Frank Gannucci
05-07-2021, 07:41 AM
Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Jellybeans" & the Script of "Missing Pair of Pants":
Episode #35 (Syndicated episode #61)
TV: Attached to "Goodnight Sweet Prince."
VCR: Attached to "Cottage For Sale."
DVD: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand", "Alice Plays Cupid" and "Cottage For Sale." On the Lost Episodes Restored Box Set, it is attached to “The New Bowling Ball”, “Lost Baby”, “Quiz Show”, “Halloween Party” (’52 version), “Cold”, “Pickles”, “The Turkey” & “Six Months To Live.”
Air Date: Sat. 11/22/52
According to John K’s Book “To The Moon”, the real title of the episode is “Jar of Jellybeans.”
The episode opens up with Ralph seeing how many jellybeans he can put into the can jar. Alice comes home after visiting her ill mother. She says that she wants to buy a dress that is on sale. Alice eventually notices that Ralph hasn't said hello to her and is still counting. Alice asks him what he is doing. Ralph responds by saying that on his way home, he stopped by a store and in the store they had a contest in which you had to guess how many jellybeans are in the jar. He got an idea. He got a jar that looks like the one the store had and bought some jellybeans. I don't know what the name of the store is. He figures that without guessing on his part, he will win the prize which he thinks is $100. Alice says that Ralph's head is full of jellybeans.
Alice says to Ralph to come with her so she can buy the dress. Alice: "Come on! Hurry up! The sale ends tonight." Ralph: "So does the contest. I am not leaving until I finish counting." Alice says that the first night of the sale, she couldn't go because Ralph was tired and on the second night, she couldn't go because Ralph had to go bowling. Question: Why does Alice need Ralph to get the dress? Is it because she thinks it isn't safe for her to be walking down the street with a dress all by herself? Just a thought.
Ralph makes a mistake in counting. He says: "4,442" so Alice corrects him by saying that there are 4,443 jellybeans in the jar. Ralph: "Why are you getting me all mixed up for? Now, I have to start all over again." I am not to sure if her correction was correct.
Ed Norton comes in wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit, but only this time he's wearing a white tank top rather than a white t-shirt. Ralph is still counting, but he forgot how many jellybeans are in the jar, so he asks Alice who says: "3,478." Forget about the fact that she said that there were more than 4,000 jellybeans in the jar a few seconds ago. Ralph is worried that he will forget, so he tries to write the number down. As he does this, Ed decides to eat some of the jellybeans in the jar. Ralph: "Why did you eat those jellybeans for?" Ed: "What is the matter? What are they, poisoned?" Ralph: "No, they are counted."
Ralph says to Ed that he is in a contest and explains the rules of the contest to Ed. Ed says that all those contests are crooked. Ed: "I was in a contest once. You had to name all the states. I got gypped out of the first prize. I named 66 states. The guy that won only named 48." This was before the U.S. had 50 states. Question: Where did Ed get all the other states from, Canada, other countries? Ralph says that Ed is a mental case.
Ralph says that he is finished counting. So he asks Ed is he can use his phone that is in the kitchen. Ed says that Trixie is dressing in there because there is no window shade in the bedroom. Ralph: "Could you call the people at the store and tell them that the number of jellybeans is 4,450." Ed: "4,000 what?" Ralph: "4,550." That is not a typo folks. Ralph once again got the number wrong. Question: Doesn't Ralph know that if Ed called with the right answer, that the people at the store will assume that Ed is the winner? Just a thought. Ed leaves.
Ralph says that he is finished counting. Alice says that she has had one dress in the last five years. Ralph says that she has had a blue, pink, brown, and a green dress. Alice: "Yup, this is it and I have run out of dye."
Ed comes back with the great news that Ralph has won the contest. Ed says that the first prize isn't $100. Ed says that it's a gift certificate meaning that if you buy a $1,000 worth of furniture at that store, you get a $100 worth free. Ralph: "What kind of prize is that? Ed: "It's not a total loss. You can stick this jar of jellybeans in the window and win your own contest." Question: How is that idea supposed to win Ralph money? Ed leaves.
