Hazel to Mr. Griffin: No more freeloading dinners here fatso! Go to the diner in town!

Hazel: No, Sport, I won't make you brownies again. Go ask your mother to make them!

George to Hazel: I always love it when you stick your nose in my business!

Hazel: I am so sick of cooking!

Dorothy: Let’s fire Hazel this instant!

Deidre to Hazel: "Hazel, please give me some of your expert advice"!

Steve: My cool vest and rocking sandals are WAY more comfy than those straight jacket business suits and stiff,airless Oxfords. The rest of you can go back to being squares but I'm STAYING a beatnik forever!

George: No apple pie a la mode for me. Can you just bring me two grapes for dessert?

George to Hazel: "I'll pass on your stuffed pork chops. Now please bring me some more of that delicious parsley"!

Mr. Griffin: No thank you Hazel. I won’t stay for dinner. I’m not hungry :lol:

Mr. and/or Mrs. Johnson: Don't worry about us, Hazel. We've GOT this!

Mr. and/or Mrs. Johnson: Don't worry about us, Hazel. We've GOT this!

Good one!

Mr. Griffin to Hazel: You remind me of my linebacker father!

Harold: I hate Hazel's chocolate chip cookies.

Missy: Hazel, you’re fired! You’ve stuck your nose in our business too many times.

Hazel: How do you turn on the oven??!!

Hazel: How do you turn OFF the oven? :lol:

LOL

Hazel: Oh that dumb old dog Smiley! I wish Sport would trade him in for a gerbil.

Hazel to Sport: Forget baseball. You need to start leaning needlepoint!

Hazel to Sport: Baseball season only lasts from Spring to Fall but you can practice the tuba inside the house all year round!

Hazel - Bowling? No thanks. I don't like wearing the smelly shoes at the bowling alleys.

Hazel to Missy: Could you boil some eggs for me? I don’t know how.

Hazel: How long does a 3-minute egg take to cook, Mr. B? I forgot!

Mr. Griffin: I’m not going to say anything, not even one word, for an entire week.

Hazel: I always mind my own business.

George: Mr. Griffin is so mild mannered and easy to work for.

Hazel: I need to give Lisa Douglas a jingle. I’m clueless how to make hots cakes.

Hazel: I think I'm going to give up bowling and take up skydiving.

George: To heck with the strawberry shortcake, what I really want for dessert is a tiny Lady Apple.

Harold: Let's just forget about Smiley and buy a new kitten.

Harold: Catch sucks ? Mom can you arrange for me to get ballet lessons?

Dorothy: Hazel, why don't you join the country club while I keep house and cook the meals?

Diedre: Hazel I’m nominating you for my exclusive Grand Ladies Of The Township club.

Hazel: Harold and Jeff may look like sheepdogs and they're not playing chamber music but they've worked hard and their band's successful so let's leave them alone!

Hazel: Rats! I just burned the brisket!

Hazel: Brisket, Mr. B? Nah, I just burned the rats!

Hazel: I hate bowling. I’d never go to a lane ever.

Harold in 2020 to Mr ans Mrs B. and Hazel ill be in my room playing video games, sexting and smoking dope...so you can all f off and leave me alone

Hazel to Mr. B = Here’a a WHOLE apple pie for you, with no strings attached.

Mr. Griffin: Yes, Hazel, I do need to nurse this cold by getting right into bed. Please get me another vaporizer and some Vapo Rub.

Mr. Griffin: Yes, Hazel, I do need to nurse this cold by getting right into bed. Please get me another vaporizer and some Vapo Rub.

Diedre to Hazel: I love it when you stick your nose in my business.

Hazel to Diedre: Except for you being married and putting on airs, we're peas in a pod especially when it comes to meddling in everyone else's business and telling everyone else how to raise kids!

Diedre: I love slumming it with Hazel!

Millie (played by Ann Jillian): Being Mr. Baxter's receptionist is good practice for Making a Living!

Diedre: Let’s go shopping at Filene’s Bargain Basement!

