Frank Gannucci
12-11-2020, 07:22 AM
Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Mexican Hat Trick" & "Case of The Cuucoo Thief":
Episode #210 (Syndicated episode #33)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: to “Play It Again Norton”, “Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Case of The Cuckoo Thief"
Air Date: Sat. 10/11/69
"Mexican Hat Trick":
The intro for the show is the same as all the episodes this season except the letters look like they are in purple. Anyway, singers and dancers sing a song that I think is called: "Mexico." The song has Spanish lyrics in it and says that Mexico has more romanticism than the USA. You can tell that the background is fake. After that, a guy who later reveals himself to be Swifty Jenkins (Jesse White) is being detained at customs. One of the reasons is he wouldn’t show his ID. Swifty was a crook and one of the agents thinks that it is a coincidence that he is showing up in Mexico one day after $1,000,000 in diamonds is stolen by a person named El Lobo and a person named the wolf. One of the agents frisks him for weapons. Swifty: “Cool it. You are not my type.” He says that he took up ballroom dancing and is crossing the border to find a partner. He says to the agents that his partner is not El Lobo or the wolf. Eventually, they let him go. Swifty meets up with a taco vendor (played by Jesse White). The hot dog vendor & him have an evil plan. They are working with El Lobo. El Lobo wants Swifty to take the hat across the border and sell it. Somehow the agents don’t hear this. The vendor says that it won’t be easy because if a tourist to not know that he is carrying a million dollars in diamonds across the border is stupid. The Kramdens & Nortons head to Mexico. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Alice says that this is the life. Alice: "Living in Beverly Hills and coming to Mexico during the weekend." They cross the border. The policeman at the border (played by George Petrie) checks everyone's passport. Ed's passport says that he is Dick Tracy. Trixie says that his name is Ed Norton and that his out-patient card is with him. The girls go into a silver shop. The boys see a taco stand. Ralph says that he will do all the talking since he knows Spanish. He learned it from reading some of the signs posted on Grocery Store windows in New York. Ralph (to the taco vendor): "Parley-vous François" Basically, Ralph spoke French to him. The vendor speaks some English and gives them two tacos. Swifty comes by. He knows Spanish. Before he came down to Mexico, he made all those Spanish signs that were posted in grocery stores in New York. Swifty identifies the vendor as Pedro (and he is played by Phil Leeds.) Ralph wants everything on his taco. It is revealed to Ralph & Ed that Pedro speaks good English. Ralph explains that they are down for the weekend and that they are Hollywood song writers and he is a bus driver and he is a sewer worker. The man says to Pedro that they found their el-stupido. He explains that they use that phrase for people from Hollywood who come down here. The man offers to show them around and tell them where they can buy stuff and where it is best to buy it. They agree to meet them at a shop called the La Cucaracha Shop tomorrow. The man identifies himself as Swifty Jenkins Swifty: "They call me that because I am a very fast swimmer. I broke the record when I swam in the channel on San Francisco bay. I swam from Alcatraz to my girlfriend's attic. Three hours and twenty-two minutes." Boy, how stupid are Ralph & Ed? Swifty leaves. Pedro gives Ralph & Ed his hot dog. Ralph taco has tabasco sauce and because of that, he is in pain because the sauce is so hot, so Ralph & Ed dance around. Ralph accidentally crosses the border, but no one does anything about it.
The next day at the La Cucaracha Shop, Pedro is looking at a Mexican hat that he put some very expensive diamonds on. They plan on selling Ralph the hat and when gets across the border, Swifty will get it back from him. They are affiliated with an evil person named El Lobo. Pedro will make sure to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro leaves as Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "La Cucaracha Shop. Is that the name of the boss?" Swifty Jenkins: "No, it means the cockroach shop." Swifty goes to get the boss. While he does, Ralph explains that even though the price of an object is $25, they expect you to dicker (get them to lower the price). Ralph demonstrates by letting him be the customer and Ed being the owner. Ralph "enters." He identifies himself as a US citizen. Ed: "Yankee go home!" Hilarity ensues as Ralph tries to explain to Ed how to dicker properly. After this, Pedro and Swifty come back inside. Pedro and Swifty try to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro: "When you buy this hat, you are not only buying this hat, you are buying the history of Mexico." All of them sing: "Right In Your Mexican Hat" in which there are some Spanish lyrics. After that, Pedro says that that is $6. Ralph: "I will give you $2." Pedro: "You can have it for $1." Sold! There's also a reference to homosexuality which is surprising because back then that was taboo unlike today. Pedro says that if Ralph cuts off the tassels (diamonds) that the ground will tremble among other things. Ralph & Ed believe him. Wow! How stupid are they? The girls come in. Pedro says that the girls can shop because if they buy something, they can get a free gift. Ralph: "You will shop here." Ralph goes to buy something. A man comes by and asks Swifty. The girls and Ed look around. Swifty comes back. The border patrol has been tipped off. They know that the hat is in Mexico. Swifty asks Pedro to go to El Lobo's hideout and take the women with him. Swifty leaves. Pedro gets out his gun and reveals his real identity and he works for a dangerous criminal called El Lobo. He says that the wives are now kidnapped and he won't free them and will eventually unless Ed can get back the hat from Ralph. Ed actually thinks this over, so Trixie gets mad at him. Ed leaves to go get Ralph as the wives are now kidnapped and taken to the hideout which is called El Baracco.
