act I:
Scene A:

INT. THE HUB – LATER (Day 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Atmos.)

ERIC, DONNA, KELSO, FEZ, AND ANNETTE ARE AT A TABLE. SOME FOOD, INCLUDING FRIES, SITS ON THE TABLE. ERIC, DONNA, AND FEZ WATCH KELSO AND ANNETTE COO. HYDE AND JACKIE WATCH FROM THE ORDER WINDOW.

JACKIE:
So, that’s the tramp Michael fooled around with in California? The nerve of him bringing her into The Hub. I mean, people eat here.

HYDE:
Hey, can we stop talking about how jealous you are of Kelso’s new chick?

JACKIE:
I’m not jealous. But I’d like to point out the sign on the door says, “No Dogs Allowed.”

ANGLED ON: THE REST OF THE GANG AT THE TABLE.

ANNETTE:
Donna, can we go to your house? I have to change into my afternoon outfit. (TO FEZ) Gauchos and clogs.

FEZ:
Bravo!

DONNA:
You have an afternoon outfit?

KELSO:
Of course she does. And you could maybe use a little freshen up too, Big D.

DONNA:
Eric, do you mind?

ERIC:
I’m on it.

ERIC FROGS KELSO REALLY HARD.

KELSO:
Ow, Donna.

DONNA:
Why don’t I meet you guys by the car?

ANNETTE:
Come on Michael. While we’re waiting, I’ll let you smell my hair.

KELSO:
But I just got these fries.

ANNETTE:
Fine, then I’ll go flirt with the gas station guy.

KELSO:
Fine! (TO GANG) How hot was that?

KELSO AND ANNETTE GET UP TO EXIT. KELSO STOPS BY THE DOOR AT A GUMBALL MACHINE.

FEZ:
Wow, you know when you have a dirty dream? Annette’s the girl who’s always in it. She should be ashamed of what she’s done to me.

ERIC:
I don’t know. She seemed okay in California, but now that she’s got her hooks in Kelso there’s something different.

DONNA:
Yeah, Something… evil.

ERIC:
I just can’t put my finger on it.

ANNETTE IMPATIENTLY STICKS HER HEAD IN THE DOOR.

ANNETTE:
Michael I’m waiting!

KELSO:
I was getting you a superball! Damn!

ANNETTE:
I told you! I don’t like presents that bounce!

THEY EXIT

ERIC:
Did you hear that? The shrill voice, the bossy tone, the random hatred of all things that bounce. Oh my God, she’s Jackie.

DONNA:
A new Jackie.

ERIC:
A blonde Jackie

ERIC / DONNA:
Blackie!!!

FEZ:
We’re doomed!

HYDE AND JACKIE WALK UP. HYDE HAS A HOTDOG.

DONNA:
Well, I can’t spend the night alone with that. Jackie, you have to sleep at my house.

ERIC:
Good idea. Put both Jackies in the same room, toss a lipstick in the middle and watch them tear each other to shreds.

JACKIE:
I’m not sleeping over, I don’t like her.

DONNA:
Come on. We’ll do girly things. We’ll make it a pajama party with makeovers.
JACKIE:
Donna I'm not interested in stupid girly things, because I'm not shallow anymore.
HYDE HAS A COUGHING FIT.
HYDE:
Don't do that when I'm eating!
DONNA:
Come on, Jackie, you’ll have all night to chip away at her self-esteem. (TEMPTING) We can whisper about her, then when she asks what we’re talking about, we can giggle and say “NOTHING”
JACKIE:
I’ve done that to you!

DONNA:
That’s where I got it.

ERIC:
Here’s what I think would really teach her a lesson: dress her up like a Swiss mountain girl, us fellas’ll come over, we’ll make some daiquiris, get a little tipsy, see what happens. (OFF DONNA) You’re right that’s not a good punishment. We should spank her too. (OFF DONNA) I love you.

CUT TO:
ACT I, Scene B
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – SAME TIME (DAY 1)
RED AND KITTY SIT ON THE COUCH READING.
RED:
I don’t hear any kids

KITTY:
There are the HUB

RED:
So we have the house to ourselves. Interesting.

A BEAT. THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER, THEN JUMP UP AND TROT UP THE STAIRS.

DOOR BELL RINGS

THEY STOP

RED:
Don’t open it. I’ll throw in a foot massage.

KITTY:
It might be the Franklin Mint. I ordered some “Gone with the Wind” Plates.

SHE OPENS THE DOOR. IT’S BURT AND BEA. LUGGAGE IN HAND.

KITTY:
Mom? Daddy?

RED:
I told you not to open it.

KITTY:
What are you doing here?

BURT:
We just thought we’d stop by.

KITTY:
You came all the way from Phoenix just to drop by?

BEA:
Well, we were in the car.

RED:
So you’re lost and you need directions back to your house. No problem, go south until you see cactus. If you hit a guy in a sombrero, you’ve gone too far.

BURT AND BEA CROSS INTO THE LIVING ROOM AND SIT. KITTY AND RED FOLLOW.

KITTY:
Okay, why are you really here?

BURT:
Well, we have a reversal of fortune.

BEA:
Tell them what happened.

BURT:
I bought an ostrich farm.

BEA:
Tell them what else happened.

BURT:
It was next to a coyote farm.

RED:
Okay, great story. See you at Christmas.

BEA:
He lost all our money. We had to sell the house in Phoenix, which is why we’re here.

KITTY:
You’re not moving in?

BEA:
Oh no. We’re just going to live with you for a while.

RED:
Ostriches, Burt? Who the hell wants to eat an ostrich?

KITTY:
Coyotes apparently.

BURT:
I wanted a nest egg. Ostriches lay eggs, so it seemed a natural.

BEA:
Do you see what I live with?

KITTY:
Well, I’m sure Daddy was just doing what he thought was best. You could show him some sympathy.

BEA:
Him? What about me? It’s always difficult for the beautiful women. You never understood that, Kitty.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE, SCENE C:
FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT/INT. PINCIOTTI DEN – PAJAMA PARTY FANTASY (DAY 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Annette)

ERIC, HYSE AND FEZ HANG OUT.