Alice notices that the $10 that she was going to use for the dress is gone. (The dress was $10 on sale.) Ralph says that he bought the jellybeans with the money. Ralph says with the $100 that he was planning to win; one of the things he was going to buy her was a new Thanksgiving outfit. (This episode was shown just before Thanksgiving in 1952.) Ralph says he is sorry. Alice forgives him. Alice: "Ralph, I got you and that's plenty to be thankful for." Ralph: "You're the greatest."
Episode #36
DVD: Attached to “The Norton Interviews”, Radio versions of “Letter To The Boss” & “Love Letter”, “Additional Sketches & Commercials”, “Lost Episodes Story”, scripts to “Easter Hats” & "Alice's Birthday" & “All About Trixie: Joyce Randolph Interview.”
Air Date: Sat. 12/6/52
"THE HONEYMOONERS"
"THE MISSING PAIR OF PANTS"
Thanks to ChrisTV of sitcomsonline.com for posting these. I will repost these with a note or two.
Announcer
And now it's time for another visit with Ralph and Alice Kramden, better known to you as The Honeymooners. Ralph and Alice have been married thirteen years and their relationship is the same now, as it was the day they were married… You see they even argued then. But fortunately as in most marriages, they have weathered their differences, and their arguments only resolve in making their love stronger… So lets look in on The Honeymooners now as played by Jackie Gleason & Audrey Meadows, and see what state their marriages is in to-day!
[As travelers part camera holds on an establishing shot of the "Kramden kitchen". The time is morning. Alice is discovered on stage. She fills a pan with water and lays it on stove to boil. She is dressed in bathrobe, slippers, etc. She calls to Ralph who is O.S.]
Alice
You better hurry, Ralph, or you'll be late for work.
[As she places lid back on percolator and adjusts flame on stove. Ralph enters from bedroom & is wearing his pajamas. His tops are not tucked in pants but overlap. He has a pair of socks in his hand and storms over to Alice, he is trying to contain himself.]
Ralph
May I ask you a simple question?
Alice
What is it?
Ralph
When a woman darns her husbands socks, would you say it's proper to darn black socks with black thread, and green socks with green thread?
Alice
That's right.
Ralph
Then would you mind explaining, why you darned my black socks with green thread?
Alice
What's the difference, nobody sees your socks their in your shoes.
Ralph
I'll tell you what’s the difference, these socks have been mended so many times, I can't tell if they're black socks darned with green thread or green socks darned with black thread…
[Holding his socks.]
Have you got any clues?
Alice [Looking at socks]
Yeah! These are your brown socks, darned with black and green thread!
Ralph
Don't steam me Alice, don't steam me, cause I'm already steamed!
Alice
If you don't hurry and get dressed, you won't have time for breakfast.
Ralph
Oh, and another thing… Where's my underwear?
Alice
I washed them last night and I left them out on the line to dry…. I'll get him…
Ralph
Never mind, I'll get em, you just get my breakfast.
[Ralph storms off to bedroom. Alice goes for cup and saucer places it on table, strongly remembering something calls into Ralph.]
Alice
Don't keep the bedroom window open too long… It's freezing out.
[She goes for sugar bowl and as she places that on table… Ralph enters, this time he is carrying a pair of long winter underwear that is frozen stiff.]
Ralph
Well, I'm glad you left them out in the cold all night… They're frozen stiff.
Alice
I'm terribly sorry, Ralph.
Ralph [With sarcasm]
Oh, no need to apologize, just give me an ice pick and I'll get dressed.
Alice
Maybe if you put them on, they'll thaw out.
Ralph
Now there's a bright idea… What if I put them on and they don't thaw out??? I'll have to walk around all day like this!
[Ralph extends both arms & extends 1 leg sideways, (this is the shape the underwear is frozen in).]
