Frank Gannucci
12-25-2020, 11:14 AM
Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Hawaii! Oh! Oh!" & "The Sun & Raccoon Capital":
Episode #214 (Syndicated episode #37):
TV: Hour (edited)
DVD: Attached to "The Honeymoon Is Over", "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle" & "The Sun & Raccoon Capital."
Air Date: Sat. 11/15/69
"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":
The title of this episode is a play on the title: “Hawaii Five-O”
In the Nick Clooney intro, he mentions the guest star in this episode (Donald O'Connor) has just passed away "a little while ago." I just found out that Donald passed away in Sept. '03, so this intro must have been filmed just a little while before this episode first aired on TV in syndication.
A bunch of Hawaiian girls sing & dance to "Hawaii!" dance in a restaurant. During the song, one of the dancers comes out with a blowtorch that looks like real fire on both ends. He ends up dancing with it and actually at one point lays down and puts it on his feet with his feet either barely missing or touching the flames. If the flames were real and his feet didn’t touch them, than that guy was stupid or had a lot of guts not to mention talent. During this the sky turns from light to dark to light. That needs some suspension of disbelief although I do understand why they did it. After this, the dancers resume to sing and dance the song. After this, as a guy named Charlie Pineapple (Donald O'Connor) is serving the guests with pineapples and other things. Another guy comes in. Charlie made a bet with this guy and lost $200 to him but Charlie doesn't have the money. The guy then gives him two days to give him the money and calls him by his "real name" Charlie Ryan. Charlie tells him that around here, he's Charlie Pineapple. Man: "If you don't pay up, you will be Crushed Pineapple." The man leaves. The Kramdens & Nortons walk in. A Hawaiian waitress greets each of them and puts a lei around each of their neck and kisses Ralph on the cheeks. When she tries to kiss Ed, Ed declines because Trixie is watching. Trixie says that it's okay. So Ed kisses the Hawaiian girl in a romantic way that gets Trixie upset. They sit down and several girls give them a lot of delicious food. Ralph can't have any of it because of his diet. Alice: "The doctor says that you have to take off at least 10 pounds." Ralph: "Let me eat today and tomorrow, I will take off 20 pounds." The Nortons & Alice dig in and Ed gives Alice some delicious food right in front of Ralph. Ralph is upset. Ed accidentally spilled something all over Trixie's dress. They go into the ladies room to clean it up. Charlie Ryan comes back and asks if everything is okay. Ralph says that it is but he can't eat any of the food because of his diet. Ralph: "I have a weight problem. I came down to 220." Ed: "That is his room number. He came down from 280." Ralph says that he will give anything in the world to have something that will cause him not to gain weight from eating food, including all the money you made from the song and the movie. A light bulb goes off in Charlie's head. Charlie introduces himself. He says he comes from a famous Hawaiian family. Ralph: "The Hawaiian Pineapples?" Charlie says that he has a "solution" to Ralph's problem. He has a sauce that will help Ralph not to gain weight from eating food. Charlie: "You put this sauce on any food and not only will you not gain weight, but you will lose weight." According to Charlie, this sauce kills all the calories that are in every piece of food. Ralph likes what he is hearing. Charlie asks them to meet him tomorrow at the Ukulele Bar & Grill and he will give them the sauce. He leaves. Ralph starts eating. Ralph: "Tomorrow, these calories die."
The next day at the Ukulele Bar & Grill, Charlie Ryan greets Harry (a bartender). Charlie has revealed that last night, he lost $50 playing poker. He is down to his last buck. Charlie says he will get the money from a sucker (Ralph) that is coming in a few minutes. Charlie asks Harry for some mustard, ketchup etc and a bowl to put it in. Charlie says that he will use it to make his "special sauce." Charlie: "What do you put in a 200 year old recipe?" Harry: "You want something that is 200 years old? Try our cheese sandwiches." Charlie & Harry pours ketchup (or as he calls it, "crushed wild cherries"), mustard, steak sauce, pulverized Mango seeds, beer, nuts, & actual saw dust. Charlie mixes it. Harry says it looks awful but Charlie doesn't care. Ralph & Ed come in and greet Charlie. They sit down. Ralph tries the soup with a spoon and he thinks that it is delicious. Ed tries it and says that it needs more saw dust. Charlie: "That is shredded coconut." Ralph is skeptical. Charlie doesn't blame him. He can prove the magic of that sauce. Four weeks ago, he weighed 285. Ed: "You must have been some Charlie Pineapple." According to him, he tried the sauce and it made him lose weight. He has a picture of him when he was 285 and he shows it to them. (Actually, the photo is a Jackie Gleason photo, but Charlie put his face on top of Gleason's.) Ralph: "It's amazing. How could anybody get that fat?" Ed: "That photo looks familiar to me. Are you sure you weren't fat in Florida?" Charlie claims that it is really him when he poses like the person in the picture did. That's enough to convince Ralph & Ed that it was him in the picture. How gullible are those two? The phone rings and Charlie answers it. Ralph has a scheme. There are 40 million people on the main land who are fat and they would love to have the sauce Charlie made. If each one of them paid a dollar for that sauce, that's $40,000,000. Ralph says they will buy the formula, bottle it and sell it. Charlie comes back and Ralph asks Charlie about his (Ralph's) plan. Charlie says no, but he will give it to Ralph for $5,000. Ralph says that is a little steep. Charlie: "$250?" Ralph: "Sold." Charlie gives Ralph the formula. Ralph says he will give him the money ASAP. Ralph & Ed leave. Charlie dances. Charlie sings: "There Is A Sucker Born Every Minute" and does some good tap dancing. Charlie: "How sweet it is!" Charlie tap dances some more and there's a real good overhead camera shot of him dancing. One question: How come all the other patrons in the restaurant didn't help Ralph & Ed by saying what Charlie is doing is a scam? They must have heard Charlie scamming with Harry.