HYDE:
Jackie’s acting strange, man. I think she doesn’t like Kelso having a new chick.

ERIC:
No, Jackie’s acting strange because Jackie doesn’t like Annette because Jackie and Annette are the same person. And that’s scary because there’s one devil, one Hitler, one Darth Vader, never two!

HYDE:
Whatever. Something’s going on and I don’t like it.

ERIC:
Like, maybe she still has feelings for Kelso?

HYDE:
I don’t know, but it’s bad. I got the same feeling I get right before I shoplift something.

FEZ:
It’s an old story. Orphan boy falls for rich girl. Doofus shows up with whore. Rich girl goes back to Doofus. Fez consoles whore, sexually. Orphan boy ends up alone, slowly going blind from self-abuse.

ERIC:
Fez, that was a detailed and well constructed burn.

FEZ:
Hey, Jackie walks all over him, why can’t I?

HYDE STANDS UP.

FEZ:
Too far?

HYDE FROGS HIM.

FEZ:
I had a feeling it was too far.

KELSO ENTERS

KELSO:
Guys, what are you doing sitting here when the girls are having a pajama party right next door!

FEZ:
Oh, I can just imagine what’s going on over there.
FEZ LOOKS OFF AS WE…

KELSO:
No, no, FEZ. I got this one.
FEZ LOOKS OFF AS WE…

DISSOLVE TO:
PINCIOTTI DEN – PAJAMA PARTY FANTASY
(Donna, Jackie, Annette)

THE GIRLS WEAR SHORTIE NIGHTIES AND SILK PAJAMAS.

DONNA:
I know, let’s have a pillow fight. Even thought it’s hard to do when I’m encumbered by all these clothes. Jackie, take off my nightie.

JACKIE:
Not yet, I want to practice kissing.

ANNETTE:
Just kissing, or can we rub up against each other, too?

JACKIE:
Well, Annette, you can’t have one without the other.

DONNA:
YAY!

THEY START A GIGGLY PILLOW FIGHT. FEATHERS FLY.

DISSOLVE BACK TO:

FORMAN BASEMENT
(Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Fez)

KELSO:
(DREAMLY) YAY.

ERIC:
You know, it occurs to me you can see right into Donna’s house from my driveway.

HYDE:
You don’t say.

THE GUYS LOOK AT EACH OTHER FOR A BEAT. THEY ALL RACE TO THE DOOR, FIGHTING EACH OTHER TO GET OUT FIRST.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE, SCENE D

INT. PINCIOTTI DEN – NIGHT (Day 1)
(Donna, Jackie, Bob, Annette)

IT’S NOTHING LIKE THE FANTASY. DONNA AND JACKIE ARE IN FLANNEL PJS. ANNETTE IS THE ONLY ONE WEARING SOMETHING SEXY. SHE WEARS A NIGHTIE. THEY LOOK BORED. ANNETTE GETS UP.

ANNETTE:
I’m going to get some Cracker Jacks.

ANNETTE EXITS.

JACKIE:
Uch, she’s so cheap she could be the prize in the Cracker Jacks.

DONNA:
(LAUGHS) Wow, you’re jealous.

JACKIE:
I’m not jealous. I just want to pop that inflatable bitch and watch her fly around the room.

DONNA:
Well, here’s the thing Jackie. Kelso likes bossy, vain, shallow, princess types, and since you’re no longer available he shopped one in from out West.

JACKIE:
But he’s not suppose to replace me, he’s suppose to sit around and pine for me.

DONNA:
Well, you can’t have your cake and eat it too.

JACKIE:
Donna, it’s always about food with you! It’s like you’re not even listening.

BOB ENTERS, ESCOURTING ANNETTE, WHO CARRIES CRACKER JACKS.

BOB:
Okay, new rule for slumber parties: Annette wears a robe.

BOB SHAKES HIS HEAD AND EXITS.

CUT TO:

ACT 1, SCENE E

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – NIGHT (DAY 1)
(Eric, Hyde, Kelso, Fez, Burt)

THE GUYS STAND ON A COUPLE OF CRATES AND PEEK THROUGH THE HEDGES

KELSO:
No Annette! Not the robe! Quick, someone yell “pillow fight” in a girl’s voice!

HYDE:
Forman, that’s your cue!

WIDEN TO REVEAL: BURT STANDING BEHIND THEM.

BURT:
What are you boys looking at?

THE BOYS JUMP OFF THE CRATES GUILTILY.

HYDE:
Uh, we were just testing these crates.

KELSO:
For charity!

ERIC:
But we’re done now so let’s all just head inside. You coming?

BURT:
No, I told your grandmother I was coming outside for a cigarette.

ERIC:
Grandpa, you smoke?

BURT:
Nope.

AS THE GUYS HEAD INSIDE LEAVING BURT IN THE DRIVEWAY, WE:

Cut to:

ACT 1, SCENE H:
INT. PINCIOTTI DEN – NIGHT (DAY 1)
(Donna, Jackie, Annette)

DONNA, JACKIE AND ANNETTE STARE AT EACH OTHER.

DONNA:
So, um, so… hey did you guys hear about the woman who might be the first female member of the Supreme Court?

JACKIE:
No, but I did hear the Dallas Cowboys might hire their first redheaded cheerleader.

ANNETTE:
Ew.

JACKIE:
That’s exactly what I said!

THEY BOTH LOOK AT DONNA.

JACKIE:
Uh-oh. Redhead in the room.

ANNETTE LEANS OVER, WHISPERS SOMETHING IN JACKIE’S EAR. THEY BOTH GIGGLE.

DONNA:
What are you guys talking about?

JACKIE / ANNETTE:
Nothing

Cut To:

Scene J:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (DAY 1)
(Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Fez, Red, Kitty, Bea)

RED AND KITTY WATCH TV AS BEA ENTERS FROM THE DEN LOOKING FOR BURT AS ERIC, KELSO, HYSE AND FEZ ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN.

BEA:
Burt? Burtykins? BURT!!!

RED:
Eric, go find your grandfather before my head explodes.

ERIC EXITS TO THE KITCHEN AS BEA HANDS OUT QUARTERS.

