Andy Taylor: "The name ain't 'Clem', it's 'Andy'. Andy Taylor."

Danny: "Whoever heard of a stop sign when there's no road?!?"

Danny: "It's just a tourist trap, that's all."

Will: (town drunk)"I'm under arrest."

Danny: "...even a murderer! has a right to one phone call."

Rusty Williams: What's wrong?
Danny Williams: [Growling] What makes you think something's WRONG?
Rusty Williams: What did you do?
Danny Williams: Why do you assume I did something?
Rusty Williams: Law of averages.

Danny: "He's picked on the wrong guy this time."

Danny: (to Andy)"You want to ad lib with me, hayseed?"

Andy: "We got a outstandin' paper here."

Danny: "There never was a crooked politician that could fight the press."

Andy: "Now, most folks in these parts, five dollars puts a pretty good sized crimp in their pocketbook. Don't you see?"

Danny Williams: [annoyed] Do you have to?
Rusty Williams: Have to what?
Danny Williams: Do you have to chew those potato chips so loud?
Rusty Williams: Can I help it if they make 'em noisy?

Mr. Kirby: Don't you want to grow up, Rusty?

Rusty Williams: Gosh, no! Then I'd be like Daddy and never have any fun - just children.

Terry Williams: I know it was all my fault, but I was just trying to play Cupid.
Danny Williams: With poison arrows?

Rusty: "Welcome to the dark ages."

J. R. Willoughby: What are you doing here? You're supposed to be drinking champagne over Denver!
Danny Williams: Did you ever try to get on an airplane with train tickets?