WARNING: This might take a while to read through.

CAST:

TVLegend - Chad Barnes
Melissa Claire Egan - Tiffany Barnes
Wawwie - Samantha Munson
opus - Jeffrey Munson
IllinoisTVFan - Whitney Kimble
Scott Bailey - Elvin Kimble
Bonniegirl - April Hicks
David Faustino - Gregory “Greg” Barnes
Jason Thompson - Bob Hicks
Kirby Bliss Blanton - London
TVFactFan - Cedric “Daddy Barnes” Barnes
Rome Flynn - Male Flight Attendant
Unknown Actor - Gay Man on Train
Unknown Actor #2 - Other Gay Man on Train
Unknown Actress - Teacher


*As we open, “Unsteady” by X Ambassadors is playing while we get an aerial shot of the outside. Once the music stops, Whitney is shown giving a lecture in some building*

Emma (Female Student #1): Dr. Kimble, I was reading your book titled The Marriage Game, and I wanted to know if you and your group of friends still do vacations.

Teacher: I’m sorry, Emma, but Dr. Kimble is here to talk about her new book, The Remarriage Game.

Whitney: Yes, I am. Speaking of The Marriage Game, Emma, that book has been nominated this year for the Psychology Digest award.

*Everyone gives Whitney a round of applause*

Whitney: Thank you. Anyways, to answer your question, yes, we still do vacations. As a matter of fact, I’m leaving right after the lecture to meet my friends. How many of you have not read The Marriage Game yet?

*A couple of people raise their hands*

Whitney: Well, The Marriage Game is a book I did a little over a year ago based on a study I did with my friends, with their permission, of course. And this is something we still do every year. You see, there are four couples, and we take a seven day vacation anywhere we choose, and while we’re on the vacation, we play what I call the marriage game. We do exercises to strengthen our relationships, we pray and meditate together, and do whatever it is to support one another. This year, my friend’s father is inviting us to a retreat, and I hope that it brings us closer together. It seems that Chad and Tiffany are close enough as it is. I mean, they have a great understanding with each other.

*Chad and Tiffany are shown on a snow road in a truck*

Tiffany: Chad, honey, maybe we shouldn’t have left Brennon all alone at home. He’s just getting over that cold.

Chad: Tiffany, for the last time, Brennon’s fine. He’ll be alright.

Tiffany: How can you be so sure?

Chad: I know, okay? Dad’s just…know.

Tiffany: Yeah, right. Just like you knew it was okay for him to play soccer on the coldest day of the year.

Chad: Yeah, yeah. Can we please stop the arguing? I’m driving here.

Tiffany: I’m not trying to argue. It’s simple. I’m in the right, and you’re in the wrong.

*Chad rolls his eyes*

Chad: Okay, baby. Okay.

*Tiffany’s phone rings*

Chad: You’re not gonna answer that, are you?

Tiffany: Umm…yeah. It’s my phone.

*Tiffany answers the phone*

Tiffany (on the phone): Hello, Wanda? Yeah, did you get the information on the case? Okay, great. Please e-mail it to me and I’ll check it when we get to where we’re going.

Chad: No, you will not. We’re on a vacation.

Tiffany (on the phone): Shh! No, I wasn’t talking to you, Wanda. I was talking to Chad. Uh-huh. Yeah, I get it.

Chad: Tiffany, please hang up. You’ve been taking calls nonstop ever since we got on the road.

Tiffany (on the phone): Thanks, Wanda. Bye bye.

*Tiffany hangs up*

Tiffany (furious): What the hell was that?!

Chad: It was me wanting to spend quality time with my wife.

Tiffany: What kind of quality time are we gonna share in a truck?

Chad: Well, we could have sex, but then again, I don’t feel like pulling over.

*Tiffany sighs*

Tiffany: Anyways, you are a total control freak.

Chad: Tiffany, please don’t start with that. I am behind the wheel. Don’t make us have our first car accident. I have no control issues.

Tiffany: Bullcrap. I mean, we’ve been in here for hours and all I wanted to do was get some work done, but no, you own me, so I must obey you.

Chad: The reason we’ve been in here for hours is because I want to spend some time with you. When was the last time we spent this much time together?

Tiffany: Sweetie, we both work 12 hour days. You know that.

Chad: See, that’s where you’re wrong. You work 12 hours a day, I don’t. I’m home by 5.

Tiffany: So am I, occasionally.

Chad: Listen, Tiffany. Ya got these e-mails coming in all the time, you have the phone ringing in your ear 24/7, so by the time I propose to get busy with you, you’re already worn out. Not to mention that you hardly have time for Brennon.

Tiffany: What are you trying to say, Chad? I AM a good mother.

Chad: I didn’t say you weren’t. I’m saying that your priorities are in the wrong place. That’s all I’m saying, honey.

Tiffany: Okay, if you say so.

*Tiffany picks up her phone and starts texting*

Chad: Did you listen to a WORD that I just said? We were holding a conversation, and there you go getting on your phone. Hello?!

Tiffany: Yes! I hear you.

Chad: Well, damn. I guess so, you have ears, huh? I get that you hear me, but are you listening?

Tiffany: God, yes! There, ya happy?

Chad: No, I’ll be happy when I get some ass.

*Tiffany rolls her eyes while Chad laughs*

Chad: I’m just kidding, baby. Don’t take everything so seriously.

Tiffany: Since you wanted it this way, it’s just you and me this weekend, okay? Just you and me. I’m sure you’re pleased.

*Chad slowly shakes his head*

Chad: This is gonna be one hell of a vacation.

*Whitney is shown giving her lecture again*

Male Student: Dr. Kimble, I was kinda worried about the April and Bob characters. Are they still together or…what happened?

Whitney: Ya know, I really don’t like to talk about my friends very often, but yes, they are still together and married.

Male Student: Okay. They happily married or what?

Whitney: Umm…

*April, Bob, and April’s friend, London are shown getting on an airplane*

London: April, I’m so excited. Thank you so much for inviting me.

April: Oh, it’s no problem. Now, I get that there’s a big age difference between you and me-

Bob: A BIG, BIG age difference.

*Bob laughs*

April: But I’m sure you’ll get along with my friends just fine. You need a vacation.

*London and Bob have a seat in one row while April crams herself in the row in front of them. There is a man sitting to the right of London while April is sitting in the middle of two people, one man and one woman.

London: Hold on, April. This isn’t right. You need to sit here. Come sit by your husband.

Bob: Oh, no. Absolutely not. You stay in your seat, London. April will be just fine FAR away from me. Besides, we got assigned seats for a reason.

London: Well, okay. Be happy…and comfortable.

*The man sitting next to April gets up and goes to talk to the flight attendant*

April: London, I cannot wait to introduce you to some fine, single men your age on those mountains.

*London rolls her eyes*

London: Please stop talking to me about that, April. You’re boring me. Like I said, I don’t need a boyfriend.

Bob: She’s right.

London: I’m fine just the way I am, okay?

April: Well, okay. Sure.

Bob: Say, can you two shut up? I’m trying to rest my nerves. London, just ignore April.

April: What?

Bob: I wasn’t talking to you!

*A male flight attendant approaches April*

April: Can I help you?

Male Flight Attendant: Umm…I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have a very full flight today.

April: Well, yeah, I realize that. I bought the tickets months ago.

*The male flight attendant nods his head*

Male Flight Attendant: Okay, I understand, but it’s the airplane’s policy for someone…your size to have two seats.

April: Excuse me?

Male Flight Attendant: I said-

April: Nevermind, I heard you the first time.

*April turns and looks at Bob*

Bob: Don’t look over here. I’ll slap that silly look off your face.

London: Bob!

Bob: Bob, nothing.

London: You don’t have to be so mean.

Bob: It’s all her fault. I told her lazy, fat ass to lose weight months ago. But, no. She’d rather be watching TV or on her phone all day, munching on some popcorn with some hot sauce and mustard and ketchup and mayonnaise and jelly and syrup all on it.

*Bob laughs*

Bob: It’s hilarious. Karma is real.

London: April, don’t worry. I’ll give up my seat. Just-

Bob: No, you won’t. That’s not gonna do any good. That’s not gonna teach her to engage in physical activity. And if you do that, it’ll only make me feel uncomfortable.

*Bob gets out his wallet and hands April $100*

Bob: There. That’s $100. Now I want you to drive. You’re always complaining about not getting enough me time, so driving will be just perfect for you. Go talk and sing to the Lord while you get behind the wheel.

April: Well, this is only $100.

*Bob nods his head*

Bob: Well, yeah, I know. I’m not stupid. I didn’t say go buy a Snickers and a Hershey’s bar and a Twix and the rest of your fat lady snacks. $100 might not be much, but it’s enough for gas. And if it isn’t, then…oh, well. Goodbye.

London: Bob-

Bob: What? I didn’t say anything to you. I was talking to my wife, and my wife will be fine. Driving the weight off isn’t gonna kill her.

London: She doesn’t owe you anything.

Bob: And neither do you, so shut your trap and do as I say, woman!

Male Flight Attendant: Sorry, but it looks like I’m gonna have to ask you to deplane, ma’am.

*April slowly emerges from the seat in disbelief*

London: Are you okay, April?

*April slowly nods her head*

April: I’ll be fine.

*April wipes a tear from her eye and grabs her purse and bag before deplaning*

Bob: Love you!

*Bob clears his throat*

Bob (under his breath): When you’re not in my presence, that is.

London: Stop it! You’ve said enough.

*We are switched back to Whitney giving her lecture*

Female Student #2: Dr. Kimble, I find it strange that a woman as educated and smart as you could have a friend like Samantha.

*Elvin enters the room*

Whitney: That’s understandable, but you have to realize that my friend, Samantha is a cashier at a supermarket. Now, that might not sound like a lot, but she is very intelligent and passionate about her job.

Female Student #2: Well, what about her husband, Jeffrey? Doesn’t he sell shoes?

Whitney: Well, yes, but Samantha and Jeffrey are doing just fine to say that they have two children.

*A train is shown as we hear it’s horn blowing. Samantha and Jeffrey are then shown on the inside of it*

Samantha (loudly): I’m sick of putting up with your baby mother, Jeffrey!

Gay Man on Train: Do you guys mind?

Samantha (loudly): Just what in hell do you mean, “Do you guys mind”?! Haven’t you ever seen two married people arguing, you clear colored RuPaul?!

Other Gay Man on Train: Oh, snap! Girlfriend got attitude!

Gay Man on Train: I’m sayin’! She’s just butthurt ‘cause she doesn’t have booty like us.

*The two men give each other a high five*

Jeffrey: Please forgive my wife. She’s a little…tipsy.

Samantha (loudly): Oh, so now you’re apologizing for me?! Heh. I see how it is!

Jeffrey: Can you please keep your voice down?

Samantha: Let me think about that.

*Samantha clears her throat*

Samantha (loudly): Hell no!

Jeffrey: Why must you go all the way out to embarrass me?

Samantha: I don’t go all the way out. All you have to do is look in the mirror, Jeffrey. You are an embarrassment. Besides, I was perfectly calm until we dropped your kids off at Renee’s house.

Jeffrey: Renee’s their mother. What am I supposed to do?

Samantha (loudly): You’re supposed to man up and stop acting like I’m the insane one. She’s always rolling her eyes and talking to me like I’m in some mental hospital. I swear, Jeffrey. If Renee looks at me one more time all cross eyed, I’m gonna gut her like a damn fish!

Jeffrey: She never looked at you cross eyed.

Samantha (loudly): And just how would you know?! You weren’t even looking at her face. You were too busy checking out her plastic surgery ass!

Jeffrey: Samantha, could you keep quiet for a little while?

Samantha: And could you go to hell for a little while?

Jeffrey: I’m already there.

Samantha (loudly): What did you say?!

Jeffrey (nervously): Nothing, dear. Nothing.

Samantha: Really, Jeffrey. Do I have to get some work done for you to stare at my ass?

*Jeffrey shakes his head*

Jeffrey: No, baby. Just stop worrying about all that. You’re perfect.

Samantha: Then how come we haven’t had sex in almost three months?

Jeffrey: I’ve been busy.

Samantha: Doing what? Counting sheep? It’s time, Jeffrey. Please don’t tell me I can’t sexually attract you anymore.

Jeffrey: I said I don’t want to talk about this. We’ve been married for 15 years, and we will make it to 16 if you let us.

Samantha: I might not let us.

Other Gay Man on Train: Can you two keep it down? Our little puppy, Fluffy is trying to get some rest down here.

Samantha (loudly): Let me tell you something, I am talking to my man and I don’t need you interrupting! I don’t give a damn about any Fluffy! Who in hell names their DOG Fluffy?! That’s just crazy! It’s stupid! It’s idiotic!

*Jeffrey holds his head in embarrassment*

Samantha (loudly): And for the record, I heard you two make those little smart ass remarks about my behind! Do you really think my butt’s flat, because it’s not! It’s fat, in fact! Move, Jeffrey!

*Samantha gets up and approaches the two men*

Samantha (loudly): Didn’t your mother teach you a thing or two?! I know she taught you better than how you’re acting now! Do you believe these folks, Jeffrey?! I can’t believe I got on this hideous looking train just to save my damn marriage!

*We are switched back to Whitney giving her lecture*

Female Student #2: What about you and your husband, Dr. Kimble?

Whitney: What about us?

Female Student #2: Well, I know that you’re thriving and winning as a psychologist while you’re husband is UNEMPLOYED, so does that put on a strain on your marriage?

Whitney: Hmm. Well, why don’t you ask my husband yourself?

*Everyone turns and looks at Elvin*

Elvin: Umm, I don’t mean to leave everyone’s questions unanswered, but darling, we’re gonna be late for our flight.

Whitney: Oh, yes! Thank you, everyone, but I gotta get going.

*Everyone gives Whitney a round of applause as she and Elvin leave the room. Later, we are taken to the cabin where Daddy Barnes can be shown entering the living room*

Daddy Barnes: My goodness.

*Daddy Barnes picks up a picture of his dead wife, Fanny*

Daddy Barnes: Good afternoon, Fanny. Good afternoon to ya.

*Daddy Barnes puts the picture back*

Daddy Barnes: My, this place is dusty. And so am I, that’s why I’m not dusting anything.

*Daddy Barnes has a seat in one of the armchairs*

Dandy Barnes: The only thing I don’t like about this retreat so far is the dust. But to whom much is given, much is required. I can’t believe we got the kids coming through again. Yes, siree. My son and his wife and my other son and all their friends are coming. Yep.

*A couple of seconds later, Chad and Tiffany enter the cabin with bags and suitcases. They sit everything down on the side of the door*

Tiffany: We made it, Daddy Barnes!

Daddy Barnes: Well, I can see that. Hey, guys.

Chad: Hey, dad.

*Chad and Tiffany enter the living room. Daddy Barnes gets up*

Daddy Barnes: Well, if it isn’t my sports writer son and my attorney daughter-in-law.

Tiffany: Yes it is. Now come give your attorney daughter-in-law a big hug.

*Tiffany approaches Daddy Barnes and gives him a hug*

Tiffany: You’re looking good, darling.

Daddy Barnes: I know. Believe me, I know.

*Daddy Barnes sits back down while Tiffany sits on the couch*

Tiffany: So how have you been doing, Daddy Barnes?

Daddy Barnes: Pretty good. I can’t complain.

Chad: Are you taking your insulin, Daddy Barnes?

Daddy Barnes: If I wasn’t, I wouldn’t be sitting here talking to you.

Chad: Well, okay. Good to hear. I’ll be watching you.

Daddy Barnes: Go watch them bags and suitcases. Put ‘em up, ‘cause everybody’s coming.

Chad: I know.

*Chad brings the bags and suitcases upstairs*

Tiffany: I’m glad to hear that you’re taking care of yourself, Daddy Barnes. You know, Chad has wanted me to take a breather ever since we hit the road.

Daddy Barnes: Well, that’s my son. He’s always been a worrier. I remember when he was in the 7th Grade, he was begging and begging his mother to take him home one day on a count of he had an upset stomach and was worried that he would have an “accident” during P.E.

*Tiffany laughs*

Tiffany: Really?

*Daddy Barnes nods his head*

Daddy Barnes: Yeah.

Chad (upstairs): I heard that!

Daddy Barnes: I was hoping you did!

*Tiffany laughs. A couple of seconds later, Chad comes back downstairs*

Tiffany: Chad, will you look at this place? It is wonderful.

Chad: I know. It’s just a little dusty, that’s all.

Daddy Barnes: Chad, I sure miss your mother.

Chad: I know, Daddy Barnes. I miss her, too.

*Chad sits in the other armchair*

Tiffany: What do you miss about her, Daddy Barnes? Is it her eyes, her hair, or her laugh?

Daddy Barnes: No, it’s none of that. I miss the way she used to clean up.

Tiffany: Oh.

Chad: Really, dad?

Daddy Barnes: What? I do. The smell of Pine-Sol would fill the air.

Tiffany: Oh, come on, Daddy Barnes. You know that we don’t mind helping you clean up around this place. You know, without Miss Fanny, I don’t know if me and Chad’s marriage would have made it. She gave the best advice, next to Whitney.

Daddy Barnes: I know, I know. That’s why I tell the young folks today, I say “If you’re having trouble with your marriage, turn to the elders.” But no one listens anymore.

Chad: Isn’t that the truth?

Tiffany: Speaking of marriage, I am a little concerned about April and Bob.

Chad: Why is that?

Tiffany: Oh, come on, Chad. Let’s face it. They’ve been having lots of problems lately.

Chad: Well, that’s funny. I just talked to Bob the other day and he said he just got a new contract with the state. You know, his construction business is one of the largest businesses in the city.

Tiffany: True, but I’m not talking about their money situation. I’m talking about their relationship. You know, April has been so miserable and so stressed out that she’s gained almost 100 pounds.

Daddy Barnes: A mere 1 pound ain’t so bad.

Tiffany: I said nearly 100 pounds, Daddy Barnes. 100 pounds.

Daddy Barnes (shocked): What?!

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: Yeah. You know, the big number after 99?

Daddy Barnes: April gained almost 100 pounds?