BEA:
You’re all such nice boys, I have a quarter for each of you.

HYDE / KELSO / FEZ:
(GLUM) Thanks, Grandma Bea.

ERIC RUSHES BACK IN.

ERIC:
Call an ambulance!

KITTY:
What’s wrong?

ERIC: Grandpa’s on the ground and he’s not moving!

A BEAT OF STUNNED SILENCE. THEN, RED, KITTY AND BEA RUSH OUTSIDE.

FADE OUT:
END OF ACT ONE

ACT TWO, SCENE K

Int. HOSPITAL WAITING ROOM – LATER (DAY 1)
(Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Fez, Red, Kitty, Nurse (atmos))

EVERYONE BUT KELSO AND KITTY SITS AROUND OR PACES. KELSO ENTERS CARRYING ICE CREAM

KELSO:
They got ice cream in the cafeteria!

ERIC:
Ice cream? Kelso, my grandfather’s in intensive car.

KELSO:
I know. I told them it was my grandpa and they gave me free ice cream.

RED:
Put it down.

KELSO RELUCTANTLY PUTS HIS ICE CREAM DOWN.

KELSO:
(MUMBLES) Fine, but when my burrito’s ready I’m eating it.

UNSEEN BY THE OTHERS, FEX GRABS THE ICE CREAM AND MOVES AWAY FROM EVERYONE

RED:
(TO ERIC) Why does everybody go everywhere with us? Look at all these damn kids. I feel like a Mormon.

ERIC:
We should know something by now. (LOOKS OUT INTO HALLWAY) Okay, that’s the third coffee break that doctor’s had. Hey, Buddy, quit the coffee, fix the sickies!

KELSO LOOKS FOR HIS ICE CREAM BOWL. IT’S GONE

KELSO:
Hey, who took my ice cream?

EVERYONE LOOKS AT FEZ WHO HIDES SOMETHING BEHIND HIS BACK WITH ONE HAND AND THE OTHER HAND HOLDS THE SPOON.

FEZ:
Oh sure it’s always the foreign guy!

HYDE:
Fez, you’re holding the spoon.

FEZ:
Oh sure it’s always the foreign guy with the spoon!

KITTY ENTERS, MISTY EYED, BUT COMPOSED.

RED:
Kitty, how’s Burt?

KITTY:
I don’t know how to say this. Daddy’s gone to a better place.

KELSO:
Good, cause this hospital sucks! (OFF EVERYONE’S LOOKS) What? (REALIZING) Ohhh! (WHISPERS) This hospital sucks.

CUT TO:

SCENE L:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – DAY 2
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Red, Kitty, Bob, Bea, Annette, Mourners)

THE LIVING ROOM IS SET UP WITH A BUFFET ALONG ONE WALL -- A PUNCH BOWL, MANICOTTI, SMALL SANDWICHES. A FEW MOURNERS ALREADY WANDER AROUND. ERIC, RED, KITTY AND BEA STAND BY THE DOOR IN A RECEIVING LINE. THEY SHAKE A COUPLE OF HANDS, THEN DONNA ENTERS, FOLLOWED BY BOB.

DONNA:
Mrs. Forman. I’m so sorry for your loss. (SHAKES BEA’S HAND) The service was lovely.

BOB:
(TO KITTY) Aw, geez. (TO BEA) Aw geez (TO RED) Aw-

RED:
We get it Bob.

BOB MOVES ON

KITTY:
Mom, how’re you doing?

BEA:
Oh I’m fine.

KITTY:
Mom, your husband, my father, is gone. You’re not fine.

BEA:
You’re right. I think I chipped a tooth on your manicotti. When I die, call a caterer.

BEA WALKS AWAY. KITTY THROWS HER HANDS IN EXASPERATION: RED PUTS HIS ARM AROUND HER.

KELSO, HYDE, JACKIE, FEZ, AND ANNETTE GATHER AROUND ERIC. JACKIE HAS HER ARM AROUND ERIC.

KELSO:
Hey, sorry about your grandpa.

ANNETTE:
I didn’t know him, but there’s a Carly Simon song that always cheers me up. (CLEARS THROAT)

ERIC:
No, you don’t have to---

ANNETTE:
”I HAVEN’T GOT TIME FOR THE PAIN / I HAVEN’T GOT ROOM FOR THE PAIN / I HAVEN’T THE NEED FOR THE PAIN”

ERIC:
Okay, thanks--

ANNETTE:
”ANYMORE”

ERIC:
What do I do? Do I clap? I’m gonna walk away.
ERIC WALKS OFF

KELSO:
(CLAPS) That was awesome! Do you know “The Devil went down to Georgia”?

JACKIE:
No, Michael, she’s got more important things to do. Come on, let’s go try on people’s coats.

THE TWO GIRLS WALK AWAY. FEZ GRABS HYDE.

FEZ:
So the rich girl goes off with whore. That’s a happy ending. Put it on ice and you’ve got yourself a show!

HYDE:
Jackie’s friends with Annette now? Maybe I don’t have anything to worry about.

FEZ:
Never count Kelso out. He’s got a way about him. When he talks to you, it’s like you’re the only person in the room.

HYDE:
You’re like half in love with him, aren’t you?

FEZ SHRUGGS AND CROSSES TO ERIC. DONNA ENTERS WITH A CUP.

DONNA:
Hey Eric, I brought you half a beer.

ERIC LOOKS IN CUP.

DONNA:
It’s mixed with half a coke, cuz Red caught me. Are you okay?

ERIC:
Yes I guess. Thanks for coming.

DONNA:
I’m really sorry about your grandfather. Right in your own driveway. What was he doing out there anyway?

FEZ:
Oh he caught us spying on your slumber party.

ERIC:
FEZ!

DONNA:
You were spying on us? Eric!

ERIC:
Hey, if anybody should be mad, it’s us, because lady, you do not know how to throw a slumber party! Flannel pajamas? What are you a hundred?

FEZ:
(ANNOYED) Do you need a nightie, I’ll buy you a nightie!