At the hotel room, Alice says that they will not give Ralph the money. Ralph: "This sauce is important to me. You have never been in my condition." Alice: "You mean fat? When the sun hits you a certain way, you are still fat." Alice laughs at her comment. Ralph: "You are naturally thin." Alice: "I have to watch my weight. You always beat me to the dinner table." Ralph says that he is going to use the sauce for all the fat people in the world that are starving to death. Alice: "Why don't you organize a fat people's watch in Washington?" Trixie says that she won't give Ed the money either. Ed is so desperate to get the money; he is willing to kiss Trixie. He does. Ralph says that if they won't give them the money, they will jump out the window. Ed doesn't like the idea but Ralph pressures him to jump out the window first. He does but Ralph & Ed somehow forgot that they are staying on the first floor. Ralph: "You couldn't even jump out the window correctly." Ed: "I could if we were on the 15th floor." Trixie says to Alice that maybe they should give them the money. Alice jokingly says no. So Trixie jokingly says that she will jump out the window to her death. Alice pleads to Trixie not to jump. Ralph is not amused, but the girls give them the money. Ralph thanks Alice. Ralph: "Beyond that rainbow will be a pot of gravy." Ralph sings: "When We Don't Have To Diet Anymore."
Ralph & Ed prepare the formula. This scene is similar to the scene in "Hair To A Fortune" where Ralph & Ed try to make the hair making formula. Ed comes in with his half of the ingredients for the sauce. Ralph, as usual made Ed do the hard work such as getting the unhatched eggs of a piranha (one of the things that Charlie put in his sauce when all he put in was the middle part of nuts). Ed said he had trouble milking a wild goat (probably another thing that Charlie put in the sauce). Ed said he couldn't get the unhatched eggs of a piranha but he got the next best thing, a pregnant piranha He brings it in. They mix the ingredients. Ed does the weighing of the cherries. Ed drops one of them. Ed says: "Leave it there. The cat will get it." Ed tastes the cherries, so Ralph hits him for not doing his job. Ralph has a name for the sauce. "Kramden's Kalorie Killer." He is spelling the word calorie with a K even though his invention has the same initials as the Klu Klux Klan. Ed has a better name: "Norton's Noodle Nooge." They continue mixing and weighing. They wait for the piranha to lay her eggs. Ralph says that if you play music, the piranha will lay eggs. Ed gets out his harmonica and starts playing a hillbilly hoe-down tune. Ralph sees the eggs and asks Ed to put his hand in there to pull them out. Ed uses a spoon to pull them out. That doesn't work. Ralph has a plan; he will distract the piranha fish while Ed gets the eggs and puts the eggs in the bowl. Ralph says that they will put this stuff on the market when they know that it works. Ralph gets out a mouse from a big box. They will use test this formula on the mouse. They will weigh the mouse. He weighs 4 1/2 ounces. Every day, they will feed him food with the sauce on it and when he has a consistent weight loss that will prove that the sauce works. Ed asks if he can weigh the mouse. Ralph says that this mouse will be as famous as the one who went to the moon. So he will name this mouse Norton. Ed is so touched. Ed suggests naming the piranha fish Trixie. Ed takes a picture of the mouse. Ed: "Say 'cheese'!" Ed takes the picture. Ralph: "Don't say cheese in front of a mouse." You mean that mouse could understand what cheese means? Ralph puts Norton the mouse in the cage that is in the box. He then gives him a big chunk of Fatchumatata's (sp?) cheese with the sauce all over it. Ralph says that he has done what every other scientist has done which is experimenting with the animals that are more close to man. Ralph & Ed sing: "The Mouse." Ed: "Just think of what the mouse has done for man especially Walt Disney."
Ralph comes out and asks Ed to go downstairs to get the mouse. It has been a day since the mouse had that big chunk of cheese with the sauce. Ed: "Trixie the piranha just laid 150 eggs." Ed answers the door. It's Charlie Pineapple. Ed goes downstairs to get the mouse. Charlie says that with the $250 Ralph gave him, he used in a poker game and ran it up to $1500. The girls come in and get introduced to Charlie. Alice: "You're the one who stuck Ralph with that rotten sauce." Charlie, feeling guilty perhaps, gives Ralph back his $250. He wants to buy back the recipe. Ralph won't give him the recipe. Charlie now says he doesn't want the recipe, but he wants to give Ralph back the money. Ralph says no. Ralph: "I know what he is trying to pull. As soon as we make money, he will sue us." Ralph kicks Charlie out. Charlie says that they can't give birth to piranha eggs. Ralph says Trixie gave birth to 150 of them. Trixie, not knowing what Ralph is talking about, is upset. Ralph shows her the piranha fish that they named Trixie. Ralph: "Trixie is the fish and Norton is the mouse." Alice: "And you are the coo-coo." Ed comes in with the box that the mouse is in. Ralph tells what he did with the mouse. Alice: "You put a mouse on a diet." Alice laughs. They get ready to take the "after" picture of the mouse. Ed takes off the top of the box and the mouse has grown to be a VERY GIGANTIC mouse. There is no way in real life that a mouse can get that big especially after eating the hunk of cheese that Ralph gave him with the sauce all over it (and I'm pretty sure that that was a statue of a mouse). What happened to the cage that the mouse was in? Everyone leaves. Ralph assures the mouse that he will put him on the same kind of diet that Jackie Gleason went on.
During the curtain call, Jackie says "How sweet it is." He introduces the cast. As Shelia is introduced, she says something that ends in "...you." Not even the MPI Subtitles pick it up. Perhaps she said that she loves him (as a friend of course). Jackie praises the audience and says "Goodnight!"
Episode #215 (Syndicated episode #38)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "The Honeymoon Is Over", "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle", & "Hawaii, Oh! Oh!" On the Best of Color Honeymooners DVD, it is attached to "Be It Ever So Humble", "Two Faces Of Ralph Kramden" and "Double Trouble."
Air Date: Sat. 11/22/69
"Sun & Raccoon Capital":
The title of this episode is obviously a play on the nickname that Jackie Gleason gave to Miami Beach.
