Episode: "Day Of Detention"
Original Airdate: 10/3/92
Day/Time: Saturday. 10:00 a.m.
Transcript Written By: Robert (a.k.a. SBTB Geek)



(Inside classroom)

Lisa: Hey guys guess what?!... great news.

Zack: Paula Abdul is the new gym teacher.

Lisa: Even better... rapping Ken Kelly will be broadcasting from The Max all afternoon.
He’s giving a trip to Hawaii to the 10th caller.

All: (In surprisement) what?

Zack: A trip to Hawaii.... Man I have to be the tenth caller. I’m gonna win this contest.

Slater: Only if you can beat me! I tuned in and ready to dial!

Lisa: I got dibs on the hall phone. Anyone touches it... they die.

Zack: For the mean time, I have to find a date.

(BELL RINGS)

Zack: Gretchen... HI, how are you doing?

Mr. Belding: Hello class.

Class: Good morning.

Mr. Belding: I’m substituting today for Mr. Johnson, who is having emergency surgery.

Zack: (on the phone) Really!... that’s terrific!

Mr. Belding: I don’t think so Zack.

Zack: I’m talking to you Mr. Belding... go ahead.

Mr. Belding: What?!

Zack: Nah... I’m sorry... no big deal ... By the way, how do you feel about snorkeling,
pineapples, sunset on the beach.

Belding: ENOUGH! Hang up the phone NOW!

Zack: Gretchen... yeah, I will have to call you back. (Hangs up)

Belding: Zack... from now NO MORE cellular phone calls -in-this-school.

(Slater smirks)

(Mr. Belding walks away)

Lisa: Hey guys... Ken Kelly just said that he will be taking calls at 2:00 o’ clock.

Zack: Oh man.. I have to be the 10th caller, and I think I have a way to do it!

(Zack & Screech walk in the Max as telephone repair men)

Zack: Remember Screech...We’re here to fix the phones.

Screech: I didn’t know they were broken?

Zack: There not.

Screech: Then why are we going to fix them?!

Zack: Just do it!

Screech: Gotcha’ chief!

Rapper Ken Kelly: Remember listeners if your caller number 10 when ‘ya ca-ca-call in, a
trip to Hawaii is what’cha, what’cha wa win!... now try a sample of delicious Max
burgers!

(everyone applauds)

Ken Kelly Assistant: Are your sure you want risk trying a burger from this place?

Ken Kelly: NEVER!... walk across the street a get me some sushi.

Zack: Hi there, Mr. Ken Kelly.

Ken Kelly: The DJ that’s makes your day!

Screech: You sound so cool on the radio.

Ken Kelly: Thanks!

Screech: But your so dorky in person!

Zack: (pushes Screech away) We are going to make sure your phone lines are in order for
the contest.

Ken Kelly: Grrreat! Go for it!

Zack: It won’t take long.

(Zack walks towards Screech)

Zack: Make sure you rig it so you can intercept all incoming calls.

Screech: You found the right man for the job!

Zack: Ahh ha.

(Screech gets an electric shock)

(at school’s hallway)

Lisa: Okay Tori here’s my system you dial all the numbers except for the last one, and
when you hear a caller number 9, begin dialing.

Tori: Great strategy Lisa.

(at the other phone at school)

(Slater is dialing)

Slater: c’mon c’mon!!!

“geek”: Excuse me... please... I have to call my orthodontist.

Slater: You want to live to see tomorrow!

(“geek” gets scared, and runs away)

(at the Max)

Ken Kelly: It’s on you number 10.

(under the table)

Screech: Okay Zack... time for your call.

(on the phone)

Lisa: Hi I’m Lisa... am I caller number 10?!

Screech: You sound cute but... NO!

(Screech makes an effort and hangs up on everyone other than Zack)

Ken Kelly: What’s wrong here? There’s no calls coming in!

Assistant: I don’t know... everything seems to be working fine.

Ken Kelly: You guys gotta call in!

(under Zack)

Screech: Ken Kelly Show...

Zack: Hey Screech, it’s me.

Screech: Hey Zack I’m glad is you!, I was getting worried “phew”... but what’s new?!

Zack: Who cares what’s new?!... just put me in through Ken Kelly.

Screech: TRANSFERRING (rolleyes)

Ken Kelly: All right!... the phones are back!... Hello who’s calling?

Zack: It’s Zack.

