Watching John Gage repeatedly attempt to date numerous young women over the years on “Emergency!,” I was very surprised at how much of a feckless loser John Gage truly was when he trying to get an attractive young woman to respond to him romantically.

One time, when John attempted to regale a group of young nurses with stories of his bravery and resourcefulness while serving as a Los Angeles fireman, one of the nurses remarked that he was a conceited and self-absorbed jerk.

Another young, female Los Angeles Police Deputy was so contemptuous of John Gage, that I seriously doubted if she would even bother to give him the time of day on Christmas morning, let alone ever go out on a date with him.

Of course, there was one woman who did want to marry John, but it turned out that she was divorced and with a particularly nasty, little brat of a son, who repeatedly antagonized the schlumpy and pathetic Mr. Gage and literally sent John running for the hills!

Yes, I think that it’s fair to say that the perfect theme song for the romantically-challenged John Gage would be the legendary Engelbert Humperdinck’s classic hit, “A Man Without Love.”

PS Maybe the unfailingly “unlucky-in-love” Mr. Gage might want to consider signing up for Silver Singles today in 2024?