The episode opens up with dancers (June Taylor Dancers, of course) coming out and singing: “Miami Beach” in the Blue Philbin Hotel. After that, they leave. The Kramdens and Nortons arrive in Miami Beach. Ironically, I am sure you people know that these episodes were filmed in Miami Beach. They are staying at the finest hotel in Miami Beach, the Blue Philbin. Ed says that this hotel has entertainment for everything. The entertainment sounds…interesting. Alice: "We got to miss all of that entertainment just because they have tickets to see the Jackie Gleason Show." Ed: "I wanted to meet Johnny Olsen." They check in. Ed spots someone who is dressed in a rather ridiculous fashion. Since there are a lot of conventions that come to Miami Beach, he wonders what lodge he is from. Man: "None. I'm a policeman. I'm a plain clothes man." People are going whoooo-whooooing. They are people from the Raccoon Lodge that Ralph & Ed belong to. One of the Raccoons is the guy who played the arcade owner in "Play It Again, Norton." The girls turn their back as the boys do the Raccoon secret handshake which looks like they are playing "Patty cake" after which they go: "Whooo-whooo-whooo." Ralph introduces them as Red Courtney and Ace Fargo. Alice says that she would shake their hands but she is too old to play "Patty cake." Ace & Red are here for the Raccoon Convention. They are electing a Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. Red or Ace says that they knew that Ralph & Ed were coming so they brought their uniforms with them. Ralph: "Who would do such a nice thing?" Alice: "The squirrels might. They are crazy about nuts." The girls look at the pool. The only person who is running for the G.H.E.M.R. is Hampton Shelton IV. He has said that when he is elected, there will be no more beer drinking before, during and after the meetings. He wants to take out all the pool tables, ban the poker games and he wants to let the wives come to the meetings. Ralph: "Sounds like some kind of communist to me." If only from someone from their own lodge will run, then everything will be fine according to Ace or Red. Ralph says that the cost of running the campaign for the G.H.E.M.R. is expensive. It is $15. They suggest Ralph Kramden because he is now a Hollywood songwriter. Ralph accepts. He has Ace's, Red's & Ed's respective votes. Ralph wants to get the word out to tall the Raccoons in the area that he is running. As soon as he sets up his headquarters, there will be free beer for everyone. They all try to leave. Hampton comes in all drunk. Ace or Red says that it is just to make the Raccoons think that he is a regular guy. Ed: "He is trying to build up a decent image." Ralph says that they have to fight fire with fire. So, they act drunk.
At Ralph's campaign headquarters; there are a lot of posters praising Ralph. A lot of beer is set up. Shelton just got nominated according to Ed. Shelton then fell off the platform. Ed: "There is no better way to get to a Raccoon's heart than to pass out in front of 5,000 of them." Ed tells all the Raccoons to tell them what is going on in here. Ralph is trying to get into his uniform…his pants are too big. In the storyline, (and Jackie in real life, of course) he lost weight. Ralph: "If I go out in these, I will be a laughing stock." Ed: "If you don't, you will get a few laughs too." Ralph goes to put on his regular pants. Ed spots a poster of Ralph that according to him, looks like it is falling apart. Ed pulls it off to reveal a Richard Nixon poster that gets a lot of laughs and applause. Ed: "I wonder if this guy got elected to his lodge." Ralph says that with all of his campaign expenses, his half comes to $40. Ed complains since Ralph is the one getting all the benefits and not him. One of the benefits is an unlimited expense account up to $5 and another one is to drive the Raccoon mobile. Ed: "What am I going to get out of all this?" Ralph: "You are my special assistant. You will be there where all the big decisions are made. You will be there for all the top-level meetings. You will be in all the smoke-filled rooms." Ed: "Big deal. I work in the sewer all day and then at night, I have to sit in a smoke-filled room." Ralph demands the $40. Ed gives it to him. Ed asks if he can drive the Raccoon mobile because according to Ed, if he is wearing Ralph's big pants, no one will know the difference. No deal. Hampton comes in and drinks some of the beer and stumbles out like a drunk. Ed helps Ralph out with his nomination speech. Ed (reading) "`Fellow Raccoons, we are on the threshold of a new era. There are two candidates running: Hampton Shelton IV and Ralph Kramden. One represents the past. The other, the future. Would you like to go back to the dark ages with Hampton Shelton IV or would you like to zoom into the space age with Ralph Kramden? Would you rather be mired in the mud or would you rather shoot to the heights? Would you rather swing on a star be better of than you are…" Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!" Ed said that he just got carried away. Ralph: "You make that speech and you will be carried away all right. Just say my good points." Ed: "Then it will be the shortest speech on record." Ed sits down to write down what Ralph will dictate. Ralph: "Brother Raccoons, Ralph Kramden promises you…promises you…read that back to me." Ed does. Ed: "Ralph Kramden promises you…promises you four pairs of Fruit of The Loom shorts." You see, Ed wrote his speech for Ralph on his record for the Income Tax. New speech. Ralph: "`Brother Raccoons, I recommend moderation. Moderation in all things. What do I mean by moderation? A little common sense. A little dignity. A little gambling. A little booze…'" Ed says that that is better than any other speech that Mussolini could ever write. Some Raccoons, along with Ace & Red come in. It's almost time for him to say Ralph's speech. Ed and some Raccoons leave. The rest of the Raccoons, sans Ralph have beer and then they sing: "I Will Be The Greatest Of All The Raccoons." After that, some of the Raccoons leave. Ed comes in. Ed says that he made such a great speech that they also nominated him.