Alice
Alright, alright, let me have them & I'll get another pair… In the meantime you can put the toast on.
[Alice exits into bedroom with long underwear. Ralph extracts two slices of bread from loaf in icebox and places them in slots in toaster. Then Ralph takes small jar of coffee (instant coffee) from top of icebox and tries to open it. After trying to twist lid off with several stressful grunts he bangs jar on table, then…]
Ralph [Looking at jar]
How do you like that, they call this instant coffee… And it takes an hour just to get the jar open.
[He tries to twist lid again and it comes off. He pours some in cup on table, then pours some boiled water into cup, then goes to toaster, he looks at it, then shouts into bedroom.]
Alice… Alice…
[Alice enters.]
Alice
Stop Hollerin, I found you a pair, I put it on the bed.
Ralph
Never mind the underwear… I put some toast in here five minutes ago and it hasn't come up yet…
[In pyramiding tones.]
Why?… Why?… Why?… Why????
Alice
I'll tell you why…..
Ralph [Interrupting]
I'll tell you why… I asked you to have this toaster fixed four weeks ago, but you didn't do it. Instead of lookin’ after the house you were up in Trixie;s watchin’ television… or playin’ canasta with the girls or you were wasting time over your mother’s. Now will you just give me one reason why this toaster ain't workin’…. Give me one reason…. One.
Alice
Well it could be because, I was up in Trixie’s watchin’ television, it could be because I was busy playin’ canasta… And it could be because I spend my time over my mother’s. But if you want to know the reason why the toasted ain't workin’… It's because you didn't plug it in.
Ralph
One of these days, Alice, one of these days…. Pow! Right in the kisser!
Alice
Look, Ralph, There's no time for breakfast now. You better get dressed and out of here or you'll be late.
[Ralph reacts with a growl and crosses to bureau.]
Ralph
Where's my pants? Where's my pants?
Alice
Well, where would they be?
Ralph
That's just it. Now, Alice, you know when I take my pants off every night I hang them on the bureau, so they'll stay pressed. Well, where are they?
Alice
Don't ask me Ralph. When you got home last night, I was already in bed. All I know is that every time you go out with the boys for a few beers after work, the following morning you have to look all over the house for something you lost.
Ralph
Look, Alice, I might of had a few beers last night, But I know what I was doin'.
Alice
I don't know how many beers you had, but coming home last night you were pretty loud.
Ralph
You mean you could hear me when I came into the house last night?
Alice
I could hear you when you got off the subway!
(Frank’s Note: Isn't the three long blocks away from the building? Regardless, Ralph must have great vocal cords for his voice to reach that far.)
Ralph
Alice, you may have been in bed when I came home last night, but I was in bed when you got up this morning. Now, where's my pants?
Alice
I don't know. But you're late for work already. Put on any pants.
Ralph
What and be out of uniform.
Alice
What's so important about being in uniform?
Ralph
Plenty! Charlie Grogan showed up out of uniform one mornin' at the bus depot, and you know what they did to him?
Alice
What did they do fire him?
Ralph
Worse than that… they transferred him to drivin' a school bus, and in less than two hours those kids drove him nuts… Now I don't know what you did with those pants but I'm not leavin' the house until you find them.
Alice
I'll find them they're probably in the bedroom.
[As she enters bedroom, Ralph starts to pace as Norton enters, lunchbox in hand.]
Norton
H'ya, Ralph… Arentcha goin to work?
Ralph
I can't go to work… I lost my pants.
Norton
That'll teach you, never play cards with strangers.
Ralph
I wasn't playing cards…. Every night before I go to bed, I hang my pants on that bureau… When I got up this morning I looked on the bureau and they weren't there.
Norton
That’s one for the books. I heard of the bureau of missing persons but I never heard of the bureau of missing pants.
Ralph
What's gettin' me crazy is how them pants coulda disappeared... The door was locked, the window was locked and Alice says she didn't take em.
Norton
The truth, Ralph, did you take em?
