TMC
06-25-2019, 07:59 PM
Buffy the Vampire Slayer: 10 Times Buffy Should Have Been Expelled (Or
Thrown In Jail) (https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/rec.arts.tv/ax4vE9Z8eqw)
BY LIZ HERSEY MAY 15, 2019
On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the titular heroine sacrifices a lot for her
calling. For most teenage girls, high school means boys, parties, and trips
to the mall. As the Slayer, Buffy doesn't have this luxury. Nor does she
have a good reputation. Thrown out of her old school for arson — she was
killing a horde of vampires — Buffy arrives at Sunnydale High, already
labeled a juvenile delinquent.
Talk about unfair. Buffy tries her hardest to keep the slaying as tidy and
law-abiding as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes that's just not possible.
Sometimes Buffy has no other choice but to commit a felony, or several, in
order to save the world. Buffy may have died twice but when it comes to
avoiding jail time, Buffy has ten lives. Here's a chronological look at the
Slayer's would-be rap sheet.
10 SHE VIOLATES A CRIME SCENE
Poor Buffy naïvely thinks she has an opportunity to start fresh at Sunnydale
High and ditch the slaying. Alas, this is the Hellmouth we're talking about.
On her first day, a dead guy is found stuffed into a locker, and he's got
vampire bites. Buffy learns quickly that cutting ties to her Slayer self
isn't that easy. She's on the case.
In her defense, the crime scene is a joke. It's just a locked door and a
sheet thrown haphazardly over the body. There's no police presence
whatsoever. While Buffy may be doing the Sunnydale PD's job for them, she
should have been more careful, especially on her first day. Principal Flutie
already had his suspicions. Buffy may not have been caught, but she won't be
joining the cast of CSI any time soon.
9 SHE CHOKES JENNY
If there's ever a time for Buffy to go on the warpath, it's after Angel
loses his soul. Buffy needs answers and when a dream reveals that Jenny may
be involved, it makes sense that Buffy would question her. What doesn't make
sense is storming into Jenny's classroom, grabbing her by the throat and
slamming her onto the desk. Oh yeah, and Buffy does this is in a room full
of students. She attacks a teacher!
There's no way this news doesn't make its way to Principal Snyder. Does his
dislike of Jenny outweigh his desire to expel Buffy? Maybe a lot of other
students choked out their teachers that day and Buffy's outburst was
forgotten about. That's the only logical explanation.
8 SHE FIRES A STOLEN ROCKET LAUNCHER
If there's any reason to pull a stunt like this, it's to destroy a
blue-skinned, mass-murdering demon. But this could have landed every Scooby
in jail. Xander and Cordy steal it, Willow's the lookout, Oz is the getaway
driver, and Buffy actually fires it in a crowded mall.
It's a good that this whole melee went down before the age of smartphones.
It would have gone viral on YouTube. Perhaps the lack of consequences can be
chalked up to the fact that if it wasn't for trigger-happy Buffy, all the
police and military personnel would be dead.
7 SHE BECOMES A FUGITIVE
This is the closest Buffy gets to real prison time. After she's found
standing over Kendra's dead body in the library with the stake, Buffy
actually does get expelled. That's small potatoes compared to what happens
immediately after, which is Buffy getting arrested. But Angel's about to end
the world and the clock is ticking.
Buffy evades the police and becomes a fugitive. However, after she kills
Angel, Buffy hops a bus and gets the Hellmouth out of Dodge. Is that not the
most guilty-looking move ever? When Buffy does come back to town, some
months later, her name has been miraculously cleared. Sometimes it really is
worth it to hop a Greyhound over boy and murder troubles.
6 SHE BREAKS INTO A SPORTING GOODS STORE WITH INTENT TO STEAL
This one has absolutely nothing to do with saving people or defending the
world. Here, Buffy is a straight-up reckless sticky fingers. She gets
corrupted by Faith and her "livin' large" ways, which apparently include
relieving Meyer Sports and Tackle of their crossbows. The Slayers do get
busted and thrown into the back of a cop car, but they break out. And that's
that. Zero consequences afterwards.
While Faith may not be a known quantity, Buffy has had tons of run-ins with
the Sunnydale PD. It's a small town, so it's rather shocking that the police
weren't waiting for her upon her return home. Then again, given the mess
Buffy and Faith made of that cruiser, arresting them likely wasn't worth the
effort.
5 SHE'S AN ACCESSORY TO MANSLAUGHTER
It's a felonious day in the neighborhood... just one day after Buffy and
Faith ditch the fuzz, Faith gets a little over-zealous with a stake. The
pointy end finds its way into the chest of Deputy Mayor Allan Finch, a
human. Oopsy! Buffy wants to do the right thing and tell Giles, but Faith
convinces her not to. Seriously, B?
Sure, Faith is your Slayer sister, but you've known her for how long? Do you
really want to go down for an accidental crime you didn't commit? However,
all things are coming up roses for the Chosen Two. Neither of them get
arrested and Faith (unofficially) gets Allan's job. When you're a Slayer,
crime really does pay.