At the hotel pool, some girls in their bathing suits (I think that they were Glea Girls) go back inside the hotel. Ralph & Alice come out. Alice wants them to sit in the sun even though Ralph is wearing pants and a collared shirt. Ralph is upset that he thinks that Ed turned his back on him by running against him and he is ungrateful since he let him in the Raccoons. Ralph is trying to set up a folding chair but he is having "trouble" doing so. You can tell that he is grabbing BOTH of the bottom ends of the chair with the top facing upward so it's impossible for him to set it up if he is holding it that way. Ed comes out all smiles, grabs a chair and has no trouble setting it up. He sits down. Ralph tells him to get up so that Alice can sit down. Ed grabs another chair and has no trouble setting it up. He sits down. Ralph tells him to get up so that he can sit in that chair. Ed does. Ed grabs another chair and the same thing happens, only this time Ralph doesn't tell him to get up. Alice is upset. They got her so nervous with that chair thing that she is leaving to go to the beach. She leaves. A bellhop comes with a telephone call for Ed. That must be one real long phone cord (either that, or they got an extension cord). Ed takes the call. Ed: "You found out that I was being nominated for Grand High Auxial-Auxila-Exalted…You got me so excited." I think Art slightly flubbed his line there. Ed thanks him for his support and hangs up. Ed: "I didn't know that Spiro Agnew was a Raccoon." Ed asks Ralph if he is mad at him. Ralph says yes of course. Ed then rehearses his speech that he is going to give at the convention tonight. Ralph says that he will not make any speech because he is heartbroken. He doesn't care about the G.H.E.M.R occupation. It's their friendship. According to Ralph, if Ed runs against him, twenty years of their friendship will go down the drain. I thought that Ralph once said in "A Little Man Who Wasn't There" that they were friends ever since they were kids. Ralph: "When one was broke, the other one lent them the money." Ed: "But I was always the other one." Ralph: "That is why you need my friendship." Ralph begs Ed not to read the speech Ed accepts. Ralph reads it and it says: "I Ed Norton, because of my great friendship to Ralph Kramden, withdraw from the race and I put all my support behind him." Uh oh! Ed will not read the speech now despite the fact that now Ralph wants him to read that speech. The girls come back as the boys are arguing. Trixie is wearing a gold outfit that almost COMPLETELY covers her body along with a gold hat. How is she supposed to get a tan in that? Ed explains everything that is going on. Ralph: "You are not qualified to run because you are too DUMB that's why." Wow, what a friend. Trixie gets in Ralph's face. Soon, the wives are now having a fight over whose husband is going to win in the election. They all sing: "That's Me." A song about who will win the G.H.E.M.R. Ralph & Ed leave in the middle of the song. After the song, the girls actually apologize to each other. Then they leave. I should also mention that all this time, the rest of the patrons around the Kramdens & Nortons said nothing.
Ralph's campaign headquarters is now split. Ralph's side is on the left and Ed's side is on the right. There is a line that separates the side. A line that cuts one of Ralph's posters in half. Ed's side has his campaign posters. Ed changes the sign that says: "Kramden On The Go" to "Kramden The Goon." A Charlie the Raccoon comes in with some girls to do some campaigning for Ed. The girls I think were Glea Girls (one of them is wearing a red sweater and gets some male wolf whistles from the crowd.) The other one is a fat old lady. Ed says that when she sees his wife, hide the poster or according to Ed, she will think that she and he are fooling around. Ralph comes in and wonders what is going on. Ed tells him. He says that since he contributed to half of Ralph's campaign expenses, he gets half the room and if Ralph wants to pass, he has to pay a slight toll charge of fifty cents. Ralph says that if Ed wants to wash his hands using the sink that is on his half of the room, it will cost him $1. Ed: "I can wash just one hand for fifty cents." They fight. Jim Knight from The Sunday Evening Raccoon Newspaper comes in along with Ace or Red. Ed said that he enjoyed reading Jim's editorial called "Should Red China Be Admitted To The Raccoons?" Jim is doing a story about the Raccoons running and he would like to have stories on Hampton, Ed & Ralph. Ralph says that he will be elected on the first ballot while Ed says that he hopes Red China will be admitted to the Raccoons. Time for Jim to get the background information Ralph says that he dropped out of school after he graduated the eighth grade. If that was possible, how can he be a bus driver? He was a bodyguard for the local church parish (he guarded the winners after they walked home from the bingo game.) Ed said that his birth certificate says that he was born in Brooklyn, but he says that he actually was born on at sea. Right in Cotter's Shawls. Ralph wants to change the way he was born. Ed leaves with Jim to get pictures of him. Ralph goes over the line. Ed: "That will cost you fifty cents." Ralph (holding up a fist): "Do you have change of this?" Ace or Red explains to Ralph that since Ed was born on Cotter's Shawl's, he was born 7 miles off shore. According to Section 6, paragraph 34 of the Raccoon by-laws, since Ed was born more than three miles off shore, he is not a US citizen. Wow! So, that means he can't be a G.H.E.M.R. (Also according to the by-laws, in order to become G.H.E.M.R., the person must have a 4th grade education or have passed an equivalency test.) This could knock Ed out of the race. According to Ace or Red, a mean candidate who is running against him would expose Ed's status and knock him out. Ace or Red leaves. Ralph sings a song about his problem while scary music plays. Ralph the Angel tells him to not tell the information while Ralph the Devil tells him to do it.
At the convention, Ed Norton speaks first. His speech includes him saying that the governor of Florida and the mayor of Miami Beach are in the audience. He also makes a reference to Tamiami Trail. Since I now live in Florida, I can safely say that I live close to that street and can say that it is (or was) a street that went from Miami to Tampa. After greeting everybody, he says that he is speechless. It's time for Ralph's speech. Ed blows a noise in Ralph's ear to antagonize him. Ralph: "I said it before and I will say it again. Raccoon audiences are the BEST." He says that he will not read the speech he prepared but he will now read the information that he feels that every Raccoon should know before they cast their ballots. He tells them that it consists of one of the candidates that are running for the G.H.E.M.R. office. Ralph asks Ed to stand beside him. Ralph says that they have been friends for a long time and all the good things they do together. Ed praises Ralph. Ralph & Ed try to convince everyone that the Raccoons are more important than their friendship. Ed says that Ralph is the only real friend that he has ever had in his life. Ralph. Ed says that he loves Ralph. He hugs him. Ralph says that one of the candidates is not qualified to run, but he doesn't say who. He withdraws from the race in exchange for his friendship with Ed. Ed withdraws his vote, so that means that Hampton Shelton IV who falls down in his seat completely drunk. The Kramdens & Nortons sing the Raccoon Alma Mater which goes: "From the hallowed streets of Greenpernt, To the shores of Sheepshead Bay, From the Verrazano Narrows, To Canarsie across the way...We have come together, one and all, In fellowship to commune, And to glorify the Grand Exalted Brotherhood of Raccoons."
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. During the curtain call, Johnny Olsen plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners which stars Frances Langford. The episode is called: "The Match Game."
