(The Philadelphia 76ers beat the Brooklyn Nets 121-101.)

(Ralph & Ed just came from the game in Philadelphia.)

Alice: “Well, how was the game?”

Ed: “It was a dark, dark day.”

Ralph: “I can’t believe it. I wanted to celebrate the Nets winning with my five Philadelphia cheese stakes.”

Ed: “That is in addition to the five Ralph had.”

Ralph: “I thought we would win like Ricky Balboa.”

Ed: “Sylvester Stallone would have been proud.”

Ralph: “At least we got the Knicks tonight. Let’s hope they win. Even though I wanted to celebrate like Rocky by running up the stairs right by the Rocky statue and yell: ‘YO ADRIAN!’”

Ed: “If you did that Ralph, the whole world would hear you right before you collapsed and looked like a whale.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The NY Knicks beat the Cleveland Cavaliers 101-97.)

(Ralph & Ed are playing pool on Sunday.)

Ed: “Ralphie boy, how about that Knicks game, huh? The Knicks sure beat Cleveland.”

Ralph: “Yes, the Nets may have lost but the Knicks won. Boy, we need to have the Knicks face the Nets in the second round.”

Ed: “This place needs a NBA title. The first since 1973.”

Raloh: “Too bad that they couldn’t get it with Patrick Ewing.”

Ed: “That is too bad.”

(Ed blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ralph: “We all agree that the Knicks or Nets should win.”

Ed: “What it would be like if your mother-in-law rooted against the teams?”

Ralph: “That would be so like her. She has such an angry mouth. Name me one person who has an angrier mouth than her.”

Ed: “You.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami crowds are the best. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The Philadelphia 76ers beat the Brooklyn Nets 96-84.)

(Ed meets up with Ralph at the locker room of the Gotham Bus Company.)

Ed: “What a bad game last night Ralph.”

Ralph: “I agree. If the Nets lose game 3, they will have a tall task to follow.”

Ed: “I want to see the Knicks face the Nets in the next round.”

Ralph: “Now, if the Nets do win this round, I sooo think they should do what Rocky did and run to the Rocky statue and yell: ‘YO ADRIAN!’ Just like Sylvester Stallone.”

(Ed hums the Rocky theme.)

(Ralph gets up and dances like he did in Mama Loves Mambo.)

Ed: “Or the Nets can swim in the Philly sewers and when they come out, they can yell: ‘YO ADRIAN!’”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Too bad that Rocky wasn’t filmed and set in Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: “That is true.”

(They both sing a song about why Ricky should’ve been filmed in Miami Beach.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. THE MIAMI BEACH CROWDS ARE THR BEST!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The Cleveland Cavaliers beat the NY Knicks 107-90.)

(Ralph meets Ed by his manhole.)

Ed: “What a lousy game last night Ralph. Our Knicks lost.”

Ralph: “At least the series is tied. We need a NY team in the finals. Hasn’t happened in 20 years.”

Ed: “Twenty long years. Not to mention the fact that the Knicks last won the NBA title in 1973.”

Ralph: “You know, I feel like the little kid in the movie Crooklyn who is obsessed with his Knicks winning the NBA title. That 1994 movie was set in the 70s.”

Ed: “Makes me feel old.”

Ralph: “makes me feel old too. Face it pal, we’re both getting old. But hopefully not too old for us to see one of our teams win the NBA title.”

Ed: “If I was a basketball player, I would take the NBA cup with me down the sewer.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “We would do great things if we had that trophy.”

(They both sing a song about what they would do if they had the NBA title. After that, Criwd cheers.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thsnk you. Once again, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The Philadelphia 76ers beat the Brooklyn Nets 102-97.)

(Ralph paces in the Kramden apartment.)

Alice: “Ralph. I know that you are upset about the Nets. But, you should be restful that they still have one more chance.”

Ralph: “You don’t understand Alice. I want the Knicks and Nets to advance. I want them to meet in the third round. That will guarantee that one NY area team will go to the Finals.”

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “Whaddaya say folks?”

Ralph: “that was a bad game.”

Ed: “Hey, look at the bright side, if they come back and win the series, they can run to the Rocky statue and yell: ‘YO ADRIAN!’ Too bad that we don’t have anyone named Rocky on the team.”

Ralph: “Yes, if that happens, I WILL DO THAT.”

(Alice laughs.)

Alice: “If you do that, that would be hilarious.”

Ed: “You will get knocked out before you run up the stairs.”

Ralph (yells): “YOU WANT TO GET KOED NORTON? GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The NY Knicks beat the Cleveland Cavaliers 99-79.)

(Ralph & Ed are in the Kramden kitchen.)

Ralph: “What a great game last night Norton. The Knicks clobbered the Cavs.”

Ed: “99 pernts. 20 pernts difference. That wasn’t a blitz. That was a BLOUTZ.”

(Both laugh.)

Ed: “That proves that a NY team has a fighting chance of getting the NBA title.”