Ralph [Oliver style]
Now why would I steal my own pants?
Norton
What am I a psychiatrist?
Ralph
Norton, one of these days there gonna drop a net over you…
[Turn into bedroom.]
Did you find my pants, Alice?
Alice [O.S.]
No, I'm still lookin'.
Ralph
It's no use, Norton she won't find em… Look will you do me a favor call up the bus depot for me and tell em to put a relief driver on my bus, I'm not goin' in to-day.
Norton
Okay, Ralph, see you to-night… Don't worry kid just keep out of drafts.
[He exits, Alice enters.]
Alice
I can't find em anywhere.
Ralph [Walking joke]
That’s what I figured, all I know is I didn't take em… Alice, you cost me a days pay… What am I gonna tell em to-morrow down the bus depot? When other guys are out, they can say they had a cold… or they had to go to court… or their house burnt down… What's the excuse that I'm gonna give my boss?… When he asks me why I didn't come in today I'll have to tell him, I lost my pants and my underwear froze…. What makes it worse is I had my wallet in my back pocket.
[He slaps his hand to back pocket & presses. A look of guilt and embarrassment creeps across his countenance.]
Alice
What's the matter, Ralph?
[Ralph continues with hands dangling and look of embarrassment.]
Ralph
I guess I did have a beer too many last night.
Alice
What do you mean?
Ralph
When I went to bed last night, I put my pajamas over my pants.
Alice
I'm glad you found em. You were about ready to turn me over to the police.
[Alice sits down on chair. Music sneaks in as Ralph slips out of pajama bottoms.]
Ralph
Gee, Alice I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blamed you for something that was my own fault. I lost a day's pay and with Christmas coming we can sure use the money… I'll make it up, Alice, I'll work a double shift to-morrow.
(Frank’s Note: Couldn't Ralph immediately get Norton to not call his boss? That way, Ralph might go to work.)
Alice
Sit down and I'll fix you some breakfast.
Ralph
Gee, baby, you're the greatest.
[Blackout]
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
Episode #35 (Syndicated episode #61)
TV: Attached to "Goodnight Sweet Prince."
VCR: Attached to "Cottage For Sale."
DVD: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand", "Alice Plays Cupid" and "Cottage For Sale." On the Lost Episodes Restored Box Set, it is attached to “The New Bowling Ball”, “Lost Baby”, “Quiz Show”, “Halloween Party” (’52 version), “Cold”, “Pickles”, “The Turkey” & “Six Months To Live.”
Air Date: Sat. 11/22/52
According to John K’s Book “To The Moon”, the real title of the episode is “Jar of Jellybeans.”
The episode opens up with Ralph seeing how many jellybeans he can put into the can jar. Alice comes home after visiting her ill mother. She says that she wants to buy a dress that is on sale. Alice eventually notices that Ralph hasn't said hello to her and is still counting. Alice asks him what he is doing. Ralph responds by saying that on his way home, he stopped by a store and in the store they had a contest in which you had to guess how many jellybeans are in the jar. He got an idea. He got a jar that looks like the one the store had and bought some jellybeans. I don't know what the name of the store is. He figures that without guessing on his part, he will win the prize which he thinks is $100. Alice says that Ralph's head is full of jellybeans.
Alice says to Ralph to come with her so she can buy the dress. Alice: "Come on! Hurry up! The sale ends tonight." Ralph: "So does the contest. I am not leaving until I finish counting." Alice says that the first night of the sale, she couldn't go because Ralph was tired and on the second night, she couldn't go because Ralph had to go bowling. Question: Why does Alice need Ralph to get the dress? Is it because she thinks it isn't safe for her to be walking down the street with a dress all by herself? Just a thought.
Ralph makes a mistake in counting. He says: "4,442" so Alice corrects him by saying that there are 4,443 jellybeans in the jar. Ralph: "Why are you getting me all mixed up for? Now, I have to start all over again." I am not to sure if her correction was correct.