CUT TO:
SCENE M

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – LATER (DAY 2)
(Eric, Red, Kitty, Bea)

RED, KITTY, AND ERIC CLEAN UP. ERIC FINDS A BOTTLE OF WINE IN A CABINET.

ERIC:
So, am I allowed to drink in your presence now?

RED:
Eric, put that back. That’s your mother’s emergency wine.

RED PUTS THE WINE IN THE CABINET AS BEA ENTERS.

KITTY:
So, mom, you haven’t said much. Are you holding it in? It’s okay to let it out, we’re family.

RED:
It anybody wants to let anything out, I’d be happy to leave.

BEA:
It’s just so typical of Burt to make everyone come up from Phoenix in the middle of winter. He never thought of anyone but himself and those damn ostriches.

BEA EXITS

KITTY:
Did you hear that? That is not grieving.

RED:
Okay Kitty, calm down. It’s not that big of a deal. Maybe you’re having a hot flash.

ERIC:
Oh, Dad. No.

KITTY GLARES AT RED. RED LOOKS BACK AT HER LIKE A MAN CONFRONTED WITH AN ANGRY BEAR.

RED:
(AFRAID) ERIC, I’m going to need you to get to the wine.

AS ERIC BEGINS TO SLIDE ACROSS THE ROOM, WE:
CUT TO:

SCENE P:
INT: FORMAN HALLWAY/LAURIE’S ROOM – JUST LATER
(Eric, Kitty, Bea)

KITTY STORMS DOWN THE HALLWAY.

KITTY:
My father’s thoughtless? I’ll tell her who’s thoughtless.

SHE REACHES FOR THE DOOR AND BARGES IN.

RESET TO:
INT. LAURIE’S ROOM
(Kitty, Bea)

KITTY ENTERS AND SEES BEA ON THE BED, QUIETLY CRYING INTO A HANKERCHIEF. KITTY STOPS DEAD.

BEA:
What is it?

KITTY:
I… well… I just wanted to see if you need another blanket.

BEA:
That would be nice, thank you.

KITTY GETS A BLANKET OFF THE FOOT OF THE BED, PURPOSELY NOT LOOKING AS BEA DRIES HER EYES. KITTY PUTS THE BLANKET NEXT TO BEA, HESITATES FOR A MOMENT, THEN AWKWARDLY SQEEZES BEA’S SHOULDER AND EXITS.

RESET TP:
INT. FORMAN HALLWAY

KITTY CLOSES THE DOOR AND TURNS TO GO AS ERIC WALKS UP.

ERIC:
Mom, dad wanted me to give you this.

HE HOLDS UP THE BOTTLE OF EMERGENCY WINE. KITTY GRABS HIM AND HUGS HUM AND WON’T LET GO. HE HUGS HER BACK.

ERIC:
So the wine works – good to know.

THEY KEEP HUGGING

CUT TO:

SCENE T:
INT: FORMAN LIVING ROOM – A LITTLE LATER (DAY 2)

JACKIE JOINS DONNA IN THE DEN.

JACKIE:
Donna, good news. I’m not jealous of Annette. I thought I was and I was afraid that meant I still have feelings for Michael. But I got to know her and now I really like her.

DONNA:
That’s such a relief, because you know what with Burt dying, I was worried about you.

JACKIE:
Yeah, me too.

DONNA:
That was sarcasm.

JACKIE:
Whatever it was, it was very thoughtful. And it’s such a relief to know I don’t have feelings for Michael.

SEES KELSO AND ANNETTE KISSING. ANGRY.

JACKIE:
GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND!!!

WIDEN TO SHOW EVERYONE IN THE ROOM STOPS WHAT THEY’RE DOING AND LOOKS AT HER. ESPECIALLY HYDE. FEZ HAS HIS HAND ON HYDE’S SHOULDER. KELSO ENJOYS THE FACE THAT TWO WOMEN DIG HIM.

KELSO:
(DELIGHTED) Oh yeah!!!

JACKIE LOOKS AROUND THE ROOM, ENDING WITH HYDE. SHE RUNS OUT THE DOOR. EVERYONE TURNS TO LOOK AT HYDE. A LONG BEAT OF SILENCE. THEN:

FEZ:
(TO HYDE) I don’t know why she’s so upset. I was barely touching you.

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT TWO:

CREDIT WINDOW:
INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT (DAY 2)
(Eric, Fez, Red, Kitty, Bob)

BOB AND FEZ ARE AT THE ORGAN. BOB SINGS, FEZ PLAYS SLOWLY AND BADLY.

FEZ:
Okay, this one’s for Burt. And a one and a two…

BOB:
”AMAZING GRACE / HOW SWEET THE SOUND / THAT SAVED A WRETCH LIKE ME.”

FEZ:
Bring it home brother!

BOB:
”I ONCE WAS LOST / BUT NOW AM FOUND / WAS BLIND BUT NOW –“

ERIC CROSSES TO THE ORGAN, UNPLUGS IT. RED TURNS OFF THE LIGHTS AND THE FORMANS HEAD UPSTAIRS.

LIGHTS OUT.

KITTY:
NIGHT NIGHT

NYIC- YOU ROCK...THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE SPOILERS...YAY YAY :woohoo:

ahh those seem like 2 great episodes..although i already read them on F4F i still laughed at all the funny parts...oh and im not sure of this but you were at the taping for "whole lotta lovin" right? well thats the one where fez loses his virginity or whatever...in your post about when u went to that one all you said was that he was bad at it...i was just wondering if they didnt really make a big deal out of fez doing it or u just didnt want to go into detail or what? just wonderin

Originally posted by I-Heart-Wilmer
ahh those seem like 2 great episodes..although i already read them on F4F i still laughed at all the funny parts...oh and im not sure of this but you were at the taping for "whole lotta lovin" right? well thats the one where fez loses his virginity or whatever...in your post about when u went to that one all you said was that he was bad at it...i was just wondering if they didnt really make a big deal out of fez doing it or u just didnt want to go into detail or what? just wonderin

Did u get the script? I sent to people who wanted it...

