Frank Gannucci
07-01-2020, 08:29 AM
(Ralph & Ed are walking down the street in Brooklyn.)
Ed: "Well Ralph-ie boy! We are going to be two of the people firing off the fireworks for the July 4th fireworks show in Brooklyn. What a fun time we will have."
Ralph: "I got the perfect type of things we should fire. Cannon crackers. As a matter of fact, I see some guy selling cannons down the street. He is right on the sdiewalk."
Man: "These cannons sir is perfect for cannon crackers. It only costs $300."
Man #2: "I will take one of them for my fireworks show."
Ralph: "We will buy them. Give him $300 Norton."
Ed: "I will." (to the seller): "Hey man. Here's $300. Me and my buddy Ralph here will buy one for you."
Man: "These already have crackers in them my good men."
Ralph: "What a deal Norton. Wait until Alice hears about this. She will flip."
Man: "She is all yours gentlemen."
(They wheel it home. Meanwhile Alice is home cooking dinner. She hears thumps on the stairway.)
Ralph (from stairway, yells): "NORTON COME ON! HELP ME CARRY THIS CANNON UP THE STAIRS."
(Alice's eyes bug out of her head.)
Ed (from stairway, yells): "THIS CANNON IS SOOO HEAVY. I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THE STAIRS I THINK."
Ralph (from stairway, yells): "I WILL BREAK YOU WHEN THAT HAPPENS. WE ARE ALMOST TO MY APARTMENT."
(They enter the apartment with the cannon.)
Alice: "Ralph, what are you doing with this?"
Ralph: "Oh Alice. This is perfect. I bought this cannon with the cannon crackers from a seller on the street for me and Ed's share of firing off the fireworks in Brooklyn."
Alice: "Ralph, are you crazy? I can take a look at this cannon right now. It has a cannon ball in it. Plus, you wasted $300."
Ralph: "I most certainly did not. This will make me and Norton the hit of the show."
Alice: "There will be a hit all right. The cannon ball is going to smash something."
Ralph: "Alice, that street seller looked to be 100% honest. I can tell you that even if it looks like a cannon ball, it is a cannon cracker."
Alice: "Ralph, you are taking this back."
Ralph (yells): "NO, I WILL NOT. I WILL NOT TAKE IT BACK. YOU JUST WANT US TO NOT BE FAMOUS THAT'S ALL. I AM THE KING ALICE. I AM THE ONE AROUND HERE WHO THROWS HIS WEIGHT AROUND."
(Alice looks at Ralph.)
Ralph (yells): "DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT ALICE! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO MARS ALICE!"
(Alice goes into the bedroom. It's time for the July 4th fireworks show overlooking the Hudson River. The fireworks are going off.)
Ralph (yells): "TIME NORTON FOR US TO FIRE OFF THE CANNON CRACKERS. WE ALSO BOUGHT THESE CANNON CRACKERS FROM THAT SAME STREET SELLER. THEY MAY LOOK LIKE CANNONS BUT THEY ARE CANNON CRACKERS. FIRE THEM AWAY!"
(Ralph fires the "cannon cracker" into the sky. It's a real cannon ball and the ball falls right down and damages Ralph's bus. Ralph is sweating nervously.)
(Mr. Marshall sees this.)
Mr. Marshall (yells): "KRAMDEN, YOU ARE FIRED."
(Alice comes by.)
Alice (yells): "RALPH, YOU BLEW IT. WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?"
Ed (yells): "RALPH, THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR PLANS THAT WENT TO POT."
Ralph (yells to Ed): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds and the Miami Beach July 4ths are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT! HAPPY JULY 4TH!"
(Crowd cheers.)
Honeymooners TV Schedule (7/4-7/17):
Too see the previous schedule, click here
https://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?t=392406
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
(WPIX), (WPIX HD), (MeTV) & (MeTV HD) (WJLP-TV in the New York City area is the affiliate for MeTV)
This schedule is for some MeTV stations due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to MeTV wanting to show the show as well as the fact that they may want to show other shows. Also, I believe you can watch some or all episodes on metv.com worldwide.
Sat. July 4, 2020 4:30p #026 (aka #134) - "Young Man With A Horn": The discovery of his old cornet and an unexpected visit by a self-made millionaire prompt Ralph to wonder why he hasn't achieved more success and hit the "high note" in his life. As a result, he decides to make a list of his good points and do something to correct his bad ones.
9:30p (also Sun. July 5, 2020 at 10:30p on MeTV & MeTV HD) #027 (aka #135) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
11p #005 (aka #113) - "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
11:30p #008 (aka #116) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring that Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
Sat. July 11, 2020 4:30p (also Sun. July 12, 2020 at 10:30p on MeTV & MeTV HD): #028 (aka #136) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
9:30p #029 (aka #137) - "Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"): While leaving the pool hall, Ralph witnesses a bank robbery and takes a bullet through his hat. That's reason enough for him to believe that the thugs will come gunning for him, so Norton tells his on-edge pal to just relax and watch some TV. "What's playing tonight?" Ralph asks. Norton's reply: "Dead Men Tell No Tales." Bibbo: Frank Marth. Danny: George Petrie.
