Abby to the kids: Please feel free to take my car for a joy ride any time. And don’t worry about denting the car, I have great car insurance!

Eight is NOT enough! We need more kids!

Aunty Vi: I’m tired of the jet set life. I want to rent a room near you and The Family, Tommy Belly Button, and do lots and lots of needlepoint until the day I die!

Mary - I am dumb.

Elizabeth: I’m tired of brushing my long hair! I’m going to get an Afro instead.

Mary: I love that I’m flunking Anatomy; so tired of just getting straight A’s.

Janet: I hate being a lawyer! I wanna be a hippie!

Tom: Abby, I'm not worried your nephew will steal my hubcaps. I'm worried he'll steal the whole show!

Jeremy: I think you Bradfords are the most exciting ever.

Any of the girls: "No you can use the bathroom first, I can wait."

Elizabeth: I will only make one minute calls from now on.

Tom: “Let’s use birth control this time!”

Tom to Janet & David before they got married: I’m so glad the two of you are shacking up. Marriage is for the birds!

Nicolas: Dad, why is it that I'm the only one in the family who even vaguely resembles you and none of the others look like they're related?

Mary: I’m sick of pre-med! I wanna be a stripper!

Aunty Vi: I’m going to settle down and do nothing but needlepoint.

David: We can work out our marital problems without needing anyone else's help!

Merle: I hate baseball! I wanna be a florist.