Ken Kelly: We got a winner! Congratulations! You are are 10th caller you know what
that means!

Zack: Yeah... I’m going to Hawaii!

Ken Kelly: But first you have to answer some questions. Now Zack, can you be at the
Max by 4 o’ clock?!

Zack You bet! I will be there at four o’clock. I will be...

Belding: ...in detention! I told you what will happen if you use the phone in school
property again.

(in the classroom... Belding is trimming his Bonzai tree)

Zack: What are you doing?.... is that a tree for your Barbie mansion?

Belding: HA! HA!... This is a Bonzai tree. Bonzai cultivation happens to be an ancient
Japanese art. I’m giving this to Mrs. B for our anniversary.

Zack: Can you to the bathroom?

Mr. Belding: Okay!... but you better be back in 5 minutes.

(Zack runs out the classroom)

Zack: (Stop at the door) You can trust me Sir!

(inside the Boys Locker Room)

Zack: Hey Slater... am I glad to see you!

Slater: You must need a favor.

Zack: AH! Can a friend just be happy to see his best friend?

Slater: What is it preppy?!

Zack: I need a favor.

Slater: I’m busy.

Zack: What if I offered you a free trip to Hawaii?... hula dancers, grass skirts, MINI grass
skirt...

(Slater turns around interested)

Zack: Still busy?

Slater: UMM! You found my weakness!... what do I do?!

(in the hallway) (Slater fakes an accident!)

Slater (in fake pain): OW! OW!

Mr. Belding: What was that?!

Zack: Oh my gosh!... I don’t know!... it must be Slater... um I mean someone hurt
themselves!

(Both Belding and Zack run out)

Mr. Belding: Slater what happened?

Slater: I was bringing the tackling dummy to practice when I tripped and I fell down the
stairs. OWWW!

Mr. Belding: You must be hurt.

Zack: Yes... I mean it seams that way!

Slater: I think I broke my leg Sir.

Mr. Belding: Let me check.

Slater & Zack: NO, no, no, no.

Zack: There’s no time for checking!... I have to take him to the hospital right away!

Slater: Your right!

Mr. Belding: I will take him!

Zack: No, your the principal... they need you here!

(Ox runs down the stairs)

Ox: Oh no!... Belding hit ‘em!

Mr. Belding: I didn’t hit him! Ox, he fell down.

Zack: That’s right, and he broke a leg. And I am taking him to the hospital so bye Ox, see
you around.

Ox: Oh no... I can’t leave my team captain alone!... I will carry him!

(Ox carries Slater)

Mr. Belding: Be careful!

(Slater gets his leg slammed by the locker)

Zack: Umm... Slater. That must of really hurt your broken leg!

Slater: Oh yeah... OW!

Mr. Belding: WAIT A MINUTE!... what’s going on here?!... Ox just smashed your leg
into the locker and you didn’t make a peep!

Ox: That’s because he’s a real man!

Mr Belding: That’s because he’s a real faker. I smell a rat... a blonde rat!

Slater did Zack put you up to this?

Slater: Sorry preppy. I have to get to practice... c’mon Ox!!!

Belding: The only place your going is detention!

(Belding orders Ox to get Slater inside the detention room)


Ox: What... you got a doctor in there?

(inside detention room)

Zack: I only got one hour left!... how am I going to get out of here?!

Slater: Your going to be here so long, you better change your address.

(Tori and Lisa pass by)

Zack: WHOA! Jackpot!

Tori: Poor guy. He gets a shot to Hawaii, and ends up being stuck in detention.

Lisa: Wait a minute. I think he’s trying to tell me something.

(Zack throws a paper airplane to Lisa and Tori)

Lisa reads: “If you can get me out of detention, I can take you to Hawaii with me.”

Tori: I don’t trust him.

(Zacks throws ANOTHER paper airplane)

Tori reads: “Trust me!”

Lisa: I could use a week on the sun.

Tori: Yeah... me too. But how are we going to get him out of detention.

(Zack throws a third airplane)

Lisa reads: “This is the way to get me out of detention.”

(Lisa goes inside the detention room)

Lisa: Mr. Belding, Zack’s mom needs him right away!

Mr. Belding: What happened?

Lisa: I don’t know. She just said it was urgent.

(phone rings)

Mr. Belding answers: Hello!.... Zack Morris’ phone.

Tori as “Zack’s mom”: Mr. Belding?