I find it amusing how she's a cook and has snarky things to say. They're paying you well so don't be so snide. Well maybe some of the guests are silly and deserve some snotty commentary. What film so you think is Booth's funniest?

I find it amusing how she's a cook and has snarky things to say. They're paying you well so don't be so snide. Well maybe some of the guests are silly and deserve some snotty commentary. What film so you think is Booth's funniest?

Welcome, and respectfully speaking, this isn’t the thread for this.

This is an excellent topic and observation though, so why not start your own thread on it! I bet it gets lots of posting on it.

George “I’m sorry, Dorothy; the magic is over. I have fallen in love with Hazel and I want a divorce. You can have the house, Harold, Smiley and half my income. Steve and Barbara will let Hazel and I stay in their house until we can afford a place of our own.”

Hazel giving vocabulary and grammar lessons to William F Buckley Jr.

Dorothy: Hazel, since my parents were the ones who hired you back in the day , why don't you go back and work for them but leave us alone from now?

Mr. Griffin: George and Dorothy, I wouldn’t think of freeloading a meal of off you.

Mr. Baxter: Saying to his freeloader Cousin Fred. "You are welcome to stay over my house as long as you want".

Mr. Griffin: George and Dorothy, I wouldn’t think of imposing on you for dinner.

Diedre to her husband Harry- "Harry can you please be quiet!!? You are so loud and you never stop talking. All you do is Talk Talk Talk!!!!

Hazel says Yes to Harvey Griffin's marriage proposal

Diedre: Hazel you just wear the smartest outfits!

Hazel: Oh, by the way, Mr. B, I don't need a raise this year.

Diedre: I so love the way you butt into my business, do it more!

Hazel (on the new vacuum): This don't look like any vacuum I've ever seen

Hazel: Instead of just second helpings, why don't you have thirds, Mr. B.? Who am I to tell anyone else they're fat or that they can't have the food they actually already paid for?

Hazel: Bowling? I've never been. I don't think I'd be any good.

Hazel: I haven’t a clue how to boil an egg.

Hazel: Missy, how long do I cook a 2-minute egg? I always forget!

Diedre: Hazel I adore you; you’re my equal!

Hazel: Missy, do I put the eggs into the pot first or do I salt the water first?

Mr. Griffin: George you do whatever you want—I can’t make up my mind.

Hazel: How do I make baked Alaska? Do I need ice??

George: Hazel I love how you always bamboozle me! Whatta gal you are!

Mr. Griffin: George do you think your kid brother Steven could sell me a house on your block?

Missy: shut the f up Hazel!

Hazel: All I know how to make is toast. I wonder why the Baxters hired me?

The Johnsons: we know what we’re doing! Really!

The Johnsons: Hazel, could have Mr. Baxter send his sister Deidre over? She seems to know how everyone else is suppose to live their lives and we could use her to give us some clues about ours!

Sport: I just love ballet and getting all dressed up in a tutu.

Hazel: I wish I could bowl. I always land in the gutter.

Susie: Daddy, now that you, Mommy and Hazel are dressing like beatniks, the teacher wants the three of you to come to our classroom for 'show and tell'!

Smiley: I'm glad I get an episode where I'm featured! Arf! Arf!

Harold:Mom and Dad going to give me a new brother or sister in Saudi Arabia and Dad mentioned in their letter something about camels being less disruptive than Hazel. I wonder what he means?

Hazel: I'm quitting bowling to take up rock climbing instead.

Rosie: Guess what, Hazel? The bowling alley's putting up a rock climbing wall right BELOW all the lanes!

Rosie: I'm tired of this town; I'm going to hitchhike to Rio!

Fred Williams: Mona, you look like you've got a dusty hay bale on your head so who are you to dis Harold's and Jeff's growing hair?

Hazel: This cooking and cleaning job is for the birds. I'm going to become a truck driver.

Hazel: If I become a truck driver, I'll meet a lot more men besides Mr. Griffith at work!

Sport: I'm going to trade in the dog for a parakeet.

Sport: I'm going to trade in the dog for a parakeet.

Dorothy: Harold, don't we have enough blabbing at home with Hazel?

