Basically, in 2012 I was doing online dating heavily and getting depressed until a family friend suggested I meet this guy she took country line dancing with. He was exactly what I was seeking (never married, no kids, a veteran, etc)and when she talked to him he was interested. My parents met him before me and really liked him so my mom and I went to his family business to introduce us. I liked him right away, and the chemistry was there. Later that week we were at an event and he was on the other side of the room but kept staring at me and when I looked up, he smiled. I would talk to him and he always giggled. At first, I thought he was not interested but found out he was very shy. He then told the family friend he was drinking and wanted to make a good first impression. At various events, he would immediately come up to me and be somewhat touchy-feely. I don't mean in a bad way but things like hugging and grabbing my hand. This went on for a few months then he got a DUI and I found out he had a drinking problem. I'm condensing this of course but we would chat all the time on the phone and had a strong friendship but with him drinking I couldn't get any further. Last year he ended up in the hospital and a coma due to his drinking and moved away. I was heartbroken because while I always wanted to be his girlfriend he was a true, devoted friend.

Fast forward to now, he's been in recovery for over a year and is working! He recovered from his injuries (he was in a coma for months) and I am planning on visiting him. He told me he would love me to move down to where he is, and how much he misses me. The other day he told me he would love nothing more than to go to church with me (He was always religious but stopped going during his addiction). I never considered moving before but now am willing to do so if there is a spark. As it turns out there is a large drug treatment facility near him so I might be able to get a job there if I decide to. I'm not going to do this in the next few months but if sparks fly I want to next summer!

Basically, in 2012 I was doing online dating heavily and getting depressed until a family friend suggested I meet this guy she took country line dancing with. He was exactly what I was seeking (never married, no kids, a veteran, etc)and when she talked to him he was interested. My parents met him before me and really liked him so my mom and I went to his family business to introduce us. I liked him right away, and the chemistry was there. Later that week we were at an event and he was on the other side of the room but kept staring at me and when I looked up, he smiled. I would talk to him and he always giggled. At first, I thought he was not interested but found out he was very shy. He then told the family friend he was drinking and wanted to make a good first impression. At various events, he would immediately come up to me and be somewhat touchy-feely. I don't mean in a bad way but things like hugging and grabbing my hand. This went on for a few months then he got a DUI and I found out he had a drinking problem. I'm condensing this of course but we would chat all the time on the phone and had a strong friendship but with him drinking I couldn't get any further. Last year he ended up in the hospital and a coma due to his drinking and moved away. I was heartbroken because while I always wanted to be his girlfriend he was a true, devoted friend.

Fast forward to now, he's been in recovery for over a year and is working! He recovered from his injuries (he was in a coma for months) and I am planning on visiting him. He told me he would love me to move down to where he is, and how much he misses me. The other day he told me he would love nothing more than to go to church with me (He was always religious but stopped going during his addiction). I never considered moving before but now am willing to do so if there is a spark. As it turns out there is a large drug treatment facility near him so I might be able to get a job there if I decide to. I'm not going to do this in the next few months but if sparks fly I want to next summer!
That’s great!

Thanks! Yeah he's been a friend since 2012 and I liked him but with his drinking, I couldn't get serious. I've always wanted him because we click in a way I never have with other guys.

I would give a lot of thought to the drinking aspect. I've had drinkers in my family and lived thru the damage. One thing I can add here I believe, I went to many Alanon meetings in my life and learned a lot about drinkers, and if excessive, can be classified as alcoholics. The two people in my life and they are both gone, I believe never truly had clean, clear thoughts and feelings etc.

Ahhh i hope your move is g00d IllinoisTVFan :)


God bless the guy you love!!

I would give a lot of thought to the drinking aspect. I've had drinkers in my family and lived thru the damage. One thing I can add here I believe, I went to many Alanon meetings in my life and learned a lot about drinkers, and if excessive, can be classified as alcoholics. The two people in my life and they are both gone, I believe never truly had clean, clear thoughts and feelings etc.

I'm actually a substance abuse counselor believe it or not. One thing I told him was that I would not get involved unless he quit drinking.

Ahhh i hope your move is g00d IllinoisTVFan :)


God bless the guy you love!!

Thanks!

I'm actually a substance abuse counselor believe it or not. One thing I told him was that I would not get involved unless he quit drinking.