In the next scene, it is 4pm. It looks a tad too dark for it to be 4pm. People are waking from their siesta just in time for the Festival Del Toro. The Baja Marimba Band (with Julius Wechter) plays some Mexican song along with the June Taylor dancers. The dancers and some of the band members dance along as the music plays. It gets lighter out. I didn't know that it can get lighter at around 4pm. Pretty much everyone leaves. Ed comes out and asks a Mexican if he saw Ralph. Ed describes him as big and mean. The Mexican says that he has and he shows him…a "bull." It is so obvious that the bull isn't real. I'm pretty sure that Jackie wouldn't be dumb enough to have a real bull on his stage. A bunch of girls and men come out for the Festival Del Toro. Ed finally sees Ralph and breaks the news to him. As he is saying this, the people around them are doing nothing. You mean to tell me that they can't hear what Ed has said? They try to go to the cafe. Ralph tries to ask a woman where it is but she just tells him to be quiet. The Mexican Hat Dance starts and everyone grabs each other's hat and puts it on the ground, including Ralph's. They do the dance as Ralph & Ed try to find the hat since it looks identical to every other hat that each person is wearing. After the dance, Ralph & Ed are hatless, so they come up with a plan. They will go to El Lobo's hideout and disguise themselves as bandits with the hope that they will win their confidence.
At the El Baracco Café, El Lobo pushes Pedro out of the kitchen. Pedro (to the girls): "I am lucky that EL Lobo is in a good mood today." Pedro orders the girls to go to the kitchen and fix dinner for El Lobo and the rest of the gang. Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "I am El Norto. The most feared bandit in all of Mexico." He looks ridiculous. Ed introduces Ralph as the one of the most feared and cruel men in Mexico. Ed (imitating Ed McMahon): "Heeeeeeeeeeeerrre's El Diablo." Ralph enters. He also looks ridiculous. He has a cigar in which he lights it by rubbing it on someone's pants. Cue the coughing. Ralph & Ed go to the bar. Ralph: "Where can I get a box of these?" El Diablo. Ed covers up Ralph's lack of accent by saying that he went to Harvard on a light scholarship. Ralph gets tequila. He drinks it. Ralph: "Woooooooooooowwwww! That is good booze." Ralph says that they are here to join EL Lobo's gang. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake. Ralph: "What was that all about?" Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang." Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?" El Lobo (played by Carol Lawrence) comes in. The boys are astonished because they thought that El Lobo was a man. Ed: "I think that my dying words are going to be va-va-va-voom." El Lobo: "If the boys with the hat don't show up, I feel sorry for their wives." El Lobo says that as far as everyone in Mexico is concerned, she is a man because she acts like one. Ed identifies himself as El Norto and Ralph as El Diablo. Ralph pushes Ed into El Lobo causing him to kiss her. El Lobo responds by smacking Ed. Ed: "She doesn't kiss like a man." El Lobo: "Let's see how tough you are. Have you ever played Russian Roulette?" Ed: "Isn't that the game where the deuces are wild?" El Lobo: "We play a different version called Mexican Roulette." She explains the rules. El Lobo: "In Russian Roulette, you have one bullet and five empty chairs. The Mexican version is more fun. You have five bullets and only one empty chair." Ralph says he is not scared but he tells Ed to play. Wow! What a friend. El Lobo wants Ralph to play. Ed: "You play and I will keep score." Ralph holds the gun alongside his head. El Lobo: "You don't have to do it. You proved to me that you are a man." El Lobo says that she was only playing a joke. According to her, the gun is empty. Ralph accidentally fires a shot which proves that the gun is "not empty." If it wasn't empty, how come there are no holes on the floor. Ed faints in shock. El gets Ed up and berates him so Ed hides behind Ralph. El Lobo: "You are a man. I want to put my arms around you and hug you and kiss you." Ralph: "Don't let her hurt me Norton." Music plays as El Lobo makes advances towards Ralph, dances and sings: "I Want You." She also dances with Ralph. The girls come out and immediately get the wrong idea about Ralph. Ralph tries to explain. Alice smacks Pedro with a plate full of food. The girls get the guns and hold everyone of the gang hostage. Alice forces El Lobo to go in the kitchen. A place that according to her is where El Lobo belongs. Ralph tries to explain, but Alice will hear nothing of it. She smacks Ralph with a glass of wine. Ralph stumbles about. How many times have we seen a person smack the other with wine which causes the other person to get "hurt"? The Kramdens go into the kitchen. Ed dances about. Ed (to the bartender): "See you next week Joe?"
On Monday, the Kramdens and Nortons are shown at the border ready to leave for the USA. I guess the boys already explained to the wives what they tried to do. Ralph identifies Pedro's taco stand. They see Sammy Spear (as himself) as the owner. Sammy says that since he is such a big star, he is opening up a chain or restaurants. Sam welcomes them to his first Taco restaurant. They cross the border. The policeman at the border says that they are boys are heroes for capturing El Lobo and the wives helped out "a little bit." Swifty and Pedro, disguised as a woman, try to pass the border. Ed sees them. The policeman asks if they know him. Ralph says that he sold him the hat which caused the Kramdens and Nortons to get involved with El Lobo and that he is innocent. A policeman says for them not to come back to Mexico. The "woman" reveals herself as Pedro's sister. Somehow, the Kramdens and Nortons don't catch on that he is Pedro. Ralph says that he lost the hat now. A policeman says that the diamonds on the hat are worth a million dollars. Everyone is upset. They cross the border. Ralph & Ed get a hot dog all the while a woman (one of the Glea Girls) comes by with a man named Harry. Harry is wearing the hat (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) The woman asks Harry to get rid of the hat. He puts it in a garbage can (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) Ralph & Ed say that they will never see that hat again. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing.
During the curtain call, Jackie praises Sammy Spear and how good he was. The crowd cheers. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. As the credits roll, Johnny Olsen, plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Episode #211 (Syndicated episode #34)
TV: Half-hour musical.
