Donna: "Jeff, why don't you go out and buy another old bus. I miss looking out the window at an unsightly rotting hunk of steel parked in front of our house...!"

Donna: Jeff, can I go with you to your Friends of Outer Space club? It sounds so groovy.

Alex: Donna, your hair is a little messy today.

Donna - "Ah man!!"

Jeff: Mom, you've got a piece of spinach in your teeth and it's grossing me out.

Alex "Donna your a f00l!"

Donna, to Alex:

"Alex, if you want your waiting room area to feel authentic, the magazines you have in there need to be about a decade old...!"

Donna: Some pediatrician. You ought to doctor ducks 'cause you're a quack.

Alex: "One of the buttons on your blouse isn't fastened, Mrs. Jones. Please fix it, I can't risk Donna noticing and finding out we fooled around while your son was preoccupied in my waiting room..."

Donna: Midge, are you keeping Dave happy? He made a pass at me.

Mary Stone: "Mother, did you know that a girl hid under Jeff's bed recently?"

Donna: "I can't be bothered with that right now, Mary. I just found lipstick on your father's collar, and it's not my shade...!"

Mary Stone: "Mother, did you know that a girl hid under Jeff's bed recently?"

Donna: "I can't be bothered with that right now, Mary. I just found lipstick on your father's collar, and it's not my shade...!"

Mary: You listen to Connie Francis records too much.

Donna: Who?

Donna to herself: I wonder if June Cleaver ever had days like this?

Donna, to Alex: Your old man complains less than you do,

Donna: I should have married Ward Cleaver.

Jeff: Dad, you're a quack. I'm goin' to a real doctor.

Donna and Alex set Jeff down for a talk.

Donna: "Jeff, have you noticed that Trisha bears a striking resemblance to you?"
Alex: "The truth is, I fathered both of you with an unwed young Hispanic woman named Juanita I had flings with since meeting her when I was in medical school..."

Donna: I should have gone into the movies. I could have made something of myself.

Donna: I should be more like Lucy. When kids are sick, I want in on Alex's act.

Alex: "Jeff, if I were you I'd make myself scarce. Your mother just bought electric clippers and wants to start giving home haircuts...!"

Donna: I should wear pearls every single day the way June Cleaver does. I bet I'd look prettier.

Donna: Alex, I don't care if you think this wig looks awful. I like it--it makes me pretty, like June Cleaver.

^LOL

Donna: Yes Dear I KNOW I'm obsessed with June Cleaver. I stan her.

Alex: June Cleaver, June Cleaver -- I'm sick of hearing about June Cleaver!

Donna: "Mary, Jeff, this would be a good time to schedule your physicals. Your father has several openings over the next week or two..."

Mary: "Shouldn't I be going to a gynecologist instead?"

Jeff: "Fine for you Mary, but I'm stuck with a quack doctor father...!"

Alex: Come on, Donna, Ozzie and Harriet got a double bed!

Donna: "Unless you can explain this lipstick-stained collar, your pillow and blanket are headed for the living room couch...!"

Jeff: Mom, I have a sore throat.

Donna: I'll call Dr. Kelsey. As you know, your father is a quack.

Donna: "Alex, why did you decide to become a pediatrician?"

Alex: "Kids don't file lawsuits in response to quackery..."

Donna (vacuuming under the couch, as Alex is napping): Alex, lift your leg.

(pause)

Donna: That wasn't what I meant!

Donna: "Alex, Mary and I have decided to go totally boho and grow our hair down to our bottoms!"

Alex: "Fine by me! Woo hoo, no more hairdresser bills!"

Bump

Jeff: "No Trisha, despite what you may think, the fact that we bear a striking resemblance to each other and have exactly the same hair color means absolutely nothing..."