ClassicComedyFan2
06-08-2002, 04:21 PM
“Bahn All Murders”
Episode 1 of Neglected Detectives Group
Written by Sean Sporman
Brought together by a police conference, the greatest detectives and their closest friends across the world have decided to pool their great talents to solve any devious crime that lands on their doorstep. However, arch-foe Richard Bahn, who has eluded several of them before, wishes to put an end to them as well...
Prologue
“I should have eaten at one of these Pizza Hut’s before. It’s great!” Jessica Fletcher chuckled, along with several of her friends from the group.
“The least we could do to celebrate the tenth anniversary of your first book, The Corpse Danced at Midnight, Aunt Jess!” Grady Fletcher sipped his Pepsi.
“I’m just glad that that Jerry Lyedecker fellow wasn’t able to mutilate my book into a crazed flick!” Jessica chuckled again.
“Ah.” Guy Hanks swallowed, “You know, deep dish is my favorite to the end!”
“A toast!” Dr. Mark Sloan said, holding up his glass, “To long life!”
They hit their glasses together. “Since this is coming from a doctor, does this mean I will have a long life?” Ben Matlock laughed, causing the others to laugh.
“Thank the gods it’s been quiet lately.” Columbo sighed, “I was able to take my car to get an oil change. The young man there said I should get a new one!” The others laughed.
“How’s your wife, Lieutenant?” Amanda Bentley asked Columbo.
“She’s fine. Really fond of a new science-fiction series called Voyager. She says she likes the female captain, it even reminds her a little bit of herself.”
“Interesting.” Grady Fletcher noted.
The Maitre’D stepped up. “Here’s your check—“ He faded out, falling to the ground with a thunk.
“My god!” Manager Jim Smith exclaimed, whom was standing nearby chatting with a friendly customer.
Instantly, Dr. Sloan jumped up and checked his pulse. “He’s dead, Jim.”
Gasps were heard across the establishment. Steve Sloan instantly stood up, flashing his badge. “Allright, nobody leaves this place. Don’t touch anything and don’t move unless it’s an emergency. Dad, call 911 and the local Police.”
Hanks sighed. “And things were going slow lately…”
Chapter One
Police officers and medical subordinates swarmed Pizza Hut #206. Customers that saw nothing or had not talked to that specific Maitre’D were allowed to leave, including two slightly-eccentric men calling themselves William and Leonard.
Four medical subordinates carried away the deceased body of the as-of-yet unidentified employee away.
“And, you didn’t see anything?” Columbo asked a young nine-year-old boy.
“Just that sauce stain on your pants.” The boy smiled as he walked off.
“Hey,” Hanks smiled, “He’s got ya there.”
Jessica Fletcher talked with Jim Smith. “They’ll want you to come down to the station.”
“I understand.” Smith nodded.
“Billy!” Ben Matlock exclaimed at the sight of his old friend, “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing too much except…oh, I don’t know, eating! And, now I’m leaving.”
As Billy headed for the door, he chuckled.
“Don’t say it, Billy!”
Billy exited the door and Ben sighed. Billy then peeked in. “Jack-ass."
“I don’t see any pin the tail games here.” Hanks chuckled.
“He’s not mad at me, just joking.” Ben smiled.
Dr. Mark Sloan stood near his son. “Well,” Steve Sloan sighed, “That’s the last of them.” The two looked around the now-empty building.
“I have a feeling the nearby Papa John’s and Dominoes will see a slight surge in business!” Mark Sloan smiled.
“Do you miss it, Dad?” Steve asked his father.
“Community General?” Mark chuckled, “It’s just a temporary leave. We’ll be back.”
“Baby!” Hanks added, “Add a Spanish translation and you’ll be fine.”
“Does he always joke like that?” Tyler Hudson asked rhetorically.
“Lieutenant Ayargo!” Jessica Fletcher exclaimed, “It’s good to see you again.”
“And you too, Senora Fletcher.” The polite detective responded. “You haven’t stumbled onto another murder, have you?”
Fletcher frowned. “I’m afraid I have.” She then made reference to the man beside her. “This dreadful attack on a Pizza Hut employee.”
“You know,” Ayargo began to theorize, “It might be a competitor. You know, maybe Little Caesar’s or that up-and-coming Douglas’s Pizza Plaza. They have special pads for taking orders that link to computers, but sometimes their computers crash. That dreadful operating…” He looked up at the curious silence and saw Fletcher staring blankly. “Jessica?”
“Orders!” She exclaimed, “Of course!” She then began to run out, “Excuse me!”
“Senora…” Ayargo trailed off. He nodded quickly. “Si. Si.”
“Well,” Tyler Hudson told Guy Hanks, “It appears that the Police did standard checks for the Better Business Bureau of both Papa John’s and Domino’s. Neither had spies. But, they both hinted that DPP had spies in all three places.”
“What about Pizza! Pizza!” Hanks smiled.
“Little C is in the middle of restructuring after low business.” Hudson responded, “The little bald guy is in the poor house at the moment.”