DVD: Attached to "Play It Again, Norton", "Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Mexican Hat Trick."
Air Date: Sat. 10/18/69
"Case of The Cuucoo Thief":
At Mr. Bruce's Shop For Men, a bunch of maids and a bunch of other workers are dancing and singing: "What Do You Buy For The Guy Who Has Got It All." At the end of the song, Alice & Trixie come to the shop. Alice is looking to get something for Ralph's birthday which is next month. Bruce, the store manager comes over (he is played by Joe Flynn), and helps Alice out. Ralph comes out of a crowded elevator along with Ed. He is holding what he thinks is Ed's hand when in fact it is a child's hand. How could Ralph not know this? Ralph realizes that he is not holding Ed's hand and when the mother of the kid comes over, she hit's Ralph and a clang sound is heard when she hits him. Ed then comes out with the kid's balloon. Ralph takes it, and then the kid comes out and not only takes the balloon but kicks Ralph in the leg. When he kicks him, a sound effect is heard. Alice comes over and shows Ralph a Cuckoo Alarm Clock. Alice: "I was thinking about buying it for someone." Ralph: "For who?" Alice: "For, um…my brother." Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo." Ralph also mentions that her brother only gets out of bed once a month to collect his relief check. Trixie tells Ed to help her shop. Alice asks Ralph for $20. Ralph obliges. Alice wants to shop alone. Ralph is wondering why Alice always insists on shopping alone. Alice: "You get in the way. Forget it. I will shop later on." Ed says that he likes the cuckoo clock. Bird: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Trixie: "It is playing our song." A person with black hair (played by George Chakiris) comes by. He immediately starts stealing things. Bruce comes by and immediately identifies the person as Mousey the Dip. Mousey, knowing that Bruce is going to call the security on him puts the cuckoo clock and an African blow gun in Alice's purse. Alice doesn't know this. The security guard comes along with Bruce. Mousey: "I'm clean." Security Guard: "There is nothing on him." Mousey is off the hook. Mousey also says that he loves Bruce's shop. Bruce kicks Mousey out and apologizes. Bruce: "If it's two things that I hate, its shoplifters and people who buy wholesale." They all go back in the elevator. The cuckoo clock sounds. Ralph (to Ed): "Will you stop fooling around?"
At their Beverly Hills home, the boys go to get a cold drink while Alice says she has the perfect present for Ralph: an ID bracelet that will have his name and social security number. Alice doesn't know Ralph's social security number because it's in his wallet. So, she has to get his wallet from Ralph. Trixie says she is going to put her bathing suit on and take a swim. They leave, but as they do, Alice says to Ralph that the $20 he lent her is in her purse. Ralph goes to get the money and sees the African blow gun as well as the cuckoo clock. He thinks the worst and says that Alice is Mousey the Dip. Ralph: "Alice never stole anything in her life. Now, she is taking things for no reason." Ed says that isn't possible. She may be taking things for no reason because she has a sickness. Ed: "There is a technical term for it." The cuckoo clock sounds. Ed: "That is it. She's cuckoo." Ed now remembers. The sickness is kleptomania. They get the encyclopedia to find out what it means. They only have ONE encyclopedia book. Ralph: "How do you spell it?" Ed: "E-n-c-y-c…" Ralph (yells): "NOT ENCYCLOPEDIA." Ed: "K like in Kramden." Ed looks it up. Ed: "Here we are. Kangaroo..." Ed finds another word and reads its definition. Ed: "'Very prevalent in America. From Eastern Europe.'" Ralph thinks that that is the definition of kleptomania. Ed continues: "…a circular crust of dough sometimes served with prunes.'" Ralph: "That's kleptomania." Ed: "No, that is kadish (sp?)." Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU READING ABOUT THAT FOR?" Ed: "To help her out in a deli." Ralph looks it up. Ralph: "'Kleptomania: Compulsive stealing motivated by impulses not a desire for economic gain It is a symbolic method used to attain a love that one feels that they don't have.'" Ralph thinks that Alice doesn't feel like Ralph loves her. Ralph continues: "'Successful treatment needs psychiatric help.'" Ralph thinks about getting her a psychiatrist but thinks that that won't work. Ed knows that it is a tough decision for Ralph to send her to a doctor. Ed finally leaves. Ralph sings: "I Guess That I Did Something Wrong." Ralph sees Alice leaving. She wants to go shopping alone. Ralph says to her that he loves her. Ralph hugs her. As he is, Alice takes Ralph's wallet. When she leaves, Ralph notices that his wallet is stolen and thinks that that is more evidence that she is a kleptomaniac.