Well the group asked him to describe it and he did... he said he had to hum and he was bad at it... but after that eppie... it wasn't a big deal... like that one eppie they made it a big deal... and in the end Nina wanted to have more sex to work on it...

o ok thanks..
do you still have the script saved on your comp somewhere? if so do you think you would be able to send it to me?

Originally posted by I-Heart-Wilmer
o ok thanks..
do you still have the script saved on your comp somewhere? if so do you think you would be able to send it to me?

PM me on FORUMS4FANS... I check that a lot!

alrighty then

thx fer sending me the script!!!!!!i really appreciate it and that episode sounds great...i cant wait now :):)

No problem! I'll post it here for people!

EPISODE 13
"Whole Lotta Love" (Silent Treatment)

COLD OPEN

FADE IN:

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY/INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – AFTERNOON (DAY 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez, Red, Kitty, Bob)

THE GANG, MINUS KELSO, HANGS OUT IN THE DRIVEWAY,
WATCHING AS KITTY AND BOB LISTEN TO RED YELL IN THE KITCHEN.

HYDE:
Forman, why’d you tell your dad you got engaged? Look at him, yelling, waving – Oh, a little spit just landed on Bob. And Bob’s so scared he’s not wiping it off.

JACKIE:
Red’s face is totally red. Good color for shoes, not your dad.

ERIC:
Man, this time he’s really going to kill me. My only hope is he sticks his foot so far up my ass that he can’t pull it out, and I get to take him to hell with me.

DONNA:
Why’d you tell him? We had it all planned, we were going to give them wine, get em all loose and juiced. But not you spilled the beans.

FEZ:
Good, because wine and beans is not a good combo. Toot Toot, if you know what I mean.

KELSO RUNS IN, WINDED.

KELSO:
Sorry I’m late, I was cutting through backyards and the Henderson’s have a new jungle gym and, uh, well, they’re not kissing when they tell you the weight limit’s sixty-five pounds. (THEN) Whoa, they’re still yelling.

ERIC:
Yeah, I’m trying to red Red’s lips, but all I can make out so far is that he keeps calling me a stupid duck. (REALIZING) Ohhh.

KELSO:
Hey, I’ll go spy on them. I just gotta run home real quick and change into my ninja outfit.

ERIC
I don’t think this situation calls for camouflage, Kelso.

KELSO
(mad) That doesn’t mean it’s not fun to wear, Eric.

KELSO CROSSES TOWARDS THE KITCHEN.

RESET TO:

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS (DAY 1)
(Kelso, Red, Kitty, Bob)

THE PARENTS TALK.

RED
They are just too young to get married. How are they gonna live on their own? Eric jumps a foot every time the furnace kicks on.

KITTY
Exactly, he’s not mature enough to get married. I’m still cutting the crust off his sandwiches. But that’s really more for me, he’s my baby.

KELSO ENTERS AND CROSSES TOWARDS THE FRIDGE, GETS A SODA.

KELSO
Don’t mind me, feel free to keep on talking, just getting a soda, I’m not spying.

BOB
Hey, I don’t like this engagement either, but it’s not like they can break it off.

RED
Why the hell not?

BOB
Well, it wouldn’t be very romantic for one.

RED
Forget it, I’ll take care of this myself.

KITTY
Red, if you go out there and yell you’re just going to drive him away.

RED
Sorry Kitty, yelling’s the only part of being a father I enjoy.

RED STARTS FOR THE DRIVEWAY BUT KITTY STOPS HIM

KITTY
No, Red, I’m putting my foot down. I forbid it.

BOB
I don’t think that’s going to work, Kitty.

RED
(THINKS, THEN) Alright, fine.

BOB
Wow. Red, I forbid you to –

RED
Shut up, Bob.

KELSO
BURN!

RED
Get out!

KELSO EXITS

RESET TO:

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – CONTINUOUS (Day 1)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez)

KELSO COMES BACK OUTSIDE.

DONNA
Well, what were they saying?

KELSO
I don’t know. I was so busy acting like I wasn’t listening I forgot to listen.

ERIC
I bet he’s trying to come up with a punishment. He’s already taken away the Vista Cruiser and fined me. What’s left, he’s going to cut off my pinkie?

FEZ
Ay! What’s the point of getting married if Red’s going to cut that off?

HYDE
No, Fez, not the pants pinkie. (INDICATING) The finger pinkie.

FEZ
Oh. That still sucks.

CUT TO:
Opening credits

FADE OUT.

ACT ONE, SCENE A

FADE IN:

INT. DMV – AFTERNOON (Day 1)
(Fez, Nina, Atmo.)

MUSIC CUE: “JUST WHAT I NEEDED” BY THE CARS

FEZ REACHES FOR THE STAPLER AT THE SAME TIME AS NINA. THEY TOUCH HANDS.

FEZ
You have such beautiful fingers, Nina. So long and elegant, like spider legs.

THEY ARE ABOUT TO KISS, BUT NINA PULLS BACK.

NINA
We can’t do this here.

FEZ
We could go to the backseat of the student driver car. But I warn you, I have a hard time keeping my hands at ten and two.

NINA
Fez, this tension between is causing problems. And here at the DMV, I’ve learned it’s easier to solve problems when they’re posed in multiple-choice format. So, “A”, we can further explore out relationship and hope that relieves the tension, or “B”, I can fire you.

FEZ
Is this some kind of trick?

NINA
It’s not a trick.

FEZ
So it is a trick. I choose “B”.

NINA
No, you choose “A”.

NINA LEANS OVER AND KISSES FEZ.

FEZ
Okay I’ll take “A” but I think you should throw a little “T” in there too.

THEY KISS AGAIN

Cut to:
ACT ONE, SCENE B

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY/INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – EVENING (Day 1)
(Eric, Hyde, Red, Kitty)

ERIC SHOOTS HOOPS. KITTY ENTERS FROM THE KITCHEN.

KITTY
Dinner’s ready Eric.

ERIC
You know what? Dad’s in there, so I’ll just, you know, forage for berries.

KITTY
Look, I’m not happy about this situation either, but I’m in there making the best of it, not out here diddling a basketball.

ERIC
Mom, if I was out here diddling a basketball, this would be a very different conversation.

