Post quotes from What We Do In The Shadows.


Guillermo:

Laszlo:

Nadja:

Her family was so poor that they had to use donkey dung instead of wood. And when the dung ran out...

So yes, I do know what it is like to be mocked, and teased,

Her family was so poor that they had to use donkey dung instead of wood. And when the dung ran out...

So yes, I do know what it is like to be mocked, and teased,


I like Nadja, she'll say anything.

Nadja & Laszlo:

Nadja:

Deacon: Nick, do you like basgetti?

Nadja:

Nandor and Guillermo

Nadja & Jeff/Gregor:

Nandor: We all died when we became vampires. Colin Robinson I’m not so sure about...

Nandor:

The Ghost of Laszlo:

Topher, Nadja and Laszlo's latest familiar, and Guillermo

Simon:

Simon the Devious:

Converging with #6 and #7...

Guillermo:

Vladislav: The point is, Deacon, you have not done the dishes for 5 years!
Viago: Vladislav is right, it's unacceptable to have so many bloody dishes all over this bench like there.
Vladislav: I'm so embarrassed when people come over here.
Deacon: Why does it matter? You bring them over, you kill them! Vampires don't do dishes

Laszlo:

Nadja:

Nandor:

Simon the Devious:

Candor

Anton, Werewolf Leader: Hey hey hey. Don't swear. We're werewolves, not Swear-Wolves. What are we?
Werewolves: Werewolves, not Swear-Wolves.

Nandor:

Nadja:

Nandor & Guillermo:

Laszlo:

Jim the Vampire:

Guillermo:

Nadja:

Nadja:

Nadja:

Laszlo:

Nandor:

Nandor:

Viago Von Dorna Schmarten Scheden Heimburg:

Laszlo:

Vampires love virgins. It's their favorite food.

- Guillermo

Colin:

Nandor:

Nandor:

Laszlo:

Nadja:

Laszlo Cravensworth: I have recently rediscovered my love for topiary sculpture; the art of bush manipulation.

Colin & Nandor:

Nandor the Relentless: They would call me Nandor the relentless because I would never relent.

Vampire Woman:

Laszlo:

Nadja:

Nandor, Nadja & Laszlo:

Nandor the Relentless: I would like us to get a colorful dust that sparkles.
Guillermo: Glitter?
Nandor the Relentless: Yes, get me some glitter.
Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?
Nandor the Relentless: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one's arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like Twilight.

Nadja, Laszlo & Guillermo

Laszlo Cravensworth: How best to describe Nandor? I would say he's blessedly unburdened with the complications of a university education, but give him an ax and he's second to none. Though you wouldn't want him as your barrister. Don't let him f*cking see this.

Laszlo & Nadja:

If Lazlo and I were to ever have a child, I wish he'd look like him (points to baby armadillo). Small and hard.

- Nadja

Nandor & Laszlo:

Nandor:

Laszlo:

And so say both of them:

Jeff & Nadja:

Another Nadja quote:

When the Baron arrives, we should feast on virgin blood.

Lazlo

Guillermo & Nandor:

Nandor: I would like us to get a colorful dust that sparkles.
Guillermo: Glitter?
Nandor: Yes, get me some glitter.
Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?
Nandor: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one's arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like Twilight.

Nadja:

Deacon: Let us do the 'Procession of Shame' now.
[cut to Viago, Deacon, and Vladislav walking around and pointing at Nick]
Viago, Deacon, Vladislav: Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Shame. Bad Vampire.

Guillermo, Laszlo & Nadja:

Nadja: Do you remember that first time we made love? It was so passionate, I accidentally cut off your head.

Colin:

Nandor the Relentless: I would like us to get a colorful dust that sparkles.
Guillermo: Glitter?
Nandor the Relentless: Yes, get me some glitter.
Guillermo: Whatever for, Master?
Nandor the Relentless: Well, I want to do something special for the immortal one's arrival. I am going to sprinkle it on my face and on my body. Like Twilight.

Nandor & Guillermo:

If Lazlo and I were to ever have a child, I wish he'd look like him (points to baby armadillo). Small and hard.

- Nadja

Nandor:

Guillermo:

We've been very careful not to stand out. Which is why we dress down.

- Lazlo

Nandor:

Do you remember that first time we made love? It was so passionate, I accidentally cut off your head.

- Nadja

Laszlo:

What the **** would anyone want with Canada?