Later on, Trixie is coming inside with a bathrobe and drying her hair. She just took a swim. Alice comes home with Ralph's birthday present. Alice shows Trixie the identification bracelet. Ralph comes by, but the girls don't know that he is within earshot. Trixie: "Can you afford it?" Alice: "Not right now. But, don't tell Ralph." Alice sees Ralph and hides the present. Ralph wants to be alone with Alice. Trixie: "I can take a hint. I will go out and get more sun." Ralph asks what she bought at the shop. She says nothing. Ralph: "Let me rephrase the question. When you shopped, what did you pick out?" Alice says nothing. Ralph (holding the open purse upside-down, yells): "IS THIS NOTHING?" Nothing comes out. Alice: "It sure is." Alice hands back his wallet. Alice: "You must have dropped it outside." Ed comes inside. Ralph notices that the wallet has nothing missing and wonders why Alice took it. Ralph: "She is stealing presents for me. That girl is trouble." Ralph called the psychiatrist, he wasn't in, but he got some good advice from his maid. Ralph: "She works for him on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Ralph says that if we got Alice to admit it right out in the open so that both him & Ed would know, then maybe she would go to a psychiatrist. Ralph has a plan. He will bring Alice out and accuse Ed of being the kleptomaniac and explain all the symptoms and right then and there Alice will admit it that she is the kleptomaniac and admit that she needs help. Ralph calls Alice. He shows her all the stuff that was stolen from Bruce's Department Store and accuses Ed of being the kleptomaniac and says that the reason why he is doing this is because he doesn't feel loved by Ralph. Wow! Alice is having a hard time believing this. Ralph: "19 years, I devoted to him." He explains all the things he did for Ed. Ralph: "After all that, how could Ed think that I don't love him?" Ed (starting to cry): "Well, you could have stayed home from bowling every once and a while." Ralph: "Will you shut up?" Alice thinks that Ed is a kleptomaniac so she asks Ralph what kid of manic is he. Ralph takes the things and leaves. Alice doesn't believe that Ed is a kleptomaniac. Ed admits the scheme that Ralph & himself pulled and thinks that they both know who the kleptomaniac is Alice, but Alice doesn't know that Ed & Ralph think that she is the kleptomaniac. Ed says that the reason why they did the scheme so that Ralph wouldn't hurt Alice. Alice is touched. Trixie comes in and Alice asks Ed to leave so she can talk to Trix. Ed leaves. Alice thinks that Ralph IS the kleptomaniac. Alice also thinks that Ralph must have read the encyclopedia to read about kleptomania and thinks that Alice doesn't love him. They both sing: "That's Got To Be Love." After this, Ralph comes out and says he is going shopping. Alice says that she loves Ralph. She hugs him and as she does, Ralph takes his bracelet. After Ralph leaves, she notices that Ralph took his bracelet.
Since I have either a 16mm print of this episode, I can say that this is where it is time for the middle commercial break bumper. The message that says: "Stay tuned for more of the Honeymooners." For obvious reasons, this is not shown in syndication. MPI doesn't show these either.
At Bruce's Department Store, through pantomime, Bruce is telling the security guard the robberies that have been happening through his store. Bruce leaves the area. The security guards come in and are keeping an eye on the store by…dancing? I sure wouldn't want these men guarding a store. All during this time, music is playing. They leave. Mousey comes back and attempts to steal things while dancing at the same time. The security guards come in, so Mousey hides. They leave. Mousey continues to steal. Security guards come in and still they don't notice Mousey. They leave as shoppers enter the store. Mousey, through pantomime, talks with the girls and they all dance together. They also hide with Mousey when the guards come by. The guards catch the girls and finally see Mousey. All of them are dancing. Mousey hides behind one of the shoppers and kicks one of the guards. The guard acts like he's been shot and his falling somehow affects the rest of the guards and they all fall down like they have been shot. After Mousey strips one of the girls to reveal the fact they are now wearing lingerie, he leaves. After this, the audience applauds. Bruce comes back in and orders the security guards to do their work. They all leave. Ralph & Ed come in. Ralph has a plan. Ed will put the things back where they where while Ralph is looking out. They leave that area of the store. The girls come in looking for Ralph. They split up and leave the area. Ralph & Ed come out. Ed puts things on the shelf while Ralph is looking out. Bruce comes out and thinks that they might need help shopping. Ed: "We can use some help. We are not doing too well by ourselves." Bruce helps them out. The cuckoo clock sounds so Ed covers it up by saying that it was him. Bruce thinks that they are crooks and calls security as Ed does a Hackensack humming bird that is only seen in the Jersey swamp.
At the security guard's office, the officer brings Ralph & Ed in. Ralph says that they are in this fix because of women and say that they cause men trouble. They sing: "A Woman Is The Cause Of It All." Bruce comes in and says that Ed is the crook and that there is no evidence that Ralph took anything. Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly." Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?" Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated." Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail." Alice comes up and says that she knows what has happened. Ralph says that the truth has to come out but because it's impossible for him to say it, Alice will. Alice: "My husband is the crook." Ralph doesn't believe what he is hearing. Ralph (yells): "SHE IS THE THEIF." Ralph says that he will go to jail for her, but he wants her to admit that she's a crook. She won't. Ralph shows her the things that were taken and the bracelet. Alice reveals that the bracelet is for Ralph's birthday. Ralph reads it. Ralph: Ralph Kramden. 155-02-30165." I thought that Social Security numbers had less digits back then. (They are nine digits long today, I think. Of course, realistically, I know why the writers wrote that long of a number.) Plus, Ralph had a seven-digit social security number in "The Worry Wart." I never knew that a person can have TWO social security numbers. The security guard comes in with the shoplifters who are a man-and-wife team. The team: Trixie & Mousey. Everyone said that didn't steal anything. Bruce: "Who did?" Milton Berle (as himself) comes in and says: "It was me. I steal everything." The crowd applauds.
During the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast. But, he introduces two of the guest stars first, then the main cast, then Milton. Milton, for whatever reason, kisses Jackie. After Jackie says that he lost 60 pounds, Milton replies: "On whom?" Laughter is heard as Jackie jokingly tells Milton to get off the stage. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. What is funny is that Milton's involvement is not mentioned in the summaries that are available of this episode. The Jackie Gleason Show logo is shown on a blue background. For whatever reason, this is not shown on the MPI version.
Johnny Olsen then plugs the next episode.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
Episode #210 (Syndicated episode #33)
TV: Hour-long musical.