Ralph: “50 years after their last one boy. They deserve it.”

Ed: “Maybe they will play the Heat later on in the tournament.”

Ralph: “I hope they do. Get to play near that fun-and-sun capital of the world, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “You know, me and my fellow sewer workers played basketball down in the sewer only for the ball to get washed away.”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, you are a real character. Everyone should know how to play basketball.”

(They sing a song about everyone needing to know how to play basketball.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The Philadelphia 76ers won the Eastern Conference Semifinals, 4 games to 9, by beating the Brooklyn Nets 96-88.)

(Ralph is sitting at the stoop of the apartment building. Ed joins him.)

Ed: “What a lousy game Ralph.”

Ralph: “The Nets got squashed.”

Ed: “Good thing that we still got the Knicks.”

Ralph: “Yeah.”

Ed: “Even though we all wanted the Knicks to face the Nets in the next round, it ain’t gonna happen. Poor little Nets. Ain’t good for nothing.”

Ralph: “Well, at least we got the Knicks like we said.”

Ed: “Hey, if Philadelphia wins it all, we can celebrate.”

Ralph (standing up): “What do you mean?”

Ed: “Philadelphia is the birthplace of our nation so we can all chant: ‘USA! USA! USA! YO ADRIAN!”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed goes upstairs.)

Ralph (to himself): “He’s a mental case.”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The NY Knicks beat the Cleveland Cavaliers 102-93.)

(Ralph & Ed watched the game from Ed’s apartment.)

Ed: “Boy, those Knicks pounced those Cavs.”

Ralph: “Yes, now they have a commanding 3-1 lead. ha ha ha.”

Ed: “Those Cavs are nothing without LeBrin James.”

Ralph: “Boy, how I wished we played against him.”

Ed: “Maybe teach him a few pointers.”

Ralph: “I can feel it. This is gonna be the first time since 1973 that a NY team is going to win it all.”

Ed: “What about the Miami Heat? They may win it all.”

Ralph: “Yeah, they might down near that fun-and-sun capital of the world, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “Too bad that the Knicks can’t play the Heat in the finals due to the NBA rules.”

Ralph: “But, I would so love to play basketball in Miami.”

Ed: “You would probably faint on the court by running for one second.”

Ralph (yells): “OK NORTON! LETS GO! PUT ‘EM UP!”

(Ralph chases Ed all over the apartment.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The NY Knicks won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 1, by beating the Cleveland Cavaliers 106-95.)

(Ralph & Ed just watched the game from the Kramden apartment.)

Ralph: “The Knicks did it Norton. They beat Cleveland.”

Ed: “Now they wait for the Milwaukee/Miami series.”

Ralph: “I want them to face Miami. They will have the joy of being near that fun-and-sun capital of the world, Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “Why do they call the Milwaukee team, the Bucks? Why don’t they call them the deer?”

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: “Norton, you are a mental case. The Milwaukee Deer. They call them that because that is another word for deer.”

Ed: “You not only called me a mental case, you got me all mixed up.”

Ralph: “Now the series has reached the next level.”

Ed: “If they face the Heat, it’s a win-win.”

Ralph: “How can you say that?”

Ed: “I’m a Heat fan.”

Ralph (yells): “WHAT? YOU ARE A FAN OF THE HEAT? GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph & Ed just emerged from Fascination Bar & Grill. They are upset.)

Ed: “What a lousy game Raloh.”

Ralph: “Yes I agree. The Knicks lost to the Heat. Now they are down by one game.”

Ed: “They can come back.”

Ralph: “They certainly can and they are lucky to be near Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “Boy, I would love to be down there rooting on the Knicks.”

Ralph: “Me too. But even if the Knicks lost, at least we will be down at Miami Beach.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “With you down there on the beach, people may think you are a beached whale.”

Ralph: “You are a riot.”

Ed: “But even if the Knicks lost, it can be good.”

Ralph: “How could you say that?”

Ed: “Very simple. I’m a Heat fan too.”

Ralph (yells): “WHAT? GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!”

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph & Ed enter in Fascination Bar & Grill.)

Ralph: “Wgat a game.” (yells): “GO KNICKS!”

Ed (yells): “DIPPY-DEE!”

Ralph: “Those Knicks really came back and won.”

Ed: “I thought that the Heat would scorch the Knicks.”

Ralph: “But they didn’t. Now, they get to play near that fun and sun capital of the world, Miami Beach. I would love to be there.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: “The Knicks will have a tough task beating the Heat in their home town.”

Ralph: “Yeah, but they thrive on adversity. They are at their best when they are under pressure. As am I.”

Ed: “Of course. You BRIVE A DUS.”

Ralph: “Oooh, you are a riot Norton for reminding me of that.”

Ed: “How about the story that you fainted when you were really behind in playing pool?”

Ralph (yells): “ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!”

Ed: “Well, I think that now people like us. People like basketball players do their best under pressure.”

Ralph: “You are so right.”