Tiffany: That’s what I said.

Daddy Barnes: My god! Each of her breasts must be the size of an Olsen twin.

Chad: Dad!

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Daddy Barnes: What? Let’s face it. The woman wasn’t very skinny to begin with, so her boobs have gotta feed a nation.

*Daddy Barnes laughs again*

Tiffany: Daddy Barnes! Would you stop it?!

Daddy Barnes: I bet when she tries to run, she sweats Rice Krispies Treats.

*Daddy Barnes laughs again*

Chad: Dad, that is enough!

Daddy Barnes: Alright. I’ll stop before she belly slams me.

*Chad and Tiffany roll their eyes*

Daddy Barnes: Listen, Tiffany. If you wanna help April, give her the advice that Fanny gave you.

Chad: Daddy Barnes is right, honey. Don’t worry. I mean, we’ve all been friends for about 20 years, and if anybody knows April, you do.

Tiffany: Well, I can’t say that we’ve all been friends. You know Samantha can’t stand Bob.

Daddy Barnes: She never could.

Chad: Please don’t start that up this year.

Tiffany: What? I’m just saying. You know that there’s gonna be great tension between them. I don’t know why, but Samantha is awfully suspicious of Bob.

Daddy Barnes: Well, didn’t he make April drive herself to the hospital when she was giving birth to their son, B.J.?

Chad: That doesn’t mean nothing. He had to work.

Tiffany: Yeah, right. He was off of work the whole time.

Chad: Well, I’ll try to talk to Bob.

Tiffany: Good. Chad, I see so many divorces almost every day, and I feel like I’m about to see another one. Sometimes I question why God has blessed us with such a great marriage.

Daddy Barnes: It’s because you acknowledge him and you know his worth and you keep him first.

Tiffany: Yeah, I guess so. We’re still in mad love after 11 years of marriage, huh, baby?

Chad: That’s right.

Daddy Barnes: I know why you guys are still in love.

Tiffany: Why is that?

Daddy Barnes: It’s because Chad takes after me. That’s exactly why you love him.

Tiffany: I suppose you’re right.

Daddy Barnes: Yup. Listen, I’m gonna put some tea on. So sit here and relax.

*Daddy Barnes gets up*

Tiffany: Oh, thank you, Daddy Barnes. Tea would hit the spot.

*Daddy Barnes goes into the kitchen. Chad then stands up*

Chad: Tiffany, are you ready to get started?

*Tiffany gets up*

Tiffany: Well, I guess so. All we have to do is a little dusting and sweeping, and we should be alright.

Chad: I’m not talking about dusting and sweeping. I’m talking about getting started in the bedroom.

Tiffany: Well, okay.

*Tiffany approaches Chad*

Tiffany: I like that idea a lot.

Chad: Great.

Tiffany: Wait a minute. Your father’s in the kitchen, isn’t he?

Chad: So? I don’t care. I wanna get back at him.

Tiffany: For what?

Chad: When I was growing up, dad and mom would always do it. Always. And their room was right next to mines. All I could hear was, “Oh, Cedric! Oh, you animal! Faster, faster! Woah! Slow down! Wait, no! Knock me up!”

*Tiffany laughs*

Chad: It was disgusting. I mean, I could never understand how two self respecting people could do something that degrading and gross. I had nightmares, you know?

Tiffany: Well, you’re not gonna have any dreams at this minute. We’ll do it later, okay?

Chad: Fine.

Tiffany: I wanna talk about how lucky I am to have an incredible and God-fearing man like you with me on this vacation. I love you, Chad.

Chad: I love you, too.

*Chad and Tiffany kiss*

Chad: Okay, on second thought, let’s get started.

Tiffany: Chad, stop! I don’t want to.

Chad: Come on, baby. Please!

Tiffany: The only kind of started we will get is cleaning up around here.

Chad: Well, can you at least give me a sneak peek?

Tiffany: What?

Chad: I said can you at least give me a sneak peek? You know, turn around and shake it for me or something.

Tiffany: Okay, fine! But make it quick. We’re cleaning afterwards.

Chad: Sure thing.

*Tiffany turns around and shakes her butt in front of Chad*

Chad: My, my, my! Shake it, honey! Shake it!

*A couple of seconds later, Daddy Barnes enters the room*

Daddy Barnes: That is absolutely disgusting.

*Tiffany stops after realizing that Daddy Barnes has entered the room*

Tiffany: Don’t hate the player, hate the game.

Chad: Don’t you have tea to put on?

Daddy Barnes: I put it on already. Now can you two please stop getting all over each other like ants in a doggone picnic basket?

*Chad and Tiffany start cleaning around the cabin while Daddy Barnes sits back down in the armchair*

Daddy Barnes: All of that ain’t right. The Bible says, “spare the decency, spoil the marriage.”

Chad (cleaning): The Bible doesn’t say that.

Daddy Barnes: No, but my Bible does.

Chad: Anyways, I talked to Gregory and he says he’s not bringing a new girl with him this year.

Tiffany: Thank the Lord. Every time he comes, he brings a “friend” with him. It’s nice to hear that this year will be an exception.

Chad: Tell me about it.

Daddy Barnes: You know, I wish that Greg would settle down and get married already.

Chad: So do I, but you know that Greg is what we like to call a free spirit.

Daddy Barnes: Well, we had a name for a free spirit when I was coming up: A wannabe gigolo.

Chad: Daddy Barnes!

Daddy Barnes: What? It’s the truth.

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Daddy Barnes: Think about it. Greg likes women to JIG for him real LOW.

*Daddy Barnes laughs again. Later, Chad enters the living room with a wine bottle and two glasses. Daddy Barnes can be seen sitting in one of the armchairs, reading a book*

Chad: Tiffany, I was thinking we could-

Daddy Barnes: Tiffany’s upstairs, sleeping.

*Chad sets the wine bottle and two glasses on the table*

Chad: Well, great. Just great.

Daddy Barnes: What’s wrong, my ******** Romeo?

Chad (frustrated): Dad, can you please stop using those kind of words toward me?! It is insulting and hurtful.

Daddy Barnes: Okay, bitch.

Chad (frustrated): Stop saying bitch. Don’t say that.

Daddy Barnes: Okay, big bitch.

*Chad sighs*

Chad (frustrated): Okay, can you stop…like now?!

Daddy Barnes: Whatever you say, dummy.

*Chad rolls his eyes*

Daddy Barnes: Oh, you don’t like that? Well, what about lamebrain, dimwit, nitwit, twit, idiot, moron?

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Daddy Barnes: I’m just messing with your mind, son.

Chad: More like messing with my life.

*Whitney and Elvin enter the cabin with bags and suitcases. Elvin takes them and puts them on the side of the door*

Whitney: Hey, everybody!

Chad: Hey, Whitney. How are you?

Whitney: I’m fine, Chad. How are you?

Chad: Great.

Whitney: That’s nice to hear.

*Whitney makes her way into the living room, approaches Chad, and gives him a hug*

Whitney: Hi, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Hey there, Whitney.

*Elvin enters the living room*

Chad: Hey, Elvin.

Elvin: Hey, pal.

*Chad and Elvin give each other a handshake*

Whitney: Where’s Tiffany?

Chad: She’s asleep, apparently.

Whitney: Well, we’ve gotta wake her up.

Chad: Now, Whitney, please don’t…

*Whitney rushes upstairs*

Chad (under his breath): Do that.

Elvin: Don’t pay her any mind, Chad. You know that’s Whitney.

*Chad and Elvin have a seat on the couch*

Chad: Elvin, man, I don’t know what to do with Tiffany. All she does is sleep and work, sleep and work.

Elvin: Hmm. You’re looking great, Chad.

Chad: Thank you.

Elvin: I’m glad me and Whitney beat the weather. They were delaying flights like crazy.

Chad: I know, man. I think Bob and April got delayed. They were supposed to beat us here.

Daddy Barnes: Thank god they didn’t. It wouldn’t be pretty to see April beat you and Tiffany and meat.

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Elvin: What?

Chad: Oh, that’s just a little lame joke he’s making since Tiffany mentioned April gaining weight.

*Elvin nods his head*

Elvin: Man, did you think that we’d make it to where we are today 15 to 20 years ago? I mean, your Tiffany’s an attorney, my Whitney’s a best-selling author, and I’m-

Chad: Without a job.

*Chad and Daddy Barnes laugh while Elvin sighs*

Daddy Barnes: That was a good one, son!

Elvin (angrily): That was NOT a good one, like at all. Everywhere I go, someone’s gotta say, “Oh, look at Whitney and look at you. You don’t have a job, do you?” Who cares if I don’t have a job?! Whitney loves me for who I am and she isn’t ashamed. Neither I am.

Chad: Elvin, calm down, man. I was joking. How are you gonna let a little joke get to you that badly?

Elvin: I’m sorry, Chad. I’m just pissed. It’s tiring. It’s very tiring. Anyways, enough about me. Let’s talk about you. When are you and Tiffany gonna have child number two?

Chad: You gotta talk to Tiffany about that. Aren’t you supposed to have at least three-

*Elvin looks at Chad with a ticked off look on his face*

Chad: I’m sorry, Elvin. I didn’t mean to go there.

Elvin: Oh, it’s okay. It’s fine. Say, who’s the wine for?

Chad: Well, it was for me and Tiffany, but you could help yourself to it.

Elvin: Thanks.

*Elvin picks up the wine bottle and one of the glasses from off the table and pours wine in it. Upstairs, Whitney is shown waking up Tiffany, who’s asleep in her bed*

Whitney: Wakey-wakey!

*Tiffany wakes up with a slightly fatigued and disoriented look on her face*

Tiffany (disoriented): Where…am I?

Whitney: You’re where you’ve been. It’s just that me and Elvin have arrived.

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany (disoriented): Oh. I see. I see you’re still the same pain in the butt after all this time for not letting me sleep.

Whitney: I wholeheartedly agree, and that’s why I’m not leaving until you get up. Now, come on. Get up.

*Tiffany laughs*

Tiffany: How are you?

Whitney: I’m fine.

*Tiffany and Whitney hug*

Tiffany: I guess I just dozed off for a second.

Whitney: It looks like it. Let me guess. You’ve been keeping busy, huh?

Tiffany: As ever. I’m defending a 16 year old on trial for a capital murder.

Whitney: Meanwhile, you are killing yourself with all this work.

Tiffany: You sound just like Chad. Did he tell you to come up here and tell me that?

*Whitney quickly shakes her head*

Whitney: Oh, no. I’m just saying. You look exhausted.

Tiffany: That’s why I needed this break.

*Whitney nods her head*

Whitney: Yeah.

Tiffany: It’s peaceful here.

Whitney: I agree.

*All of a sudden, a bunch of arguing can be heard downstairs*

Tiffany: Oh, no. Please don’t tell me it’s…

Whitney: Samantha and Jeffrey?

Tiffany: It’s gotta be. Their voices are very distinct.

Whitney: Well, so much for peace.

Tiffany: Tell me about it.

*Tiffany gets out of bed and leaves out of the room with Whitney. Samantha and Jeffrey are then shown entering the cabin with bags*

Samantha (loudly): Can you close the door?!

Jeffrey: You’re closer to the door!

Samantha (loudly): Just shut up and close the door!

*Jeffrey closes the door*

Samantha (loudly): Can you write a check the same way you close the damn door?! Can you do that?! Can you write a check?!

Jeffrey: Whatever. Just go in the living room.

Samantha (loudly): And who are you to be telling me where to go?!

*Samantha and Jeffrey put the bags down and Samantha goes into the living room. Jeffrey later follows*

Jeffrey: I swear, Samantha. One of these days…

Samantha (loudly): And just what are you gonna do, huh?! You’re not gonna do sh*t. You know I have 5 brothers and 2 sisters.

*Tiffany and Whitney enter the living room*

Jeffrey (sarcastically): Oh, wow. I’m so scared of them.

Samantha (loudly): That’s what you say now! Just you wait!

Chad: Umm…hello.

Samantha: Oh…we have company. Hey, Chad. Hey, Elvin. Hey, Whitney.

Whitney: Hey, Samantha.

*Whitney and Samantha hug*

Samantha: Hey, Tiffany.

Tiffany: Hey, Samantha.

*Tiffany and Samantha hug*

Samantha: Hey, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Hey, girlfriend.

Samantha: You’re a dirty old man.

*Samantha laughs*

Jeffrey: Hey, Elvin.

Elvin: Hey, Jeffrey.

*Jeffrey and Elvin shake hands*

Jeffrey: Hey, Chad.

*Chad and Jeffrey shake hands*

Jeffrey: Hey, Daddy Barnes.

*Jeffrey approaches Daddy Barnes*

Daddy Barnes: Hello, Jeff.

*Daddy Barnes and Jeffrey shake hands. Samantha has a seat on the couch next to Elvin*

Elvin: Are you and Jeffrey alright, Samantha?

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Oh, yeah. We’re fine.

Jeffrey: We’re doing great.

Samantha: Yep. I need a drink.

Jeffrey: But it’s the middle of the day.

Samantha: Well, then get me some cookies and milk, Carol Brady. I’m tired as hell. And who’s idea was it to come up to the snow? All of this snow is way too much.

Tiffany: Well, Daddy Barnes invited us.

Whitney: After I suggested being at a place like this. It’s beautiful.

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah. It is beautiful. You know what else is beautiful?

Whitney: What?

Samantha: The kitchen. Show me where it is because I need a drink.

Tiffany: Come on, Whitney. Let’s show Samantha around.

*Tiffany leads Whitney and Samantha to the kitchen*

Elvin: I see you and Samantha are still fighting like cats and dogs, eh, Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Well, Samantha’s never gonna change.

Chad: And neither will you.

*Later, Tiffany and Whitney are shown upstairs with Samantha, helping her get settled in*

Whitney: Alright, Samantha. What’s with you and Jeffrey?

Tiffany: I’d like to know that as well.

Samantha: That man makes me sick. So we drop the kids off at his baby mother’s house, right? Well, we argue about her, we argue about the kids, and the list goes on, but most of it is his ex. She just drives me crazy.

Tiffany: Well, I’m glad Chad doesn’t have a baby mother.

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah. Stay glad. Sometimes, I just wanna slit Renee’s throat and watch her bleed. And you know what I hate?

Whitney: What?

Samantha: To have my daughter around Renee’s son. I know that he’s her half-brother, but that demon seed is something. And then Renee has the audacity to say bad things about me to my daughter, all behind my back.

Whitney: Oh, that’s not good at all. That’s terrible. Have you asked Jeffrey to get a hold of Renee?

Samantha: Of course I’ve asked him. And that’s what starts all the bickering. Plus, Jeffrey has a habit of lying and telling me that he did talk to Renee when he didn’t.

Whitney: Well, how do you know Jeffrey hasn’t talked to Renee?

Samantha: I just know. His face gets redder than a tomato and he starts stuttering.

*Chad, Elvin, and Jeffrey are shown outside*

Chad: So how are the shoes, Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Oh, the shoes are just fine. I get lots of customers.

*Jeffrey’s face starts to get red*

Chad: Are you sure?

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey (stuttering): Oh, y-y-y-yeah.

Elvin: Are you stuttering?

*Jeffrey shakes his head*

Jeffery (stuttering): N-n-n-no.

*Jeffrey’s face gets even redder*

Jeffery: Umm…anyways, when am I gonna see Brennon, Chad?

Chad: Oh, you can see him anytime. Just don’t bring Samantha with you if you can’t get along with her.

Jeffery: Oh, come on, Chad. Me and Samantha have been arguing ever since we met. You know that.

Chad: Yeah, I do, but it looks like it’s getting worse to me.

Jeffery: Well, it’s our way of showing each other love. You and Tiffany have your special thing, and me and Samantha have ours.

Chad: Okay. If you say so.

*Elvin laughs*

Jeffrey: Besides, I like all the arguing, because we have a better time making up.

*Jeffrey’s face gets even more redder*

Elvin: Okay, he’s lying.

Chad: I know, right? But at least he and Samantha get to argue. Me and Tiffany haven’t been spending any time together. She’s so busy that it’s impossible. To tell you the truth, we haven’t had sex in almost a MONTH!

Jeffrey: Welcome to the club. Me and Samantha haven’t had sex in almost three months.

Elvin: Well, me and Whitney still have sex, I just can’t…perform.

Chad: What do you mean by that?

Elvin (uncomfortably): You know, I can’t…perform.

Jeffrey (confused): Elvin, what the hell are you talking about? If you can’t perform, go get a microphone.

Elvin (uncomfortably): No, not that kinda perform! I can’t achieve…my manly things.

Jeffrey: Damn!

Chad: Wow!

*Everyone remains silent*

Jeffrey: So…where’s Greg?

Elvin: Eww! I don’t have sex with Greg!

Jeffrey: No, man! Get your mind out of the gutter. I meant where is Greg. Why isn’t he here?

Chad: Oh, my brother should be on his way. He should be here in no time.

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey: No time. That’s exactly how long Elvin and Whitney lasted in the bedroom.

*Jeffrey laughs*

Elvin: Shut up, man!

Jeffrey: I’m just kidding, Elvin. Stop being so damn soft.

*The guys are interrupted when a taxi pulls up. Bob and London are then shown getting out and the taxi driver helps them get their things. London is wearing sunglasses*

Elvin: Is that Bob?

Chad: It looks like it, but it sure isn’t April he’s with.

*Daddy Barnes comes outside and approaches the guys*

Daddy Barnes: Who is that?

Chad: It’s Bob and some lady, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Hold on. April doesn’t look fat at all. She looks sexy, in fact. I don’t think I took my medicine.

Jeffrey: That’s not April, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Well, why is that young lady-

Chad: We have no idea.

Bob: Fellas!

*The guys approach Bob and London, who have bags and suitcases in their hands*

Chad: Hey there, Bob.

Elvin: Hey, Bob.

Bob: Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Alright, stop beating around the bush. Why is that blonde bimbo with you instead of your fat female?

*Bob ignores Daddy Barnes*

Bob: Anyways, it seems like everyone’s here.

Jeffrey: Almost everyone.

Bob: Who are we missing?