Episode 1 of Neglected Detectives Group
Written by Sean Sporman
Brought together by a police conference, the greatest detectives and their closest friends across the world have decided to pool their great talents to solve any devious crime that lands on their doorstep. However, arch-foe Richard Bahn, who has eluded several of them before, wishes to put an end to them as well...
Prologue
“I should have eaten at one of these Pizza Hut’s before. It’s great!” Jessica Fletcher chuckled, along with several of her friends from the group.
“The least we could do to celebrate the tenth anniversary of your first book, The Corpse Danced at Midnight, Aunt Jess!” Grady Fletcher sipped his Pepsi.
“I’m just glad that that Jerry Lyedecker fellow wasn’t able to mutilate my book into a crazed flick!” Jessica chuckled again.
“Ah.” Guy Hanks swallowed, “You know, deep dish is my favorite to the end!”
“A toast!” Dr. Mark Sloan said, holding up his glass, “To long life!”
They hit their glasses together. “Since this is coming from a doctor, does this mean I will have a long life?” Ben Matlock laughed, causing the others to laugh.
“Thank the gods it’s been quiet lately.” Columbo sighed, “I was able to take my car to get an oil change. The young man there said I should get a new one!” The others laughed.
“How’s your wife, Lieutenant?” Amanda Bentley asked Columbo.
“She’s fine. Really fond of a new science-fiction series called Voyager. She says she likes the female captain, it even reminds her a little bit of herself.”
“Interesting.” Grady Fletcher noted.
The Maitre’D stepped up. “Here’s your check—“ He faded out, falling to the ground with a thunk.
“My god!” Manager Jim Smith exclaimed, whom was standing nearby chatting with a friendly customer.
Instantly, Dr. Sloan jumped up and checked his pulse. “He’s dead, Jim.”
Gasps were heard across the establishment. Steve Sloan instantly stood up, flashing his badge. “Allright, nobody leaves this place. Don’t touch anything and don’t move unless it’s an emergency. Dad, call 911 and the local Police.”
Hanks sighed. “And things were going slow lately…”
Chapter One
Police officers and medical subordinates swarmed Pizza Hut #206. Customers that saw nothing or had not talked to that specific Maitre’D were allowed to leave, including two slightly-eccentric men calling themselves William and Leonard.
Four medical subordinates carried away the deceased body of the as-of-yet unidentified employee away.
“And, you didn’t see anything?” Columbo asked a young nine-year-old boy.
“Just that sauce stain on your pants.” The boy smiled as he walked off.
“Hey,” Hanks smiled, “He’s got ya there.”
Jessica Fletcher talked with Jim Smith. “They’ll want you to come down to the station.”
“I understand.” Smith nodded.
“Billy!” Ben Matlock exclaimed at the sight of his old friend, “What are you doing here?”
“Nothing too much except…oh, I don’t know, eating! And, now I’m leaving.”
As Billy headed for the door, he chuckled.
“Don’t say it, Billy!”
Billy exited the door and Ben sighed. Billy then peeked in. “Jack-ass."
“I don’t see any pin the tail games here.” Hanks chuckled.
“He’s not mad at me, just joking.” Ben smiled.
Dr. Mark Sloan stood near his son. “Well,” Steve Sloan sighed, “That’s the last of them.” The two looked around the now-empty building.
“I have a feeling the nearby Papa John’s and Dominoes will see a slight surge in business!” Mark Sloan smiled.
“Do you miss it, Dad?” Steve asked his father.
“Community General?” Mark chuckled, “It’s just a temporary leave. We’ll be back.”
“Baby!” Hanks added, “Add a Spanish translation and you’ll be fine.”
“Does he always joke like that?” Tyler Hudson asked rhetorically.
“Lieutenant Ayargo!” Jessica Fletcher exclaimed, “It’s good to see you again.”
“And you too, Senora Fletcher.” The polite detective responded. “You haven’t stumbled onto another murder, have you?”
Fletcher frowned. “I’m afraid I have.” She then made reference to the man beside her. “This dreadful attack on a Pizza Hut employee.”
“You know,” Ayargo began to theorize, “It might be a competitor. You know, maybe Little Caesar’s or that up-and-coming Douglas’s Pizza Plaza. They have special pads for taking orders that link to computers, but sometimes their computers crash. That dreadful operating…” He looked up at the curious silence and saw Fletcher staring blankly. “Jessica?”
“Orders!” She exclaimed, “Of course!” She then began to run out, “Excuse me!”
“Senora…” Ayargo trailed off. He nodded quickly. “Si. Si.”
“Well,” Tyler Hudson told Guy Hanks, “It appears that the Police did standard checks for the Better Business Bureau of both Papa John’s and Domino’s. Neither had spies. But, they both hinted that DPP had spies in all three places.”
“What about Pizza! Pizza!” Hanks smiled.
“Little C is in the middle of restructuring after low business.” Hudson responded, “The little bald guy is in the poor house at the moment.”