11p #009 (aka #117) - "Brother Ralph": A layoff at the bus company prompts Ralph and Alice to add up their total savings from all of their accounts ($12.83). That's reason enough for Alice to get a job, leaving Ralph to take care of the cooking and cleaning. But Ralph becomes really steamed after he discovers that her boss looks like a matinee idol---and that Alice told him that Ralph is her brother.
11:30p #010 (aka #118) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
(Decades) (WNYW is the New York City affiliate of Decades. It is on their fith digital subchannel [Channel 5.5 or channel 5-5 depending on your TV]. However, if you subscribe to cable/and or phone company TV, it will be on a different channel.):
(CC?):
Special thanks goes to snowpeck of sitcomsonline.com.:
This schedule is for some Decades stations due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to Decades wanting to show the show as well as the fact they may want to show other shows.
Mon. July 6, 2020 11p #41 (aka #84) - *”Game Called On Account of Marriage”: Ralph gets tickets to a World Series game, but the game falls on Alice's sister's wedding.
Tue. July 7, 2020 #42 (aka #88) - *“Battle of the Sexes”: When Ralph and Ed decide to show their wives who's boss, Alice and Trixie fight back, leaving the guys to survive on their own.
Wed. July 8, 2020 11p #74 (aka #90) - *“Brother-in-Law”: When Ralph's brother in law wants to borrow money to buy a hotel, Ralph says no; instead he schemes to buy the hotel himself.
Thu. July 9, 2020 11p #43 (aka #89) - *“Teamwork Beats the Clock”: Ralph and Alice "Beat the Clock," but when they're asked to return, Alice can't make it and Norton takes over.
Fri. July 10, 2020 11p #50 (aka #155) - *“Love Letter” ('56 version): Ralph fears Norton and Alice are having an affair after finding a love letter from Norton he thinks is intended for Alice.
Mon. July 13, 2020 11p #92 (aka #91) - *“Songwriters”: To Alice's dismay, Ralph buys a piano thinking he and Norton can write a hit song and become rich.
Tue. July 14, 2020 11p #93 (aka #94) – “A Promotion (Part One)”: On his first day as assistant cashier of the Bus Company, Ralph accidentally locks the safe and must keep the money at home overnight.
Wed. July 15, 2020 11p #94 – “A Promotion (Part Two)”: So Alice won't find out about Ralph's blunder, he and Norton hide the money in a brown bag and put it in the icebox. Everything is fine until Alice decides to defrost the refrigerator.
Thu. July 16, 2020 11p #87 (aka #95) – “The Hypnotist (Part One)”: Ralph and Norton see a demonstration by "The World's Greatest Hypnotist." When Alice won't give Ralph money for a convention trip, he decides that hypnotism might work on her.
Fri. July 17, 2020 11p #88 – “The Hypnotist (Part Two)”: Alice finds out about Ralph's plans to hypnotize her and decides to teach Ralph a lesson.
*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.
Credit I think goes to decades.com, zap2it.com, the Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, tvguide.com, the old honeymooners.net, imdb.com, tvland.com & John K's Book To The Moon.
Ed: "Well Ralph-ie boy! We are going to be two of the people firing off the fireworks for the July 4th fireworks show in Brooklyn. What a fun time we will have."
Ralph: "I got the perfect type of things we should fire. Cannon crackers. As a matter of fact, I see some guy selling cannons down the street. He is right on the sdiewalk."
Man: "These cannons sir is perfect for cannon crackers. It only costs $300."
Man #2: "I will take one of them for my fireworks show."
Ralph: "We will buy them. Give him $300 Norton."
Ed: "I will." (to the seller): "Hey man. Here's $300. Me and my buddy Ralph here will buy one for you."
Man: "These already have crackers in them my good men."
Ralph: "What a deal Norton. Wait until Alice hears about this. She will flip."
Man: "She is all yours gentlemen."
(They wheel it home. Meanwhile Alice is home cooking dinner. She hears thumps on the stairway.)
Ralph (from stairway, yells): "NORTON COME ON! HELP ME CARRY THIS CANNON UP THE STAIRS."
(Alice's eyes bug out of her head.)
Ed (from stairway, yells): "THIS CANNON IS SOOO HEAVY. I AM ABOUT TO BREAK THE STAIRS I THINK."
Ralph (from stairway, yells): "I WILL BREAK YOU WHEN THAT HAPPENS. WE ARE ALMOST TO MY APARTMENT."
(They enter the apartment with the cannon.)