DVD: to “Play It Again Norton”, “Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Case of The Cuckoo Thief"
Air Date: Sat. 10/11/69
"Mexican Hat Trick":
The intro for the show is the same as all the episodes this season except the letters look like they are in purple. Anyway, singers and dancers sing a song that I think is called: "Mexico." The song has Spanish lyrics in it and says that Mexico has more romanticism than the USA. You can tell that the background is fake. After that, a guy who later reveals himself to be Swifty Jenkins (Jesse White) is being detained at customs. One of the reasons is he wouldn’t show his ID. Swifty was a crook and one of the agents thinks that it is a coincidence that he is showing up in Mexico one day after $1,000,000 in diamonds is stolen by a person named El Lobo and a person named the wolf. One of the agents frisks him for weapons. Swifty: “Cool it. You are not my type.” He says that he took up ballroom dancing and is crossing the border to find a partner. He says to the agents that his partner is not El Lobo or the wolf. Eventually, they let him go. Swifty meets up with a taco vendor (played by Jesse White). The hot dog vendor & him have an evil plan. They are working with El Lobo. El Lobo wants Swifty to take the hat across the border and sell it. Somehow the agents don’t hear this. The vendor says that it won’t be easy because if a tourist to not know that he is carrying a million dollars in diamonds across the border is stupid. The Kramdens & Nortons head to Mexico. Ed is wearing a very loud jacket. Alice says that this is the life. Alice: "Living in Beverly Hills and coming to Mexico during the weekend." They cross the border. The policeman at the border (played by George Petrie) checks everyone's passport. Ed's passport says that he is Dick Tracy. Trixie says that his name is Ed Norton and that his out-patient card is with him. The girls go into a silver shop. The boys see a taco stand. Ralph says that he will do all the talking since he knows Spanish. He learned it from reading some of the signs posted on Grocery Store windows in New York. Ralph (to the taco vendor): "Parley-vous François" Basically, Ralph spoke French to him. The vendor speaks some English and gives them two tacos. Swifty comes by. He knows Spanish. Before he came down to Mexico, he made all those Spanish signs that were posted in grocery stores in New York. Swifty identifies the vendor as Pedro (and he is played by Phil Leeds.) Ralph wants everything on his taco. It is revealed to Ralph & Ed that Pedro speaks good English. Ralph explains that they are down for the weekend and that they are Hollywood song writers and he is a bus driver and he is a sewer worker. The man says to Pedro that they found their el-stupido. He explains that they use that phrase for people from Hollywood who come down here. The man offers to show them around and tell them where they can buy stuff and where it is best to buy it. They agree to meet them at a shop called the La Cucaracha Shop tomorrow. The man identifies himself as Swifty Jenkins Swifty: "They call me that because I am a very fast swimmer. I broke the record when I swam in the channel on San Francisco bay. I swam from Alcatraz to my girlfriend's attic. Three hours and twenty-two minutes." Boy, how stupid are Ralph & Ed? Swifty leaves. Pedro gives Ralph & Ed his hot dog. Ralph taco has tabasco sauce and because of that, he is in pain because the sauce is so hot, so Ralph & Ed dance around. Ralph accidentally crosses the border, but no one does anything about it.
The next day at the La Cucaracha Shop, Pedro is looking at a Mexican hat that he put some very expensive diamonds on. They plan on selling Ralph the hat and when gets across the border, Swifty will get it back from him. They are affiliated with an evil person named El Lobo. Pedro will make sure to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro leaves as Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "La Cucaracha Shop. Is that the name of the boss?" Swifty Jenkins: "No, it means the cockroach shop." Swifty goes to get the boss. While he does, Ralph explains that even though the price of an object is $25, they expect you to dicker (get them to lower the price). Ralph demonstrates by letting him be the customer and Ed being the owner. Ralph "enters." He identifies himself as a US citizen. Ed: "Yankee go home!" Hilarity ensues as Ralph tries to explain to Ed how to dicker properly. After this, Pedro and Swifty come back inside. Pedro and Swifty try to sell Ralph the hat. Pedro: "When you buy this hat, you are not only buying this hat, you are buying the history of Mexico." All of them sing: "Right In Your Mexican Hat" in which there are some Spanish lyrics. After that, Pedro says that that is $6. Ralph: "I will give you $2." Pedro: "You can have it for $1." Sold! There's also a reference to homosexuality which is surprising because back then that was taboo unlike today. Pedro says that if Ralph cuts off the tassels (diamonds) that the ground will tremble among other things. Ralph & Ed believe him. Wow! How stupid are they? The girls come in. Pedro says that the girls can shop because if they buy something, they can get a free gift. Ralph: "You will shop here." Ralph goes to buy something. A man comes by and asks Swifty. The girls and Ed look around. Swifty comes back. The border patrol has been tipped off. They know that the hat is in Mexico. Swifty asks Pedro to go to El Lobo's hideout and take the women with him. Swifty leaves. Pedro gets out his gun and reveals his real identity and he works for a dangerous criminal called El Lobo. He says that the wives are now kidnapped and he won't free them and will eventually unless Ed can get back the hat from Ralph. Ed actually thinks this over, so Trixie gets mad at him. Ed leaves to go get Ralph as the wives are now kidnapped and taken to the hideout which is called El Baracco.
In the next scene, it is 4pm. It looks a tad too dark for it to be 4pm. People are waking from their siesta just in time for the Festival Del Toro. The Baja Marimba Band (with Julius Wechter) plays some Mexican song along with the June Taylor dancers. The dancers and some of the band members dance along as the music plays. It gets lighter out. I didn't know that it can get lighter at around 4pm. Pretty much everyone leaves. Ed comes out and asks a Mexican if he saw Ralph. Ed describes him as big and mean. The Mexican says that he has and he shows him…a "bull." It is so obvious that the bull isn't real. I'm pretty sure that Jackie wouldn't be dumb enough to have a real bull on his stage. A bunch of girls and men come out for the Festival Del Toro. Ed finally sees Ralph and breaks the news to him. As he is saying this, the people around them are doing nothing. You mean to tell me that they can't hear what Ed has said? They try to go to the cafe. Ralph tries to ask a woman where it is but she just tells him to be quiet. The Mexican Hat Dance starts and everyone grabs each other's hat and puts it on the ground, including Ralph's. They do the dance as Ralph & Ed try to find the hat since it looks identical to every other hat that each person is wearing. After the dance, Ralph & Ed are hatless, so they come up with a plan. They will go to El Lobo's hideout and disguise themselves as bandits with the hope that they will win their confidence.