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
Episode #214 (Syndicated episode #37):
TV: Hour (edited)
DVD: Attached to "The Honeymoon Is Over", "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle" & "The Sun & Raccoon Capital."
Air Date: Sat. 11/15/69
"Hawaii! Oh! Oh!":
The title of this episode is a play on the title: “Hawaii Five-O”
In the Nick Clooney intro, he mentions the guest star in this episode (Donald O'Connor) has just passed away "a little while ago." I just found out that Donald passed away in Sept. '03, so this intro must have been filmed just a little while before this episode first aired on TV in syndication.
A bunch of Hawaiian girls sing & dance to "Hawaii!" dance in a restaurant. During the song, one of the dancers comes out with a blowtorch that looks like real fire on both ends. He ends up dancing with it and actually at one point lays down and puts it on his feet with his feet either barely missing or touching the flames. If the flames were real and his feet didn’t touch them, than that guy was stupid or had a lot of guts not to mention talent. During this the sky turns from light to dark to light. That needs some suspension of disbelief although I do understand why they did it. After this, the dancers resume to sing and dance the song. After this, as a guy named Charlie Pineapple (Donald O'Connor) is serving the guests with pineapples and other things. Another guy comes in. Charlie made a bet with this guy and lost $200 to him but Charlie doesn't have the money. The guy then gives him two days to give him the money and calls him by his "real name" Charlie Ryan. Charlie tells him that around here, he's Charlie Pineapple. Man: "If you don't pay up, you will be Crushed Pineapple." The man leaves. The Kramdens & Nortons walk in. A Hawaiian waitress greets each of them and puts a lei around each of their neck and kisses Ralph on the cheeks. When she tries to kiss Ed, Ed declines because Trixie is watching. Trixie says that it's okay. So Ed kisses the Hawaiian girl in a romantic way that gets Trixie upset. They sit down and several girls give them a lot of delicious food. Ralph can't have any of it because of his diet. Alice: "The doctor says that you have to take off at least 10 pounds." Ralph: "Let me eat today and tomorrow, I will take off 20 pounds." The Nortons & Alice dig in and Ed gives Alice some delicious food right in front of Ralph. Ralph is upset. Ed accidentally spilled something all over Trixie's dress. They go into the ladies room to clean it up. Charlie Ryan comes back and asks if everything is okay. Ralph says that it is but he can't eat any of the food because of his diet. Ralph: "I have a weight problem. I came down to 220." Ed: "That is his room number. He came down from 280." Ralph says that he will give anything in the world to have something that will cause him not to gain weight from eating food, including all the money you made from the song and the movie. A light bulb goes off in Charlie's head. Charlie introduces himself. He says he comes from a famous Hawaiian family. Ralph: "The Hawaiian Pineapples?" Charlie says that he has a "solution" to Ralph's problem. He has a sauce that will help Ralph not to gain weight from eating food. Charlie: "You put this sauce on any food and not only will you not gain weight, but you will lose weight." According to Charlie, this sauce kills all the calories that are in every piece of food. Ralph likes what he is hearing. Charlie asks them to meet him tomorrow at the Ukulele Bar & Grill and he will give them the sauce. He leaves. Ralph starts eating. Ralph: "Tomorrow, these calories die."
The next day at the Ukulele Bar & Grill, Charlie Ryan greets Harry (a bartender). Charlie has revealed that last night, he lost $50 playing poker. He is down to his last buck. Charlie says he will get the money from a sucker (Ralph) that is coming in a few minutes. Charlie asks Harry for some mustard, ketchup etc and a bowl to put it in. Charlie says that he will use it to make his "special sauce." Charlie: "What do you put in a 200 year old recipe?" Harry: "You want something that is 200 years old? Try our cheese sandwiches." Charlie & Harry pours ketchup (or as he calls it, "crushed wild cherries"), mustard, steak sauce, pulverized Mango seeds, beer, nuts, & actual saw dust. Charlie mixes it. Harry says it looks awful but Charlie doesn't care. Ralph & Ed come in and greet Charlie. They sit down. Ralph tries the soup with a spoon and he thinks that it is delicious. Ed tries it and says that it needs more saw dust. Charlie: "That is shredded coconut." Ralph is skeptical. Charlie doesn't blame him. He can prove the magic of that sauce. Four weeks ago, he weighed 285. Ed: "You must have been some Charlie Pineapple." According to him, he tried the sauce and it made him lose weight. He has a picture of him when he was 285 and he shows it to them. (Actually, the photo is a Jackie Gleason photo, but Charlie put his face on top of Gleason's.) Ralph: "It's amazing. How could anybody get that fat?" Ed: "That photo looks familiar to me. Are you sure you weren't fat in Florida?" Charlie claims that it is really him when he poses like the person in the picture did. That's enough to convince Ralph & Ed that it was him in the picture. How gullible are those two? The phone rings and Charlie answers it. Ralph has a scheme. There are 40 million people on the main land who are fat and they would love to have the sauce Charlie made. If each one of them paid a dollar for that sauce, that's $40,000,000. Ralph says they will buy the formula, bottle it and sell it. Charlie comes back and Ralph asks Charlie about his (Ralph's) plan. Charlie says no, but he will give it to Ralph for $5,000. Ralph says that is a little steep. Charlie: "$250?" Ralph: "Sold." Charlie gives Ralph the formula. Ralph says he will give him the money ASAP. Ralph & Ed leave. Charlie dances. Charlie sings: "There Is A Sucker Born Every Minute" and does some good tap dancing. Charlie: "How sweet it is!" Charlie tap dances some more and there's a real good overhead camera shot of him dancing. One question: How come all the other patrons in the restaurant didn't help Ralph & Ed by saying what Charlie is doing is a scam? They must have heard Charlie scamming with Harry.
