A Honeymooners Xmas:

(Ralph & Ed are in jail.)

Ralph: “Here we are in jail on Xmas. I could cry.”

Ed: “Me too. I’m missing the SpongeBob Christmas Special.”

(The girls arrive.)

Alice, Alice’s Mother & Trixie (singing loudly): “RALPH IS IN THE BIG HOUSE/FA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA-LA!”

Ralph: “Boy, you two are gonna get it.”

Alice: “We were steamed but we decided to have some fun at your expense because of your stupid mistake. We posted bail.”

Alice’s Mother: “I wanted to see my big, fat, loser of a son-in-law, pay for being dumb.”

Ralph: “Oooh, YOU are a BLABBERMOUTH! A BLABBERMOUTH!”

(Ralph gets bailed out.)

Ed: “Hey look, let’s exchange gifts now.”

Ralph: “Ok. Come on guys. I say this all the time. Christmas is...well it's about the best time of the whole year. You walk down the streets even weeks before Christmas comes and there are lights hanging up – red ones and green ones. Sometimes there's snow. Everybody's hustling someplace. But they don't hustle around Christmas time like they usually do. You know, they're a little friendlier. They bump into you and they laugh and say 'Pardon me, Merry Christmas.' Especially when it gets real close to Christmas night. Everybody's walking home – you can hardly hear a sound. Bells are ringing, kids are singing, and the snow is coming down and boy, what a pleasure it is to think that you got someplace to go to and the place you're going to has someone in it that you really love. Someone that you're nuts about. Merry Christmas!"

All: "Merry Christmas!"

(They all hug.)

(The curtain starts to close. Jackie stops it.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character but we want to do this. Jean Kean.”

(Crowd cheers for Jean Kean.)

Jackie: “Audrey Meadows.”

(Crowd cheers for Audrey Meadows.)

Jackie: “Art Carney.”

(Crowd cheers for Art Carney.)

Jackie: “All right. Sammy Spear and everyone as you can see I am not like Ralph. I am not going to freeze while I am on stage. Hahaha! Let's all sing! Sammy, I hope you are sober unlike your birthday."

(Crowd laughs.)

Jackie: "Let's all sing: 'Hark! The Herald Angles Sing'"

All (singing): "
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Peace on earth, and mercy mild,
God and sinners reconciled."
Joyful, all ye nations, rise,
Join the triumph of the skies;
With th' angelic host proclaim,
"Christ is born in Bethlehem."
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Christ, by highest heaven adored:
Christ, the everlasting Lord;
Late in time behold him come,
Offspring of the favoured one.
Veiled in flesh, the Godhead see;
Hail, th'incarnate Deity:
Pleased, as man, with men to dwell,
Jesus, our Emmanuel!
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King!
Hail! the heaven-born
Prince of peace!
Hail! the Son of Righteousness!
Light and life to all he brings,
Risen with healing in his wings
Mild he lays his glory by,
Born that man no more may die:
Born to raise the son of earth,
Born to give them second birth.
Hark! the herald angels sing,
"Glory to the new-born King !"

(Everyone cheers.)

Jackie (yells): "MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT! THE MIAMI BEACH AUDIENCES ARE THE GREATEST AUDIENCES IN THE WORLD. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE!"

(The crowd erupts with cheers.)

(The end.)