At the El Baracco Café, El Lobo pushes Pedro out of the kitchen. Pedro (to the girls): "I am lucky that EL Lobo is in a good mood today." Pedro orders the girls to go to the kitchen and fix dinner for El Lobo and the rest of the gang. Ralph & Ed enter. Ed: "I am El Norto. The most feared bandit in all of Mexico." He looks ridiculous. Ed introduces Ralph as the one of the most feared and cruel men in Mexico. Ed (imitating Ed McMahon): "Heeeeeeeeeeeerrre's El Diablo." Ralph enters. He also looks ridiculous. He has a cigar in which he lights it by rubbing it on someone's pants. Cue the coughing. Ralph & Ed go to the bar. Ralph: "Where can I get a box of these?" El Diablo. Ed covers up Ralph's lack of accent by saying that he went to Harvard on a light scholarship. Ralph gets tequila. He drinks it. Ralph: "Woooooooooooowwwww! That is good booze." Ralph says that they are here to join EL Lobo's gang. Banging is heard as a Mexican is thrown out of the kitchen and falls onto a table thereby breaking it. You can tell that the table was fake. Ralph: "What was that all about?" Bartender: "He wanted to join El Lobo's gang." Ed: "Hey Ralph, why don't we just mail in our application?" El Lobo (played by Carol Lawrence) comes in. The boys are astonished because they thought that El Lobo was a man. Ed: "I think that my dying words are going to be va-va-va-voom." El Lobo: "If the boys with the hat don't show up, I feel sorry for their wives." El Lobo says that as far as everyone in Mexico is concerned, she is a man because she acts like one. Ed identifies himself as El Norto and Ralph as El Diablo. Ralph pushes Ed into El Lobo causing him to kiss her. El Lobo responds by smacking Ed. Ed: "She doesn't kiss like a man." El Lobo: "Let's see how tough you are. Have you ever played Russian Roulette?" Ed: "Isn't that the game where the deuces are wild?" El Lobo: "We play a different version called Mexican Roulette." She explains the rules. El Lobo: "In Russian Roulette, you have one bullet and five empty chairs. The Mexican version is more fun. You have five bullets and only one empty chair." Ralph says he is not scared but he tells Ed to play. Wow! What a friend. El Lobo wants Ralph to play. Ed: "You play and I will keep score." Ralph holds the gun alongside his head. El Lobo: "You don't have to do it. You proved to me that you are a man." El Lobo says that she was only playing a joke. According to her, the gun is empty. Ralph accidentally fires a shot which proves that the gun is "not empty." If it wasn't empty, how come there are no holes on the floor. Ed faints in shock. El gets Ed up and berates him so Ed hides behind Ralph. El Lobo: "You are a man. I want to put my arms around you and hug you and kiss you." Ralph: "Don't let her hurt me Norton." Music plays as El Lobo makes advances towards Ralph, dances and sings: "I Want You." She also dances with Ralph. The girls come out and immediately get the wrong idea about Ralph. Ralph tries to explain. Alice smacks Pedro with a plate full of food. The girls get the guns and hold everyone of the gang hostage. Alice forces El Lobo to go in the kitchen. A place that according to her is where El Lobo belongs. Ralph tries to explain, but Alice will hear nothing of it. She smacks Ralph with a glass of wine. Ralph stumbles about. How many times have we seen a person smack the other with wine which causes the other person to get "hurt"? The Kramdens go into the kitchen. Ed dances about. Ed (to the bartender): "See you next week Joe?"
On Monday, the Kramdens and Nortons are shown at the border ready to leave for the USA. I guess the boys already explained to the wives what they tried to do. Ralph identifies Pedro's taco stand. They see Sammy Spear (as himself) as the owner. Sammy says that since he is such a big star, he is opening up a chain or restaurants. Sam welcomes them to his first Taco restaurant. They cross the border. The policeman at the border says that they are boys are heroes for capturing El Lobo and the wives helped out "a little bit." Swifty and Pedro, disguised as a woman, try to pass the border. Ed sees them. The policeman asks if they know him. Ralph says that he sold him the hat which caused the Kramdens and Nortons to get involved with El Lobo and that he is innocent. A policeman says for them not to come back to Mexico. The "woman" reveals herself as Pedro's sister. Somehow, the Kramdens and Nortons don't catch on that he is Pedro. Ralph says that he lost the hat now. A policeman says that the diamonds on the hat are worth a million dollars. Everyone is upset. They cross the border. Ralph & Ed get a hot dog all the while a woman (one of the Glea Girls) comes by with a man named Harry. Harry is wearing the hat (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) The woman asks Harry to get rid of the hat. He puts it in a garbage can (somehow unbeknownst to everyone.) Ralph & Ed say that they will never see that hat again. They leave as the June Taylor Dancers sing.
During the curtain call, Jackie praises Sammy Spear and how good he was. The crowd cheers. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience and says good night. As the credits roll, Johnny Olsen, plugs the next episode of the Color Honeymooners.
Episode #211 (Syndicated episode #34)
TV: Half-hour musical.
DVD: Attached to "Play It Again, Norton", "Ralph Goes Hollywood" & "Mexican Hat Trick."