Interesting so you know, and with the 2 in my life, they Never quit drinking and as my daughter said to me and we just talked about life's issues, as she too had drug abuse with pharma drugs, and one has to go thru WORK to get thru the non use of alcohol. In her case a long rehab and at some points I thought she would end up being a counselor, but she didn't.

It takes time but people can and do recover. It takes patience, the will to do so and a good support system.

Fast forward to now, he's been in recovery for over a year and is working! He recovered from his injuries (he was in a coma for months) and I am planning on visiting him. He told me he would love me to move down to where he is, and how much he misses me. The other day he told me he would love nothing more than to go to church with me (He was always religious but stopped going during his addiction). I never considered moving before but now am willing to do so if there is a spark. As it turns out there is a large drug treatment facility near him so I might be able to get a job there if I decide to. I'm not going to do this in the next few months but if sparks fly I want to next summer!


Sincere best wishes. Obviously as a counselor yourself, you are aware of all the risks. If I were about to go down the path you are, I think that I would insist upon a "new playground", just to isolate him from previous acquaintances.

I think that going in, you need to be brutally honest with yourself, on what you expect from the relationship. Do you want a boyfriend, or a "pet project"? And know the difference.

Good luck, hope it works for the best.

He removed himself from those who drank around him. He moved to be away. I don't want a pet project I want a husband.

He removed himself from those who drank around him. He moved to be away. I don't want a pet project I want a husband.

Well, I wish you the very best. I've been on both sides of that fence (sober now for 16 years) and I recall it was hopeless trying to get sober to please anyone else, because in the end I always started to feel those wanting me sober were just trying to spoil my "fun".

It had to come from inside. When I was finally done with it, sobriety came surprisingly easy.

In my case, I told him I couldn't be his girlfriend while he was drinking. We were friends with strong sexual tension. He had to want to quit and he did.

In my case, I told him I couldn't be his girlfriend while he was drinking. We were friends with strong sexual tension. He had to want to quit and he did.

Well, you'll have much to be happy about, I'm sure. New environments are fun to get acquainted with. The "little egypt" mystique has always fascinated me. Then there's the abundance of evidence that native american culture was far more advanced than our history books are willing to admit. Not to mention "the Mad Gasser of Mattoon". You'll have MUCH to explore down there.:)

He removed himself from those who drank around him. He moved to be away. I don't want a pet project I want a husband.I dont blame you........ I am glad he was able to quit (Sometimes it isnt easy)

IllinoisTVFan, I am so happy for you. Wishing nothing but happiness for you and your new beau :)

Thanks Theda! Yeah I am so excited.

We all hope its BETTER than you think it will be!!

He removed himself from those who drank around him. He moved to be away. I don't want a pet project I want a husband.

Is he going to AA? That would certainly reinforce staying sober. If you think you need it, there’s always Al Anon for the partner of an alcoholic (in recovery or not.). Wishing you the best!

It takes time but people can and do recover. It takes patience, the will to do so and a good support system.


I know this is old, but I wasn't on when this was first posted.

This sounds wonderful!!!! :)

I truly hope that things are working out for you and that you can find true LOVE and HAPINESS. :heart: :heart: :heart:

As long as he doesn't drink, you just might found that part of you that has been missing. :love: I really truly have high hopes for you!
You know the risks, (I hope you don't get HURT) just keep him away from drinking, and you may have great joy and happiness for the rest of your life! :hug:

Yes I also hope things are going good between you both IllinoisTVFan http://img.techpowerup.org/200606/72tuzr.gif

Thanks, everyone! We are chatting often and while we haven't been able to see each other yet, it will be a matter of weeks. I am so excited and look forward to our chats. He told me he's in AA and while he might be lying, it's why if it works I plan to commute for months (he lives 4 hours away) until I move down there. Oddly, I have been getting calls for counseling jobs near him so if that happens it will be sooner rather than later.

Thanks, everyone! We are chatting often and while we haven't been able to see each other yet, it will be a matter of weeks. I am so excited and look forward to our chats. He told me he's in AA and while he might be lying, it's why if it works I plan to commute for months (he lives 4 hours away) until I move down there. Oddly, I have been getting calls for counseling jobs near him so if that happens it will be sooner rather than later.
I hope nothing but the best for you two! Just got back onto the dating scene quite recently, but I’m quite more particular. This time I’ve seen what I want and what I don’t want and I’ve been around the block.

Ahhhhh I was hopefull you met him already :(

I hope it still goes thru honey,I am so sorry.......

I don't want a pet project I want a husband.


Very succinct. Interesting story. Hope it works out.