Chad: We’re waiting on my brother, Greg.

Bob: Well, I can’t wait to see what kind of woman he’s bringing along with him this year.

Chad: Actually, Gregory says he’s coming by himself.

Bob: Really?

*Chad nods his head*

Chad: Yeah.

Bob: Well, that’s a shocker.

*London takes her sunglasses off. After a few seconds of awkward silence, the door creaks opens and we see Tiffany, Whitney and Samantha come out*

Bob: Well, hello, ladies!

Samantha: Hello yourself, bastard.

*Bob ignores Samantha*

Bob: Hey, Tiffany. Hey, Whitney……and Samantha.

Whitney: Bob, who is this you’ve brought with you? Please don’t tell me April had plastic surgery, gastric bypass, and got her mouth zipped shut.

London: Umm, I’m London. I’m a friend of April’s…and Bob’s.

Bob: I’m sorry. April invited London when she found out that there was an extra bedroom. Are you guys cool with that?

Tiffany (awkwardly): Umm…I guess so. Any friend of April’s is a friend of ours, right, guys?

Whitney: I suppose so.

Samantha: I suppose not. No! Absolutely not. She’s gonna have to fork up some money on this trip or something.

London: Well, okay. I don’t have any problem with that.

Samantha: Well, this is an awfully pretty one ya got with ya, huh, Bob?

Whitney: That’s what I was thinking.

Samantha: And single.

*Tiffany shrugs her shoulders*

Tiffany: Looks that way.

Samantha: Somebody better get this young thing out of here.

Whitney: Bob, where is April?

Tiffany: That’s what I’m dying to know. Where is she?

Bob: I made her drive. Me and London flew.

Tiffany: Huh?

Whitney: You did what?

Bob: Look, I don’t need to explain myself to you. I was not about to pay for another seat just for her gigantic ass. You guys know that she’s big as hell. She’s as big as a Buick.

*Chad and Daddy Barnes hold their faces*

Whitney: Bob, are you hearing yourself right now?

Tiffany: I must be hearing wrong. Did he literally just say that April’s driving?

Samantha: I’m still stuck on the “big as hell” and “big as a Buick” part. Seriously, dude. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You’re not a catch yourself, looking like you christened God.

Bob: London, beware. Look out for Samantha, also known as the bitter and meddling one.

Samantha: That’s right, and I’m also known as the ass kicking one.

Whitney: Bob, why would you make April drive up here alone?

Tiffany: Do you have any idea how long that drive is?

Chad: Come on, Bob. The weather’s supposed to be bad tonight, so maybe you should call her and tell her to get a flight tomorrow.

Bob: Look, why are you guys making such a big deal out of it? She is fine! You know, you guys are making a mountain out of a molehill. And April’s a mountain.

*Bob and London laugh*

Tiffany: I’m going in the cabin.

*Tiffany and Whitney go in the cabin*

Bob: Come on, April’s a big girl! Literally.

*Bob and London laugh again*

London: Good one, Bob.

Bob: Okay, stop giving me the serious face. Like I said, April’s fine. She’s a trooper. An enormous one. Now, come on. Let’s go inside.

*Jeffrey starts to help London with her stuff before Samantha stops him*

Samantha: London’s a big girl, just like April. She can get ‘em herself.

*Everyone else except for Chad and London go inside*

Chad: I got you.

*Chad helps London with her stuff and opens the door for her. Later, Whitney is shown in the kitchen with Tiffany and Samantha while using her phone, leaving a voicemail for April*

Whitney (on the phone, leaving a voicemail): April, please give us a call when you get this message. We just wanna make sure that you’re okay.

*Whitney hangs up*

Whitney: Straight to voicemail.

Samantha: Hmm. A friend of April’s.

*Samantha is shown trying to peek at everyone else in the living room*

Samantha: How come we’re just meeting this friend?

Tiffany: I know, right?

Whitney: And if she’s such a good friend, then why did she come here with Bob and why didn’t she drive up here with April?

Tiffany: Good point, I mean, we’re April’s friends and we would not get on a plane with her husband without her being there.

Whitney: Wait a minute, everyone. Before we start pointing the finger, let’s find out what’s going on and make sure we don’t pass too much judgement on her. Agreed?

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: Agreed.

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: No.

Whitney: Well, why not? What’s wrong?

Samantha: I don’t like her. So…good thing I brought my Vaseline and Sneakers with me.

*At night, everyone else is shown outside, drinking a cup of hot cocoa when Tiffany comes out, drinking some herself*

Tiffany: Want some more, Chad?

*Chad shakes his head*

Chad: No, honey. I’m good.

Elvin (talking to Whitney): Did you get a chance to tell ‘em, babe?

*Whitney laughs*

Whitney: No, I didn’t, actually.

Tiffany: Oh, she doesn’t have to. We know all about the nomination.

Elvin: Not just the nomination, she won the award!

Samantha: Wow.

*Everyone clinks their cups together*

Whitney: Yes, it’s a really big deal up in D.C., so I would love for all of you to be there.

Samantha: Of course, girlfriend.

Whitney: You all have got 8 months to prepare, so it’s plenty of time.

Daddy Barnes: Whitney, can I be nominated?

Whitney: For what?

Daddy Barnes: To smash you.

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Chad: Daddy Barnes!

Whitney: It’s okay, Chad. Daddy Barnes is notorious for his dark humor.

Chad: As well as his unfunny humor.

Samantha: Anyways, I’ll be there, and I would drink to that…if only I had a drink on me.

Jeffrey: Babe, you’d drink to Donald Trump taking trips to McDonald’s.

*Samantha rolls her eyes while Bob and London laugh*

Chad: Stop it, you too. That’s not funny…to Samantha.

Samantha: You know what, Jeffrey? Maybe one day I’ll drink to you getting a damn job. I can picture it now: “Hey, guys! Jeffrey’s got a job and he paid the mortgage this month! We all should drink to that!”

*Samatha laughs*

Jeffrey (embarrassed): Come on, honeybun. I already have a job.

Samantha: Selling shoes? Please don’t make me laugh, you Shoe Giver. If it wasn’t for me, you wouldn’t have anything.

Jeffrey: That’s funny, I used to say the same thing whenever we made love.

Samantha (offended): What?!

Jeffrey: Samantha, why must you be so-

Samantha: I don’t have to be any-

Whitney: Alright, that’s enough from both of you. And Samantha, that’s below the belt. Come on. Be nice.

Samantha: Well, I am merely stating a fact, Whitney.

Whitney: Well, there is something called fair fighting. We discovered that on the last vacation. You guys can do better.

Samantha: Well, no offense, Whitney, but when I get angry enough, all that lousy training goes out the window.

Chad: Look, Samantha, you should listen, because it worked for me and Tiffany.

Samantha: Well, that’s you and Tiffany.

Elvin: Sam, all there is to it is speaking in a calm and gentle tone. There’s no need to press your spouse’s buttons and try to get the last word in.

Whitney: Thank you, honey. Now, as long as we’ve all been married, we all know what our buttons are.

Elvin: That’s right. And when somebody says something to hurt the other person, ya don’t say something even worse to them.

Jeffrey: Yeah, Samantha. Listen to Whitney and Elvin for a change.

Samantha: Shut up, dummy!

Whitney: Jeffrey, why don’t you guys get to the bottom of what you’re really arguing about?

Samantha: Whitney, all that preaching sounds articulate, but we don’t have time to play any silly games.

*Bob and London are quickly shown laughing and whispering in each other’s ears*

Samantha (confused): Hold on. Just what in hell are those two over there giggling and gossiping for?

Bob: I’ll tell ya what we’re “giggling and gossiping” for. We’re having a conversation, like normal people do. Now, does anyone wanna join in?

Whitney: Umm, London, love, we were gonna get dinner started. Wanna join us?

*London quickly shakes her head*

London: Now, that’s where you lost me. I am so NOT a cook, so I’ll stay here and…chill with the boys.

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: Oh, no. You’re gonna join us in the kitchen, where I can see you. The “boys” don’t need any company.

Tiffany: Yeah, come on, London. It’ll be fun.

Samantha: Yeah, get your loose self in here. Come on.

London: Should I, Bob?

*Bob shrugs his shoulders*

Bob: I don’t have any problem.

Samantha: Why are you checking with him? He’s your friend’s husband, not your daddy.

Whitney: April!

Samantha: What? We are not about to leave her with our men. You see that she’s young and blonde and pretty.

*The ladies go into the cabin*

Daddy Barnes: You alright, son?

Chad (worried): Yeah, Daddy Barnes. I’m just a little worried about Greg. He should’ve been here by now.

Elvin: Aren’t you worried about April, Bob?

*Bob shakes his head*

Bob: No, not at all.

Elvin: Why not?

Bob: Because I’m not crazy. Why should I be worried about a lazy, 1000 pound teddy bear?

*Everyone remains awkwardly silent*

Chad: Bob, man, I gotta thank you.

Bob: For what?

Chad: For ruining this week for all of us.

Jeffrey: For every single one of us, that is.

Bob: Oh, whatever. Don’t blame me just because you guys can’t handle your women.

Elvin: Us guys? You made April drive up here by herself.

Bob: That’s because I can handle her. You know, Elvin? You’re right. You’re absolutely right. I should’ve made her heavy ass walk. She could use the exercise.

*Bob laughs*

Jeffrey: You know what? Samantha treats me like a king compared to the way you treat April. I mean, if I had said something that cruel about Samantha, I would’ve been dead meat.

Bob: Listen, guys. It’s gotten to the point where me and April both can’t fit in the same room together.

*Bob laughs*

Bob: And April wears these battleship-sized pants.

*Bob laughs again*

Chad: Bob, that is vicious.

Bob: Oh, grow a pair of balls, Chad…and a sense of humor.

Daddy Barnes: Bob, the way you treat your wife is a shame. You oughta treat her with respect and with love.

Bob: Oh? Well, since you’re the expert on love and the ladies, where’s your woman?

Daddy Barnes: My woman’s up in Heaven!

Bob: Yeah, if there is a Heaven, that is.

Jeffrey: What are trying to say, Bob?

Bob: Sometimes I question if there’s a Heaven or a God. I mean, if there were, why would I be stuck with someone like April?

Chad: Come on, man. April’s a saint.

Bob: More like a slimy beast.

Elvin: Bob, who is this young girl that’s with you?

Bob: Well, first off, she’s a young woman, not a young GIRL. And…

*Bob looks around*

Bob: She’s a stunner, isn’t she?

Jeffrey: Wait a minute, Bob. Don’t tell me you’re…fooling with her.

Bob: That’s none of your business. I plead the fifth. I’m not willing to disclose.

Chad: Hold the hell on! You have the audacity to bring her up here, and-

Bob: Relax, okay?! Relax!

Daddy Barnes: Bob, I’m serious. I’m so serious right now, it don’t matter if you sleeping with her or not. If I don’t get a piece of her behind, I’m giving you a what for.

Chad: Dad!

*Daddy Barnes laughs*

Daddy Barnes: What? She’s good looking. She can put a smile on my face any time.

Chad: I swear, if she does that, I am sending both of you to the grave early.

Jeffrey: Anyways, Bob, you have been THE man since college.

Chad: Jeffrey, just how can you admire Bob given your situation?

Bob: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Situation?

Elvin: I think he’s talking about him and Samantha arguing.

Chad: No, I’m talking about Jeffrey getting an STD.

Daddy Barnes: Huh?

Chad: You heard me, Daddy Barnes. Jeffrey got an STD…and he only told me about it.

Bob: You got an STD from Samantha, Jeff?

*Jeffrey shakes his head*

Jeffrey: No, man.

Bob: Good, but still…you gotta be careful.

Chad: What? It has nothing to do with being careful. He shouldn’t have did it.

Bob: Look, Chad, stop being a party pooper. Jeffrey, what your wife doesn’t know won’t hurt her.

Chad: You know what? It’s those kind of comments and that kind of thinking right there, that’s why there’s still people with HIV and STDs in the first place.

*Bob rolls his eyes*

Bob: If it isn’t the return of Mr. Adult Nerd who has all the stats. Here we go.

Elvin: Bob, I’m siding with Chad. He’s right.

Daddy Barnes: I’m siding with my son as well.

Bob: Well, side with him. That doesn’t mean he’s correct. Anyways, Chad, I’m not saying that I’ve had sex with London, but…you’ve never had urges to…peek at another woman?

*Chad shakes his head*

Chad: No.

Bob: Never?

*Chad shakes his head*

Chad: Never.

Bob: Then you’re gay.

*Bob laughs*

Daddy Barnes: That makes no sense. My son is married to a woman.

*Bob shrugs his shoulders*

Bob: He’s a closeted homo, then. He has to have some kind of sugar in his tank to NOT have…urges.

Chad: Shut up, Bob. Just shut up. I mean…there was this woman who was at me, but nothing happened. And that’s when I first started dating Tiffany.

Jeffrey: Why didn’t anything happen?

Chad: Because…look at your situation.

Jeffrey: Chad, it’s time to peek. You told me Tiffany hasn’t been giving you none lately. Now, there. You told everyone everything about me, and I just did the same.

Bob: Chad, are you that much of a punk? If your wife isn’t giving you her ass on a plate, you have the legal right to snatch it. Ya heard me? It’s a law now.

Chad: Look, just stop. You guys are making me feel uncomfortable now. And what country has that law?

Bob: Look, it doesn’t matter. I read it…in a book. You know what? It’s probably in The Constitution.

*Everyone laughs*

Bob: What? It probably is. Or maybe it’s in the Bible, or in The Declaration of Independence.

*Later, Jeffrey is shown entering his room, shirtless. Samantha is laying in the bed*

Samantha: What took you so long, honey?

*Jeffrey turns off the little night light before getting in bed with Samantha*

Jeffrey: Good night.

Samantha: What?

Jeffrey: Not tonight, babe. I got a headache.

Samantha: You’ve said that every night for three months now. It’s time to take some Tylenol.

*Samantha starts kissing Jeffrey on the lips and all over his neck*

Jeffrey (irritated): Stop it!

*Samantha stops*

Jeffrey (irritated): What are you doing?!

Samantha: I’m trying to show my husband some love. What’s the matter with that?

Jeffrey: I don’t want you to show me love right now.

Samantha: You used to love it when I showed you love. You never turned me down.

Jeffrey: Well, that was then. Plus, it’s been a long drive and a long day. That takes all the sexual drive outta me.

*Jeffrey’s face starts to get red*

Samantha: Oh, yeah? Well, do long drives and long days usually make your face turn red?

*Jeffrey sighs*

Jeffrey: Can we get some rest? I’m trying to get some rest.

Samantha: Oh, come on, honey! I’m wearing your favorite nightie.

Jeffrey: I don’t give a damn about the nightie, I give a damn about getting some shut eye.

Samantha: Oh, get some shut up. Get that.

Jeffrey: Mm-hmm. Good night.

*In Chad and Tiffany’s room, Chad and Tiffany are shown laying in their bed as Tiffany is resting her head on Chad’s chest*

Tiffany (furious): What is wrong with Bob? Why would he let April drive all the way up here, and by herself?

Chad: Calm down, honey. Everything will be alright.

Tiffany (furious): No, everything will NOT be alright. Bob just…better stay away from me. That’s what he needs to do.

Chad: Okay.

Tiffany (furious): Chad, it’s bad enough that he came here without April, but what was he thinking to bring that London girl here? We don’t know her!

Chad: I get that, honey. I get that. But this weekend’s supposed to be about us, remember?

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: I know. I know.

Chad: And this is a good time to work on…us.

*Chad gives Tiffany a kiss on the forehead*

Chad: If ya know what I mean.

*Chad winks at Tiffany*

Tiffany: I don’t believe you. April is out in the middle of nowhere, and you’re worried about sex. Good night, Chad.

*Tiffany removes her head from Chad’s chest*

Chad: Baby, come on.

Tiffany: Come on, nothing. All you men are the same.

*Tiffany shakes her head*

Tiffany: Poor April.

Chad (frustrated, under his breath): Damn you, Bob. Damn you.

*In Whitney and Elvin’s room, Whitney and Elvin are shown laying in their bed*

Elvin: Are you asleep, honey?

Whitney: No. Not at all.

Elvin: Well…can I ask you a question?

Whitney: Sure. What is it?

Elvin: Well, when you were with the girls today, did anyone bring up kids?

Whitney: Don’t even start, Elvin.

Elvin: Don’t even start what?

Whitney: I know exactly where you’re going with this.

Elvin: What? I was just asking.

Whitney: Well, don’t ask. Why are you worried about kids when you can’t literally…rise to the occasion?

Elvin: What?!

Whitney (sorry): Oh, I’m sorry, honey! That just…came out.

Elvin: It’s alright.

Whitney: Anyways, you know how much I love you, right?

Elvin (joking): No, I don’t.

*Elvin laughs*

Whitney: Stop that. Yes, you do.

*Whitney laughs*

Elvin (joking): I don’t know what you’re talking about.

Whitney: Well, I love you.

Elvin: How much?

Whitney: Lots and lots and lots. I love you more than all the words in all the books.

Elvin: Wow. That’s a whole lotta words.

*Whitney and Elvin laugh*

Elvin: But I love you just as much.

Whitney: Aww! You can be romantic.

*Elvin gives Whitney a kiss*

Elvin: I know that sometimes we have our disagreements and our struggles, but everything works out just fine.

Whitney: I know. If only we could say the same for our friends.

*In Jeffrey and Samantha’s room, Jeffrey is fast asleep while Samantha is wide awake*

Samantha (under her breath): So much for my romantic night.

*All of a sudden, someone can be heard walking in the hallway*

Samantha: Who is up at this kinda time?

*Samantha gets up, walks to the door, opens it, and peeps through it. From what she can see, she notices Bob going into London’s bedroom*

Samantha (under her breath): What the hell?

*Samantha quickly closes the door*

Samantha: Oh, no. That dirty bastard. It all makes perfect sense. April will be devastated.

*In the morning, Tiffany, Whitney, and Samantha are shown in the kitchen, getting breakfast ready. Samantha is scrambling some eggs while Tiffany’s pouring some orange juice and Whitney is making some toast*

Samantha: I’m telling you, I saw Bob in that room, and he was in there up until two hours ago.