Air Date: Sat. 10/18/69
"Case of The Cuucoo Thief":
At Mr. Bruce's Shop For Men, a bunch of maids and a bunch of other workers are dancing and singing: "What Do You Buy For The Guy Who Has Got It All." At the end of the song, Alice & Trixie come to the shop. Alice is looking to get something for Ralph's birthday which is next month. Bruce, the store manager comes over (he is played by Joe Flynn), and helps Alice out. Ralph comes out of a crowded elevator along with Ed. He is holding what he thinks is Ed's hand when in fact it is a child's hand. How could Ralph not know this? Ralph realizes that he is not holding Ed's hand and when the mother of the kid comes over, she hit's Ralph and a clang sound is heard when she hits him. Ed then comes out with the kid's balloon. Ralph takes it, and then the kid comes out and not only takes the balloon but kicks Ralph in the leg. When he kicks him, a sound effect is heard. Alice comes over and shows Ralph a Cuckoo Alarm Clock. Alice: "I was thinking about buying it for someone." Ralph: "For who?" Alice: "For, um…my brother." Ralph: "If there is one thing that your family doesn't need, it's another cuckoo." Ralph also mentions that her brother only gets out of bed once a month to collect his relief check. Trixie tells Ed to help her shop. Alice asks Ralph for $20. Ralph obliges. Alice wants to shop alone. Ralph is wondering why Alice always insists on shopping alone. Alice: "You get in the way. Forget it. I will shop later on." Ed says that he likes the cuckoo clock. Bird: "Cuckoo! Cuckoo!" Trixie: "It is playing our song." A person with black hair (played by George Chakiris) comes by. He immediately starts stealing things. Bruce comes by and immediately identifies the person as Mousey the Dip. Mousey, knowing that Bruce is going to call the security on him puts the cuckoo clock and an African blow gun in Alice's purse. Alice doesn't know this. The security guard comes along with Bruce. Mousey: "I'm clean." Security Guard: "There is nothing on him." Mousey is off the hook. Mousey also says that he loves Bruce's shop. Bruce kicks Mousey out and apologizes. Bruce: "If it's two things that I hate, its shoplifters and people who buy wholesale." They all go back in the elevator. The cuckoo clock sounds. Ralph (to Ed): "Will you stop fooling around?"
At their Beverly Hills home, the boys go to get a cold drink while Alice says she has the perfect present for Ralph: an ID bracelet that will have his name and social security number. Alice doesn't know Ralph's social security number because it's in his wallet. So, she has to get his wallet from Ralph. Trixie says she is going to put her bathing suit on and take a swim. They leave, but as they do, Alice says to Ralph that the $20 he lent her is in her purse. Ralph goes to get the money and sees the African blow gun as well as the cuckoo clock. He thinks the worst and says that Alice is Mousey the Dip. Ralph: "Alice never stole anything in her life. Now, she is taking things for no reason." Ed says that isn't possible. She may be taking things for no reason because she has a sickness. Ed: "There is a technical term for it." The cuckoo clock sounds. Ed: "That is it. She's cuckoo." Ed now remembers. The sickness is kleptomania. They get the encyclopedia to find out what it means. They only have ONE encyclopedia book. Ralph: "How do you spell it?" Ed: "E-n-c-y-c…" Ralph (yells): "NOT ENCYCLOPEDIA." Ed: "K like in Kramden." Ed looks it up. Ed: "Here we are. Kangaroo..." Ed finds another word and reads its definition. Ed: "'Very prevalent in America. From Eastern Europe.'" Ralph thinks that that is the definition of kleptomania. Ed continues: "…a circular crust of dough sometimes served with prunes.'" Ralph: "That's kleptomania." Ed: "No, that is kadish (sp?)." Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU READING ABOUT THAT FOR?" Ed: "To help her out in a deli." Ralph looks it up. Ralph: "'Kleptomania: Compulsive stealing motivated by impulses not a desire for economic gain It is a symbolic method used to attain a love that one feels that they don't have.'" Ralph thinks that Alice doesn't feel like Ralph loves her. Ralph continues: "'Successful treatment needs psychiatric help.'" Ralph thinks about getting her a psychiatrist but thinks that that won't work. Ed knows that it is a tough decision for Ralph to send her to a doctor. Ed finally leaves. Ralph sings: "I Guess That I Did Something Wrong." Ralph sees Alice leaving. She wants to go shopping alone. Ralph says to her that he loves her. Ralph hugs her. As he is, Alice takes Ralph's wallet. When she leaves, Ralph notices that his wallet is stolen and thinks that that is more evidence that she is a kleptomaniac.