4 SHE ATTEMPTS TO MURDER FAITH
In the eyes of the law, Buffy can't break bad any harder than this. She
premeditates a murder. After Faith shoots Angel with a poisoned arrow, Buffy
discovers the only antidote is Slayer's blood. So, she goes off in search of
her prey. A knock-down, drag-out brawl commences between the two Slayers.
Buffy manages to stab Faith in the gut before she escapes.
Even though this is one of Buffy's worst crimes, she likely wouldn't have
been arrested for it. At this point, Faith is way more of a criminal and who
would believe her should she squawk? Later on in the series when Buffy is
broke, she really should have considered a career as a hitwoman.
3 SHE BLOWS UP THE SCHOOL
Come Graduation Day, the students of Sunnydale High put aside their
differences and it's all for one and one for all. That means building bombs
and going back to the weapons supply closet, aka the Sunnydale military
base. Come the Ascension, the graduating class of 1999 is armed to the
teeth.
While they fight off his thugs, Buffy lures the snake-ified Mayor into a
school packed with explosives. Buffy escapes and the Mayor goes boom.
Technically, Giles is the one who hits the detonator but the entire scheme
was Buffy's creation. At this point, her Slayer status is an open secret, so
the cops must assume that whatever she did was in the name of saving the
hides of many a citizen.
2 SHE ASSAULTS GOVERNMENT AGENTS
Like many juvenile delinquents, Buffy's criminal behavior tapers off as she
grows up. But remember, this is the Slayer we're talking about. She has to
get her jollies somehow. When it's time to fight Adam, Buffy needs to get
into the Initiative. The problem is that she's persona non grata. As if
being unpopular has ever stopped her.
Buffy and the Scoobies break in, only to be promptly caught and detained. To
be fair, Buffy is beyond polite as she tries to explain the situation. It's
not her fault the Colonel won't listen. What is her fault, however, is
punching out a whole whack of soldiers. Yes, it needed to be done. The
Scoobies save the day and Buffy avoids the big house.
1 SHE MESSES WITH SOCIAL SERVICES RECORDS
Invisible Buffy Messing with a Cow Mug
This is a strong contender for dumbest thing Buffy has ever done. When she
accidentally gets blasted with an Invisibility Ray, Buffy targets the social
worker who is (rightfully) making a case as to why Dawn should be removed
from the Summers home. Buffy's motivations for not wanting to lose her
sister are sympathetic. But did she have to go and make poor Doris the
Social Worker think she was going insane?
Buffy replaces Doris' report with her own personal tribute to The Shining.
Doris gets put on a forced leave of absence and Buffy the Morality Slayer
lives to see another day. Sometimes her behavior is just criminal.
Thrown In Jail) (https://groups.google.com/forum/#!topic/rec.arts.tv/ax4vE9Z8eqw)
BY LIZ HERSEY MAY 15, 2019
On Buffy the Vampire Slayer, the titular heroine sacrifices a lot for her
calling. For most teenage girls, high school means boys, parties, and trips
to the mall. As the Slayer, Buffy doesn't have this luxury. Nor does she
have a good reputation. Thrown out of her old school for arson — she was
killing a horde of vampires — Buffy arrives at Sunnydale High, already
labeled a juvenile delinquent.
Talk about unfair. Buffy tries her hardest to keep the slaying as tidy and
law-abiding as possible. Unfortunately, sometimes that's just not possible.
Sometimes Buffy has no other choice but to commit a felony, or several, in
order to save the world. Buffy may have died twice but when it comes to
avoiding jail time, Buffy has ten lives. Here's a chronological look at the
Slayer's would-be rap sheet.
10 SHE VIOLATES A CRIME SCENE
Poor Buffy naïvely thinks she has an opportunity to start fresh at Sunnydale
High and ditch the slaying. Alas, this is the Hellmouth we're talking about.
On her first day, a dead guy is found stuffed into a locker, and he's got
vampire bites. Buffy learns quickly that cutting ties to her Slayer self
isn't that easy. She's on the case.
In her defense, the crime scene is a joke. It's just a locked door and a
sheet thrown haphazardly over the body. There's no police presence
whatsoever. While Buffy may be doing the Sunnydale PD's job for them, she
should have been more careful, especially on her first day. Principal Flutie
already had his suspicions. Buffy may not have been caught, but she won't be
joining the cast of CSI any time soon.
9 SHE CHOKES JENNY
If there's ever a time for Buffy to go on the warpath, it's after Angel
loses his soul. Buffy needs answers and when a dream reveals that Jenny may
be involved, it makes sense that Buffy would question her. What doesn't make
sense is storming into Jenny's classroom, grabbing her by the throat and
slamming her onto the desk. Oh yeah, and Buffy does this is in a room full
of students. She attacks a teacher!
There's no way this news doesn't make its way to Principal Snyder. Does his
dislike of Jenny outweigh his desire to expel Buffy? Maybe a lot of other
students choked out their teachers that day and Buffy's outburst was
forgotten about. That's the only logical explanation.
8 SHE FIRES A STOLEN ROCKET LAUNCHER
If there's any reason to pull a stunt like this, it's to destroy a
blue-skinned, mass-murdering demon. But this could have landed every Scooby
in jail. Xander and Cordy steal it, Willow's the lookout, Oz is the getaway
driver, and Buffy actually fires it in a crowded mall.
