(The Kramdens and Nortons arrive at Central Park for the Raccoon Labor Day festival.)

Ralph: "I am telling you Alice. I am going to win all of the contests and win the prize which is $500."

Alice: "I hope that you don't make a fool of yourself Ralph on Labor Day."

Ralph: "I NEVER make a fool of myself. I know that I am a man who NEVER fails. With Ed Norton not being here, I will win the money."

(The Nortons come by.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy!"

Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING HERE?"

Ed: "I changed my mind. I am entering the contests too. I can use that money to spend it all on things like an indoor kiddie pool so I can use my apartment for business reasons."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph (yells): "HOW DARE YOU STEAL MY IDEA?"

Ed (yells): "WHAT DO YOU MEAN STEAL YOUR IDEA?"

Trixie: "Oh, it looks like you two babies are fighting again?"

Ralph: "Let's go over here Ed."

(They do.)

Ralph: "Now Norton, from here on in, we are DEADLY enemies. I don't want to see you. I don't want nothing to do with you. If you see me on the street, get on the other side."

Ed: "When you walk down a street, there AIN'T no other side."

(Ralph rolls hie eyes.)

Ralph: "I want to enjoy this Labor day off from work. Now, I am going to enter the potato sack race."

Ed: "So am I. I didn't know they made potato sacks to fit elephants."

Ralph: "OH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT."

(They get in their potato sacks.)

Head Raccoon: "Welcome to the Racoon Labor Day festival. Our first racs is the potato sack race. On your marks, get set, GO!"

(The Head Raccoon fires off a gun shot. They start. Ralph predicatably falls over into the mud. Ed Norton wins.)

(Alice's Mother comes by.)

Alice's Mom: "I see I may be too late for the eats but not to see my big, fat, dumb son-in-law make a fool of himself."

(Ralph gets up.)

Ralph: "One of these days you will push me too far."

Alice's Mom: "The only thing that can push you is a bulldozer."

(Ralph is madder.)

Head Raccoon (into bullhorn, yells): "THE WINNER IS EDWARD NORTON."

(Ralph is all upset.)

(Now Ralph & Ed are in engaged in an egg tossing contest with Freddie Muller as Ralph's partner and Joe Fenstablau as Ed's partner.)

Ralph: "Norton, you may have gotten lucky in the race, but this is one contest in which I will not get egg all over my face."

(Later on after the contest, Ralph confronts Alice who is laughing her head off because Ralph literally has egg all over his face.)

Ralph: "Don't start with me Alice. It's bad enough that Ed won that contest too and I performed badly but for you to laugh..."

Alice: "This is a riot."

Ralph: "'This is a riot'? We will see how much of a riot it is when we don't have the money to make the payment.on the ice box."

(Ralph later on loses a pie eating contest to Ed when Ralph has to throw up.)

(Later on.)

Ralph: "Well, I can still come back and beat the odds."

Head Raccoon (into bullhorn, yells): "HELLO RACCOONS, THE CONTESTS ARE OVER. THE WINNER OF THE MOST CONTESTS ON THIS LABOR DAY IS EDWARD NORTON."

Ralph (yells): "WHAT?"

(Ed gets on the bullhorn and makes hacking noises much to everyone's chagrin.)

Ed (into bullhorn): "THANK YOU EVERYONE. IT'S AN HONOR. UNLIKE A CERTAIN SOMEONE HERE, I DO NOT HAVE EGG AND PIE ALL OVER MY FACE."

(Ralph chases after Ed.)

Alice (yells): "RALPH! COME BACK HERE!"

(Ralph slips on pie and lands in mud much to Alice's Mom's & Ed's delight.)

Alice's Mom: "You look like a pig in mud."

Ed: "Pig in mud. Hahahahaha."

(Ralph gets into a fight with all three of them.)

(Jackie comes on stage with mud still on him. He is laughing.)

Jackie: "Boy, that mud. You don't know what it's like to be in mud. It's a shame that Woodstock didn't happen this year. Folks, I like to wish everyone a Happy Labor Day and the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)