- Lazlo

Laszlo:

Laszlo & Nadja:

When the Baron arrives, we should feast on virgin blood.

- Lazlo

Nadja:

Nadja & Laszlo:

Colin:

Lily the Witch:

Nadja:

We've been very careful not to stand out. Which is why we dress down.

- Lazlo

Laszlo & Nadja:

Nandor:

Nadja:

Simon:

Nandor: Are you leaving with us?
Colin: No, I can't stand up, if you know what I mean.

Laszlo:

Evie. E.V. Emotional vampire.

- Colin

Nandor:

Nadja:

Nandor the Relentless: What is "arise" again? Control-alt-seven?

Colin: Co-workers die, Vampire roommates.....They're forever!

Nadja:

Jeff: This is where I work...hence, the, why I'm working here.
Nadja: Amazing, you're protecting a vast empire.
Jeff: All 3 floors.

Nadja:

Jim the Vampire: One human alcohol beer, please.

Nadja:

Nadja: We were so poor we used to used donkey dong for fuel and when the donkey dong ran out, we would have to burn the donkey.

Nadja:

Nandor: Are you leaving with us?
Colin: No, I can't stand up, if you know what I mean.

The Witch sending Nadja flying:

“Government Official: Please describe the right to bear arms.

Nandor: If it's a nice day, you should have the right to bare your arms.

Government Official: All right. Moving on.”

Colin:

Laszlo Cravensworth: After all that nonsense on Staten Island, I cut loose to Pennsylvania. Because it sounds like "Transylvania", and we all know that sounds cool.

Nadja:

Nandor:

Guillermo: [Reading a note] "Laszlo sucks". Backwards.
Laszlo Cravensworth: Laszlo doesn't suck. And if he did, he certainly wouldn't do it backwards.

Nadja:

Nadja:

Nandor:

Nadja:

Nadja: Yes, they are near. The smell of beef and sulfur is overwhelming.

The Witch & Nadja:

Deacon:
[to Viago] You can't go to the Ball as Blade. He's a Vampire Hunter.

Viago:
Yeah, but Vampires love Wesley Snipes.

Nadja:

“It seems that, uh, government workers are immune to hypnotism. It's like their souls are dead or something.”
— Nandor

Nadja:

Colin:

“It's a glitter portrait. It's a portrait made from glitter.”
— Nandor

Nadja:

Nadja:

Laszlo:

“Government Official: Please describe the right to bear arms.

Nandor: If it's a nice day, you should have the right to bare your arms.

Government Official: All right.Moving on.”

Nandor & Nadja:

If Lazlo and I were to ever have a child, I wish he'd look like him (points to baby armadillo). Small and hard.

- Nadja

Guillermo:

Colin & Guillermo:

The Witch & Colin:

Evie. E.V. Emotional vampire.

- Colin

Clerk, Nandor & Guillermo:

“When it comes to zoning ordinances, I have a few thoughts.”
— Colin Robinson

Laszlo:

“Cashier: Did you just throw a coin at me?

Nandor: Yes.

Cashier: Sir, you can't be throwing ancient coins at me.

Nandor: Guillermo, stab this man.

Guillermo: He's joking.

Nandor: Stab him.

Guillermo: I tried, and...here you go, man.

Cashier: Thank you so much.

Nandor: [to Guillermo] You kind of disobeyed me just now. And I'm noting it.”

Nandor:

“There is nothing more devastating than finding out your husband has made porn... and it's so bloody boring.”
— Nadja

Laszlo & Nadja:

Nandor: "Even Better!"

"We sent ravens. We sent 500 RAVENS! I'm shocked and appalled that you didn't raven us back." —The Guide

Nandor:

Guillermo:

“You just shut up now, my stupid little baby.”
— Nadja

Nandor:

If Lazlo and I were to ever have a child, I wish he'd look like him (points to baby armadillo). Small and hard.

- Nadja

Laszlo:

“When it comes to zoning ordinances, I have a few thoughts.”

— Colin Robinson

Nandor & Colin:

If Lazlo and I were to ever have a child, I wish he'd look like him (points to baby armadillo). Small and hard.

- Nadja

Colin & Laszlo:

"Creepy paper. Creepy paper. Creepy-oh! Multipack!" - Nandor

Nandor: "Get a coffin."

Nadja:

"One of the best ways to drain people's energy is via the internet." —Colin Robinson