Alice: "Ralph, what are you doing with this?"
Ralph: "Oh Alice. This is perfect. I bought this cannon with the cannon crackers from a seller on the street for me and Ed's share of firing off the fireworks in Brooklyn."
Alice: "Ralph, are you crazy? I can take a look at this cannon right now. It has a cannon ball in it. Plus, you wasted $300."
Ralph: "I most certainly did not. This will make me and Norton the hit of the show."
Alice: "There will be a hit all right. The cannon ball is going to smash something."
Ralph: "Alice, that street seller looked to be 100% honest. I can tell you that even if it looks like a cannon ball, it is a cannon cracker."
Alice: "Ralph, you are taking this back."
Ralph (yells): "NO, I WILL NOT. I WILL NOT TAKE IT BACK. YOU JUST WANT US TO NOT BE FAMOUS THAT'S ALL. I AM THE KING ALICE. I AM THE ONE AROUND HERE WHO THROWS HIS WEIGHT AROUND."
(Alice looks at Ralph.)
Ralph (yells): "DON'T YOU DARE SAY IT ALICE! DO YOU WANT TO GO TO MARS ALICE!"
(Alice goes into the bedroom. It's time for the July 4th fireworks show overlooking the Hudson River. The fireworks are going off.)
Ralph (yells): "TIME NORTON FOR US TO FIRE OFF THE CANNON CRACKERS. WE ALSO BOUGHT THESE CANNON CRACKERS FROM THAT SAME STREET SELLER. THEY MAY LOOK LIKE CANNONS BUT THEY ARE CANNON CRACKERS. FIRE THEM AWAY!"
(Ralph fires the "cannon cracker" into the sky. It's a real cannon ball and the ball falls right down and damages Ralph's bus. Ralph is sweating nervously.)
(Mr. Marshall sees this.)
Mr. Marshall (yells): "KRAMDEN, YOU ARE FIRED."
(Alice comes by.)
Alice (yells): "RALPH, YOU BLEW IT. WHY DIDN'T YOU LISTEN TO ME?"
Ed (yells): "RALPH, THIS IS ANOTHER ONE OF YOUR PLANS THAT WENT TO POT."
Ralph (yells to Ed): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GET OUT!"
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds and the Miami Beach July 4ths are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT! HAPPY JULY 4TH!"
(Crowd cheers.)
Honeymooners TV Schedule (7/4-7/17):
Too see the previous schedule, click here
https://www.sitcomsonline.com/boards/showthread.php?t=392406
Jackie Gleason as Ralph Kramden. Audrey Meadows as Alice Kramden. Art Carney as Ed Norton. Joyce Randolph as Trixie Norton.
(WPIX), (WPIX HD), (MeTV) & (MeTV HD) (WJLP-TV in the New York City area is the affiliate for MeTV)
This schedule is for some MeTV stations due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to MeTV wanting to show the show as well as the fact that they may want to show other shows. Also, I believe you can watch some or all episodes on metv.com worldwide.
Sat. July 4, 2020 4:30p #026 (aka #134) - "Young Man With A Horn": The discovery of his old cornet and an unexpected visit by a self-made millionaire prompt Ralph to wonder why he hasn't achieved more success and hit the "high note" in his life. As a result, he decides to make a list of his good points and do something to correct his bad ones.
9:30p (also Sun. July 5, 2020 at 10:30p on MeTV & MeTV HD) #027 (aka #135) - “Ralph’s Big Mouth” (aka "Head of The House"): In the hilarious "Head of the House" (originally telecast March 31, 1956), Ralph marks his "emancipation" as king of his castle by sitting down with Norton to finish a bottle of wine that is "a little strong but good." Their first toast, Ralph says, is "to my wife, who has finally found her place." Actually, what Alice found was a bottle of grape juice, which she substituted for the wine. When the men get plastered and pass out, Trixie and Alice pour their own drinks and make their own toasts. "I give you our husbands," says Trixie. "You can have 'em," says Alice. The wine-and-grape-juice scene, Art Carney recalled, was one of his favorites. "We really were laughing at each other...because we were supposed to be laughing...crocked and everything. Funny scene."
11p #005 (aka #113) - "A Matter of Life & Death": Ralph gets the idea in his head that he has six months to live, so he decides to sell his story to a magazine. But when he learns it's all a mistake and that he can be prosecuted for fraud, he enlists Norton to pose as a doctor ("don't touch me, I'm sterile") who can cure him of the dreaded "arterial monochromia." Publisher: George Petrie.
11:30p #008 (aka #116) - "Pal O' Mine": A great friendship is strained after a ring that Norton had planned to give a co-worker winds up stuck on Ralph's finger. The episode concludes with a classic hospital scene that contains a memorable one-word ad-lib by Norton, who's saying good-bye to a doctor. Teddy Oberman: Ned Glass. Doctor: John Seymour. Nurse: Abbie Lewis.
