Jim Brockmire: Lucy, put supper on the stove, my dear, 'cause this ballgame is over!

Jim: Let's not make baseball out to be any more important than it really is. It's just a diversion that keeps us from pondering our own personal hells. So what do you say, folks? How about we kill another three hours on our slow and painful march to the grave? All right, top of the first. Should have a good one here this afternoon.

Jim Brockmire: Hey. Who are all these bespectacled and ironically-dressed people?

Charles: Remember when I told you about the Glass bump? You got his fans. Rich white people who feel bad about being rich and white who want an authentic experience that doesn't scare them.

Jim: So people just watch videos of the worst moments of my life and just laugh at my pain?
Jules: No.
Charles: Yes.

Jim Brockmire: Knowledge and assumptions, those are like Loggins and Messina. They seem similar, but time proves one of them to be completely worthless.

Jim: I may not be in the major leagues, but I've really upped my game when it comes to my alcoholism.

Jim Brockmire: We have run out of cheeks to turn people... we're fresh out of 'em!

Gus: Overalls allow me to fully experience the freedom of life without undergarments.

Jim Brockmire : When I walked into our house that day you broke me into a million pieces. And ever since then I've been trying to put myself back together, but i Iust, I can't do it.