At the hotel room, Alice says that they will not give Ralph the money. Ralph: "This sauce is important to me. You have never been in my condition." Alice: "You mean fat? When the sun hits you a certain way, you are still fat." Alice laughs at her comment. Ralph: "You are naturally thin." Alice: "I have to watch my weight. You always beat me to the dinner table." Ralph says that he is going to use the sauce for all the fat people in the world that are starving to death. Alice: "Why don't you organize a fat people's watch in Washington?" Trixie says that she won't give Ed the money either. Ed is so desperate to get the money; he is willing to kiss Trixie. He does. Ralph says that if they won't give them the money, they will jump out the window. Ed doesn't like the idea but Ralph pressures him to jump out the window first. He does but Ralph & Ed somehow forgot that they are staying on the first floor. Ralph: "You couldn't even jump out the window correctly." Ed: "I could if we were on the 15th floor." Trixie says to Alice that maybe they should give them the money. Alice jokingly says no. So Trixie jokingly says that she will jump out the window to her death. Alice pleads to Trixie not to jump. Ralph is not amused, but the girls give them the money. Ralph thanks Alice. Ralph: "Beyond that rainbow will be a pot of gravy." Ralph sings: "When We Don't Have To Diet Anymore."
Ralph & Ed prepare the formula. This scene is similar to the scene in "Hair To A Fortune" where Ralph & Ed try to make the hair making formula. Ed comes in with his half of the ingredients for the sauce. Ralph, as usual made Ed do the hard work such as getting the unhatched eggs of a piranha (one of the things that Charlie put in his sauce when all he put in was the middle part of nuts). Ed said he had trouble milking a wild goat (probably another thing that Charlie put in the sauce). Ed said he couldn't get the unhatched eggs of a piranha but he got the next best thing, a pregnant piranha He brings it in. They mix the ingredients. Ed does the weighing of the cherries. Ed drops one of them. Ed says: "Leave it there. The cat will get it." Ed tastes the cherries, so Ralph hits him for not doing his job. Ralph has a name for the sauce. "Kramden's Kalorie Killer." He is spelling the word calorie with a K even though his invention has the same initials as the Klu Klux Klan. Ed has a better name: "Norton's Noodle Nooge." They continue mixing and weighing. They wait for the piranha to lay her eggs. Ralph says that if you play music, the piranha will lay eggs. Ed gets out his harmonica and starts playing a hillbilly hoe-down tune. Ralph sees the eggs and asks Ed to put his hand in there to pull them out. Ed uses a spoon to pull them out. That doesn't work. Ralph has a plan; he will distract the piranha fish while Ed gets the eggs and puts the eggs in the bowl. Ralph says that they will put this stuff on the market when they know that it works. Ralph gets out a mouse from a big box. They will use test this formula on the mouse. They will weigh the mouse. He weighs 4 1/2 ounces. Every day, they will feed him food with the sauce on it and when he has a consistent weight loss that will prove that the sauce works. Ed asks if he can weigh the mouse. Ralph says that this mouse will be as famous as the one who went to the moon. So he will name this mouse Norton. Ed is so touched. Ed suggests naming the piranha fish Trixie. Ed takes a picture of the mouse. Ed: "Say 'cheese'!" Ed takes the picture. Ralph: "Don't say cheese in front of a mouse." You mean that mouse could understand what cheese means? Ralph puts Norton the mouse in the cage that is in the box. He then gives him a big chunk of Fatchumatata's (sp?) cheese with the sauce all over it. Ralph says that he has done what every other scientist has done which is experimenting with the animals that are more close to man. Ralph & Ed sing: "The Mouse." Ed: "Just think of what the mouse has done for man especially Walt Disney."
Ralph comes out and asks Ed to go downstairs to get the mouse. It has been a day since the mouse had that big chunk of cheese with the sauce. Ed: "Trixie the piranha just laid 150 eggs." Ed answers the door. It's Charlie Pineapple. Ed goes downstairs to get the mouse. Charlie says that with the $250 Ralph gave him, he used in a poker game and ran it up to $1500. The girls come in and get introduced to Charlie. Alice: "You're the one who stuck Ralph with that rotten sauce." Charlie, feeling guilty perhaps, gives Ralph back his $250. He wants to buy back the recipe. Ralph won't give him the recipe. Charlie now says he doesn't want the recipe, but he wants to give Ralph back the money. Ralph says no. Ralph: "I know what he is trying to pull. As soon as we make money, he will sue us." Ralph kicks Charlie out. Charlie says that they can't give birth to piranha eggs. Ralph says Trixie gave birth to 150 of them. Trixie, not knowing what Ralph is talking about, is upset. Ralph shows her the piranha fish that they named Trixie. Ralph: "Trixie is the fish and Norton is the mouse." Alice: "And you are the coo-coo." Ed comes in with the box that the mouse is in. Ralph tells what he did with the mouse. Alice: "You put a mouse on a diet." Alice laughs. They get ready to take the "after" picture of the mouse. Ed takes off the top of the box and the mouse has grown to be a VERY GIGANTIC mouse. There is no way in real life that a mouse can get that big especially after eating the hunk of cheese that Ralph gave him with the sauce all over it (and I'm pretty sure that that was a statue of a mouse). What happened to the cage that the mouse was in? Everyone leaves. Ralph assures the mouse that he will put him on the same kind of diet that Jackie Gleason went on.
During the curtain call, Jackie says "How sweet it is." He introduces the cast. As Shelia is introduced, she says something that ends in "...you." Not even the MPI Subtitles pick it up. Perhaps she said that she loves him (as a friend of course). Jackie praises the audience and says "Goodnight!"
Episode #215 (Syndicated episode #38)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: Attached to "The Honeymoon Is Over", "Happiness Is A Rich Uncle", & "Hawaii, Oh! Oh!" On the Best of Color Honeymooners DVD, it is attached to "Be It Ever So Humble", "Two Faces Of Ralph Kramden" and "Double Trouble."
Air Date: Sat. 11/22/69
"Sun & Raccoon Capital":
The title of this episode is obviously a play on the nickname that Jackie Gleason gave to Miami Beach.