KITTY
Just get in there.

ERIC HURRIES INTO THE KITCHEN, FOLLOWED BY KITTY

RESET TO:

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – EVENING (Day 1)
(Eric, Hyde, Red, Kitty)

HYDE AND RED SIT AT THE TABLE. ERIC AND KITTY JOIN THEM.

KITTY
Look who I found. Our son. Who we love very much.

ERIC
Hi, Dad

RED
Pass the peas Steven

HYDE PASSES THE PEAS

KITTY
Red, your son spoke to you

RED
I heard him, but you told me not to yell at him, and I agree. I’m just taking your idea and refining it.

ERIC
So you’re giving me the silent treatment?

RED
So, Steven, how was school?

HYDE
Well, in health class we learned that an early engagement is often a sign of heavy drug use.

ERIC
HYDE!

HYDE
What, I’m changing the subject.

KITTY
Red, you’re being a big baby.

ERIC
It’s okay, Mom, this is a pleasant surprise. Let’s see how serious he is about it, though. Hey, Dad, you know who’s got the right idea? Russia.

RED JUST GLARES AT HIM. KITTY LOOKS NERVOUS. EVEN HYDE LOOKS STARTLED. THEY ALL LOOK AROUND THE TABLE A BEAT. THEN:

HYDE
I haven’t felt this kind of tension in years. Reminds me of him, except there aren’t three guys I don’t know shooting dice by the radiator. (He joked by saying “Except everyone weren’t wearing shirts)

CUT TO:

ACT ONE, SCENE C

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – EVENING (DAY 1)
(Kelso, Hyde, Jackie)

MUSIC CUE: “HONKY CAT” BY ELTON JOHN

HYDE AND JACKIE HANG OUT IN THE BASEMENT. KELSO ENTERS, HOLDING A GIFT-WRAPPED BOX.

KELSO:
(sings) Happy Birthday!

JACKIE
Aw, for me?

HYDE
Jackie, it’s your birthday?

KELSO
Oh, I figured you knew. Well, a good boyfriend would’ve. But whatever.

HYDE
You should’ve told me, I would’ve got you something.

JACKIE
I didn’t want to make a big deal about it because I’m trying no to care so much about gifts and material things…

JACKIE OPENS THE BOX AND TAKES OUT A PINK ANGORA SWEATER.

JACKIE
… but it’s not working because this is beautiful! I’m going to try it on. Thank you.

JACKIE HUGS KELSO AND EXITS.

HYDE
Kelso, what are you doing? Are you trying to make me look bad?

KELSO
I’m not doing anything.

HYDE
Well, whatever you’re doing, you shouldn’t go up against me because you’re not going to win

KELSO
I’m not doing anything! And I AM going to win.

HYDE
No, you’re gonna lose

KELSO
How could I lose if I’m not doing anything?

HYDE
How could you WIN if you’re not doing anything?

KELSO
Oh, if I win I’ll admit I’m doing something.

CUT TO:

ACT ONE, SCENE D

EXT. NINA’S FRONT PORCH – EVENING (DAY 1)
(Fez, Nina)

FEZ WALKS NINA TO HER DOOR.

FEZ
Nina, I think people at work are starting to notice there is something between us.

NINA
It didn’t help when you stood up in the staff meeting and said, “I want to do it with Nina”

FEZ
Well, they asked if there was any unfinished business.

NINA
I think I figured out a way to get rid of all this tension. You need to spend the night with me.

FEZ
I’m all yours, boss lady! But you should tell me where to stop now, because I’ve been burned in the past.

NINA
I don’t want you to stop anywhere

FEZ
Oh (THEN, SUPER EXCITED) OHHHH!!!

NINA KISSES FEZ AND THEN EXITS INTO HER PLACE. FEZ IS SO EXCITED HE DOES A LITTLE DANCE.

FEZ
(SINGING) I’M GOING TO DO IT/I’M GOING TO DO IT-

NINA STICKS HER HEAD OUT.

NINA
FEZ!

FEZ
Sorry, I wrote that song three years ago, and I finally get to use it!

THEY EXIT INTO NINA’S PLACE

CUT TO:

ACT ONE, SCENE E

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – AFTERNOON (Day 2)

DONNA, JACKIE, AND KELSO HANG IN THE BASEMENT.

KELSO
You know, that sweater wasn’t on sale or anything. I paid full price for it. Pretty sweet, huh?

JACKIE
Yes, but it gets less sweet the more you TALK about it

KELSO
Sorry, I’m done. Twenty-seven dollars. I’m done. (QUICKLY) Paid extra for the gift wrap.

ERIC ENTERS, WEARING HIS PRICEMART SMOCK.

DONNA
Hey, how was work with Red?

ERIC
Terrible. I thought him not talking to me would be cool, but today instead of telling me to sweep the back room, he just threw a broom at me. When my back was turned.

DONNA
What if I talk to Red? I mean, we’re always gotten along. Maybe I can get through to him.

ERIC
Donna, you don’t have to fight my battles for me. I’m not gonna ask the woman I love to do what I should do, but Red’ll be home at five-thirty so try to catch him before dinner.

HYDE ENTERS WITH A BEAMING FEZ.

HYDE
Attention everyone. Out friend Fez has some wonderful news.

FEZ
Knock knock.

KELSO
Who’s there?

FEZ
I DID IT!!!

EVERYONE REACTS EXCEPT KELSO.

ERIC / DONNA / JACKIE
All right! / Way to go! / Oh my God!

KELSO
Wait, I want to hear this. I did it who?

FADE OUT.

END OF ACT ONE.


ACT TWO, SCENE H

FADE IN:
INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – AFTERNOON (Day 2)
(Eric, Donna, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez)

MUSIC CUE: LET’S DO IT AGAIN BY THE STAPLE SINGERS

THE GANG CONGRATULATES FEZ.

JACKIE
FEZ, I can’t believe you finally lost your virginity.

ERIC
Wait, this isn’t like the time you got a hamster, named it Virginity and then lost it, is it?

FEZ
No, this is the real thing.

KELSO
I had a hamster once. Tied him to a helium balloon with a note. He made it all the way to Minnesota.