Mr. Belding: Yes.

Tori as “Zack’s mom”: what’ a surprise! Mr. Belding... I need Zack a home... there’s been
a mudslide!

Mr. Belding: That’s odd! It hasn’t rained in weeks!

(bell rings... and Mr. Belding hears it from the phone as well)

Mr. Belding: was that OUR school bell?

Tori as “Zack’s mom”: ahh... that was my timer!... my muffins are ready.

(Mr. Belding walks towards school’s phone)

Mr. Belding: muffins you say.

Tori as “Zack’s mom”: Banana nut... Zacks favorite!

(Mr. Belding taps Tori on the shoulders and gives her detention as well)

Mr. Belding: You got a date in detention.

Lisa: Well I gotta go... choir practice.

Mr. Belding: Not so fast Lisa.... why don’t you and Ms. Tori take a sit in front of Mr.
Slater!

Slater: ALOHA!

(time passes by)

Zack: Are you guys still made at me?

(Tori and Lisa stick out there tongues)

Zack: Okay...I guess that means yes.

Slater: It looks like times running out. Only 40 minutes left.

Zack: I gotta do something.

Zack: Excuse me... Mr. Belding. I was wondering if you can help me with my Biology
homework.

Mr. Belding: Well Zack, I am impressed you are using your time efficiently. I will be
glad to help.

Zack: You know... I never quite understood the frog intestine. Gross looking isn’t it!

(Zack teases Mr. Belding with the frog intestines and cow brain)

Zack: Wouldn’t you like to take a bite to see how it tastes?!

Mr. Belding: UUGGHH!

(Mr. B runs out!)

Slater: Not bad preppy!

(Zack gets his phone)

Zack: c’mon answer, answer!

Screech: H-E-LLOOOOOOOO!, with who do I have the pleasure of speaking?

Zack: Pinhead it’s me Zack!

Screech: Hey Zack you should really be here in person... Ken Kelly is going to leave
soon!

Zack: I know... look a got a way to get you to go with me to Hawaii.

Screech: Me go to Hawaii! I’ll love to. It’s the height of jellyfish season.

Zack: Listen carefully... I’m going to give you crash course on Hawaii.

(late on at The Max)

Ken Kelly: Look it’s 4... and still no Zack Morris. Probably this guy doesn’t want to go to
Hawaii.

(Screech walks in as Zack)

Screech: Hey Ken Baby... I’m Zack Morris!

Ken Kelly: Let’s start the contest.

Screech: I’m ready! I’m gonna win!

Ken Kelly: Great but before we start, Zack tell us what’s the first thing you are going to
do when you get to Hawaii?

Zack: Ahhh.... ahh... I’ll be right back!

(Screech runs out the Max to go ask Zack)

(Inside the Detention Room)

Zack: NO! NO! no! where is he going? where is he going? ... I’m gonna kill ‘em!

(Screech goes inside)

Screech: Zack I have to ask you a question.

Mr. Belding: Screech this is a room for people in detention. You could talk to Zack later.

Screech: Buhhh..

Mr. Belding: OUT!, OUT!... I said this room was for people in detention!

Screech: You know your a DUFUS!

Tori: (in a whisper) what is he doing?!

Mr. Belding: What did-you-say?

Screech: I called you DUFUS you big dork!... am I in detention yet?

Mr. Belding: for the rest of the afternoon!... take a seat young man.

Screech: Thanks sir. Thanks alot.

Screech (to Zack): I ran as fast as I could to ask you what will be the first thing you do
when you get to Hawaii?!

Zack: Idiot. Now that your in detention you won’t be able to give my answer to Ken
Kelly.

Screech: OOPS!... everything was going so well too.

Lisa: Once a pea brain... ALWAYS a pea brain.

(Zack is listening to his Walkman)

Zack: I have to do something! I gotta be in two places at once.

Screech: You know someone should tell Mr. Belding he’s cutting that Bonzai tree all
wrong!

Slater: You know about those dwarf trees?

Screech: I just finished reading The Bonzai Tree Lovers Handbook... Third Edition!

Zack: Your kidding? This is perfect.

Screech: I’ll be happy to lend it to you.

Zack: I don’t want to read the book! Just go up there and distract Mr. Belding, and telling
everything you know.

Screech: That could take hours!

Zack: Good go... c’mon!