The episode opens up with dancers (June Taylor Dancers, of course) coming out and singing: “Miami Beach” in the Blue Philbin Hotel. After that, they leave. The Kramdens and Nortons arrive in Miami Beach. Ironically, I am sure you people know that these episodes were filmed in Miami Beach. They are staying at the finest hotel in Miami Beach, the Blue Philbin. Ed says that this hotel has entertainment for everything. The entertainment sounds…interesting. Alice: "We got to miss all of that entertainment just because they have tickets to see the Jackie Gleason Show." Ed: "I wanted to meet Johnny Olsen." They check in. Ed spots someone who is dressed in a rather ridiculous fashion. Since there are a lot of conventions that come to Miami Beach, he wonders what lodge he is from. Man: "None. I'm a policeman. I'm a plain clothes man." People are going whoooo-whooooing. They are people from the Raccoon Lodge that Ralph & Ed belong to. One of the Raccoons is the guy who played the arcade owner in "Play It Again, Norton." The girls turn their back as the boys do the Raccoon secret handshake which looks like they are playing "Patty cake" after which they go: "Whooo-whooo-whooo." Ralph introduces them as Red Courtney and Ace Fargo. Alice says that she would shake their hands but she is too old to play "Patty cake." Ace & Red are here for the Raccoon Convention. They are electing a Grand High Exalted Mystic Ruler. Red or Ace says that they knew that Ralph & Ed were coming so they brought their uniforms with them. Ralph: "Who would do such a nice thing?" Alice: "The squirrels might. They are crazy about nuts." The girls look at the pool. The only person who is running for the G.H.E.M.R. is Hampton Shelton IV. He has said that when he is elected, there will be no more beer drinking before, during and after the meetings. He wants to take out all the pool tables, ban the poker games and he wants to let the wives come to the meetings. Ralph: "Sounds like some kind of communist to me." If only from someone from their own lodge will run, then everything will be fine according to Ace or Red. Ralph says that the cost of running the campaign for the G.H.E.M.R. is expensive. It is $15. They suggest Ralph Kramden because he is now a Hollywood songwriter. Ralph accepts. He has Ace's, Red's & Ed's respective votes. Ralph wants to get the word out to tall the Raccoons in the area that he is running. As soon as he sets up his headquarters, there will be free beer for everyone. They all try to leave. Hampton comes in all drunk. Ace or Red says that it is just to make the Raccoons think that he is a regular guy. Ed: "He is trying to build up a decent image." Ralph says that they have to fight fire with fire. So, they act drunk.
At Ralph's campaign headquarters; there are a lot of posters praising Ralph. A lot of beer is set up. Shelton just got nominated according to Ed. Shelton then fell off the platform. Ed: "There is no better way to get to a Raccoon's heart than to pass out in front of 5,000 of them." Ed tells all the Raccoons to tell them what is going on in here. Ralph is trying to get into his uniform…his pants are too big. In the storyline, (and Jackie in real life, of course) he lost weight. Ralph: "If I go out in these, I will be a laughing stock." Ed: "If you don't, you will get a few laughs too." Ralph goes to put on his regular pants. Ed spots a poster of Ralph that according to him, looks like it is falling apart. Ed pulls it off to reveal a Richard Nixon poster that gets a lot of laughs and applause. Ed: "I wonder if this guy got elected to his lodge." Ralph says that with all of his campaign expenses, his half comes to $40. Ed complains since Ralph is the one getting all the benefits and not him. One of the benefits is an unlimited expense account up to $5 and another one is to drive the Raccoon mobile. Ed: "What am I going to get out of all this?" Ralph: "You are my special assistant. You will be there where all the big decisions are made. You will be there for all the top-level meetings. You will be in all the smoke-filled rooms." Ed: "Big deal. I work in the sewer all day and then at night, I have to sit in a smoke-filled room." Ralph demands the $40. Ed gives it to him. Ed asks if he can drive the Raccoon mobile because according to Ed, if he is wearing Ralph's big pants, no one will know the difference. No deal. Hampton comes in and drinks some of the beer and stumbles out like a drunk. Ed helps Ralph out with his nomination speech. Ed (reading) "`Fellow Raccoons, we are on the threshold of a new era. There are two candidates running: Hampton Shelton IV and Ralph Kramden. One represents the past. The other, the future. Would you like to go back to the dark ages with Hampton Shelton IV or would you like to zoom into the space age with Ralph Kramden? Would you rather be mired in the mud or would you rather shoot to the heights? Would you rather swing on a star be better of than you are…" Ralph (yells): "WAIT A MINUTE!" Ed said that he just got carried away. Ralph: "You make that speech and you will be carried away all right. Just say my good points." Ed: "Then it will be the shortest speech on record." Ed sits down to write down what Ralph will dictate. Ralph: "Brother Raccoons, Ralph Kramden promises you…promises you…read that back to me." Ed does. Ed: "Ralph Kramden promises you…promises you four pairs of Fruit of The Loom shorts." You see, Ed wrote his speech for Ralph on his record for the Income Tax. New speech. Ralph: "`Brother Raccoons, I recommend moderation. Moderation in all things. What do I mean by moderation? A little common sense. A little dignity. A little gambling. A little booze…'" Ed says that that is better than any other speech that Mussolini could ever write. Some Raccoons, along with Ace & Red come in. It's almost time for him to say Ralph's speech. Ed and some Raccoons leave. The rest of the Raccoons, sans Ralph have beer and then they sing: "I Will Be The Greatest Of All The Raccoons." After that, some of the Raccoons leave. Ed comes in. Ed says that he made such a great speech that they also nominated him.
