Today while doing some cleaning I remembered a theory about Juanita (the diner waitress Barney talks to who is never seen) that I heard when I was growing up. The theory is that with rare exception the Juanita phone calls are a G-Rated way of Showing Barney masturbating and that's why he gets all defensive when Andy or someone else comes in. Evidence for this theory is Juanita is never seen, Thelma Lou doesn't know about her, Barney doing things that are "Union Hall" references to masturbation and how Barney acted when Andy did the "Trouble Check" in Andy Forecloses which was less "Oh no he's calling a girl I like" and more "Oh no he's calling a girl I deluded myself into thinking she likes me and she knows i have her number."

"But Mayberry's badboy what about Barney being dressed up in Andy and the New Mayor when Andy gives him the signs? or Andy admonishing him for taking Juanita to Morelli's in Andy and Helen have their day? That's why I put rare exception because in addition to being masturbation humor Juanita could also be used as a Code Word for when Barney dates a fun girl who would cause trouble if Andy and/or Thelma Lou found out (like Skippy or the other diner waitress Phoebe who Barney got livid when Andy brought her up in Opie Loves Helen because he didn't even tell Andy about her). Barney uses Juanita to refer to them because he doesn't want Andy to know about his multiple escapades and wants him to think he's just seeing one girl besides Thelma Lou.