Frank Gannucci
05-24-2024, 07:23 AM
A Honeymooners Memorial Day:
(Ralph & Ed are at the Brooklyn Veterans Hall with cans of red, white & blue paint. The wives follow.)
Alice: “Guys, I think that it’s honorable that you guys are painting the hall red, white & blue for Memorial Day but Ralph, do you know what you are doing?”
Ralph: “Of course I do Alice. Remember, I painted our apartment.”
Alice: “Yes and that was after seven times, you spilled paint all over yourself and the suit that you were wearing.”
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
Alice: “That’s another thing Ralph. You should not be wearing a SUIT while painting.”
Ralph: “I most certainly will. I don’t need your advice on what I have to wear for painting. I know ALL about it.”
Trixie: “Oh brother. We will see you two.”
Ralph: “See ya.”
(The wives leave.)
Ed: “Good thing that we are doing this on Memorial Day. It’s a very patriotic thing to do.”
Ralph: “You can say that again Norton. Time to paint.”
(Ralph sets up the ladder and goes to climb it.)
Ed: “Don’t you think that I should be in that ladder?”
Ralph: “Oh, so you are saying that I’m too fat and heavy for it. Why don’t you say it?”
Ed: “I don’t have to. You just did.”
Ralph: “Leave me alone. I’ll paint over there. Good thing we have a wading pool of red paint that we are going to use.”
(He grabs the ladder and walks off camera. He climbs the ladder.)
Ralph (off-camera, falling, yells): “DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
(Ralph falls into the red paint. The camera catches Ralph COMPLETELY COVERED in red paint. The wives come by.)
Alice: “Ralph, are you all right?”
Ralph (yells): “ARE YOU GONNA START WITH THOSE ‘I TOLD YOU SOS.’?”
Ed: “She told you so.”
(Ralph chases after Ed.)
(Jackie, still with paint on him, walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)
Jackie (yells): “THE MIAMI BEACH CROWDS ARE THE BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph & Ed are at the Brooklyn Veterans Hall with cans of red, white & blue paint. The wives follow.)
Alice: “Guys, I think that it’s honorable that you guys are painting the hall red, white & blue for Memorial Day but Ralph, do you know what you are doing?”
Ralph: “Of course I do Alice. Remember, I painted our apartment.”
Alice: “Yes and that was after seven times, you spilled paint all over yourself and the suit that you were wearing.”
(Ed laughs.)
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
Alice: “That’s another thing Ralph. You should not be wearing a SUIT while painting.”
Ralph: “I most certainly will. I don’t need your advice on what I have to wear for painting. I know ALL about it.”
Trixie: “Oh brother. We will see you two.”
Ralph: “See ya.”
(The wives leave.)
Ed: “Good thing that we are doing this on Memorial Day. It’s a very patriotic thing to do.”
Ralph: “You can say that again Norton. Time to paint.”
(Ralph sets up the ladder and goes to climb it.)
Ed: “Don’t you think that I should be in that ladder?”
Ralph: “Oh, so you are saying that I’m too fat and heavy for it. Why don’t you say it?”
Ed: “I don’t have to. You just did.”
Ralph: “Leave me alone. I’ll paint over there. Good thing we have a wading pool of red paint that we are going to use.”
(He grabs the ladder and walks off camera. He climbs the ladder.)
Ralph (off-camera, falling, yells): “DUOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”
(Ralph falls into the red paint. The camera catches Ralph COMPLETELY COVERED in red paint. The wives come by.)
Alice: “Ralph, are you all right?”
Ralph (yells): “ARE YOU GONNA START WITH THOSE ‘I TOLD YOU SOS.’?”
Ed: “She told you so.”
(Ralph chases after Ed.)
(Jackie, still with paint on him, walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Time to introduce the cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean Kean comes on stage.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Audrey comes on stage.)
Jackie: "Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage.)
Jackie (yells): “THE MIAMI BEACH CROWDS ARE THE BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)