(Ralph & Ed are in the Kramden kitchen.)

Ralph: "Now Norton, you know that this is my idea. We are going to celebrate Columbus Day by sailing around the East River."

Ed: "I know that Ralph. We are going to sail the same sea that Christopher Columbus set sail on. I know that I will be right at home with all that water."

Ralph: "Alice doesn't know about this yet. She, in her stupid brain, may think that this is a dumb idea. I will show her."

(Alice comes home.)

Alice: "Hiya boys! What are you two doing?"

Ed: "We are planning a boat trip for the two of us in the East River."

Ralph (yells): "NORTON!"

Alice: "Ralph! That is a stupid idea. Your weight will cause the boat to sink."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON! IT WILL NOT ALICE. YOU ARE WRONG. WE GOT A ROW BOAT THAT IS STRONG AS THE DAY IS LONG. I WILL PROVE YOU WRONG JUST LIKE I ALWAYS DO."

Alice (yells): "WHOA BOY! THAT'S A LAUGH. RALPH KRAMDEN, IN THIS BUILDING, YOU ARE THE LAUGHINGSTOCK WITH ALL OF YOUR DUMB IDEAS."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON! WE WILL SEE ABOUT THAT. ME AND NORTON ARE GOING ON A BOAT. HE WILL DO ALL THE ROWING WHILE I LOOK LIKE I AM DISCOVERING LAND. WE WILL BE AN INTERNET SENSATION AND YOU WILL NEVER BE."

Alice (sarcastically): "Oh, from this blow, I may never recover."

(On Columbus Day, Ralph & Ed get into the boat and set sail. Later on, they come home all soaking wet. The wives are there to greet them.)

Alice: "Trixie, look who it is. It is Christopher Columbus and his assistant."

Trixie: "What happened you guys?"

Ed: "Our plan got all wet in more ways than one."

Alice: "You guys were an Internet sensation right. Look at this YouTube video and the comments. People are hysterically laughing including a comment made by Garrity."

Garrity (from upstairs, yells): "LOOKS LIKE FATSO KRAMDEN CAUSED THE BOAT TO SINK DUE TO HIS ENORMOUS WEIGHT."

Ed: "Hey Ralph, looks like YOU are the laughingstock."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(A still soaking wet Jackie Gleason goes on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)