Sat. July 11, 2020 4:30p (also Sun. July 12, 2020 at 10:30p on MeTV & MeTV HD): #028 (aka #136) - "The Worry Wart": Ralph's nerves are taxed when he gets a letter requesting his presence at the IRS office. Alice tries to calm him by reminding him that many people have their returns reviewed. "You're darn right," Norton agrees. "The jails are full of them." Norton, in fact, is helping Ralph review the business deductions he made on his returns and then lends his buddy moral support by accompanying him to the IRS office.
9:30p #029 (aka #137) - "Ralph Kramden, Hero At Large" (aka "Trapped"): While leaving the pool hall, Ralph witnesses a bank robbery and takes a bullet through his hat. That's reason enough for him to believe that the thugs will come gunning for him, so Norton tells his on-edge pal to just relax and watch some TV. "What's playing tonight?" Ralph asks. Norton's reply: "Dead Men Tell No Tales." Bibbo: Frank Marth. Danny: George Petrie.
11p #009 (aka #117) - "Brother Ralph": A layoff at the bus company prompts Ralph and Alice to add up their total savings from all of their accounts ($12.83). That's reason enough for Alice to get a job, leaving Ralph to take care of the cooking and cleaning. But Ralph becomes really steamed after he discovers that her boss looks like a matinee idol---and that Alice told him that Ralph is her brother.
11:30p #010 (aka #118) - "Hello Mom": Ralph and Alice Kramden (Jackie Gleason, Audrey Meadows) squabble over the impending arrival of Ralph's mother-in-law in this classic, and ultimately touching, episode. The king is told that his castle is soon to be invaded by Alice's mom. Ralph painfully remembers how his mother-in-law said at his wedding, "I'm not losing a daughter, I'm gaining a ton," and refuses to let her visit. But when Alice stands up to him and insists her mother's coming, Ralph decides to move in with the Nortons until the visit's over. Humor and poignancy meet in a conclusion that once again shows Alice, who sees beyond Ralph's insecurities, to be the bigger person.
(Decades) (WNYW is the New York City affiliate of Decades. It is on their fith digital subchannel [Channel 5.5 or channel 5-5 depending on your TV]. However, if you subscribe to cable/and or phone company TV, it will be on a different channel.):
(CC?):
Special thanks goes to snowpeck of sitcomsonline.com.:
This schedule is for some Decades stations due to the fact that some local stations in some markets may also broadcast the Honeymooners and they may take exception to Decades wanting to show the show as well as the fact they may want to show other shows.
Mon. July 6, 2020 11p #41 (aka #84) - *”Game Called On Account of Marriage”: Ralph gets tickets to a World Series game, but the game falls on Alice's sister's wedding.
Tue. July 7, 2020 #42 (aka #88) - *“Battle of the Sexes”: When Ralph and Ed decide to show their wives who's boss, Alice and Trixie fight back, leaving the guys to survive on their own.
Wed. July 8, 2020 11p #74 (aka #90) - *“Brother-in-Law”: When Ralph's brother in law wants to borrow money to buy a hotel, Ralph says no; instead he schemes to buy the hotel himself.
Thu. July 9, 2020 11p #43 (aka #89) - *“Teamwork Beats the Clock”: Ralph and Alice "Beat the Clock," but when they're asked to return, Alice can't make it and Norton takes over.
Fri. July 10, 2020 11p #50 (aka #155) - *“Love Letter” ('56 version): Ralph fears Norton and Alice are having an affair after finding a love letter from Norton he thinks is intended for Alice.
Mon. July 13, 2020 11p #92 (aka #91) - *“Songwriters”: To Alice's dismay, Ralph buys a piano thinking he and Norton can write a hit song and become rich.
Tue. July 14, 2020 11p #93 (aka #94) – “A Promotion (Part One)”: On his first day as assistant cashier of the Bus Company, Ralph accidentally locks the safe and must keep the money at home overnight.
Wed. July 15, 2020 11p #94 – “A Promotion (Part Two)”: So Alice won't find out about Ralph's blunder, he and Norton hide the money in a brown bag and put it in the icebox. Everything is fine until Alice decides to defrost the refrigerator.
Thu. July 16, 2020 11p #87 (aka #95) – “The Hypnotist (Part One)”: Ralph and Norton see a demonstration by "The World's Greatest Hypnotist." When Alice won't give Ralph money for a convention trip, he decides that hypnotism might work on her.
Fri. July 17, 2020 11p #88 – “The Hypnotist (Part Two)”: Alice finds out about Ralph's plans to hypnotize her and decides to teach Ralph a lesson.
*: This episode has been edited HEAVILY.
Credit I think goes to decades.com, zap2it.com, the Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, tvguide.com, the old honeymooners.net, imdb.com, tvland.com & John K's Book To The Moon.