(Goes up to Mr. Belding)

Screech: Um.. Mr. Belding can I make a suggestion? I happen to be a Bonzai expert!

Mr. Belding: You are?

Screech: I have a black belt in pruning! ... you see each branch symbolizes an emotion.

(at the other end of the class)

Zack: Shhh! guys!... I need your help.

Tori: Get real!

Slater: No thanks preppy. One double cross per day is off limits.

Zack: Look I’m sorry... but if I don’t get to the Max within 15 minutes, nobody will win
anything.

Lisa: He does has point.

Tori: I HATE it when he has a point. (hits the table)

Zack: I can still win 2 tickets, and prize money. We can still work something out. Now
help me I still got an idea.

(they all huddle up)

(Screech continues to teach Mr. Belding more Bonzai techniques... he ends up messing up
the whole tree. While they are discussing Zack leaves through the back door)

Mr. Belding: You have ruined my tree!

Screech: If that’s the gratitude I get... then I quit! HOW RUDE!

(Screech goes back to his seat)

Screech: I tried Zack, but Mr. Belding knows “squat” about Bonzai!

(at The Max)

Ken Kelly: Ten seconds left!

(Zack rushes in)

Zack: Stop! Stop! It’s me. I’m Zack Morris.

Ken Kelly: Nice try kid. But Zack is a skinny little nerd.

Zack: No I’m not! That skinny little nerd is my friend pretending to be me. I got my
license to prove it!

Ken Kelly: Well folks! The real Zack Morris has finally arrived!... let’s go one with the
contest!

Zack: Just ask me anything I’m ready.

Ken Kelly: Just answer these 3 question and the trip to Hawaii is yours!

Zack: I’m packed and ready to go!

Ken Kelly: Question number one, On December 7, 1941 this naval base was attacked by
the Japanese.

Zack: Pearl Harbor on the island of Oahu, west of Honolulu.

Ken Kelly: CORRECT!

Zack: YES!

Ken Kelly: Question number two, It’s a northern beach where surfers all over the world
come to hang ten!... name it!

Zack: Pipe Line on Sunset Beach.

Ken Kelly. Correct again. Zack Morris you are two for two. Now before the big question
number three lets pause for this announcement!

(inside the Detention Room... entering scene shows Mr. Belding throwing away the
destroyed Bonzai)

Mr. Belding: Zack this is detention! NO NAPPING!

Lisa: I don’t think he’s feeling well!

Screech: Your right! You should see how pale and bony he looks!

Tori: What Screech means he’s been studying alot lately. It’s hard keeping a tan in the
library!

Mr. Belding: HA! HA!... Zack doesn’t even know where the library is! NOW WAKE UP!

Slater: Don’t wake up Sir. He can be very grouchy!

Mr. Belding: I said no sleeping.

(Mr. Belding pulls the “Zack’s” collar and finds out it’s a skeleton)

Screech: YOU TYRANT! you starved him to death!

Mr. Belding: I think I know what’s going on here! No one leaves until I get back!

(Mr. Belding leaves the room)

(At The Max)

Ken Kelly: Now for the third and final question, This ancient is practiced in Hawaii and it
involves pruning miniature trees. Name this art form!

Zack: Ah! wait! I know this!... it’s that stupid little Belding was playing with!... it’s a bon
bon “bolshoy”,

Ken Kelly: AHH! Sorry! you lose dude. We still need a winner.... the next person that
walks in through that door and answers this question wins it all!!!

(Belding walks in)

Mr. Belding: There you are!

Ken Kelly: And theres our new contestant!

Mr. Belding: What?!..who are you?!

Ken Kelly: I’m rappin’ Ken Kelly and if you can tell us what ancient hobby involves
pruning miniature trees, you win a trip for two to Hawaii!

Mr. Belding: That’s easy, Bonzai.

Zack: BONZAI!.. I knew it!

Ken Kelly: We got a winner!... and finally I get to get out of here!

Mr. Belding: I won?! This is the perfect anniversary gift!

Zack: Yeah, yeah... happy anniversary.

Mr. Belding: Ahh Zack! I owe it all to you!... and I thought you were just trying to get out
of detention!

(as they walk out of The Max)

Zack (disappointed): Oh no sir. I was doing this all for you. I took weeks of planning.
Now maybe you could do me a favor in return.

Mr. Belding: Ummm... I’ll think about it. IN DETENTION!