Whitney: What?

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah. I suspected that something was up with him and the foolish friend.

Tiffany: It does make sense.

Whitney: Now, wait a minute. Maybe Bob wanted something that was in London’s bedroom.

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah…her. And I’m telling April as soon as she gets here.

Whitney: Don’t do that. We don’t know what kind of state of mind she’s gonna be in.

Samantha: Oh, come on, Whitney! Let’s forget it with all that psych drivel.

Whitney: It’s not drivel!

Tiffany: You know what, Samantha? Whitney is right. You know that April’s been really depressed lately, so let’s just…wait it out.

Samantha: For what? Are we really gonna wait out telling our friend that her husband is banging her so-called friend? And if it were one of us, we’d wanna know.

Tiffany: And? Sometimes people get angry at you for spilling the beans.

Whitney: Exactly. And since April has been so unhappy, the least we could do is make sure that she’s doing fine instead of sticking it to Bob.

*Everyone else except for Jeffrey enters the kitchen*

Daddy Barnes: Good morning.

Tiffany: Good morning, Daddy Barnes.

Samantha: Good morning, Daddy Barnes.

Whitney: Good morning.

Bob: Well…what a morning it is.

*Everyone has a seat at the kitchen table*

Samantha: Wait a minute. Where have you guys been?

Chad: We hiked the trail.

Elvin: Yep. It was great. There were snow bunnies and little silver fox thingies.

Whitney: Wow.

London: The food smells so good, Samantha. I haven’t had a good breakfast in forever.

Samantha: I reckon that’s because you’re too busy bed hopping.

London: What?

Samantha: I’m sorry. I was…thinking out loud.

London: Anyways, Samantha, the food looks better than it smells. I mean, wow. You belong on the kitchen.

Samantha: And you belong in the back of a vehicle.

London (offended): Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?

Samantha: You know what it means. And watch your mouth when you’re talking to me.

*Jeffrey enters the kitchen*

Jeffrey: Good morning, guys.

Bob: Jeffrey, my man.

*Jeffrey has a seat at the kitchen table*

London: How did you sleep last night, Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: I slept pretty good.

*All of the food is done and Samatha hands everyone their plate while Tiffany hands everyone a glass of orange juice. When it’s time to hand Jeffrey his plate, Samantha slams it on the table*

Jeffrey: On second thought, I slept horrible. I had nightmares and all.

*Tiffany, Whitney, and Samantha set their plates and glasses of orange juice on the kitchen table and have a seat with everyone else*

Whitney (sipping on orange juice): So, Bob…have you called April to make sure she’s okay?

*Bob shakes his head*

Bob: No. Now please stop asking me stupid questions like that.

London: I’m sure she’s alright anyway.

Samantha: Floozy, was anyone talking to you?

London: Floozy?

*Samatha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah, floozy. As in slut, tramp, jezebel, whore, ho, bimbo. You don’t know your place?

London: Alright, that’s it. I have tolerated you long enough. But it’s hard to tolerate a loud and annoying piece of trailer trash like you.

Samantha (angrily): Bitch, I will mop the floor with you!

London: I’d like to see you try!

*Samantha and London stand up and start throwing food at each other*

Chad: Hey, guys!

Bob: What the hell is going on?

Daddy Barnes: Oh, snap! I need to go get my camera.

Chad: No, you don’t.

*Everyone starts shouting in unison. Eventually, Jeffrey and Bob get up and stop the fighting between the two ladies*

Jeffrey: Now, that’s enough!

Bob: Why didn’t you do something, Daddy Barnes?

Daddy Barnes (eating some scrambled eggs): ‘Cause I ain’t crazy. These eggs are hot as hell. I’m not trying to get burned.

London: I see I’m gonna have to break you in, Samantha.

Samantha: You’re gonna get broke the hell in! Don’t mess with me. You better get her, Bob.

Jeffrey: That’s enough, Samantha. Now sit down. Both of you.

*Samantha and London sit down. Jeffrey and Bob then do the same*

Jeffrey: Say something nice to London for once, honey. She’s a guest.

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Alright. I’ll say something nice to her for once.

Jeffrey: Good.

Samantha: You look nice in that outfit, London.

London: Why, thank you…Samantha.

Samantha: Mm-hmm. Looking like a box of Lucky Charms.

*London rolls her eyes*

Bob (angrily): Why would you say that, Samantha?!

Samantha: I said what I said, with no regrets.

*A couple of seconds later, April and Greg enter the kitchen*

April: Hey, everybody.

Elvin: Hey, April. Hey, Greg.

Greg: Hey, Elvin.

*April approaches everyone at the kitchen and gives Elvin a hug. She then tries to kiss Bob but he pushes her away*

Bob (disgusted): Oh, please don’t. Not in public.

*Tiffany, Whitney, and Samantha get up as April approaches them*

Whitney: Hey, April.

April: Hey, Whitney.

*Whitney and April hug*

Whitney: Finally, you made it.

April: Yes…I made it.

*April gives Tiffany a hug*

Tiffany: Oh, April, we were worried sick about you.

April: I was worried sick about myself, but it was comforting to know that Greg was there to open the door for me.

*Greg is shown shaking hands with Elvin and Bob*

Samantha: Unlike your bastard husband, Bob.

April: Now, Samantha, don’t say that.

Samantha: It’s the truth. What kinda man lets his wife drive like that?

Bob: I’m right here, Samantha.

Samantha: Good. That means I’m not going crazy.

*Samantha and April hug*

Greg: Hey, Chad.

*Greg approaches Chad and shakes hands with him*

Chad: Hey, Gregory.

*Greg approaches Daddy Barnes*

Greg: Hello, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Hello, son.

*Greg shakes hands with Daddy Barnes before moving on to Jeffrey*

Jeffrey: Greg.

Greg: Jeffrey.

*Greg and Jeffrey shake hands*

Chad: Greg, what happened, man? I thought you were supposed to be here by yesterday evening.

Greg: I got delayed.

Chad: Oh…well, that explains a lot.

Bob: I see you flew solo this year, huh?

*Greg nods his head*

Greg: Yeah.

Daddy Barnes: Speaking of that, when are you gonna get married and quit playing around, son?

Greg: I knew that was coming. You always ask me that.

Daddy Barnes: I do it every time.

Greg: Anyways, I suppose I’ll get married when I find the right woman.

Daddy Barnes: Well, what about the one you was with a couple of years ago? She was real nice. I liked her.

Greg: Well, that didn’t work out because…she was dating two men at a time and I was one of ‘em.

Elvin: Oh, Greg. I’m sorry to hear that.

Greg: That’s alright, Elvin.

Jeffrey: I’m sorry as well.

Samantha: Ya know, Greg, if you’re in dire need of a female companion, I’m right here.

*Greg and Samantha laugh*

Jeffrey: That better be a joke.

Samantha: And that better be you closing your mouth.

April: Oh, I can’t tell you guys how good it is to see you all.

Whitney: Good to see you, too.

April: Oh, London. I found a man just perfect for you.

London: Oh?

*April nods her head*

April: Yeah…Greg. He’s the one. I mean, both of you are single, so I don’t see any problems, except for age difference. Of course you’re noticeably younger, but it’s no big deal.

London: Is that so?

April: Mm-hmm.

*London slowly nods her head*

London: Nice.

*London turns and looks at Bob, who has a ticked off look on his face*

Tiffany (under her breath): I saw that.

Samantha (under her breath): I did too.

April: London, why don’t you move over and let Greg sit down?

Bob: She’s sitting next to me. She doesn’t need to move.

London: It’s alright, Bob.

*London moves over a seat and lets Greg sit between her and Bob*

April: I wish I would’ve came sooner so that I could cook. Ya know I’m a good cook.

Bob: Oh, believe me. We can see you know about cooking, baby.

*Bob lets out a little laugh*

Samantha (furious): I swear, you got one more time, Bob. Say something. I dare you to. Say something, a*shole.

Bob: What is your problem, Samantha? Who peed in your orange juice? You are always so angry and so damn bitter, for no good reason.

April: Samantha, it’s alright. Bob always kids with me.

Samantha: It is more than kidding at this point. He is insulting you. And your good friend, London was laughing at you behind your back with him.

April: What?

Samantha: Ya know what? I’m not doing this. I gotta go.

*Samantha leaves out of the room*

April: What’s with her?

Bob: She got sand in her vagina.

April: Don’t say that, Bob.

Bob: It’s the truth. She is grouchy as hell and mean.


TO BE CONTINUED…

Samantha and Jeffrey's argument on the train was pretty funny. I like Daddy Barnes. :):cool:

Samantha and Jeffrey's argument on the train was pretty funny. I like Daddy Barnes. :):cool:
Yes, your character, Samantha doesn’t mince words at all. Believe me, she’ll have more to say later on. :lol:

How did you feel about the airplane scene with April/Bob/London and Chad and Tiffany arguing and later “getting lovey dovey” in front of Daddy Barnes?

Yes, your character, Samantha doesn’t mince words at all. Believe me, she’ll have more to say later on. :lol:

How did you feel about the airplane scene with April/Bob/London and Chad and Tiffany arguing and later “getting lovey dovey” in front of Daddy Barnes?

I felt bad for April, being publicly humiliated about being fat, but hopefully, it will inspire her to lose weight.
It's nice that Chad and Tiffany are still lovey dovey.

I felt bad for April, being publicly humiliated about being fat, but hopefully, it will inspire her to lose weight.
April’s weight plays a major part in this project. I’m sure you’ll root for her at the end once you find out what she goes through.

Speaking of April, what do you think of her husband so far? To be honest, I don’t think you’ll be fond of him.

April’s weight plays a major part in this project. I’m sure you’ll root for her at the end once you find out what she goes through.

Speaking of April, what do you think of her husband so far? To be honest, I don’t think you’ll be fond of him.

Bob's the one who was making those fat "jokes" right? I did not care for those jokes. I thought it was mean and tactless. He already seems like a douche to me.

Bob's the one who was making those fat "jokes" right? I did not care for those jokes. I thought it was mean and tactless. He already seems like a douche to me.
Well, he’s played by your “knight and shining armor” lover, Jason Thompson, so I thought that you would like him a little. :lol:


Just kidding. LOL.

Well, he’s played by your “knight and shining armor” lover, Jason Thompson, so I thought that you would like him a little. :lol:


Just kidding. LOL.

Jason Thompson as in YR's "Billy"? LOL. I am no Jason Thompson fan... don't find him the least bit attractive either. I liked the original "Billy" much better, Billy Miller. I've always thought he was the hunkiest soap guy ever! :)

Samantha really is a horrible person. I've never hated anyone enough to say "Sometimes I wanna slit (whoever's) throat and watch them bleed." Samantha is gross. A drunken shrew, a bully and a loud mouth. I despise her. OK, I'll look at more later.

Samantha really is a horrible person. I've never hated anyone enough to say "Sometimes I wanna slit (whoever's) throat and watch them bleed." Samantha is gross. A drunken shrew, a bully and a loud mouth. I despise her. OK, I'll look at more later.
I don’t think she’s that bad, I mean, sure, she says some incredibly mean things, but if that’s how you feel about her, I’m sure you’ll dislike her even more later on in the story (except for when she bashes a certain someone who deserved it).

I don’t think she’s that bad, I mean, sure, she says some incredibly mean things, but if that’s how you feel about her, I’m sure you’ll dislike her even more later on in the story (except for when she bashes a certain someone who deserved it).
I read a tiny bit more as I've been super busy today. I don't like the way Samantha treats her husband. I feel bad for him. So far, I guess my favorite is Whitney. So far anyway, I'll have to see.....

I'll read more tomorrow.

Done...

I don't like how Bob and London flew together while poor April has to drive all by herself. Bob is a douche and a lousy husband. He should have either bought the extra seat for April or left with her. What kind of a husband lets his wife leave a plane so she could drive all alone while he flies in comfort with their "friend"? London sucks too IMO. April should file for divorce, go on a diet, start feeling good about herself again and then find a new love interest.

Done...

I don't like how Bob and London flew together while poor April has to drive all by herself. Bob is a douche and a lousy husband. He should have either bought the extra seat for April or left with her. What kind of a husband lets his wife leave a plane so she could drive all alone while he flies in comfort with their "friend"? London sucks too IMO. April should file for divorce, go on a diet, start feeling good about herself again and then find a new love interest.
:clap

But Bob is an azzhole for a reason, you’ll see later on. Since you didn’t like the idea of Bob letting April drive, I’m sure you weren’t fond of Bob calling April “a literal big girl” and “a mountain” (I know I didn’t).

Did you like the little bit where Bob refers to Samantha as the “bitter and meddling one” and Samantha says she’s also known as “the ass kicking one”? I don’t mean to brag, but that part had me LOL.

Did you like the little bit where Bob refers to Samantha as the “bitter and meddling one” and Samantha says she’s also known as “the ass kicking one”? That was good, too. There are a lot of interesting parts. :)

One thing's for sure, nobody's got a great marriage. And poor Elvin needs him some Viagra.
I kinda feel sorry for Chad, with his workaholic wife.

Right, Bob's an ass. Not only is he merciless with April and her eating habits, he sends her on her way to drive alone. With bad weather coming yet.

Even though I don't like Samantha, I must admit that I did LOL when she said that she would toast to Jeffrey getting a job and paying the mortgage for once! :lol:

OK, I got a bunch of stuff to do now, so I will get back to this later. :wave:

I really despise Bob even more now. He is beyond a douche. And I also despise the "friend" London, that man burglar, attention seeking whore.

I really despise Bob even more now. He is beyond a douche. And I also despise the "friend" London, that man burglar, attention seeking whore.
Well, you gotta give Bob this, he has the balls to call April a “slimy beast” in front of his friends.

Did you get to the part where we learn about Jeffrey’s “situation”?

NOTE: This is a continuation of where I left off.


*At night, April is shown getting into bed with Bob wearing lingerie*

Bob: What the hell have you got on?

*April laughs*

April: It’s lingerie, honey. We went shopping earlier and London said that you might like it.

*Bob laughs*

Bob: Well, London lied. She set you up. You need to slap her, ‘cause you look like a damn tent with that on. That doesn’t attract me at all.

April: Bob, come on. Don’t do that. I want us to work.

*Bob laughs again*

Bob: Well, my sense of humor is working. I can tell you that.

April: I love you, Bob. Just-I wish you wouldn’t do things like this.

*April sighs*

April: What else can I possibly do to help our marriage?

Bob: Well, for one, you could lose 150 pounds, and then I might take you seriously. I might then. Also, you could turn off the lamp and get that crazy look off your face. Ya know what, honey? You’re beginning to glow…just like the cow that jumped over the moon.

*Bob laughs*

Bob: Except you’re much bigger than that cow.

*Bob laughs again*

Bob: I don’t know what London filled your head with, but it must have been rather deceiving if ya have the courage to say something THAT stupid.

April: Bob, I love you, and I’m willing to fix our marriage. If there’s anything I can do, I’ll do it.

Bob: Actually, there IS something you can do to fix our marriage.

April: Oh, really?! What is it?

Bob: You can shut the hell up and leave me alone. You’re really starting to piss me off with this nonsense.

*Bob rolls over and tries to fall asleep while April silently bursts into tears*

April (under her breath while crying): Why, Lord? Why? God, I hate myself.

I'd love for April to shove a cattle prod up Bob's ass.

I'd love for April to shove a cattle prod up Bob's ass.
:rotflmao:

*In Chad and Tiffany’s room, Chad is shown sitting in the chair across from the bed, on his phone, when Tiffany walks in*

Tiffany: I thought you wanted this to be a “phone free” trip.

Chad (on his phone): Whatever.

Tiffany: Are you ready to discuss this, honey?

Chad (on his phone): Discuss what?

Tiffany: You trying to control me.

Chad (on his phone): I’ve never, ever tried to control you.

Tiffany: Well, what’s with me “working too much” according to you?

Chad (on his phone): Tiffany, if you don’t understand what I’m trying to do, then there’s nothing I need to say.

Tiffany: What is all this really about?

*Chad puts his phone down*

Chad: Tiffany…

Tiffany: What? There’s obviously more to it than you just wanting to spend time with me.

*Chad sighs*

Chad: Ya know what? I’m starting to think that you’re doing this on purpose.

Tiffany: Doing what on purpose?

Chad: You know that I want more kids, so…you fight with me every night to get outta having sex with me. We’ve been married for quite some time, honey, and you shouldn’t have any problems with making love. We’ve done it 100 times.

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: Hmm.

Chad: Ya know…I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time. Goodnight, Tiffany.

*Tiffany gets into bed*

Tiffany: Goodnight, Chad.

Why doesn't Tiffany just start taking birth control pills so she could still have sex with Chad

Nothing new? :confused:

I guess this one is also being abandoned like "Livin' the Life." :wave:

Nothing new? :confused:

I guess this one is also being abandoned like "Livin' the Life." :wave:
It’s not abandoned at all, I just haven’t been coming out with new segments. I’ll see if I can do some more this weekend.

*The next day, everyone is shown at the dinner table, eating dinner*

Daddy Barnes: Yeah, me and Fanny were married for that long.

April: Wow. That is amazing.

Whitney: I know, right? I so hope that me and Elvin last that long.

*April nods her head*

April: Yeah.

Samantha: It’s so sad that most folks don’t stay married that long any more.

April: I think Whitney and Elvin will.

Whitney: Don’t be so sure, April.

April: Well, why not?

Samantha: Is there trouble in paradise?

*Whitney quickly shakes her head*

Whitney: Oh, no. I’m just saying…you never know what God has in store. But all we can do is pray and work it out.

April: Isn’t that the truth?

Bob: Honey, you need to WORK OUT.

*Bob laughs*

Greg: Bob, what’s so funny?

Bob: Excuse me?

Greg: I said…what’s so funny?

Bob: What I just said is funny. You know damn well that April is far from a size 6.

Greg: Why does that matter so much to you? She’s your wife.

Bob: That’s none of your damn business, little man.

Greg: I know that you did not just say what I think you said.

