Absolutely Fabulous

Saffie: Mum, what is the problem? I have my life and you have yours. This is what you wanted.

Eddie: I feel orphaned, you know.

Saffie: What is the matter? Has the deal fallen through?

Eddie: No the deal. Not the deal. Not that.

Fawlty Towers

[Basil's hypocritical rant after two upper-class guests leave]:
Sir Richard Morris: I've never been in such a place in my life. [They drive away]

[Harold is fantasizing about his forthcoming cruise]
Harold: Ivory smuggling up the coast of Africa, whale hunting off Antarctica...
Albert: Shipwrecked off Southend!

Steptoe and Son

Extras

Andy Millman: What's happening with my script?

Darren Lamb: What script?

Andy Millman: [rolls eyes] The script I gave you two months ago.

Darren Lamb: Is it funny?

Andy Millman: You haven't read it?

Darren Lamb: What's it called?

Andy Millman: "When the Whistle Blows".

Darren Lamb: [writing] "When the W Blows".

Andy Millman: Don't just write "W" you'll forget what the W stands for.

Darren Lamb: "When the Wind Blows".

Andy Millman: "Whistle"!

Darren Lamb: Got it.

[writing]

Darren Lamb: "W" equals "Wind".

Andy Millman: "Whistle"!

Darren Lamb: [writing] "When the Whistle Blows".

Andy Millman: So that's done, I can forget about that, I've got my best man on it. Just make sure the phone's plugged in.

Darren Lamb: You joke about it, it was uplugged for two days... no one noticed.

Daisy: So how are you, you big bloody man?
Tim: I'm good, I'm good. Just, had a few things to sort out.
Daisy: With Sarah?
Tim: No, with George Lucas.
Daisy: Tim, it's been over a year.
Tim: It's been 18 months, Daisy. And it still hurts.
Daisy: Well, I didn't think The Phantom Menace was that bad.


-Spaced

The Brittas Empire

Gordon Brittas: I was unmarried once myself too, you know. Used to go to the pub with my mates, have a few drinks, a game of darts, a few more drinks, go for a takeaway, next thing you know, it's three in the morning and you wake up on the floor in some total strangers flat!

The IT Crowd

The Vicar Of Dibley

Geraldine: Hello, I'm Geraldine. Believe you're expecting me.
David Horton: No, I'm expecting our new vicar. Unless of course you are the new vicar and they've landed us with a woman
[laughs]
David Horton: as some sort of insane joke.
Geraldine: Oh, dear.
David Horton: Oh, my God!
Geraldine: You were expecting a bloke; beard, Bible, bad breath.
David Horton: Yes, that sort of thing.

Only Fools & Horses

Uncle Albert: During the war...

Del Boy: [interupts Albert] If you say during the war one more time, I'll pour this cup of tea over your head.

Uncle Albert: During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany.

The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin

Doc Morrissey: Do you find you can't finish the crossword like you used to, nasty taste in the mouth in the mornings, can't stop thinking about sex, can't start doing anything about sex, wake up with a sweat in the mornings, keep falling asleep during '"Play For Today"?
Reginald Perrin: That's extraordinary, Doc! That's exactly how I've been feeling.
Doc Morrissey: So have I. I wonder what it is? Take two aspirins.

As Time Goes By

Rocky Hardcastle: Rock on!