Ed Norton comes in wearing his traditional Ed Norton outfit, but only this time he's wearing a white tank top rather than a white t-shirt. Ralph is still counting, but he forgot how many jellybeans are in the jar, so he asks Alice who says: "3,478." Forget about the fact that she said that there were more than 4,000 jellybeans in the jar a few seconds ago. Ralph is worried that he will forget, so he tries to write the number down. As he does this, Ed decides to eat some of the jellybeans in the jar. Ralph: "Why did you eat those jellybeans for?" Ed: "What is the matter? What are they, poisoned?" Ralph: "No, they are counted."
Ralph says to Ed that he is in a contest and explains the rules of the contest to Ed. Ed says that all those contests are crooked. Ed: "I was in a contest once. You had to name all the states. I got gypped out of the first prize. I named 66 states. The guy that won only named 48." This was before the U.S. had 50 states. Question: Where did Ed get all the other states from, Canada, other countries? Ralph says that Ed is a mental case.
Ralph says that he is finished counting. So he asks Ed is he can use his phone that is in the kitchen. Ed says that Trixie is dressing in there because there is no window shade in the bedroom. Ralph: "Could you call the people at the store and tell them that the number of jellybeans is 4,450." Ed: "4,000 what?" Ralph: "4,550." That is not a typo folks. Ralph once again got the number wrong. Question: Doesn't Ralph know that if Ed called with the right answer, that the people at the store will assume that Ed is the winner? Just a thought. Ed leaves.
Ralph says that he is finished counting. Alice says that she has had one dress in the last five years. Ralph says that she has had a blue, pink, brown, and a green dress. Alice: "Yup, this is it and I have run out of dye."
Ed comes back with the great news that Ralph has won the contest. Ed says that the first prize isn't $100. Ed says that it's a gift certificate meaning that if you buy a $1,000 worth of furniture at that store, you get a $100 worth free. Ralph: "What kind of prize is that? Ed: "It's not a total loss. You can stick this jar of jellybeans in the window and win your own contest." Question: How is that idea supposed to win Ralph money? Ed leaves.
Alice notices that the $10 that she was going to use for the dress is gone. (The dress was $10 on sale.) Ralph says that he bought the jellybeans with the money. Ralph says with the $100 that he was planning to win; one of the things he was going to buy her was a new Thanksgiving outfit. (This episode was shown just before Thanksgiving in 1952.) Ralph says he is sorry. Alice forgives him. Alice: "Ralph, I got you and that's plenty to be thankful for." Ralph: "You're the greatest."
Episode #36
DVD: Attached to “The Norton Interviews”, Radio versions of “Letter To The Boss” & “Love Letter”, “Additional Sketches & Commercials”, “Lost Episodes Story”, scripts to “Easter Hats” & "Alice's Birthday" & “All About Trixie: Joyce Randolph Interview.”
Air Date: Sat. 12/6/52
"THE HONEYMOONERS"
"THE MISSING PAIR OF PANTS"
Thanks to ChrisTV of sitcomsonline.com for posting these. I will repost these with a note or two.
Announcer
And now it's time for another visit with Ralph and Alice Kramden, better known to you as The Honeymooners. Ralph and Alice have been married thirteen years and their relationship is the same now, as it was the day they were married… You see they even argued then. But fortunately as in most marriages, they have weathered their differences, and their arguments only resolve in making their love stronger… So lets look in on The Honeymooners now as played by Jackie Gleason & Audrey Meadows, and see what state their marriages is in to-day!
[As travelers part camera holds on an establishing shot of the "Kramden kitchen". The time is morning. Alice is discovered on stage. She fills a pan with water and lays it on stove to boil. She is dressed in bathrobe, slippers, etc. She calls to Ralph who is O.S.]
Alice
You better hurry, Ralph, or you'll be late for work.
[As she places lid back on percolator and adjusts flame on stove. Ralph enters from bedroom & is wearing his pajamas. His tops are not tucked in pants but overlap. He has a pair of socks in his hand and storms over to Alice, he is trying to contain himself.]