*Bob nods his head*

Bob: Oh, yeah, I did. Do you have a problem with it?

Greg: Ya know what the sad thing is, Bob? I’m still a bigger man than you are.

Bob: Oh, really? You wanna bet?

Daddy Barnes: Hey, you two. That’s enough!

Whitney: Daddy Barnes is right. Let’s not argue and bicker. All of that is far too uncomfortable and toxic to sit through over some food.

April: Gregory, it’s not even that big of a deal. I know how to react to Bob. We’ve been married for years.

Greg: I’m sorry, April. I mean, I’m cool with Bob and all, but you do not deserve to be treated that way.

*Bob rolls his eyes*

Bob: You’re overreacting and preaching just like your brother, Chad.

Chad: Hey. Don’t put me in this.

Daddy Barnes: Bob, just eat and talk less, please.

Whitney: Anyways…the reason why me and Elvin seem so perfect is because we’re willing to make sacrifices and do the work no matter how hard it is.

Elvin: Right. But we’re not perfect. We do have our days, but in the end, we love each other. And it’s the love that gets us through those tough days.

Tiffany: Aww! How adorable.

Samantha: I know, right? Why can’t you be lovey-dovey with me, Jeffrey?

Jeffrey: Because you don’t ever give me love or…dove, for that matter.

Samantha: Oh, shut up! Anyways, Bob…have you informed your wife of-

*Whitney quickly shakes her head*

Whitney: Samantha, don’t do that.

Bob: You must need another drink, don’t you, Samantha?

Samantha: And you must need some condoms, don’t you?

Daddy Barnes (nervously): Oops! Gotta go!

*Daddy Barnes excuses himself from the dinner table and rushes out of the room. Bob then chuckles*

Bob: Believe me, you don’t wanna go that way with me.

Elvin: Ya know what? How about we go down the ski slope?

Whitney: Yes. What a great idea.

Elvin: Skiing…

*Whitney nods her head*

Whitney: Yeah.

Elvin: Snowboarding…

*Whitney shrugs her shoulders*

Whitney: That sounds good.

*Greg and London are shown talking and laughing*

Bob (furious): Hey, what the hell’s so funny?! You wanna share it with the rest of us?!

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: Bob, can you please let these single people have a private moment? I mean, I know that Gregory’s significantly older than her, but what’s the big deal? It’s their business.

April: I agree.

Samantha: Ya know, maybe after dinner, you two could go for a ride or something?

April: Oh, that sounds nice. Yeah.

Samantha: Yeah, it’s sounds REAL nice…fun.

Bob: London’s not going anywhere with Greg.

April: Well, why not, honey?

Samantha: Yeah…honey. Why can’t this single and young, might I add, woman, go out with this single man?

Tiffany: Can we just drop this, please?

Whitney: Ya know, I am so agreeing with Tiffany right now.

Samantha: Hold on, now. Hold on. Let Bob answer for me.

Bob: Jeffrey, please get ahold of your wife. She’s embarrassing herself.

Jeffrey (talking to Samantha): Come on, baby. I think you’ve had too much to drink. Come on. Gimme your drink.

Samantha (angrily): Touch it and die.

Bob: Wow, Jeffrey.

Samantha: Bob, please tell us exactly why London can’t go with Greg.

Greg: Samantha, come on. It’s really no big deal.

Bob: Alright, that’s enough. Come on. Give it to me, man hater. Let’s hash it out.

April: Bob, please calm down and eat your food, okay, baby?

Bob: No. Hell no.

April: Bob-

Bob: Shut up.

Samantha: Don’t worry about it, April. Let him talk. Let him speak up

Jeffrey: Don’t worry bout her, Bob. She’s just a little tipsy.

Samantha: I may be tipsy, but someone at this table has some damn secrets.

Tiffany: That’s enough, Samantha.

Bob: Oh, no, no, no, no, no, Tiffany. According to Samantha, someone at this table has some damn secrets. What are they?

*Samantha slowly shakes her head*

Samantha: You are a piece of simple minded, egotistical defecate. April, the reason why London can’t go with Greg or any other man is because she’s sleeping with your man.

*April chokes on her wine*

April (in disbelief): Huh?

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Oh, yeah.

*April shakes her head*

April (in disbelief): Nah. That must be another London and Bob.

Samantha: No, it isn’t, April. It’s been their little love secret for quite some time, apparently.

Chad (under his breath): Oh, hell.

Greg: Bob, what’s the matter with you? Have you really been sleeping with your own wife’s friend?

Bob: Shut up and stay out of it, Greg. I have no time for your crap right now.

Samantha: I’m so sorry, April. I wish it weren’t the truth. But I saw Bob going into London’s room, and it all makes sense. Just add it up. I saw that, I’ve seen Bob and London laugh and joke and giggle and clown around nonstop, and plus, Bob has been treating you very terribly, to be honest.

*April slowly shakes her head in disbelief*

April (in disbelief): Is this true, Bob?

*Bob sighs*

Bob (angrily): Fine! Yes, damnit! Yes, it’s true! That’s my story. I’m the bad guy. But I’m not the only one at this table with secrets. Chad, have you told your wife that you got a DNA test done on your son because you weren’t sure that he was yours?

Tiffany (shocked): What?!

Jeffrey: Come on, Bob. Don’t go telling everyone’s personal business, man.

Bob: No, let me do my damage, Jeffrey. You let your wife do the same. Samantha has lots of room to talk about me, berate me, judge me! It’s time to put everybody’s secrets on the table. Tiffany, have you told Chad how you got your tubes tied after you had Brennon? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Chad (shocked): You did what?!

Bob: That’s what April told me. I’m sorry, Chad, but your chances of having another kid are very slim.

Whitney: Bob, this has gone too far. You need to control yourself.

Bob: Elvin, since you and Whitney seem to be the happy, ideal married couple, will you please inform your wife how you came to my house one time, crying and complaining about how STUPID Whitney was to not strap your child in his car seat?

Samantha: You know what? You are such a low life.

Bob (angrily): Shut up!

Samantha (angrily): No, you shut up!

Bob (angrily): Jeffrey, please get ahold of your wife, damnit! Tell her the truth, and I promise that it will set you free! Tell her about how you had to get a shot because you got an STD. Let’s talk about condoms now, shall we, Samantha?

Samantha: Oh, so you got an STD and you didn’t tell me? Who have you been sleeping with?

Jeffrey (nervously): Honey, let’s discuss this later, in private.

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: No! I’m not doing that! It seems as if everybody’s been talking in private enough as it is! Just tell me one thing: How long have you had it?

Jeffrey (nervously): Pretty long.

Samantha (angrily): How long, damnit?!

Jeffrey (nervously): For about a week.

Samantha: Did you get it from Renee?

*Jeffrey nervously nods his head*

Jeffrey (nervously): Yeah.

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: No, you didn’t get it from Renee. You got it from Byron.

Jeffrey (confused): Byron?!

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah.

Jeffrey: What in the world are you talking about?! I don’t suck d*ck!

Samantha: No, no, no. I slept with Byron. Your strong, sexy, African-American friend Byron. You see, I got a shot. I was just waiting for you to speak up.

*Samantha clears her throat*

Samantha (under her breath): Dumbass.

*Jeffrey slowly shakes his head in disbelief*

Jeffrey (in disbelief): I don’t believe you!

Samantha: Well, believe me. Oh, darling, the sex was fantastic. I mean, we did it at his place, or if not at his place, at our place, on the couch, or in our bed, or in the attic, or in my personal favorite: the bathroom.

*Jeffrey gets up, wraps his hands around Samantha’s throat, and begins to choke her. Bob laughs*

Bob: Touchdown! I hope he breaks your damn throat!

*Chad and Elvin get up and stop Jeffrey*

Chad (talking to Jeffrey): Hey, man! The hell’s the matter with you?! That’s a lady.

Jeffrey (angrily): Oh, yeah?! Well, she doesn’t act like one!

Samantha: What is wrong with you?! You should be behind bars for trying to kill me!

Jeffrey (angrily): You’re so damn despicable!

Samantha: Oh, yeah?! Well, you put your hands on the wrong woman at the wrong time, Jeffrey.

*Jeffrey slowly shakes his head*

Jeffrey (angrily): I’m outta here!

Samantha: Yeah, you stay outta here!

Bob: That’s the best thing I’ve heard in all day. Let’s go. London, pack our stuff. We’re leaving.

*London gets up from the dinner table and heads upstairs to pack*

Bob: Look, April, I’m sorry that you had to find out like this. It was your friend, Samantha’s idea. But yeah…it’s over between us. Now, I’ll be more than fair to you, but I would like a divorce.

*April remains silent*

Bob: Hey, you can have the rental property. I’ll have Raul put bars on there for you. It’s a rough neighborhood.

*April remains silent*

Bob: You can have the car, and…I’ll figure everything else out.

*April remains silent*

Bob: Hello? Are you in there?

*April remains silent and Bob shrugs his shoulders*

Bob: Well, okay. Whatever. I don’t have time to play stupid games with you.

*April gets up from the dinner table, gets out a gun, and fires it multiple times, aiming at Bob, despite missing as he quickly gets up and heads out the door*

Whitney: April!

April: He deserved it!

Greg: Alright, April. Hand over the gun.

*April hesitates at first but eventually gives the gun to Greg*

Greg: Thank you. It’s okay. You were better off without him.

*April quickly bursts into tears and Tiffany, Whitney, and Samantha get up and give her a great big hug*

April (emotionally, crying): How could he do this?! How could he do this to me?! I didn’t do anything to him! All I did was love him! I loved him! I did! And this is what he does in return?!

Samantha: It’s alright, April.

Whitney: Samantha’s right. Everything’s gonna be just fine.

Tiffany: Yeah. It’s okay.

April (emotionally, crying): I’m tired! I’m just so…tired!

April needs to give London a beatdown!

April needs to give London a beatdown!
:lol: What did you think about April trying to shoot Bob’s head off? And what about everyone’s “secrets”?

:lol: What did you think about April trying to shoot Bob’s head off? And what about everyone’s “secrets”?

I think April was off her rocker to try and shoot Bob. She could make him pay worse in divorce court. The secrets about the STDs were interesting as well as the others. I still want April to go all WWE/Smackdown on London's ass, just no crazy guns!

I think April was off her rocker to try and shoot Bob. She could make him pay worse in divorce court. The secrets about the STDs were interesting as well as the others. I still want April to go all WWE/Smackdown on London's ass, just no crazy guns!
Since you dislike the Samantha character I bet you were cheering when Jeffrey got up and started choking her. :lol:

Since you dislike the Samantha character I bet you were cheering when Jeffrey got up and started choking her. :lol:

I guess Jeffrey "snapped." :eek:

*Days later, April is shown crying in a hotel room when a knock on the door is heard*

April: Come in!

*April quickly wipes her tears away when Greg enters*

Greg: Hey there.

April (depressed): Hey.

Greg: Umm…you know you had the key in the door, huh?

*April nods her head*

April (depressed): Yeah.

Greg: Anyway, I saw your car out front and I just came to check on you.

April (depressed): What, are you following me now?

*Greg shakes his head*

Greg: No, not at all. I just wanted to find you and make sure that you were alright.

*April slowly nods her head*

April (depressed): I’m fine. I don’t need nobody to hold my hand or feel sorry for me.

Greg: April, what Bob did to you was awful and inexcusable. But I want you to know something: Not all men are like that. There are still some good men out here.

April (depressed): Mm-hmm.

Greg: I must admit, though, you did shock me with the gun thing.

*Greg chuckles as April remains silent with a sad look on her face*

Greg: Did you hear me or…no?

April (depressed): I should’ve killed him.

Greg: Now, April, you don’t mean that. Or…maybe you do. But I can understand, you’re still in total shock and distress and bewilderment and I guess you haven’t truly reconciled yourself to the fact that Bob isn’t who you thought he was yet.

April (depressed): I gave that man my life. Everything I had. He actually emptied out my bank account one time, ya know? I don’t have any more than $90 to my name. I supported him when he wanted to go into the architect business. I gave him four beautiful kids. One’s in college, the other is 15, the third is 12, and the baby is 7. I just…don’t know what I’m gonna do. I’ve assumed the role of a common housewife for most of our marriage.

Greg: I don’t believe it.

April (depressed): Believe what?

Greg: That you didn’t leave him before. That man emotionally scarred you, April, and he doesn’t deserve to be happy and content with London the tramp. I don’t even get what you saw in London, now that everything’s gone down. She was a terrible friend.

April (depressed): I don’t know, Greg. I don’t know. But…I’m just tired, ya know. I’m so tired. I’m tired of being tired of being tired. I’m tired of the pain and the drama and the constant lies and the criticizing and me feeling like everyone’s talking crap about me behind my back. Maybe Chad and Tiffany and Samantha and Jeffrey and Whitney and Elvin and the rest are just PRETENDING to be friends with me out of sympathy.

Greg: Don’t say that, April. That’s not true at all.

April (depressed): And how do you know that? Huh? It just might be true. You’ll never know, because you aren’t them. Ya know what? I got an idea. Maybe I should just…kill myself so-

*Greg shakes his head*

Greg: No. Don’t do that. I don’t wanna hear that.

April (depressed): …So that I can be free and without pain and put out of my misery. I don’t see much of a life for me here on Earth, Greg. I just…don’t. I don’t like myself. I haven’t truly…liked myself in years, probably. I didn’t ask t-to…

*April bursts into tears*

April (depressed, emotionally): Be this way…I just am. I just am.

Greg: April, I’m telling you, stop with that kinda talk! A lot of people care for you! I care for you! My brother, Chad, cares for you! Tiffany cares for you! Daddy Barnes cares for you! Samantha and Jeffrey care for you! Whitney cares for you! Elvin cares for you! Your parents care for you! Your kids care for you! And so do lots of other people! So don’t go wanting to hang yourself, because you’ll destroy those people!

*Greg approaches April and gives her a hug. Meanwhile, Chad, Tiffany, Whitney, Elvin, and Samantha are shown outside with bags in their hands*

Samantha: Oh, I’m so sorry about all of this, guys. I love you all.

*Samantha gives Tiffany a hug*

Tiffany: I’ll talk to you later, Sam.

Samantha: Alrighty.

*Whitney approaches Samantha and gives her a hug*

Whitney: Oh, I hate saying goodbye to you, bestie.

Samantha: The feeling’s mutual. But if anyone hears from April, please let me know, okay?

Tiffany: Oh, of course. We’ll be sure to let each other know.

Samantha: Good. Well, tell Daddy Barnes I said bye as well.

Chad: We’ll do that.

Samantha: Great.

Whitney: Speaking of, where is Daddy Barnes?

Chad: Locked in his room, sadly. He’s a little disappointed and affected by all that’s gone down.

Whitney: Aww, that’s a shame.

Samantha: I know. But anyways, I gotta get going. Bye, guys.

Elvin: See ya later.

*Samantha walks away as the taxi’s engine starts and Samantha gets in with her bags. The taxi drives off and Chad and Elvin then shake hands*

Elvin: Alright, buddy.

*Chad hugs Whitney*

Whitney: Bye, hon.

*Tiffany and Whitney hug*

Whitney: Give the man what he wants.

Tiffany: Sure.

Whitney: Have a save drive, guys.

*Chad opens the car door for Tiffany and closes it as she gets in. He then walks over to his side and gets in. Elvin and Whitney wave and walk away*

Elvin: Are we gonna talk about it?

Whitney: Elvin, please. Not now.

*Elvin and Whitney get to their car and Elvin opens the car door for Whitney and closes it as she gets in. He then walks over to his side and gets in. We are then switched back to Chad and Tiffany. Tiffany notices that Chad hasn’t started the car yet*

Tiffany: Well, what’s wrong? Why haven’t you started the car?

Chad: Just when exactly were you gonna tell me about the tube tying thing?

Tiffany: After you were going to tell me about you testing our son.

Chad: About that…something’s not adding up. You are so damn busy that when you got pregnant we only had sex, what, once maybe?

Tiffany: Yeah, yeah. What were the results? I’m dying to know.

Chad: Why? The boy’s mine.

Tiffany (sarcastic): Oh, really?! Wow. That’s a shocker.

Chad: Just what in the hell is that supposed to mean? What are you going at, Tiffany?

Tiffany: I’m going at the fact that you’re behaving stupidly. Now leave me alone.

*Tiffany gets on her phone, gets on YouTube, and plays one video really loud to the point where Chad can hear every word. Chad then sighs*

Chad: Okay. We’re playing this game now.

*Chad starts the car and drives off*

Excellent writing! :):wave:

It's a shame that Chad & Tiffany don't trust eachother: RE: lying about the tubal ligation and the DNA test. Also, I feel so bad for April. I hope karma pays a visit to trampy London and dick bag Bob.

Excellent writing! :):wave:
Thank you. I appreciate it. :wave:

I hope karma pays a visit to trampy London and dick bag Bob.
:rotflmao:

Thank you. I appreciate it. :wave:


:rotflmao:

IMO, this has definitely been your best writing project. Superb writing! I also really liked Fallon Family Funeral and Livin' the Life. I thought those ones were brilliantly written as well. :):cool:;)
There is one project of yours that I did not care for very much. It was Laugh Now, Cry Later. It sorta reminded me of Two And A Half Men with all the creepy sex and whatnot. Just not my kinda thing. :eek:

IMO, this has definitely been your best writing project. Superb writing! I also really liked Fallon Family Funeral and Livin' the Life. I thought those ones were brilliantly written as well. :):cool:;)
There is one project of yours that I did not care for very much. It was Laugh Now, Cry Later. It sorta reminded me of Two And A Half Men with all the creepy sex and whatnot. Just not my kinda thing. :eek:
Yeah, I guess Richard Von Drake and “Granny Hilda” wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea. :lol: Speaking of, what are your opinions on Richard duping Solomon? I’d love to hear feedback from you on that. :lol:

*Later, Greg is shown taking April up to a mountain*

Greg: Daddy Barnes used to take me to a place just like this when I was a little boy. It’s great. I like places like this to help clear my head. All I have to do is pray, yell, scream, you name it. Just me and God.