ERIC
Alive?

KELSO
No, I’m gonna send a dead hamster up in a balloon.

HYDE
(TO FEZ) Well, little buddy, I always knew you could do it. I just figured you’d be forty and it would be out of pity.

ERIC
So, tell us about it.

FEZ
It was incredible. Nina and I started kissing in the living room, and then we moved into the bedroom, where we undressed. And then, well… (LESS EXCITED) We did it.

KELSO
Details, FEZ, We need details.

FEZ
Well, our faces didn’t line up right, so I kept bumping my chin on her nose. And there were sounds.

HYDE
What kind of sounds?

FEZ
I will say this, it was not applause. And there was no romantic music, like in the movies, so I had to hum. And then Nina told me to stop humming, but then I started again without realizing it, and then she got mad, and then I think she got sad.

JACKIE
Don’t worry Fez. She probably just felt bad because she was doing it with a foreigner.

FEZ
And afterwards, I went in the bathroom and cried a little, and then I snuck out the back door.

DONNA COMFORTS FEZ.

DONNA
Poor Fez. At least it couldn’t have been any worse.

FEZ
I left my underwear in her bathroom.

DONNA
Poor Fez.

DONNA HUGS FEZ.

CUT TO:
ACT TWO, SCENE J

INT. FORMAN LIVING ROOM – AFTERNOON (Day 2)
(Donna, Red, Kitty)

RED AND KITTY SIT WITH DONNA.

DONNA
Mister Forman, you remember how it felt when you fell in love with Mrs. Forman, don’t you?

RED
Nope. One day I just woke up and my life was over. Next question.

KITTY
I think what Mister Forman is TRYING to say is we worry you’re too young to get married. Do you even know how to bake a casserole? I don’t think you do.

DONNA
Look, I believe there’s one person out there for everyone. You guys are that person for each other and Eric is that person for me. If you could just open your hearts, you’d see that we should be together forever, because we’re in love and we can make each other happy.

KITTY
Oh, Donna, that is so romantic. I still think you’re too young, but if it had to be someone, I’m glad it’s you. I always wanted a daughter.

RED
You already have a daughter.

KITTY
A better daughter.

RED
(TO DONNA) You know what? You’re right. You and Eric are perfect for each other.

DONNA
Really?

RED
Yes. Because you’re as big a dumbass as he is.

RED EXITS.

KITTY
(LAUGHS NERVOUSLY, THEN)
Welcome to the family.

CUT TO:
ACT TWO, SCENE K

EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY – AFTERNOON (DAY 2)
(Eric, Kelso, Hyde, Jackie, Fez)

THE GUYS HANG OUT.

FEZ
I’m so nervous about working with Nina today. It’s like now that we did it, I never want to see her face again.

HYDE
Yep, you did it alright.

JACKIE ENTERS, WEARING THE PINK SWEATER.

KELSO
Hey, look who’s wearing a twenty-seven dollar sweater!

HYDE
Jackie, you can’t keep that sweater.

JACKIE
Why not?

HYDE
Because it’s from Kelso!

JACKIE
But it’s so pink and fuzzy it makes up for that.

ERIC
Kelso, she’s somebody else’s girlfriend, what are you doing?

KELSO
I’m not doing anything. And it’s working.

HYDE
(TO JACKIE) Take it off.

KELSO
No, leave it on.

FEZ
Take if off, let’s see some skin.

ERIC
Yeah, take it off.

KELSO
Why is everyone against me?

FEZ
Because you’re telling a girl to keep her top on.

KELSO
That’s true. Take it off.

CUT TO:
ACT TWO, SCENE L

INT. DMV – AFTERNOON (DAY 2)
(Fez, Nina, Atmo.)

FEZ AND NINA BUMP INTO EACH OTHER AT THE PENCIL SHARPENER. IT IS AWKWARD AND UNCOMFORTABLE.

NINA / FEZ
Hello / Hi. (THEN, RE: PENCIL SHARPENER) Go Ahead / After you

THEY BOTH REACHED FOR THE SHARPENER AT THE SAME TIME.

FEZ
Here, let me.

NINA
I know how it goes.

FEZ
I’m just trying to help

NINA
Well, not it’s stick

FEZ
You just have to give it a yank

THEY BOTH STRUGGLE WITH THE PENCIL.

NINA
This is just like last night!

NINA RUNS OFF.

CUT TO:
ACT TWO, SCENE M

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – AFTERNOON (DAY 2)
(Eric, Donna, Kitty, Bob)

KITTY AND ERIC ARE THERE AS BOB AND DONNA ENTERS.

BOB
Okay, where’s Red? I just found out he called my daughter a dumbass.

ERIC
What?

DONNA
I really thought I was getting through to him, but then he snuck a “dumbass” in. That is a hurtful word.

BOB
You’ve got to do something about your husband, Kitty. You guys’d be lucky to get Donna. If anything, she’s gonna pretty your family up.

KITTY
Excuse me?

BOB
I’m just saying, we’re a voluptuous bunch.

ERIC
Mom, you need to talk to Dad.

KITTY
I don’t know why you’re surprised he’s upset. Why did you have to get engaged now? And why did you have to tell your father? He’s not stable, Eric.

ERIC
Fine, I’ll talk to him myself.

ERIC GRABS HIS SMOCK.

DONNA
Be careful. I looked deep into Red’s eyes, and I saw… well, I just saw me upside down and tiny, but he looked mad.

ERIC
I don’t care, I’m going down to Pricemart. Donna, if I don’t come back, please move on with your life and find someone else who, of course, will never love you the way I did.

ERIC EXITS

BOB
(To Kitty) Okay, so what do you guys got to offer in a way of a dowry?

CUT TO:

ACT TWO, SCENE P

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – AFTERNOON (DAY 2)
(Kelso, Hyde, Jackie and FEZ)

HYDE, JACKIE AND KELSO HANG OUT AS FEZ ENTERS.

FEZ
Working with someone you have had sex with is the worst thing ever. I don’t know how Donny and Marie do it. Sex ruins everything.