Ralph
May I ask you a simple question?
Alice
What is it?
Ralph
When a woman darns her husbands socks, would you say it's proper to darn black socks with black thread, and green socks with green thread?
Alice
That's right.
Ralph
Then would you mind explaining, why you darned my black socks with green thread?
Alice
What's the difference, nobody sees your socks their in your shoes.
Ralph
I'll tell you what’s the difference, these socks have been mended so many times, I can't tell if they're black socks darned with green thread or green socks darned with black thread…
[Holding his socks.]
Have you got any clues?
Alice [Looking at socks]
Yeah! These are your brown socks, darned with black and green thread!
Ralph
Don't steam me Alice, don't steam me, cause I'm already steamed!
Alice
If you don't hurry and get dressed, you won't have time for breakfast.
Ralph
Oh, and another thing… Where's my underwear?
Alice
I washed them last night and I left them out on the line to dry…. I'll get him…
Ralph
Never mind, I'll get em, you just get my breakfast.
[Ralph storms off to bedroom. Alice goes for cup and saucer places it on table, strongly remembering something calls into Ralph.]
Alice
Don't keep the bedroom window open too long… It's freezing out.
[She goes for sugar bowl and as she places that on table… Ralph enters, this time he is carrying a pair of long winter underwear that is frozen stiff.]
Ralph
Well, I'm glad you left them out in the cold all night… They're frozen stiff.
Alice
I'm terribly sorry, Ralph.
Ralph [With sarcasm]
Oh, no need to apologize, just give me an ice pick and I'll get dressed.
Alice
Maybe if you put them on, they'll thaw out.
Ralph
Now there's a bright idea… What if I put them on and they don't thaw out??? I'll have to walk around all day like this!
[Ralph extends both arms & extends 1 leg sideways, (this is the shape the underwear is frozen in).]
Alice
Alright, alright, let me have them & I'll get another pair… In the meantime you can put the toast on.
[Alice exits into bedroom with long underwear. Ralph extracts two slices of bread from loaf in icebox and places them in slots in toaster. Then Ralph takes small jar of coffee (instant coffee) from top of icebox and tries to open it. After trying to twist lid off with several stressful grunts he bangs jar on table, then…]
Ralph [Looking at jar]
How do you like that, they call this instant coffee… And it takes an hour just to get the jar open.
[He tries to twist lid again and it comes off. He pours some in cup on table, then pours some boiled water into cup, then goes to toaster, he looks at it, then shouts into bedroom.]
Alice… Alice…
[Alice enters.]
Alice
Stop Hollerin, I found you a pair, I put it on the bed.
Ralph
Never mind the underwear… I put some toast in here five minutes ago and it hasn't come up yet…
[In pyramiding tones.]
Why?… Why?… Why?… Why????
Alice
I'll tell you why…..
Ralph [Interrupting]
I'll tell you why… I asked you to have this toaster fixed four weeks ago, but you didn't do it. Instead of lookin’ after the house you were up in Trixie;s watchin’ television… or playin’ canasta with the girls or you were wasting time over your mother’s. Now will you just give me one reason why this toaster ain't workin’…. Give me one reason…. One.
Alice
Well it could be because, I was up in Trixie’s watchin’ television, it could be because I was busy playin’ canasta… And it could be because I spend my time over my mother’s. But if you want to know the reason why the toasted ain't workin’… It's because you didn't plug it in.
Ralph
One of these days, Alice, one of these days…. Pow! Right in the kisser!
Alice
Look, Ralph, There's no time for breakfast now. You better get dressed and out of here or you'll be late.
[Ralph reacts with a growl and crosses to bureau.]
Ralph
Where's my pants? Where's my pants?
Alice
Well, where would they be?
Ralph
That's just it. Now, Alice, you know when I take my pants off every night I hang them on the bureau, so they'll stay pressed. Well, where are they?