April (depressed): You…ever come here to cry?

*Greg nods his head*

Greg: Yeah, occasionally.

*April bursts into tears*

April (sobbing): I can’t even…describe to you the pain I feel. It’s like I’ve been hit by a car. I keep trying to understand…what I did wrong, and what I did for him to betray me this way. It hurts. It hurts like hell! I have absolutely no life without him! I can’t even pray about it. There’s no God in that. As Christian as I am, there’s no God in that.

Greg: Ya know what? I got an idea for you. And it just might work out. Of course it will take some considering, but it might work out for you.

April (sobbing): What is it?

Greg: Well…maybe you’d be better off staying around here for good. And starting a new life for yourself. Think about it. You deserve it. It’s beautiful here.

April (sobbing): That may be so, but…I ain’t never lived around no mountains before.

*April nervously chuckles*

Greg: Well, I mean, it’s just a thought. I mean, you don’t have to. I was just thinking about what’s best for you.

*April nods her head*

April (sobbing): Yeah, well…I don’t know, ‘cause I’m still raising little ones and I’m not sure about forcing them to adapt to a sudden move.

Greg: I understand. That’s completely understandable. You just do what you have to do. I don’t want to see you hurt and miserable for the rest of your life.

April really does need to move on. Moving on in the mountains might be good for her. Greg seems to be a big comfort for her right now.

Yeah, I guess Richard Von Drake and “Granny Hilda” wouldn’t be everyone’s cup of tea. :lol: Speaking of, what are your opinions on Richard duping Solomon? I’d love to hear feedback from you on that. :lol:

I think Solomon is very weak minded and easily manipulated. I don't wanna talk about that story anymore. It creeps me out.

*Back at Whitney and Elvin’s place, Whitney is shown entering the kitchen when Elvin comes in and approaches her*

Whitney: Oh, hey. I thought you went to the store.

*Elvin shakes his head*

Elvin: No.

Whitney: Okay…well, I’m gonna get dinner started in a few.

Elvin: I’m not all that worried about food right now. We need to talk, Whitney.

Whitney: Not now. I’m not interested.

Elvin: Look, I know that what Bob said at the table is stuffed in your mind right now.

*Whitney remains silent*

Elvin: So you don’t wanna discuss it?

Whitney: I’ve discussed it time and time again. I’m a doctor. I deal with this on the regular.

Elvin: Well, you’ve never discussed it with me.

Whitney: Oh, so now you wanna discuss things like characters off of The Andy Griffith Show. Well, newsflash: This ain’t Mayberry.

Elvin: Look, I’m not trying to pick a fight with you. I’m trying to start a conversation with you, like a married couple. Like man and woman.

Whitney: Elvin, I don’t wanna hear your foolery. I don’t want to see a grown ass man fall on the floor and cry his eyes out like a five year old. I’m not Bob.

Elvin: Oh, here we go. Whitney, you’ve never made it easy for me to approach you with topics like this. You talk about our son as if he never existed. Do you need me to put a picture of him all in your face?

Whitney: I don’t wanna talk about this.

Elvin (furious): What do you need me to do?!

*Whitney sighs*

Whitney: Honey, I did not know about you blaming me for what happened.

Elvin: Alright, I put all the blame on you and maybe I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry. I’ve blamed myself, and I’ve blamed God, but…it’s no one’s fault, really. Whitney, do you remember what our son looked like?

Whitney: Elvin, quit being weird.

Elvin: It’s a simple question.

Whitney: And a weird one.

Elvin (furious): Just answer my damn question!

Whitney (angrily): Leave me alone!

*Whitney moves away from Elvin in anger*

Whitney (angrily): Just stop with the pretending, and-

Elvin (furious): I’m not pretending, damnit! I’m mad as hell!

*Whitney nods her head*

Whitney (angrily): Yes, you are pretending! You’re pretending to love me! You don’t love me anymore! You’re substituting our love with retribution towards me for our son! You don’t have to lie! I just…can’t take this anymore!

Elvin (furious): Whitney, will you shut up about-

Whitney (angrily): Answer me this, Bob! Answer my question: If you’re not pretending to love me, then why did you call me stupid to Bob?! Huh?! And why can’t…you make love to me anymore?! Huh?! Why do you just sit there with egg on your face in bed?! Huh?!

*Elvin shakes his head*

Elvin: I’m not answering that.

Whitney (angrily): Of course you aren’t, because you’re-God, I hate myself for this! I know you hate me!

Elvin: Honey, no, that’s not true at all.

*Elvin approaches Whitney and tries to hold her but she pushes him away*

Whitney (angrily): Don’t touch me!

Elvin: Baby!

Whitney (angrily): I said don’t touch me! Can you listen to me for once?!

Elvin: None of this is your fault.

Whitney (angrily): ALL of this is my fault! All I do is walk around, pretending to be perfect and nonchalant, when I’m not!

Elvin: Honey, you’re perfect to-

Whitney (angrily): Listen, damnit, listen! What happened that day was never intended. I was in a hurry. And, well…I strapped him in, I did.

*Whitney bursts into tears*

Whitney (sobbing): But I…must have not secured it. I didn’t check. I admit that! It was raining, ya know…and I just, slid off the road. I didn’t mean to, though! I didn’t!

*Elvin approaches Whitney and gives her a big hug*

Elvin: It’s alright, Whitney. It’s alright. I understand.

Whitney (sobbing): I can’t do this by myself, Elvin! I can’t!

Elvin: No one said you had to do this by yourself. Just let me help you with this. Let me do that. I’ll be there for you. I promise.

WEEKS LATER…

*Samantha and Jeffrey and shown riding in a car with Jeffrey driving*

Samantha (furious): Why the hell did Renee show up to my workplace?!

Jeffrey: She was trying to tell you that she wanted to talk with me.

Samantha (furious): About what?!

*Jeffrey pulls over and stops the car*

Jeffrey: Samantha, will you please lay off of me? I’m getting sick of your vile attitude.

Samantha (furious): Oh, really?! Well, if you’re so sick of it then leave me! I dare you to!

Jeffrey: Ya know what? Keep it up, and that’s exactly what I’m gonna do.

Samantha (furious): Oh, gimme a break! You know you’re not going anywhere, Jeffrey! And ya know why? Because this car is all mine! I got you this car! It doesn’t pay to sell shoes! You’re a damn parasite!

*Jeffrey angrily gets out of the car, walks over to Samantha’s side, opens the car door for her*

Jeffrey (angrily): Get the hell out!

Samantha (furious): Gladly!

*Samantha gets out of the car*

Jeffrey (angrily): Let me tell you something, you ignorant bimbo! I don’t give a damn about money when it comes to you! And if you think that then you’re dumber than you look! I love you, woman. But you’re too damn pigheaded to see that! I could make love to you right now and right here! I was with you…when you didn’t have anything! And I’ve always been there for you, trying to love you! It’s a shame that women like you are so used to losing that you don’t realize when you’ve won! Now, with that being said, I am going to tell you ONE time, and one time only! You better start getting along with Renee for the sake of the kids and quit acting like you’re a damn 5 year old! At least try for once!

*Jeffrey sighs*

Jeffrey: I can’t do this. I can’t deal with this right now.

*Jeffrey walks off*

Samantha (confused): Jeff, where are you going?

Jeffrey: I’m going for a walk. I’ll see you later.

Samantha: No, get back here! Jeffrey! Sweetheart, come back!

*Jeffrey continues to walk off*

Samantha (under her breath): Damnit.

:clap Excellent work!

:clap Excellent work!
Thank you. I’m curious, what are your thoughts on the new parts with Whitney and Elvin and Jeffrey and Samantha?

Thank you. I’m curious, what are your thoughts on the new parts with Whitney and Elvin and Jeffrey and Samantha?

Most married couples divorce if one of their kids die, but Whit & Elvin are still holding on despite the secrets/lies. I hope they make it. As for Jeffrey and Samantha, I think Samantha might be driving Jeffrey over the edge!

*At Chad and Tiffany’s house, Tiffany is shown entering while Chad is shown sitting at the kitchen table*

Tiffany: Hi, honey.

*Chad remains silent*

Tiffany: I was getting wrapped up, so sorry I’m late.

Chad: Do you have any idea what today is?

*Tiffany shrugs her shoulders*

Tiffany: Wednesday?

Chad: Well, that’s not exactly what I was gonna say.

Tiffany: So it isn’t Wednesday? Wow. I think I’m having a senior moment right now.

Chad: It is Wednesday, but…it also happens to be my birthday.

Tiffany: What?

*Chad nods his head*

Chad: Yeah.

Tiffany (sorry): Oh, baby. I’m so sorry.

Chad: Ya know, I would say that it’s alright, but I’m starting to realize that you remember what you want to remember.

Tiffany (annoyed): Oh, here we go! So what if I forgot your birthday?! I am a busy woman! So suck it up and let it go! I mean it! I’m exhausted and I don’t feel like arguing over something totally idiotic!

Chad: Oh, well excuse me, Miss Modern Working Woman. I happen to work too! But ya don’t see me having symptoms of Alzheimer’s.

Tiffany (angrily): And just what in the hell is that supposed to mean?!

*Chad gets up, leaves out of the kitchen, and enters the living room*

Tiffany (angrily): Hey! Get back here when I’m speaking to you!

*Tiffany follows Chad into the living room*

Tiffany (angrily): What’s the big idea?

*Chad remains silent*

Tiffany (angrily): You answer me!

Chad (annoyed): Hey, keep your voice down, damnit! I don’t want our son to hear us upstairs!

*Tiffany sighs*

Tiffany: What is going on? Are you crazy? Do you have harbored anger issues?

Chad (annoyed): Hell yes! I am crazy! I am bipolar! I am a psychopath!

*Tiffany rolls her eyes*

Tiffany: Look, Chad. I have to work! Big deal!

Chad (angrily): Oh, this has nothing to do with your damn job.

Tiffany: Oh, really? Then where is all this coming from out of the blue?

Chad (angrily): What in the hell do you mean “out of the blue”?! This is not out of the blue at all! I mean, I can’t even tell you how many times I have asked and asked and begged and begged for you to spend some time with me! I’d like for you to spend time with me, spend time with our son!

Tiffany: I’ve done that!

Chad (angrily): You’re a damn lie. I have begged you for MONTHS, and you do the same thing. Each and every time. You pretend as if I’m exaggerating and you get all upset just because you can’t bring yourself to do ONE simple thing. For your family’s sake at that.

Tiffany (angrily): I do want my family to be happy!

Chad (angrily): Well, you aren’t acting like it!

Tiffany (angrily): Yes, I am!

Chad (angrily): Don’t be stupid! What kinda man has to make an appointment to sleep with his wife?! Huh?!

Tiffany (angrily): Obviously one who has too much time in his hands! Damnit, Chad! What is it that you want me to do?!

*Chad shakes his head*

Chad: What is it that I want you to do. Well, how about the obvious? How about baking a cake for my birthday?! Do you even know that I like cake?

*Tiffany remains silent*

Chad (angrily): Save your breath. I already got my answer. You can at least ATTEMPT to spend some time with your son if you can’t spend time with your soulmate. Is that too much to ask? Obviously screwing me on the regular is!

Tiffany (angrily): Hey, I’m all for solutions, but maybe we could come up with something that doesn’t involve me stepping back into the fifties! Ya know, I don’t even know why I’m wasting my time arguing with you. You’re coming off as some big baby and that will NEVER change as long as you continue to be a stubborn jackass!

Chad (angrily): Hey, do not come for me! I’m not the one who’s being selfish and ignorant!

Tiffany (angrily): Who is being selfish and ignorant, Chad?! You wanna play this game?! Come on, bring it on! I’m ready!

*Chad scoffs*

Chad: You are funny.

Tiffany (angrily): The hell I am!

Chad (angrily): Just what the hell do you mean anyway?! You’re VERY selfish and ignorant! Who sits there and gets their tubes tied without saying a word to their husband?! Ya don’t think that’s a little selfish?!

Tiffany (angrily): Listen up, you! This is MY body and it was MY decision that got me to that place! You don’t have to carry a child, I do! You don’t have to miss work either, that’s all on me!

Chad (angrily): Tiffany, when you get married, you give up the “I’s” for us, okay? You don’t go and do that without having a talk with me first!

Tiffany (angrily): And just who the hell are you, the master of Frederick Douglass?! You’re not the boss of me! I can do anything I damn well please! You are grouchy and just being plain ridiculous!

Chad (angrily): I ain’t grouchy, I’m incredulous!

*Chad sighs*

Chad: Ya know what? What the hell am I doing? I don’t even know why I’m fussing with you. I’m beyond drained and tired from arguing about the same damn STUPID things with you. So, ultimately, one thing’s very clear to me: You don’t want to be my wife.

Tiffany (annoyed): Oh, God, just be quiet already!

Chad (angrily): Shut up!

Tiffany: I know what this is about. You’re pissed because my entire career is going way better than yours. All while you’re having some disgusting testosterone issues. You just can’t handle it.

*Tiffany’s cellphone, which is sitting on top of her purse on the couch, starts to ring. Chad picks it up*

Tiffany: Give that to me.

Chad: You say I can’t handle your so-called career. It’s driving me crazy.

Tiffany (annoyed): Shut up with that utter foolishness and give me the phone.

Chad: Let’s see if you can handle this.

Tiffany (annoyed): Shut the hell up already and give me the damn phone!

*Chad nods his head*

Chad: Gotcha. Sure thing.

*Chad takes Tiffany’s phone and throws it on the floor in anger while Tiffany screams in shock*

Chad (angrily): There! You wanted the damn phone?! I gave you the damn phone!

Tiffany (in disbelief): Are you cuckoo?! Have you lost your mind?!

*Chad shakes his head*

Chad: No. Of course not. But I am about to lose my wife. I can’t do this anymore. I’m deranged and you’re delusional. Those two don’t mix.

*Chad takes off his wedding band and throws it on the floor in anger*

Chad: I’m moving out. Things will be better that way, so don’t fight it.

*Chad leaves the room and Tiffany takes a deep sigh*

Tiffany (under her breath): What has gone on? I feel crazy. I feel like I’m about to lose my mind.

It does seem as if Chad and Tiffany do need to be separated at least for a while if not permanently. The relationship is getting toxic.

It does seem as if Chad and Tiffany do need to be separated at least for a while if not permanently. The relationship is getting toxic.
Whose side are you on and who’s in the right to you?

Whose side are you on and who’s in the right to you?
I think they both need to work on themselves. I don't side with either one of them since Tiff had the tubal ligation in secret and Chad secretly had a DNA test. They don't trust each other. The relationship might be beyond repair at this point.

I think they both need to work on themselves. I don't side with either one of them since Tiff had the tubal ligation in secret and Chad secretly had a DNA test. They don't trust each other. The relationship might be beyond repair at this point.
Who knows. Not saying I’ll definitely go that way with them, but they might have hate sex towards the end. :lol: We’ll see. I’ll think about the idea.

I think they both need to work on themselves. I don't side with either one of them since Tiff had the tubal ligation in secret and Chad secretly had a DNA test. They don't trust each other. The relationship might be beyond repair at this point. What I really don't understand is..... WHY would either of them confide their secrets to BOB??? :confused:

What I really don't understand is..... WHY would either of them confide their secrets to BOB??? :confused:
Well, in case you forgot, Tiffany told April who in turn talked about it with Bob, but I can’t say the same for Chad.

Well, in case you forgot, Tiffany told April who in turn talked about it with Bob, but I can’t say the same for Chad.

I forgot about April being the one who blabbed to Bob. As for Chad, there is no excuse. He's a dumbass who confided in a total douche.

I forgot about April being the one who blabbed to Bob. As for Chad, there is no excuse. He's a dumbass who confided in a total douche.
Just asking, not saying that it would EVER happen: But how would you feel about April going back to Bob? Or how about Chad cheating on Tiffany with London or Tiffany cheating on Chad with Elvin?

Just asking, not saying that it would EVER happen: But how would you feel about April going back to Bob? Or how about Chad cheating on Tiffany with London or Tiffany cheating on Chad with Elvin?
If April gets back with Bob, it will prove that she is very weak and pathetic. It also proves that she is okay with allowing herself to be someone's doormat and perhaps enjoys being mentally abused. If she gets back with Bob, I will never feel sympathy for her ever again.
As for the others you mentioned.... nasty.

*Nearly a week later, Tiffany and Samantha are shown seated at a table in a restaurant when Whitney comes in and approaches them at the table*

Whitney: Hey, girls!

Tiffany: Hey, Whitney! We were waiting on you.

Samantha: Hey, Whit.

*Whitney has a seat*

Whitney: So, what’s up? What was so urgent?

Samantha: Man problems.

Tiffany: For BOTH of us.

Whitney: Well, okay. Spit it out. What happened?

Tiffany: Let me go first. Get this, Whitney: Me and Chad had a big argument and he moved out on me.

Whitney (shocked): What?

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: Yeah. He packed his things, stormed out, and now, he’s got his own apartment. That man is irate.

Samantha: And Jeffrey got so upset with me. I have never seen him like that. We were in the car, driving, and then he stopped the car and started yelling at me. It was terrible.

Whitney: Are you kidding me?

Samantha: What?

Whitney: Obviously Jeffrey didn’t get mad at you for nothing. Ya know, if I didn’t know these men well enough, I’d think that they were insane.

Samantha: They are, Whitney.

Tiffany: What she said.

Whitney: Oh, for heaven’s sake, will you two just call your husbands and talk to them?

*Samantha shakes her head*

Samantha: Oh, hell no! That is out of the question. I know that I’m not about to call up Jeffrey.

Tiffany: Same.

Whitney: This is absolutely ridiculous. If you’re not gonna be truthful with your husbands, then who can you be truthful with? Huh? Who are you gonna express your vulnerability with?

Samantha and Tiffany (in unison): You!

Whitney: And ya see, this is why Chad and Jeffrey are so mad with you guys. I can’t solve all the problems. You need to trust them with your feelings and your total honesty. Tell ‘em how you want to be held at night and that you’re afraid for them to leave you and afraid to lose them. Come on, guys. Use your common sense.