KELSO
I disagree, Fez. Sure, the first time can be awkward – well, it wasn’t for me and Jackie. Hey, maybe I should tell the story. (TAUNTING) Great story, Hyde.

HYDE
You know what, Kelso, this is getting real old. And the story I remember from your first time is that you didn’t call her for a week after.

KELSO
I was going to skip that part.

JACKIE
That’s right, you didn’t call me.

HYDE
Because he was thinking about breaking up with you.

JACKIE
What?

KELSO
I already told you, I didn’t call because we were having our phones cleaned.

HYDE
And then to get back on your good side he bought you that stupid stuffed unicorn.

JACKIE
Fluffy-Cakes? Fluffy-Cakes is tainted?!?!

HYDE
Yeah, he wanted something from you, so he bought you a present. Sound familiar?

JACKIE
Michael, why did you buy me this sweater? (She accidentally said Steven)

KELSO
Alright, time to come clean here. I stole the sweater.

JACKIE
(TO KELSO) Well, you know what, I don’t want it. So here, just take it.

JACKIE TAKES OFF THE SWEATER AND THROWS IT AT KELSO. SHE’S WEARING A CAMISOLE UNDERNEATH. FEZ APPLAUDS.

FEZ
Now we’re talking! Okay, give us a dance!

JACKIE GRABS HER COAT AND EXITS.

HYDE
I told you it wouldn’t work.

KELSO
I wasn’t doing anything! And you won.

FEZ
Let’s not fight. We all saw a little Jackie side-boob, I think we all won.

CUT TO:

ACT TWO, SCENE T

EXT. NINA’S FRONT PORCH – EARLY EVENING (DAY 2)
(FEZ, NINA)

MUSIC CUE: “FEELINGS” BY MORRIS ALBERT

FEZ BUZZES, NINA OPENS THE FOOR

NINA
Hi, Fez. Okay, look—

FEZ
Nina, I know what you are going to say. The other night was awful and you want to be friends.

NINA
No, I was gonna say the other night was awful and we should practice and get better at it.

FEZ
I have to say, I don’t have the sound of that. (THEN) So, uh… should I make an appointment or…?

NINA
Just get in the house

FEZ
Okay, on second

HE TURNS HIS BACK TO THE DOORWAY.

FEZ:
(TO THE NEIGHBORHOOD, DANCING)
I’M GOING TO DO IT AGAIN / I’M GOING TO DO IT –

SHE YANKS HIM INSIDE, AS WE:

CUT TO:

ACT TWO, SCENE U

INT. RED’S PRICEMART OFFICE – EARLY EVENING (DAY 2)
(Eric, Red)

RED IS WORKING AS ERIC ENTERS WEARING HIS SMOCK.

ERIC
Okay, Dad, you can ignore me and you cal call my girlfriend names, but here’s the thing: Donna and I are getting married whether you like it or not.

RED
But you’re too young and you’re throwing your life away.

ERIC
You said I was throwing my life away when I quit T-Ball.

RED
And I was right about that, too. You’re not marrying her and that’s final.

ERIC
Well, you can’t stop me. ‘Cause I’m graduating soon, and I’ll be on my own and I have a job and I mean I make enough money to pay for the wedding myself.

RED
Well, that’s great, but you don’t have a job. You’re fired.

ERIC
What?!

RED
I said you’re fired. Let’s see you pay for a wedding now. Punch out and empty your locker.

ERIC
Fine! But I’m keeping the smock.

RED
Give me the smock

ERIC TAKES OFF THE SMOCK AND GIVES IT TO RED

CUT TO:

ACT TWO, Scene W

INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – AFTERNOON (DAY 3)
(Hyde, Jackie)

JACKIE SITS ON THE COUCH AS HYDE ENTERS FROM HIS ROOM AND GIVES HER A WRAPPED BOX.

HYDE
Jackie, Happy Birthday.

JACKIE
Oh Steven, you shouldn’t have.
SHE OPENS THE BOX TO FIND A T-SHIRT.

JACKIE
It’s a Led Zepplin T-shirt and it’s used.

HYDE
It’s my favorite one. Look, you’re with me now so I want you to have it.

JACKIE
Oh Steven! I love it! Do I have to wear it?

HYDE
No

JACKIE
I love it!

FADE OUT:
END OF ACT TWO

CREDIT WINDOW
FADE IN:

INT. FORMAN KITCHEN – EVENING (DAY 3)
(Eric, Donna, Red, Kitty, Bob)

ERIC, RED, AND KITTY SIT, GRIMLY EATING.

KITTY
Well, this has been a nice twenty minutes of silence. Who wants a little kick in their coffee? I know I do.

DONNA ENTERS, CROSSES AND STANDS IN FRONT OF RED.

DONNA
(TO RED) You’re the dumbass!

A BEAT. THEY ALL STARE AT HER. DONNA RUNS AWAY. AS SHE EXITS, WE SEE BOB HOVERING JUST OUTSIDE THE SLIDING DOO.

BOB
Did you say it?

DONNA
Run!

THEY’RE GONE.

FADE OUT.

END OF SHOW.

Thanks for the Script!

But I though ""A whole lotta of love" was the eppie where annette is visiting from Cali and EriC's grandfather dies. What's the name of that episode, then?

dude thanks for the spoilers, that episode sounds friggen hilarious can't wait to see it.


and damnit Hyde is just so damn sweet, I REALLY hope everything turns out good between him and Jackie because his character has grown so much and to do that for nothing...man would I be pissed.

Originally posted by 55
Thanks for the Script!

But I though ""A whole lotta of love" was the eppie where annette is visiting from Cali and EriC's grandfather dies. What's the name of that episode, then?

A Whole Lotta Love is EPISODE 13
Get off my boyfriend is EPISODE 14 - The one where Annette visits and Burt dies

Hey thanks for the spoilage!Please post more spoilage of upcoming episodes of that 70 show!:wave:

I will... but I dunno... it all depends... I'm going to TV Tapings, but if you reallie want the first to get spoilers...

Join:

Jackie-N-Hyde@yahoogroups.com

I post EVERYTHING there first...

well how do u join?thanks for answering back.:wave: