Frank Gannucci
10-28-2022, 07:30 AM
A Honeymooners Halloween:
(The Norton’s and Kramdens enter for the Raccoon Halloween Costume Party. Trixie is dressed as a sailor. Alice is dressed as an 14-year-old girl. Ed is a French Fry.)
Ed: “Wait until everyone sees the costume I got Ralph. Ralph, come on out.”
(Ralph comes out dressed as a hamburger. People laugh. Ralph is furious.)
Ralph: “Norton, you certainly are a stupe. Why did you get me this costume?”
Ed: “It was the only costume that they had in XXXXXXXL.”
Ralph: “People see me walking down the street and they laugh at me.”
Alice: “Yes and you gave them an obscene gesture.”
Ralph: “It’s a good thing that those parents of yours Alice are not coming here.”
Trixie: “Ralph, I beg to differ.”
(Alice’s parents arrive. Alice’s Mom is dressed as Taylor Swift. Alice’s Dad is dressed as Popeye. Everyone exchanges hellos.)
Alice’s Mom: “Take a look at Ralph’s costume…HAHAHAHA!”
Ralph: “Boy, are you going to get it.”
Alice: “Ralph, just be lucky you got a costume. Just be lucky that you have a chance to win $9,000.”
Alice’s Mom: “You mean a chance to NOT win money.”
Ralph: “You are crazy. You and that costume and you at your age should be ashamed of yourself.”
Alice’s Mom: “And YOU shouldn’t?”
Ed: “Yeah and you Ralph didn’t make any bad decisions?”
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
(Everyone goes to sit down for dinner as Ralph motions to Alice that he claims he wants to take one swing at Alice’s Mom.)
(Later on, the Head Raccoon comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “Time to introduce the top candidates for the best costume. We have Mrs. Gibson.”
(Alice’s Mother comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “And Ralph Kramden.”
(Ralph comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “We chose these two because of their Taylor Swift and hamburger costumes. Sit down you two on these stools.”
(They do. Ralph’s stool breaks and because of his costume he has an extremely hard time getting up. People laugh.)
Head Raccoon: “The winner is Alice’s Mother.”
(Cousin Leo comes by.)
Cousin Leo: “Hello everyone. Am I too late for the eats?”
Alice’s Mom: “You may be but not too late to see my big, fat, loser of a son-in-law make a fool of himself.”
(Ralph gets up.)
Cousin Leo: “Ralph, it’s…” (slapping Ralph on the back): “…GOOD to see YA.”
Ralph (to Alice’s Mom): “YOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH! A BLABBERMOUTH!”
(Those two have an argument with everyone trying to separate them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Criwd cheers.)
(The Norton’s and Kramdens enter for the Raccoon Halloween Costume Party. Trixie is dressed as a sailor. Alice is dressed as an 14-year-old girl. Ed is a French Fry.)
Ed: “Wait until everyone sees the costume I got Ralph. Ralph, come on out.”
(Ralph comes out dressed as a hamburger. People laugh. Ralph is furious.)
Ralph: “Norton, you certainly are a stupe. Why did you get me this costume?”
Ed: “It was the only costume that they had in XXXXXXXL.”
Ralph: “People see me walking down the street and they laugh at me.”
Alice: “Yes and you gave them an obscene gesture.”
Ralph: “It’s a good thing that those parents of yours Alice are not coming here.”
Trixie: “Ralph, I beg to differ.”
(Alice’s parents arrive. Alice’s Mom is dressed as Taylor Swift. Alice’s Dad is dressed as Popeye. Everyone exchanges hellos.)
Alice’s Mom: “Take a look at Ralph’s costume…HAHAHAHA!”
Ralph: “Boy, are you going to get it.”
Alice: “Ralph, just be lucky you got a costume. Just be lucky that you have a chance to win $9,000.”
Alice’s Mom: “You mean a chance to NOT win money.”
Ralph: “You are crazy. You and that costume and you at your age should be ashamed of yourself.”
Alice’s Mom: “And YOU shouldn’t?”
Ed: “Yeah and you Ralph didn’t make any bad decisions?”
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
(Everyone goes to sit down for dinner as Ralph motions to Alice that he claims he wants to take one swing at Alice’s Mom.)
(Later on, the Head Raccoon comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “Time to introduce the top candidates for the best costume. We have Mrs. Gibson.”
(Alice’s Mother comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “And Ralph Kramden.”
(Ralph comes on stage.)
Head Raccoon: “We chose these two because of their Taylor Swift and hamburger costumes. Sit down you two on these stools.”
(They do. Ralph’s stool breaks and because of his costume he has an extremely hard time getting up. People laugh.)
Head Raccoon: “The winner is Alice’s Mother.”
(Cousin Leo comes by.)
Cousin Leo: “Hello everyone. Am I too late for the eats?”
Alice’s Mom: “You may be but not too late to see my big, fat, loser of a son-in-law make a fool of himself.”
(Ralph gets up.)
Cousin Leo: “Ralph, it’s…” (slapping Ralph on the back): “…GOOD to see YA.”
Ralph (to Alice’s Mom): “YOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH! A BLABBERMOUTH!”
(Those two have an argument with everyone trying to separate them.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!”
(Criwd cheers.)