Samantha (talking to Tiffany): Does she need to be drug tested?

Tiffany: Obviously she does.

Samantha: Whitney, I’m not doing that sh*t. And you know that.

Whitney: Sam, just stop that! Stop it now. Ya know what your problem is? You are too insecure and you’re scared that people will easily find that out and think negative things about you.

*Samantha rolls her eyes*

Whitney: It’s the truth. Also, you’re too terrified at the fact that Jeffrey isn’t gonna do everything you order him to do. And I am telling you to stop that now. You can’t bully that man around.

Samantha: Yes, I can, because I have the ability to, and he’s my husband! So if he wants my vagina he needs to get his act together and quit pissing me off.

Whitney (under her breath): I don’t understand you.

Samantha: What?

*Whitney laughs*

Whitney: Nothing. Nothing at all.

Tiffany: Whitney, I am not ready to face a possible rejection. I can’t handle that.

Samantha: Me either.

Whitney: Rejection? Oh, really? Rejection? Wow, that’s a new one. Look at you two, sitting here like little lost puppies. What’s so hard about confiding in them and telling them the same things you tell me? Talk to them so that they can see what you’re feeling and what you’re dealing with. Igniting a spat isn’t gonna do a damn thing. Work it out, people!

Samantha (taking to Tiffany): Ya know what? I regret being here with you, Whitney. You talk too much about too much at times. I wish you’d just be quiet already. You’re giving me a headache.

Whitney: Ya know what? Let me approach you guys in a different but still effective way.

*Whitney digs through her purse and grabs two pieces of loose leaf paper out and hands them to Tiffany and Samantha*

Whitney: Elvin and me did this and it helped tremendously. Listen up. Now, on one side of the paper, I want you two to list all the bad things your husbands have done. And on the other, all the good things they’ve done goes there. Now, if the bad outweighs the good, then so be it. Work through it. Let it go. But, if the good outweighs the bad, then the marriage is worth it. You guys will make it for sure. Just fix it with your husbands, one step at a time. But all of this is just…not healthy.

Samantha: Ah, but I don’t wanna fix it, Whitney. It’s all their fault.

Whitney: Samantha, please grow up before I throw up.

*Tiffany laughs*

Whitney: Fix it, you guys. Just…work your troubles out.

*The waiter approaches the table and is ready to serve the ladies*

LOL @ Samantha and Tiffany saying that Whitney needs to be drug tested!

LOL @ Samantha and Tiffany saying that Whitney needs to be drug tested!
How did you feel about Whitney’s advice?

How did you feel about Whitney’s advice?

What Whitney is suggesting is a hell of a lot better than anything Samantha and Tiffany have been doing so far. They might as well listen to her. They've got nothing to lose.

*Later that day, Chad, Elvin, Jeffrey, and Bob are shown seated at a table in a tavern*

Chad (intoxicated): Ya know, guys, maybe we should help each other kill our wives.

*Elvin shrugs his shoulders*

Elvin: That could be a thing.

*Elvin laughs*

Jeffrey (intoxicated): Elvin, tell me something, man. Why is it that when a woman cries and complains about wanting a good man, she drives him crazy after finding him?

Bob (intoxicated): I know the answer to that one, buddy. It’s because women don’t really watch what they’re asking for. Especially yours, Jeff. Help me out, Elvin. Am I right or am I wrong?

*Elvin shakes his head*

Elvin: I’m not answering that.

Bob (intoxicated): Oh, whatever.

Chad (intoxicated): Ya know what, guys? I’m making the decision to divorce Tiffany. I’ll just…call her up and telling we’re…

*Chad sighs*

Chad (intoxicated): …Getting a divorce.

Elvin: That’s a horrible idea. Come on, Chad. You and Tiffany are a match made in Heaven.

Chad (intoxicated): You know what? You’re absolutely right. It is a horrible idea for me to…call Tiffany. I’ll just send her a text to save all the trouble. Lemme tell ya something, guys. If you wanna…piss a woman off like A LOT just send her a text.

Bob (intoxicated): Alright, that’s it. You stop it, man. I’m telling you. You got a good woman waiting for you at home. Just work your differences out.

Chad (intoxicated): Well, okay…but she’s gotta be willing to work it out first.

Bob (intoxicated): You better thank your lucky stars ya got Tiffany. I couldn’t get April to get off her fat butt and hush it with all the “I wanna please you” crap. It was driving me insane.

Elvin: Hey, Bob. Don’t go there with that. April doesn’t deserve it.

Bob (intoxicated): No, I mean it. April is fat and atrocious and just…useless. She was a total nag.

Jeffrey (intoxicated): Alright, Bob. That’s enough. We didn’t come here for that.

Bob (intoxicated): There were moments where I felt embarrassed to be seen in public with her. It felt like I was the laughing stock due to her careless and slothful actions.

*Everyone remains silent as they are obviously uncomfortable hearing Bob talk about April*

Bob (intoxicated): April, what a dumb woman. She looks dumb. She acts dumb. She oughta…feel dumb. Ya know, she’s so dumb that I could see her eating a bucket of bad shrimp and moaning and groaning about how her stomach hurts while she continues to eat the said bad shrimp.

*Bob laughs*

Bob (intoxicated): I’d love to see her on a treadmill. After five seconds, she would be winded.

*Bob laughs again*

Bob (mocking April in an intoxicated voice): I can’t breathe! This is hard work! I need a donut with some salt and syrup all on it! I need Jesus! Jesus, take the wheel!

*Bob laughs again*

Bob (intoxicated): Yeah, she’d say something like that. With her chunky ass double chin and her nonexistent neck.

*Bob laughs once again*

Bob (intoxicated): But, yeah. That woman…disgusts me. That’s alright, though. It’s all good. I got a sexy, fierce, incredible young woman like London and she makes me feel alive. April couldn’t achieve that. And…I’m thinking about…popping the question to her tomorrow night. You guys should see the ring I got her. But I lost it…and I’m too drunk to get up and see where it is.

Elvin: Bob, if ya don’t mind me saying, I think you made a mistake cheating on April and leaving her for London.

*Bob rolls his eyes*

Bob (intoxicated): Oh, shut the hell up. That talk is grating my nerves.

Elvin: That’s okay, though. Karma will knock on your door one way or another.

Bob (intoxicated while thinking about what Elvin said): Oh, okay. We’ll see about that.

Elvin: Bob, tell me something. Does London cook like April did?

*Bob shakes his head*

Bob (intoxicated): Well, no.

Jeffrey (intoxicated): And does she clean like April did?

*Bob shakes his head*

Bob (intoxicated): Well, no. I suppose she doesn’t.

Chad (intoxicated): How many times has she told you that she loves you?

Bob (intoxicated): Once or twice, probably.

Elvin: Hmm. Well, as I recall, April used to say the little L word to you almost every day and every night.

Bob (intoxicated): Ya know what, just back off. Shut up and back off. London loves me, and no, she doesn’t cook, and no, she doesn’t clean, and she may not even like my personality all that much, but it’s the love that matters, and that is what we share, for each other and with each other.

Elvin: Sure. Anyway, Chad, remember the 80/20 rule Whitney always talks about. Calm yourself down and think about that.

Chad (intoxicated): Yeah, yeah. Alright, I’ll go back to Tiffany, just…not right now. I want to teach her a lesson.

Jeffrey (intoxicated): What lesson is that?

Chad (intoxicated): The one that teaches her that I don’t have to apologize or feel sorry for her foolishness. I could live in that apartment for the rest of my life. I’m not complaining.

Jeffrey (intoxicated): Bingo! That’s the truth! You’re absolutely right!

Elvin: No, he isn’t. Worrying about proving a point to Tiffany isn’t gonna solve anything. You’re 41 and you’re literally considering living your life without the woman you love just to get back at her.

Bob (intoxicated): Elvin’s right with this one. Tiffany’s worth apologizing to. At least she isn’t 500 pounds.

*Bob laughs*

Bob (intoxicated): And a Kindergarten dropout.

*Bob laughs again while Chad, Elvin, and Jeffrey stare at him in annoyance*

Bob (intoxicated): What? Feel free to join in on the April hate fest.

Can someone please knock Bob's teeth out? He sure loves complaining about April, but I bet if London dumped his lame ass, he'd be begging April to take him back.

Can someone please knock Bob's teeth out? He sure loves complaining about April, but I bet if London dumped his lame ass, he'd be begging April to take him back.
LOL at your thoughts on the Bob character. I feel the same way. And sadly, there are lots of men like Bob. Who knows, what Elvin said might be true: Karma will knock on Bob’s door sooner or later. Would you be in favor of April eventually going back to Bob if he changes his ways and becomes a changed and good man for “the Lord”? I would NEVER go this route for particular reasons, but I’d love to hear your opinion. :lol:

Also, do you think that Bob and London will stay happy very long? If not, please give me your reasons.

LOL at your thoughts on the Bob character. I feel the same way. And sadly, there are lots of men like Bob. Who knows, what Elvin said might be true: Karma will knock on Bob’s door sooner or later. Would you be in favor of April eventually going back to Bob if he changes his ways and becomes a changed and good man for “the Lord”? I would NEVER go this route for particular reasons, but I’d love to hear your opinion. :lol:

Also, do you think that Bob and London will stay happy very long? If not, please give me your reasons.

Bob's actions were/are unforgivable. April should never take him back. If April has any self esteem, she will tell Bob to get lost if he ever comes sniffing around her again. The only way Bob would ever try to get back with April is if London dumps him. Bob is actually insecure and weak. He can't be alone. London and Bob won't last as their "relationship" is very shallow and it is based on betrayal and lies. Karma WILL get Bob!

P.S. I want karma to visit London, too, and I am dying for a scene where London tries to make up with April and April tells her off or beats her ass!

Bob's actions were/are unforgivable. April should never take him back. If April has any self esteem, she will tell Bob to get lost if he ever comes sniffing around her again. The only way Bob would ever try to get back with April is if London dumps him. Bob is actually insecure and weak. He can't be alone. London and Bob won't last as their "relationship" is very shallow and it is based on betrayal and lies. Karma WILL get Bob!
Hmm, well since you’re such a huge Reba fan, I thought you’d absolutely LOVE it if Bob got London pregnant and London turned into B.J., always obsessing over April and acting looney tunes. And to finish it off, I thought for sure you’d like it if April were to watch Bob and April’s baby. LOL. Just kidding with you.

P.S. I want karma to visit London, too, and I am dying for a scene where London tries to make up with April and April tells her off or beats her ass!
That would be a great scene in the story. I could picture it now:

London: Look, April, I’m sorry for all that has happened. You are too good of a woman to be subjected to what Bob put you through. Now, I’m hoping that we can become friends again. I don’t like all this bad blood between us.

April (angrily): Oh, don’t give me that bullsh*t, you whore. I was your best friend AND your only friend, and you repaid me by screwing my husband. You just don’t get it. You BROKE me, but you have absolutely NOTHING to do with that, apparently! The damage is done, London! Quit apologizing, because you’re only doing that to feel sorry for YOURSELF!

London (annoyed): Alright, that is it! I’m not doing this anymore! Look at you. You’re sitting there, with your triple chin all curled up and your stomach all the way down to your knees. Bob was right, you are DUMB. Not only that, but you are just a totally dumb bitch. Bob didn’t want you, he still doesn’t, move on. You got too FAT for him. He’s MY man now! All mine! So just forget I tried to make up with you. Your mind is too fixated on greasy food smothered in ketchup and jelly to see what’s best for you.

*April turns and punches London in anger. London quickly falls to the floor and holds her mouth in pain*

London (in pain): Ah! What was that for?!

April (angrily): I can’t stand you. You are nothing more than a common skank, who is too busy moving and grooving her body to realize that! Quit sleeping with people’s husbands so you can adapt to the real word! Men who are old enough to be your father can’t support you forever!

*April leaves out of the room*

:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

THAT WOULD BE GREAT!!!

Hmm, well since you’re such a huge Reba fan, I thought you’d absolutely LOVE it if Bob got London pregnant and London turned into B.J., always obsessing over April and acting looney tunes. And to finish it off, I thought for sure you’d like it if April were to watch Bob and April’s baby. LOL. Just kidding with you.
The whole Reba/B.J. dynamic drove me crazy!


That would be a great scene in the story. I could picture it now:

London: Look, April, I’m sorry for all that has happened. You are too good of a woman to be subjected to what Bob put you through. Now, I’m hoping that we can become friends again. I don’t like all this bad blood between us.

April (angrily): Oh, don’t give me that bullsh*t, you whore. I was your best friend AND your only friend, and you repaid me by screwing my husband. You just don’t get it. You BROKE me, but you have absolutely NOTHING to do with that, apparently! The damage is done, London! Quit apologizing, because you’re only doing that to feel sorry for YOURSELF!

London (annoyed): Alright, that is it! I’m not doing this anymore! Look at you. You’re sitting there, with your triple chin all curled up and your stomach all the way down to your knees. Bob was right, you are DUMB. Not only that, but you are just a totally dumb bitch. Bob didn’t want you, he still doesn’t, move on. You got too FAT for him. He’s MY man now! All mine! So just forget I tried to make up with you. Your mind is too fixated on greasy food smothered in ketchup and jelly to see what’s best for you.

*April turns and punches London in anger. London quickly falls to the floor and holds her mouth in pain*

London (in pain): Ah! What was that for?!

April (angrily): I can’t stand you. You are nothing more than a common skank, who is too busy moving and grooving her body to realize that! Quit sleeping with people’s husbands so you can adapt to the real word! Men who are old enough to be your father can’t support you forever!

*April leaves out of the room*

:rotflmao::rotflmao::rotflmao:

THAT WOULD BE GREAT!!!
TOTALLY AWESOME!!!

:clap: :clap: :clap:

*A few days later, at Jeffrey and Samantha’s place, Samantha is shown taking Jeffrey into the kitchen. Jeffrey immediately notices that a bunch of food is laid out all over the table*

Jeffrey (confused): What’s all this?

Samantha: Oh, honey, I just thought I’d cook for you. Now, come on. Please sit.

Jeffrey: Hold on. Let me wash my hands first.

Samantha: Well, okay. Go ahead.

*Jeffrey rushes off to the bathroom, locks the door behind him, takes out his cellphone, and calls up Elvin. We are then switched to Elvin who answers the phone*

Elvin (on the other end): Hello?

*We are switched back to Jeffrey*

Jeffrey (on the phone): Elvin, listen up. I know this might sound silly, but I think Samantha’s trying to kill me for the insurance money.

Elvin (on the other end): What?

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey (on the phone): Yeah. Let me explain. The woman hasn’t said two words to me since we got back. I mean, I’ve slept with ONE EYE open, and still, nothing. And now, she’s actually COOKED.

Elvin (on the other end): Well, unless Samantha cooked with an IRON, I don’t think you have anything to worry about.

*Elvin laughs*

Jeffrey (on the phone): Nah, I still think she’s after the insurance money. She’s up to something for sure. But look…if I die, just know that she killed me.

*Elvin laughs again*

Elvin (on the other end): Come on, man. Go and eat your dinner before it gets cold. Samantha’s not that crazy.

Jeffrey (on the phone): Elvin, be realistic. This is SAMANTHA we’re talking about.

Elvin (on the other end): Well, okay. You do raise a good point. Just…if anything LOOKS or TASTES funny, hurry up and spit it out.

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey (on the phone): Okay, man. Thanks for the advice. I hope I make it.

Elvin (on the other end): I hope you…make it too.

*Elvin laughs*

Samantha just might be the type to poison her husband for the insurance money. After all, we're talking about a woman who said she'd "like to slit Renee's throat just to watch her bleed."

Samantha just might be the type to poison her husband for the insurance money. After all, we're talking about a woman who said she'd "like to slit Renee's throat just to watch her bleed."
Who knows, maybe Samantha really did change her tune and truly wanted to serve her hubby a nice, home cooked meal.

Since we’re on the subject of Samantha, who do you despise more: Samantha or Bob?

Who knows, maybe Samantha really did change her tune and truly wanted to serve her hubby a nice, home cooked meal.

Since we’re on the subject of Samantha, who do you despise more: Samantha or Bob?
Right now, my vote goes to Bob.

Right now, my vote goes to Bob.
I’m sure that despite all her faults, you like Samantha just a bit deep down since she doesn’t hesitate to stand up for her good friend, April, against douche bag Bob.

I’m sure that despite all her faults, you like Samantha just a bit deep down since she doesn’t hesitate to stand up for her good friend, April, against douche bag Bob.

She did make me LOL when she was on the train arguing with her hubby and I do appreciate how she sticks up for April.

She did make me LOL when she was on the train arguing with her hubby
Maybe that’s because the real life Wawwie would do the same thing as her character, Samantha. ;) Just kidding with ya. :lol:

Who do you think was in the right when it came to April finding out that her husband was screwing her young friend: Samantha or Tiffany and Whitney? Samantha wanted to tell April as soon as she got there but Tiffany and Whitney persuaded her into waiting it out.

Maybe that’s because the real life Wawwie would do the same thing as her character, Samantha. ;) Just kidding with ya. :lol:

Who do you think was in the right when it came to April finding out that her husband was screwing her young friend: Samantha or Tiffany and Whitney? Samantha wanted to tell April as soon as she got there but Tiffany and Whitney persuaded her into waiting it out.

April deserved to know right away, so I'd say Samantha had the right idea in wanting to tell April as soon as she got there...but at that time, she didn't have 100% proof, so I guess everything worked out for the best in the end.

April deserved to know right away, so I'd say Samantha had the right idea in wanting to tell April as soon as she got there...but at that time, she didn't have 100% proof, so I guess everything worked out for the best in the end.
I’m still a bit shocked you weren’t overjoyed when April got up quietly, pulled that gun out, and started trying to shoot the sh*t outta Bob. :lol: Especially since you despise Bob.

Just curious, did you suspect that Bob and London had a thing going on even before it was revealed? I didn’t hesitate to give away “hints”, that’s for sure.

I’m still a bit shocked you weren’t overjoyed when April got up quietly, pulled that gun out, and started trying to shoot the sh*t outta Bob. :lol: Especially since you despise Bob.