Hazel: Mr. Griffin, you need less of my cooking--you're a tub of lard!

Dorothy: Harold, don't we have enough blabbing at home with Hazel?
My friend thinks Hazel is conceited, she reminds me of my neighbor in Seattle. The latest film I saw was the Scarlet Pimpernal with Ian McKellan from 1980. Decent acting.

Mr. B: What's for dinner?

Hazel: TV dinners. They're almost thawed.

Mr. B: What's for dinner?

Hazel: TV dinners. They're almost thawed.

Dorothy: Good! We'll finally get something yummy for dinner instead of the slop you usually scrounge up!

Hazel: You bums are getting Jack in the Box tonight. Deal.

Dorothy: George, I'm leaving you and going off with the cute neighbor boy who's hot for me.

George: Okay, Honey. I'm leaving YOU for Hazel!

George: Okay, Honey. I'm leaving YOU for Hazel!

Hazel: Forget it! Mr. Griffith's already proposed and he's more LOADED than you so I'll be a richer widow even faster!

George: Oh, crap. I'm going to die alone!

George: Oh, crap. I'm going to die alone!

Harold: Of course not, Dad! Smiley will keep you company long after I become a rich and famous rock star!

Smiley: (smiling; licking George's face)

George: I guess that'll be nice.

George (at breakfast): No thanks, Hazel. No more waffles for me.

Dorothy: Hazel, you are not a good servant. You're fired!

Mr. Griffin: You have a turkey baking, Hazel? Smells delicious! But I can't stay tonight.

George: Dorothy, I suspect you've been deliberately arousing that lovesick neighbor boy, and I oughtta belt you one!

Deirdre: Hazel, you're my kinda gal! I'll pitch in and scrub the kitchen floor.

Hazel: Can't you folks ever do anything for yourselves? I have to do everything for you!

Harvey Griffin: No more mergers for me, George! I have enough money.

Harvey Griffin: George, you can call me Mr. Griffin, Harvey, Harv, whatever. Just don’t call me late for dinner, ha ha ha.

Harold, fall 1965:

Hey what’s going on here? Where’s Mom and Dad? Where am I?? Who ARE all these new people? And who’s this girl I’ve been stuck in this new house with??

cd

Dorothy, to Hazel: George is too old for me, George is forever grumpy, George was a big mistake!

Hazel: You got that right, Missy!

Harold: Cousin Susie, do you know what I mean when I say we should have a "roll in the hay?"

Hazel: ME? Go bowling? I'd be terrible at it!

Hazel: Missy, you know i'd never ask Mr. B. for a raise!

Hazel: Do I have to do ALL the work around here, you lazy bums?

"Sport": You really get on my nerves, Hazel. Quit tryin' to give me football tips--I don't want to kick the ball into chimneys.

Hazel: Look, Sport, enough outta you. Just go in the living room and watch Perry Como on my new color set. I paid enough for it, ya know.

George: Did anybody ever notice what color Perry's eyes are?

Hazel: I really should try bowling. Maybe I wouldn't be so terrible.

Harold: Mother, why are you always wanting me to wash behind my ears? It never gets dirty back there.

Dorothy: George, may I borrow some of your hair oil for Harold? He's about a quart low.

Steve Baxter: Oh, yes, Hazel--glad you stopped by the office. I'll take that vitamin pill now. Thanks so much for counting all thousand of them to see if I'd taken it this morning.

Hazel: Sport, get that dog out of here! He could have rabies!

Hazel (to door-to-door salesman): I don't need no set o' grammar books!

Smiley: I love that ALF show on TV. He likes to chase cats like I do.

Deirdre's daughter: What did I see in that 50s retread nephew of Hazel's?

Smiley: Can I get a brother, maybe a cocker spaniel to play with?

George: Ha ha....tell me another one of your jokes, Hazel--Harold and I both love them!

Hazel to a skinny neighbor: You don't eat Oreos? The way you break them open?
You're practically having sex with them.

Mr. Johnson: We pride ourselves on being handy around the house.