Later on, Trixie is coming inside with a bathrobe and drying her hair. She just took a swim. Alice comes home with Ralph's birthday present. Alice shows Trixie the identification bracelet. Ralph comes by, but the girls don't know that he is within earshot. Trixie: "Can you afford it?" Alice: "Not right now. But, don't tell Ralph." Alice sees Ralph and hides the present. Ralph wants to be alone with Alice. Trixie: "I can take a hint. I will go out and get more sun." Ralph asks what she bought at the shop. She says nothing. Ralph: "Let me rephrase the question. When you shopped, what did you pick out?" Alice says nothing. Ralph (holding the open purse upside-down, yells): "IS THIS NOTHING?" Nothing comes out. Alice: "It sure is." Alice hands back his wallet. Alice: "You must have dropped it outside." Ed comes inside. Ralph notices that the wallet has nothing missing and wonders why Alice took it. Ralph: "She is stealing presents for me. That girl is trouble." Ralph called the psychiatrist, he wasn't in, but he got some good advice from his maid. Ralph: "She works for him on Tuesdays and Thursdays." Ralph says that if we got Alice to admit it right out in the open so that both him & Ed would know, then maybe she would go to a psychiatrist. Ralph has a plan. He will bring Alice out and accuse Ed of being the kleptomaniac and explain all the symptoms and right then and there Alice will admit it that she is the kleptomaniac and admit that she needs help. Ralph calls Alice. He shows her all the stuff that was stolen from Bruce's Department Store and accuses Ed of being the kleptomaniac and says that the reason why he is doing this is because he doesn't feel loved by Ralph. Wow! Alice is having a hard time believing this. Ralph: "19 years, I devoted to him." He explains all the things he did for Ed. Ralph: "After all that, how could Ed think that I don't love him?" Ed (starting to cry): "Well, you could have stayed home from bowling every once and a while." Ralph: "Will you shut up?" Alice thinks that Ed is a kleptomaniac so she asks Ralph what kid of manic is he. Ralph takes the things and leaves. Alice doesn't believe that Ed is a kleptomaniac. Ed admits the scheme that Ralph & himself pulled and thinks that they both know who the kleptomaniac is Alice, but Alice doesn't know that Ed & Ralph think that she is the kleptomaniac. Ed says that the reason why they did the scheme so that Ralph wouldn't hurt Alice. Alice is touched. Trixie comes in and Alice asks Ed to leave so she can talk to Trix. Ed leaves. Alice thinks that Ralph IS the kleptomaniac. Alice also thinks that Ralph must have read the encyclopedia to read about kleptomania and thinks that Alice doesn't love him. They both sing: "That's Got To Be Love." After this, Ralph comes out and says he is going shopping. Alice says that she loves Ralph. She hugs him and as she does, Ralph takes his bracelet. After Ralph leaves, she notices that Ralph took his bracelet.
Since I have either a 16mm print of this episode, I can say that this is where it is time for the middle commercial break bumper. The message that says: "Stay tuned for more of the Honeymooners." For obvious reasons, this is not shown in syndication. MPI doesn't show these either.
At Bruce's Department Store, through pantomime, Bruce is telling the security guard the robberies that have been happening through his store. Bruce leaves the area. The security guards come in and are keeping an eye on the store by…dancing? I sure wouldn't want these men guarding a store. All during this time, music is playing. They leave. Mousey comes back and attempts to steal things while dancing at the same time. The security guards come in, so Mousey hides. They leave. Mousey continues to steal. Security guards come in and still they don't notice Mousey. They leave as shoppers enter the store. Mousey, through pantomime, talks with the girls and they all dance together. They also hide with Mousey when the guards come by. The guards catch the girls and finally see Mousey. All of them are dancing. Mousey hides behind one of the shoppers and kicks one of the guards. The guard acts like he's been shot and his falling somehow affects the rest of the guards and they all fall down like they have been shot. After Mousey strips one of the girls to reveal the fact they are now wearing lingerie, he leaves. After this, the audience applauds. Bruce comes back in and orders the security guards to do their work. They all leave. Ralph & Ed come in. Ralph has a plan. Ed will put the things back where they where while Ralph is looking out. They leave that area of the store. The girls come in looking for Ralph. They split up and leave the area. Ralph & Ed come out. Ed puts things on the shelf while Ralph is looking out. Bruce comes out and thinks that they might need help shopping. Ed: "We can use some help. We are not doing too well by ourselves." Bruce helps them out. The cuckoo clock sounds so Ed covers it up by saying that it was him. Bruce thinks that they are crooks and calls security as Ed does a Hackensack humming bird that is only seen in the Jersey swamp.
At the security guard's office, the officer brings Ralph & Ed in. Ralph says that they are in this fix because of women and say that they cause men trouble. They sing: "A Woman Is The Cause Of It All." Bruce comes in and says that Ed is the crook and that there is no evidence that Ralph took anything. Bruce: "I'm going to have to deal with you harshly." Ed (starting to cry): "What are you going to do to me?" Bruce: "I would like to rip the cuffs off your pants. I'm going to have you incarcerated." Ed: "Good, as long as I'm not going to jail." Alice comes up and says that she knows what has happened. Ralph says that the truth has to come out but because it's impossible for him to say it, Alice will. Alice: "My husband is the crook." Ralph doesn't believe what he is hearing. Ralph (yells): "SHE IS THE THEIF." Ralph says that he will go to jail for her, but he wants her to admit that she's a crook. She won't. Ralph shows her the things that were taken and the bracelet. Alice reveals that the bracelet is for Ralph's birthday. Ralph reads it. Ralph: Ralph Kramden. 155-02-30165." I thought that Social Security numbers had less digits back then. (They are nine digits long today, I think. Of course, realistically, I know why the writers wrote that long of a number.) Plus, Ralph had a seven-digit social security number in "The Worry Wart." I never knew that a person can have TWO social security numbers. The security guard comes in with the shoplifters who are a man-and-wife team. The team: Trixie & Mousey. Everyone said that didn't steal anything. Bruce: "Who did?" Milton Berle (as himself) comes in and says: "It was me. I steal everything." The crowd applauds.
During the curtain call, Jackie introduces the cast. But, he introduces two of the guest stars first, then the main cast, then Milton. Milton, for whatever reason, kisses Jackie. After Jackie says that he lost 60 pounds, Milton replies: "On whom?" Laughter is heard as Jackie jokingly tells Milton to get off the stage. Jackie praises the Miami Beach audience. What is funny is that Milton's involvement is not mentioned in the summaries that are available of this episode. The Jackie Gleason Show logo is shown on a blue background. For whatever reason, this is not shown on the MPI version.
Johnny Olsen then plugs the next episode.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, the now defunct tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, the now defunct Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.