Just curious, did you suspect that Bob and London had a thing going on even before it was revealed? I didn’t hesitate to give away “hints”, that’s for sure.
I do despise Bob, but even a douche like him doesn't deserve to be murdered, and I'd hate for April to spend the rest of her life in prison all over a turd like Bob. He sure ain't worth it.
To answer your question, of course the signs were always there that Bob was boffing London the whole time.

I do despise Bob, but even a douche like him doesn't deserve to be murdered, and I'd hate for April to spend the rest of her life in prison all over a turd like Bob. He sure ain't worth it.
To answer your question, of course the signs were always there that Bob was boffing London the whole time.
Yeah, the signs were pretty noticeable: Bob forcing April to drive all by herself while he sits in comfort on a plane with her friend, Bob constantly insulting April and making fun of her, Bob refusing to touch April, Bob and London sitting there laughing at April all the time, and then Samantha opening the door and seeing Bob go into that room. That was enough proof. Boy, Bob must’ve been begging and pleading the hell outta London for her to agree to have sex with him, especially since he’s “portrayed” by Jason Thompson, who looks old enough to be Victoria’s uncle. :lol::crazy:

*In a montage, Tiffany is shown sitting in her car, writing on the piece of loose leaf paper Whitney gave her while crying, Jeffrey and Samantha are shown making love in their bedroom, and Elvin and Whitney are shown watching TV and laughing together. A week later, Jeffrey is shown sitting at the kitchen table with a plate of food, still uneasy about Samantha possibly trying to poison him. Samantha’s sitting right next to him, eating*

Samantha: Baby, you haven’t touched her food.

Jeffrey (uneasy): Umm…actually, umm, I’m not that hungry.

*Jeffrey’s face starts to turn red*

Samantha: Oh, whatever. It’s obvious you’re lying to yourself.

Jeffrey (uneasy): Look, Samantha. I’m scared. I’m very scared for my life.

Samantha: Your life?

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey (uneasy): Yeah, I mean, ya haven’t said two words to me, and all of a sudden, you’re cooking for me, you’re all happy and overjoyed like you’ve taken a nap in a bed of flowers.

Samantha: Well, honey, I’m not trying to intimidate you or take power over you. I’m just trying to love my hubby to the best of my ability. Listen, I know that I haven’t been the easiest woman to get along with, and I know that I’ve been hard on you. But, I’ve realized that…life is too short. So, I’m sorry.

Jeffrey (uneasy): Don’t gimme that bullsh*t! I’m on to you! You’ve been plotting and scheming this whole time!

Samantha (confused): Plotting and scheming about what?

Jeffrey (uneasy): You’re trying to kill me for the insurance money! But I won’t let you go through with it! I just won’t! Did Whitney tell you to do this?! Why would she do that?! Look…if it’s Renee, let’s talk it out! Okay?! But don’t poison me please! That’s just sick! It’s sick! Oh, God! Why do I feel lazy all of a sudden?! Why do I feel so drowsy and sleepy! I don’t wanna die! Please don’t kill me, baby! Please!

*Jeffrey bursts into tears*

Samantha: Oh, my God! You’re actually crying. Do you really think that I would poison you to get my hands on some insurance money?!

*Jeffrey nods his head*

Jeffrey (sobbing): Yeah.

Samantha: God, no. That’s not like me at all. Honey, I love you, and I would never do something that SICK. Look, it’s time to start over. I get that I’ve been a shrew and a bully, but I’m trying to change my ways. I really am. Whitney enabled me to see the light, and it has made all the difference. I now pray for you more than I pray for myself. I pray for our marriage, every day and every night. I just really want us to start over again. Just the two of us. Is that okay?

Jeffrey (sobbing): Y-You’re serious?

*Samantha nods her head*

Samantha: Yeah, baby. I’m for real this time.

*Jeffrey quickly wipes away his tears in embarrassment*

Jeffrey: Well, in that case…you didn’t see anything. I didn’t cry. Real men don’t cry.

Samantha: Oh, don’t be silly, Jeff.

*Jeffrey clears his throat*

Jeffrey: Umm, anyways, since you’re new and improved, do you promise to stop being mean to me and constantly making me feel bad?

Samantha: Done.

Jeffrey: And do you promise to be nicer to Bob?

*Samantha laughs*

Samantha: I can’t do anything about that one. It’s not my fault that he’s a total douche.

Jeffrey: Good enough.

*Jeffrey takes Samantha’s hand and holds it*

Jeffrey: But we’re gonna stay committed to each other, darling. So just know that I am doing my best, alright?

Samantha: I know that, Jeffrey. I know that so well. I’m just sorry if I made you feel as if you weren’t.

Jeffrey: Good. And I promise to make love to you every single night, woman. And I won’t stop the action until I’m good and ready, so prepare.

Samantha: Ooh, boy. I certainly will, lover man.

Jeffrey: I just love you so much, woman. Your body and your face and your smile just drives me crazy. I’d give it to you any time and any place.

Samantha: Wow. That sounds even BETTER than Byron.

Jeffrey: Screw Byron. I’m your only bedroom buddy. Oh, I want you so bad. You look SO good right now, all calm and happy.

*Samantha laughs*

Samantha: Enough, Jeffrey. I don’t want it THAT bad. You keep your mind on the food, you horn dog.

*Samantha laughs again*

Jeffrey: Gosh, you’re irresistible. I feel like sliding all this food off the table and giving into temptation RIGHT NOW.

Samantha: Mind your manners, sweetheart. Mind your manners. You’re starting to turn me on there.

Jeffrey: Oh, and one more thing.

Samantha: What is it?

Jeffrey: Can you please stop drinking so much? Just consider it a small request from your man.

Samantha: Okay. Sure. Just wait a minute.

*Samantha takes her glass of wine and gulps it down before taking Jeffrey’s and doing the same. Jeffrey laughs*

Jeffrey: I love ya, babe.

*Samantha burps loudly*

Samantha: I love you too.

*Samantha laughs*

Samantha: Now, come on, freaky boy. Let’s clear the table so that we can get hot and heavy all on it.

Jeffrey: But I haven’t finished my meal.

Samantha: When I’m finished with you, you won’t have an appetite at all.

Jeffrey: Wow. Your…twat just might be better than food.

Samantha: Oh, believe me. It will be.

*Samantha gives Jeffrey a kiss*

Samantha: Now, come on. Our daughter’s in her room. We got plenty of time. Let’s do about 5 minutes.

Jeffrey: 10 would be better.

Samantha: Oh, so now you wanna go twice?

*Samantha laughs*

Samantha: 20 would be even better, actually. Or maybe 30. We can…”mess around” for that long. Oh, we’re gonna have fun tonight.

Looks like Jeffrey and Samantha just might make it. So far, so good.

Tiffany seems to be a mess right now. I suppose things are bleak for her.

Looks like Jeffrey and Samantha just might make it. So far, so good.

Tiffany seems to be a mess right now. I suppose things are bleak for her.
You see, Samantha really did want to fix her husband a nice, home cooked meal instead of finishing him off for the insurance money. :lol:

Do you like Samantha’s new attitude already? And how did you feel about the happy couple (Jeffrey and Samantha) being in a rush to roll around on the kitchen table? puke::eyes:

You see, Samantha really did want to fix her husband a nice, home cooked meal instead of finishing him off for the insurance money. :lol:

Do you like Samantha’s new attitude already? And how did you feel about the happy couple (Jeffrey and Samantha) being in a rush to roll around on the kitchen table? puke::eyes:

Let's see how long Samantha's new attitude lasts or even if it's real. If it is real, I'm glad Jeffrey got some freaky action on the kitchen table!

*At Chad’s apartment, Chad is shown sitting on the couch, watching TV when the doorbell rings*

Chad: Come in!

*Tiffany enters the apartment*

Tiffany: Hi.

Chad: Goodbye.

*Tiffany approaches Chad in the living room*

Tiffany: Chad, please don’t do this. I want to talk to you.

*Chad sighs*

Chad (annoyed): What?!

Tiffany: Look, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I was wrong…for not telling you about what went down and I admit that I’ve taken you for granted. And I’ll do ANYTHING for you to come home to me and come home to your boy, baby. Please. Ever since I made that list, I’ve realized that I need you and I love you so.

Chad (confused): What list?

Tiffany: Look, I just wanna work things out.

Chad: Let me ask you something: When we were leaving the cabin and had that argument in the car regarding Brennon and the tubal ligation, were you trying to say that you had an affair or something?

Tiffany: God, no! I…I was upset at that moment. I didn’t realize exactly what I was saying and how you could have interpreted it.

*Chad nods his head*

Chad: Oh, okay. And you’re saying that we can work our disagreements out through ANYTHING?

*Tiffany nods her head*

Tiffany: Through anything.

*Chad sighs*

Chad: Oh, what the hell.

*Chad emerges from the couch*

Chad: I love you, woman. And I’m willing to work it out, step by step. I made a mistake to get so mad at you that night, and I do accept your apology. I would like to move back in. I think we’re ready to be on that level again.

Tiffany: Great! This is wonderful!

Chad: You’re telling me. Oh, I’ve missed you so much, babe.

*Chad gives Tiffany a kiss*

Tiffany: Oh, come on, baby. It’s not too late to…REALLY unpack before you…

*Tiffany kisses Chad passionately on the lips*

Tiffany: …Move out of this place.

*Tiffany takes Chad into the bedroom*

Chad: Where we going?

Tiffany: You’ll see. Come on, honey. Come on. We’re gonna make a baby.

*Chad laughs*

Chad: You are WILD.

I'm so glad that Chad and Tiff are willing to work it out. I hope they make it!

*Months later, Chad, Tiffany, Jeffrey, Samantha, Bob, and London are shown at a gala celebration for Whitney*

Samantha: You look great, Chad.

Chad: Why, thanks. You look good yourself, sexy lady.

Tiffany: Ya know, it’s so nice to see everyone again. Especially for Whitney’s special night.

Jeffrey: I concur.

Samantha: Alright, enough with the sh*t and giggles. Bob, what the hell is in your mind, bringing the floozy here?

Jeffrey: Baby, please don’t start that.

Samantha: No. I wanna know.

Bob: Samantha, I’m only gonna tell you one time, and one time only. Watch your mouth. That floozy is my wife now.

Samantha: April was MUCH better.

*Bob rolls his eyes while London smacks her lips*

Tiffany (uncomfortable): On a positive note, you look amazing, London.

London: Oh…well, thanks, Tiara.

*Samantha laughs while Chad holds his face*

Tiffany: My name’s Tiffany, sweetheart.

London: Yeah. That’s what I said.

Tiffany: Umm, Samantha, we should go check on Whitney. She has been fussing about her hair nonstop.

Samantha: Yeah. Let’s go do that.

*Samantha and Tiffany go and check on Whitney*

Bob: Jeffrey, your wife should really get the electric chair.

*London laughs*

London: I’m saying. Anyways, how are you guys doing?

Chad: I’m doing fine. I dunno about Jeffrey.

Jeffrey: I’m doing alright also.

London: Good.

*Seconds later, Daddy Barnes is shown entering the room and approaching everyone*

Daddy Barnes: Good evening, everyone.

Jeffrey: Hey, Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes: Hey, Jeff.

*Jeffrey and Daddy Barnes shake hands*

Chad: Hey, dad.

Daddy Barnes: Hey, son. Hey, Bob.

Bob: Daddy Barnes.

Daddy Barnes (shocked): Well, Bob, you didn’t tell me your daughter grew up so fast!

Bob: Umm, this is not my daughter, this is my new wife.

Daddy Barnes (confused and still shocked): What the hell?!

Bob: Yeah. As you know, me and April got a divorce, but obviously, I’ve fallen in love with her best friend.

Daddy Barnes: No. That can’t be.

Bob: Yeah.

Daddy Barnes: No. I’m TELLING you. That can’t be, ‘cause if it was, April would be in prison for murder, and you’d be…dead. Anyway, I’m gonna go hit the restroom. Maybe I shouldn’t have had that pig knuckle and jelly sandwich before getting on the road.

*Daddy Barnes walks off and heads to the bathroom, releasing some unpleasant and stinky flatulence. Everyone covers their nose*

London (talking to Bob): Baby, I’m gonna go to the ladies’ room. Wanna join me? I got the whipped cream and ketchup in my purse for if you wanna…play with my toes.

*London licks her lips at Bob*

Chad (uncomfortable): Umm…

Jeffrey (uncomfortable): What the hell?

Bob (embarrassed): Baby, please. Not in front of them.

London: Well, okay…daddy.

Jeffrey (uncomfortable): Chad, are you hearing this?

*Chad nods his head*

Chad: Unfortunately.

*Bob tries to give London a kiss but she pushes him away*

London: Angel face! Lipstick!

*London walks off*

Chad (mocking London): Lipstick, Angel face.

*Jeffrey and Chad laugh in unison*

Bob: Shut up, jackass.

Chad: You must be a REAL tiger in bed. She wants you to wash her feet with whipped cream and ketchup.

*Jeffrey laughs out loud while Bob smacks his lips*

LOL @ pig knuckle & jelly sandwich. :lol:

I seriously despise Bob and London.

LOL @ pig knuckle & jelly sandwich. :lol:

I seriously despise Bob and London.
Hey, don’t you say a bad word about London. Bob will spank you and teach you a lesson. :lol:

*In the ladies’ room, London is shown looking in the mirror when she senses something in the room. She turns around to find a rather decent looking woman standing there wearing a sequin dress and shades. There is something familiar about the woman that London finds uncanny*

London: April?

*The woman takes off her shades and is soon revealed to be April. She has obviously lost a significant amount of weight and her hair is much longer*

April: Yes. This is she.

London (utterly shocked): Oh my god! You look FLAWLESS. Incredible. Sexy. Unrecognizable. You don’t look fat or ugly at all. What happened?

April (sarcastically): Actually, I’m not sure myself. I’m thinking that it just happened overnight.

London: I’m surprised you had the courage to come.

April: Well, of course I’d come. This is my friend’s special night. You do remember about friendship, don’t you, London? Ya know, I always thought about what I’d do if I had to be in a room with a repulsive tramp like you again. I’ve thought about cussing you out, beating your ass, calling you every name in the book, the list goes on. But all I can do is pray for you. Look at you. You’re pathetic. You lacked so much love and affection and self-esteem that you had to steal my husband. A man who you don’t even love. A man who’s almost the same age as your parents. I was the one that was always there for you, I stood up for you, I brought you to the hospital when that sorry excuse for a boyfriend was beating the living HELL outta you, and THIS is how you repay me? Bless your heart. You need professional help. And Bob isn’t the answer.

*April shrugs her shoulders while London wipes a tear from her eye*

April: I’m just being honest. Bob is not right for you. He will NEVER be right for you. Have a nice evening, my friend. Believe me, you DO need one.

*April walks out of the bathroom. Meanwhile, Bob is shown approaching Greg, who’s just arrived evidently*

Bob: Hey, Greg.

Greg: What’s up, Bob?

*Bob and Greg shake hands*

Bob: Nothing much. How are things going?

Greg: Things are going great. Perfect. Better than ever.

Bob: Good to hear, my guy.

Greg: Yeah. Ya know we had to come to support Whitney.

Bob (confused): We? Who’s we? I don’t see anybody.

Greg: I’m talking about me and my fiancée.

Bob (shocked): Wow, man! I didn’t know! Congratulations.

Greg: Thanks, Bob.

Bob: Where is the lucky lady?

Greg: She should be here any minute. She went to the ladies’ room.

Bob: Oh. I see.

Greg: Yeah. Speaking of, we’re friends, right, Bob?

Bob: Well, of course, we are.

*Bob laughs*

Bob: What kinda question is that?

*Greg shakes his head*

Greg: Nothing. Just making sure.

*A couple of seconds later, April enters the room and approaches Greg and Bob*

April (talking to Greg): I think I’m ready, baby.

Bob (confused): April?

April: Hello, Bob. Nice to see you.

*April and Greg kiss*

Bob (confused and a little infuriated): Wait, what the hell?!

April: Which way is it?

Greg: Right up here to the left, baby. My god, you look beautiful tonight.

*April smiles*

Bob (confused and infuriated): What the hell is going on here?! Is this some kinda joke?!

*April and Greg walk off while Bob has a puzzled and shocked look on his face*

*April and Greg walk off while Bob has a puzzled and shocked look on his face*

:clap: :lol: :clap: :lol:

:clap: :lol: :clap: :lol:
How do you feel now that your girl April has lost lots of weight and is engaged to Greg? And what did you think about her giving London a piece of her mind in the bathroom?

How do you feel now that your girl April has lost lots of weight and is engaged to Greg? And what did you think about her giving London a piece of her mind in the bathroom?

Long overdue! I'm glad April told London just how pathetic she is. I'm also glad that April has found some happiness. She deserves it. :)

:clap: :lol: :clap: :lol:
BTW, Wawwie, I’d love to know what your reaction was when London wanted Bob to go to the ladies’ room with her. :crazy:

BTW, Wawwie, I’d love to know what your reaction was when London wanted Bob to go to the ladies’ room with her. :crazy:

Not much. London is a tramp, we know that.

Not much. London is a tramp, we know that.
We gotta figure out who’s the bigger tramp: London or Andrea. London had the nerve to betray her so-called “best friend” by sleeping with her man, but Andrea spent the night and even the morning rolling, tossing, turning, and shouting from Billy’s bedroom while Doris and Shirley were right in the kitchen. She also talked Billy into giving her a “quickie” on his mother’s couch. :crazy::rolleyes::barf:

We gotta figure out who’s the bigger tramp: London or Andrea. London had the nerve to betray her so-called “best friend” by sleeping with her man, but Andrea spent the night and even the morning rolling, tossing, turning, and shouting from Billy’s bedroom while Doris and Shirley were right in the kitchen. She also talked Billy into giving her a “quickie” on his mother’s couch. :crazy::rolleyes::barf:

My vote goes to London. She's a liar, a tramp and she betrayed her best friend. Andrea is just a floozy, but she's not lying or betraying. London is the winner in the tramp contest.