Alice
Don't ask me Ralph. When you got home last night, I was already in bed. All I know is that every time you go out with the boys for a few beers after work, the following morning you have to look all over the house for something you lost.
Ralph
Look, Alice, I might of had a few beers last night, But I know what I was doin'.
Alice
I don't know how many beers you had, but coming home last night you were pretty loud.
Ralph
You mean you could hear me when I came into the house last night?
Alice
I could hear you when you got off the subway!
(Frank’s Note: Isn't the three long blocks away from the building? Regardless, Ralph must have great vocal cords for his voice to reach that far.)
Ralph
Alice, you may have been in bed when I came home last night, but I was in bed when you got up this morning. Now, where's my pants?
Alice
I don't know. But you're late for work already. Put on any pants.
Ralph
What and be out of uniform.
Alice
What's so important about being in uniform?
Ralph
Plenty! Charlie Grogan showed up out of uniform one mornin' at the bus depot, and you know what they did to him?
Alice
What did they do fire him?
Ralph
Worse than that… they transferred him to drivin' a school bus, and in less than two hours those kids drove him nuts… Now I don't know what you did with those pants but I'm not leavin' the house until you find them.
Alice
I'll find them they're probably in the bedroom.
[As she enters bedroom, Ralph starts to pace as Norton enters, lunchbox in hand.]
Norton
H'ya, Ralph… Arentcha goin to work?
Ralph
I can't go to work… I lost my pants.
Norton
That'll teach you, never play cards with strangers.
Ralph
I wasn't playing cards…. Every night before I go to bed, I hang my pants on that bureau… When I got up this morning I looked on the bureau and they weren't there.
Norton
That’s one for the books. I heard of the bureau of missing persons but I never heard of the bureau of missing pants.
Ralph
What's gettin' me crazy is how them pants coulda disappeared... The door was locked, the window was locked and Alice says she didn't take em.
Norton
The truth, Ralph, did you take em?
Ralph [Oliver style]
Now why would I steal my own pants?
Norton
What am I a psychiatrist?
Ralph
Norton, one of these days there gonna drop a net over you…
[Turn into bedroom.]
Did you find my pants, Alice?
Alice [O.S.]
No, I'm still lookin'.
Ralph
It's no use, Norton she won't find em… Look will you do me a favor call up the bus depot for me and tell em to put a relief driver on my bus, I'm not goin' in to-day.
Norton
Okay, Ralph, see you to-night… Don't worry kid just keep out of drafts.
[He exits, Alice enters.]
Alice
I can't find em anywhere.
Ralph [Walking joke]
That’s what I figured, all I know is I didn't take em… Alice, you cost me a days pay… What am I gonna tell em to-morrow down the bus depot? When other guys are out, they can say they had a cold… or they had to go to court… or their house burnt down… What's the excuse that I'm gonna give my boss?… When he asks me why I didn't come in today I'll have to tell him, I lost my pants and my underwear froze…. What makes it worse is I had my wallet in my back pocket.
[He slaps his hand to back pocket & presses. A look of guilt and embarrassment creeps across his countenance.]
Alice
What's the matter, Ralph?
[Ralph continues with hands dangling and look of embarrassment.]
Ralph
I guess I did have a beer too many last night.
Alice
What do you mean?
Ralph
When I went to bed last night, I put my pajamas over my pants.
Alice
I'm glad you found em. You were about ready to turn me over to the police.
[Alice sits down on chair. Music sneaks in as Ralph slips out of pajama bottoms.]
Ralph
Gee, Alice I'm sorry, I shouldn't have blamed you for something that was my own fault. I lost a day's pay and with Christmas coming we can sure use the money… I'll make it up, Alice, I'll work a double shift to-morrow.
(Frank’s Note: Couldn't Ralph immediately get Norton to not call his boss? That way, Ralph might go to work.)
Alice
Sit down and I'll fix you some breakfast.
Ralph
Gee, baby, you're the greatest.
[Blackout]
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.