A Honeymooners Valentines Day:

(Ralph and Ed arrive in the Kramden apartment with candy and roses.)

Ralph: “Girls, are you all ready to go to the Raccoon Valentine’s Day dance contest?”

Alice (from bedroom, yells): “WE ARE COMING OUT.”

Ralph: “Boy, this would be some lovely dance contest. I can’t wait for one of us to beat that newcomer, that loudmouth McGarrity.”

Ed: “He will probably stop dancing after three seconds. One of us may break the record for time on the dance floor.”

(Alice & Trixie come out.)

Ralph: “Happy Valentine’s Day sweetheart.”

Ed: “May I echo those words for Trixie?”

(They give them the roses and chocolates.)

Trixie: “Ah thank you, you two.”

(They all hug and kiss.)

Alice: “Ralph, I hope that you don’t get carried away on the dance floor tonight in your quest to hope that McGarrity loses.”

Ralph: “I will NOT make a fool of myself. I can guarantee it. As a matter of fact, one of us couples will be the talk of the town.”

(They go to the Raccoon Lodge. They see McGarrity and his wife.)

Ralph (yells): “MCGARRITY, PREPARE TO LOSE.”

(After dinner, the dancing starts. They all get on the dance floor. Because Ralph ate like an elephant, he faints and vomits after one second of dancing. He gets embarrassed.)

(After the event is over, they all walk out. Ralph is still very sick.)

Ed: “Ralph, in addition to breaking the all time record of most food consumed at a Raccoon Dinner, you broke the all time record of the least amount of time on the dance floor during one dance. Your vomit was the size of ten elephants.”

Ralph (yells): “OK NORTON! PUT ‘EM UP! LETS GO!”

(They fight. The girls separate them.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)

Jackie (yells): “GOOD NIGHT!”