(They both sing a song about basketball players being at their best while under pressure with people dancing in the background.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph just watched the game at Target.)

Ed: “What a bad game. They lost by 19 pernts.”

Ralph: “Now that the Knicks really have to kick it in high gear. They have to win at least one game in Miami.”

Ed: “Just think, we had both NY area NBA teams in the playoffs and all three NHL teams in the playoffs and now we have one basketball team and one hockey team.”

Ralph: “What rotten luck.”

Ed: “In the beginning, the Knicks had a 100% chance. Now, down three games to 2, they have a…a pretty bad chance.”

Ralph: “I don’t want to meet that poor, misguided soul Joe Fenstablau on Monday. He will really rub it in. If there is one thing I hate, it’s when a person rubs it in.”

Ed: “You mean when you do it?”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT OF HERE!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph enters the Gotham Bus Company locker room.)

Ralph: “Hello guys!“

Joe Fenstablau: “Well Ralph, looks like your Knicks lost.”

Ralph: “Yes and they are now down three games to one. I was so upset.”

Joe: “I bet that you were Ralph.”

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: “Whaddaya say gents?”

Joe: “I bet that you two were upset that the Knicks lost.”

Ed: “Yes. Ralph was so upset I thought he would collapse and fall through the floor.”

Ralph (yells): “ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT!”

Joe: “I think we all know that the Heat will win it all.”

Ralph: “I beg to differ. If the Knicks win, you treat me to dinner but if the Knicks lose, I will treat you.”

Joe: “It’s a bet. See ya!”

(Joe leaves.)

Ralph: “Joe will lose.”

Ed: “By the way Ralph, when you cook don’t do what you did the last two times which was eat the food and then drink all the beer.”

(Everyone in the room laughs.)

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT! GET OUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Tgank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

(The girls are waiting for the boys. It is past 12a.)

Alice: “Imagune our boys Trixie,staying out this late to celebrate the Knicks win.”

Trixie: “They got some nerve staying out this late. Whenever we go out for dinner with them, by 8p they claim that they are tired and they have to get up early.”

Ralph & Ed (from the hallway, singing loudly and off-key): “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS/WEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS…”

(They enter.)

Ralph & Ed (singing loudly and off-key): “…OF THE WORLD.”

Alice (yells): “SHUT UP!”

Ralph: “Alice, this is our night to howl. The Knicks extended their season and we know that they will win it all.”

Trixie: “Boy, look at our boys. They have so much knowledge about sports.”

Ed: “We just know that they will. The Knicks played their hearts out.”

Ralph: “Just like I do.”

(The girls laugh.)

Ralph: “Don’t get cute girls. I am NEVER lazy.”

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph: “Oh, you are ALL gone. You are all gone. You are WAY OUT THERE.”

Alice: “Ralph, if you’re not lazy, what about that stomach.”

Ralph: “That is a very low chest.”

Ed: “Anyway, we have tactics that will keep the Heat from winning such as coming onto the court and stopping the Heat from making basket.”

Ralph: “By the way, I was going to say to the Knicks that I wanted to play basketball but I was too short.”

Ed: “You know what they will say?”

Ralph: “What?”

Ed: “You are tooo fat.”

Ralph (yells): “GEEEEEEEEEET OUT!”

(The Nortons leave.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph & Ed (from the hallway, singing loudly and off-key): “WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS/WEEEE ARE THE CHAMPIONS…”



Not yet guys, we still have 2 more basketball games to win to defeat those Heat, let alone Champions!

(The Miami Heat won the Eastern Conference Quarterfinals, 4 games to 2, by beating the NY Knicks 96-92.)

(Ralph just saw the game and he is upset. Alice comforts him.)

Alice: “Ralph, I know how you must feel. I know how much you wanted a NY NBA team to win the NBA title as well as a NY NHL team to win the Cup especially since all five teams qualified and they lost. But, there is always next year Ralph and the year after. I bet you will finally get your wish.”

Ralph: “You are right Alice.”

(Ed comes down. He blows his nose out of sadness.)

Ed: “Whaddaya say they’re Ralph and Alice? Listen Ralph, let’s look on the bright side of things. There is always next year. I bet that one of these days, the Knicks fifty year long championship drought will end, the Nets wil finally get their title after all of those decades, the Devils will finally end their twenty year long drought, the Rangers will end their thirty year long drought and the Islanders will end their forty. They will get their titles even though they are in their respective decades long droughts of…”

Ralph (yells): “OUUUUUUUUUUUUT!”

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “I just want to say that i hope the Heat win the title for your sakes.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: “Good night everyone.”

(Crowd cheers.)

Too bad, Gannooch. Are you going to write sketches for any of the NBA or NHL playoff series still remaining, or do Ralph and Ed abide to strictly the NY teams?

Thank you. I only do these for the NY area teams. However every now and then, I may have Ed say “I’m a (team’s name) fan” just for comedic effect so Raloh can kick him out.

Ralph and Ed are fired up the Mets took 2/3 from those Rays.