StrudelBone
07-07-2002, 11:19 PM
Got this in an email...
> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
> to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
> began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
> that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong
> one.
>
> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
> "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> later, I heard her telling the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
> from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
> your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
> the large E on the top line. I turned and
> discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
> covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
> that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
> nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
> and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
> him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
> wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches
> on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
> the old patch before applying a new one.
>
> Dr. Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
> look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not
> for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>
> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
> good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
> get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
> asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
> packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
> young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
> rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
> wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
> so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
> was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
> staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
> green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
> "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
> completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
> patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow
> the lawn."
> A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going
> to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,
> rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and
> began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed
> that there were several cabs, and I was in the wrong
> one.
>
> Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX
>
>
> At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope
> on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's
> anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed.
> "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.
>
> Dr.Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA
>
> One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I
> told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
> myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes
> later, I heard her telling the rest of the family
> that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
>
> Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada
>
> I was performing a complete physical, including the
> visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet
> from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with
> your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now
> your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I
> requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read
> the large E on the top line. I turned and
> discovered that he had done exactly what I had
> asked; he was standing there with both his eyes
> covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.
>
> Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA
> During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
> with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,
> that he was having trouble with one of his
> medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The
> nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours
> and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had
> him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I
> wouldn't see...Yes, the man had over fifty patches
> on his body! Now the instructions include removal of
> the old patch before applying a new one.
>
> Dr. Rebecca St.Clair, Norfolk, VA
>
>
> While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
> I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a
> look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not
> for about twenty years-when my husband was alive."
>
> Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR
>
> I was caring for a woman from Kentucky and asked,
> "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very
> good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to
> get used to the taste," the patient replied. I then
> asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil
> packet labeled "KY Jelly."
>
> Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI
>
> A Nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a
> young woman with purple hair styled into a punk
> rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and
> wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly
> determined that the patient had acute appendicitis,
> so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she
> was completely disrobed on the operating table, the
> staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed
> green, and above it there was a tattoo that read,
> "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was
> completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the
> patient's dressing, which said "Sorry, had to mow
> the lawn."