At the hotel pool, some girls in their bathing suits (I think that they were Glea Girls) go back inside the hotel. Ralph & Alice come out. Alice wants them to sit in the sun even though Ralph is wearing pants and a collared shirt. Ralph is upset that he thinks that Ed turned his back on him by running against him and he is ungrateful since he let him in the Raccoons. Ralph is trying to set up a folding chair but he is having "trouble" doing so. You can tell that he is grabbing BOTH of the bottom ends of the chair with the top facing upward so it's impossible for him to set it up if he is holding it that way. Ed comes out all smiles, grabs a chair and has no trouble setting it up. He sits down. Ralph tells him to get up so that Alice can sit down. Ed grabs another chair and has no trouble setting it up. He sits down. Ralph tells him to get up so that he can sit in that chair. Ed does. Ed grabs another chair and the same thing happens, only this time Ralph doesn't tell him to get up. Alice is upset. They got her so nervous with that chair thing that she is leaving to go to the beach. She leaves. A bellhop comes with a telephone call for Ed. That must be one real long phone cord (either that, or they got an extension cord). Ed takes the call. Ed: "You found out that I was being nominated for Grand High Auxial-Auxila-Exalted…You got me so excited." I think Art slightly flubbed his line there. Ed thanks him for his support and hangs up. Ed: "I didn't know that Spiro Agnew was a Raccoon." Ed asks Ralph if he is mad at him. Ralph says yes of course. Ed then rehearses his speech that he is going to give at the convention tonight. Ralph says that he will not make any speech because he is heartbroken. He doesn't care about the G.H.E.M.R occupation. It's their friendship. According to Ralph, if Ed runs against him, twenty years of their friendship will go down the drain. I thought that Ralph once said in "A Little Man Who Wasn't There" that they were friends ever since they were kids. Ralph: "When one was broke, the other one lent them the money." Ed: "But I was always the other one." Ralph: "That is why you need my friendship." Ralph begs Ed not to read the speech Ed accepts. Ralph reads it and it says: "I Ed Norton, because of my great friendship to Ralph Kramden, withdraw from the race and I put all my support behind him." Uh oh! Ed will not read the speech now despite the fact that now Ralph wants him to read that speech. The girls come back as the boys are arguing. Trixie is wearing a gold outfit that almost COMPLETELY covers her body along with a gold hat. How is she supposed to get a tan in that? Ed explains everything that is going on. Ralph: "You are not qualified to run because you are too DUMB that's why." Wow, what a friend. Trixie gets in Ralph's face. Soon, the wives are now having a fight over whose husband is going to win in the election. They all sing: "That's Me." A song about who will win the G.H.E.M.R. Ralph & Ed leave in the middle of the song. After the song, the girls actually apologize to each other. Then they leave. I should also mention that all this time, the rest of the patrons around the Kramdens & Nortons said nothing.
Ralph's campaign headquarters is now split. Ralph's side is on the left and Ed's side is on the right. There is a line that separates the side. A line that cuts one of Ralph's posters in half. Ed's side has his campaign posters. Ed changes the sign that says: "Kramden On The Go" to "Kramden The Goon." A Charlie the Raccoon comes in with some girls to do some campaigning for Ed. The girls I think were Glea Girls (one of them is wearing a red sweater and gets some male wolf whistles from the crowd.) The other one is a fat old lady. Ed says that when she sees his wife, hide the poster or according to Ed, she will think that she and he are fooling around. Ralph comes in and wonders what is going on. Ed tells him. He says that since he contributed to half of Ralph's campaign expenses, he gets half the room and if Ralph wants to pass, he has to pay a slight toll charge of fifty cents. Ralph says that if Ed wants to wash his hands using the sink that is on his half of the room, it will cost him $1. Ed: "I can wash just one hand for fifty cents." They fight. Jim Knight from The Sunday Evening Raccoon Newspaper comes in along with Ace or Red. Ed said that he enjoyed reading Jim's editorial called "Should Red China Be Admitted To The Raccoons?" Jim is doing a story about the Raccoons running and he would like to have stories on Hampton, Ed & Ralph. Ralph says that he will be elected on the first ballot while Ed says that he hopes Red China will be admitted to the Raccoons. Time for Jim to get the background information Ralph says that he dropped out of school after he graduated the eighth grade. If that was possible, how can he be a bus driver? He was a bodyguard for the local church parish (he guarded the winners after they walked home from the bingo game.) Ed said that his birth certificate says that he was born in Brooklyn, but he says that he actually was born on at sea. Right in Cotter's Shawls. Ralph wants to change the way he was born. Ed leaves with Jim to get pictures of him. Ralph goes over the line. Ed: "That will cost you fifty cents." Ralph (holding up a fist): "Do you have change of this?" Ace or Red explains to Ralph that since Ed was born on Cotter's Shawl's, he was born 7 miles off shore. According to Section 6, paragraph 34 of the Raccoon by-laws, since Ed was born more than three miles off shore, he is not a US citizen. Wow! So, that means he can't be a G.H.E.M.R. (Also according to the by-laws, in order to become G.H.E.M.R., the person must have a 4th grade education or have passed an equivalency test.) This could knock Ed out of the race. According to Ace or Red, a mean candidate who is running against him would expose Ed's status and knock him out. Ace or Red leaves. Ralph sings a song about his problem while scary music plays. Ralph the Angel tells him to not tell the information while Ralph the Devil tells him to do it.
At the convention, Ed Norton speaks first. His speech includes him saying that the governor of Florida and the mayor of Miami Beach are in the audience. He also makes a reference to Tamiami Trail. Since I now live in Florida, I can safely say that I live close to that street and can say that it is (or was) a street that went from Miami to Tampa. After greeting everybody, he says that he is speechless. It's time for Ralph's speech. Ed blows a noise in Ralph's ear to antagonize him. Ralph: "I said it before and I will say it again. Raccoon audiences are the BEST." He says that he will not read the speech he prepared but he will now read the information that he feels that every Raccoon should know before they cast their ballots. He tells them that it consists of one of the candidates that are running for the G.H.E.M.R. office. Ralph asks Ed to stand beside him. Ralph says that they have been friends for a long time and all the good things they do together. Ed praises Ralph. Ralph & Ed try to convince everyone that the Raccoons are more important than their friendship. Ed says that Ralph is the only real friend that he has ever had in his life. Ralph. Ed says that he loves Ralph. He hugs him. Ralph says that one of the candidates is not qualified to run, but he doesn't say who. He withdraws from the race in exchange for his friendship with Ed. Ed withdraws his vote, so that means that Hampton Shelton IV who falls down in his seat completely drunk. The Kramdens & Nortons sing the Raccoon Alma Mater which goes: "From the hallowed streets of Greenpernt, To the shores of Sheepshead Bay, From the Verrazano Narrows, To Canarsie across the way...We have come together, one and all, In fellowship to commune, And to glorify the Grand Exalted Brotherhood of Raccoons."
At the curtain call, Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. During the curtain call, Johnny Olsen plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners which stars Frances Langford. The episode is called: "The Match Game."
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.