It's a good that this whole melee went down before the age of smartphones.
It would have gone viral on YouTube. Perhaps the lack of consequences can be
chalked up to the fact that if it wasn't for trigger-happy Buffy, all the
police and military personnel would be dead.
7 SHE BECOMES A FUGITIVE
This is the closest Buffy gets to real prison time. After she's found
standing over Kendra's dead body in the library with the stake, Buffy
actually does get expelled. That's small potatoes compared to what happens
immediately after, which is Buffy getting arrested. But Angel's about to end
the world and the clock is ticking.
Buffy evades the police and becomes a fugitive. However, after she kills
Angel, Buffy hops a bus and gets the Hellmouth out of Dodge. Is that not the
most guilty-looking move ever? When Buffy does come back to town, some
months later, her name has been miraculously cleared. Sometimes it really is
worth it to hop a Greyhound over boy and murder troubles.
6 SHE BREAKS INTO A SPORTING GOODS STORE WITH INTENT TO STEAL
This one has absolutely nothing to do with saving people or defending the
world. Here, Buffy is a straight-up reckless sticky fingers. She gets
corrupted by Faith and her "livin' large" ways, which apparently include
relieving Meyer Sports and Tackle of their crossbows. The Slayers do get
busted and thrown into the back of a cop car, but they break out. And that's
that. Zero consequences afterwards.
While Faith may not be a known quantity, Buffy has had tons of run-ins with
the Sunnydale PD. It's a small town, so it's rather shocking that the police
weren't waiting for her upon her return home. Then again, given the mess
Buffy and Faith made of that cruiser, arresting them likely wasn't worth the
effort.
5 SHE'S AN ACCESSORY TO MANSLAUGHTER
It's a felonious day in the neighborhood... just one day after Buffy and
Faith ditch the fuzz, Faith gets a little over-zealous with a stake. The
pointy end finds its way into the chest of Deputy Mayor Allan Finch, a
human. Oopsy! Buffy wants to do the right thing and tell Giles, but Faith
convinces her not to. Seriously, B?
Sure, Faith is your Slayer sister, but you've known her for how long? Do you
really want to go down for an accidental crime you didn't commit? However,
all things are coming up roses for the Chosen Two. Neither of them get
arrested and Faith (unofficially) gets Allan's job. When you're a Slayer,
crime really does pay.
4 SHE ATTEMPTS TO MURDER FAITH
In the eyes of the law, Buffy can't break bad any harder than this. She
premeditates a murder. After Faith shoots Angel with a poisoned arrow, Buffy
discovers the only antidote is Slayer's blood. So, she goes off in search of
her prey. A knock-down, drag-out brawl commences between the two Slayers.
Buffy manages to stab Faith in the gut before she escapes.
Even though this is one of Buffy's worst crimes, she likely wouldn't have
been arrested for it. At this point, Faith is way more of a criminal and who
would believe her should she squawk? Later on in the series when Buffy is
broke, she really should have considered a career as a hitwoman.
3 SHE BLOWS UP THE SCHOOL
Come Graduation Day, the students of Sunnydale High put aside their
differences and it's all for one and one for all. That means building bombs
and going back to the weapons supply closet, aka the Sunnydale military
base. Come the Ascension, the graduating class of 1999 is armed to the
teeth.
While they fight off his thugs, Buffy lures the snake-ified Mayor into a
school packed with explosives. Buffy escapes and the Mayor goes boom.
Technically, Giles is the one who hits the detonator but the entire scheme
was Buffy's creation. At this point, her Slayer status is an open secret, so
the cops must assume that whatever she did was in the name of saving the
hides of many a citizen.
2 SHE ASSAULTS GOVERNMENT AGENTS
Like many juvenile delinquents, Buffy's criminal behavior tapers off as she
grows up. But remember, this is the Slayer we're talking about. She has to
get her jollies somehow. When it's time to fight Adam, Buffy needs to get
into the Initiative. The problem is that she's persona non grata. As if
being unpopular has ever stopped her.
Buffy and the Scoobies break in, only to be promptly caught and detained. To
be fair, Buffy is beyond polite as she tries to explain the situation. It's
not her fault the Colonel won't listen. What is her fault, however, is
punching out a whole whack of soldiers. Yes, it needed to be done. The
Scoobies save the day and Buffy avoids the big house.
1 SHE MESSES WITH SOCIAL SERVICES RECORDS
Invisible Buffy Messing with a Cow Mug
This is a strong contender for dumbest thing Buffy has ever done. When she
accidentally gets blasted with an Invisibility Ray, Buffy targets the social
worker who is (rightfully) making a case as to why Dawn should be removed
from the Summers home. Buffy's motivations for not wanting to lose her
sister are sympathetic. But did she have to go and make poor Doris the
Social Worker think she was going insane?
Buffy replaces Doris' report with her own personal tribute to The Shining.
Doris gets put on a forced leave of absence and Buffy the Morality Slayer
lives to see another day. Sometimes her behavior is just criminal.