My Mother was not only my Mother, she was my "Mama", "Maw", and my absolute best friend. We had an extremely close friendship.

When she passed away in August (she was only 64), I was at ease with everything. I was grateful she didn't have to lay there and suffer from cancer anymore and that the good Lord took her on home. I'm a comforter and often care for others better than myself.

Now, I feel anger and depression. I feel like I just don't want to go on anymore; it's not to the point of suicide or anything but I just feel miserable.

I still have my Dad to take care of (I'm not as close to him as I was my Mama). My dad is not able to walk so I'm his 24/7 caregiver which only allows me to work 1 day a week....I have to pay my Aunt to stay with him while I'm at work. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. My mama kept me going but now I'm just lost.

Are these feelings normal?

It gets depressing when you lose a close relative but it does get easier to deal with as time goes by. I lost my dad and sister both to cancer and it took awhile for the sad feelings to go away but they eventually did. Taking care of your father too must be difficult. Is there any relatives that would visit with him for a couple of hours a few days of the week? It would give you a much needed break if they would.

^Most relatives only come around at their convenience. Sad but true.

I understand what you're going through Trent. My Mom was my best friend. I could talk to her about everything. She died at 64 too and I was the one that found her. She had been sick for sometime and wouldn't see a doctor. When she first died I felt some relief that she was no longer in pain but the anger and depression happened too. I had suffered with depression for years and this just made it worse. She died 16 years ago so I've learned to survive but there isn't a day I don't think of her. My Youngest sister got married and had a baby and all I thought of was my Mom should have been there. The hardest days are her birthday, Mother's Day and the Holidays. Sorry to go on ranting. I think some people just get over these things faster than others.

Is a nursing home/Assisted Living possible for your dad?

My Mother was not only my Mother, she was my "Mama", "Maw", and my absolute best friend. We had an extremely close friendship.

When she passed away in August (she was only 64), I was at ease with everything. I was grateful she didn't have to lay there and suffer from cancer anymore and that the good Lord took her on home. I'm a comforter and often care for others better than myself.

Now, I feel anger and depression. I feel like I just don't want to go on anymore; it's not to the point of suicide or anything but I just feel miserable.

I still have my Dad to take care of (I'm not as close to him as I was my Mama). My dad is not able to walk so I'm his 24/7 caregiver which only allows me to work 1 day a week....I have to pay my Aunt to stay with him while I'm at work. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. My mama kept me going but now I'm just lost.

Are these feelings normal?

Hey Trent,

It's normal feelings to feel depressed and down. I had an aunt who I lost 3 years ago in March. She was like a mother to me and I still miss her to this day. It doesn't feel like 3 years have passed. If you ever want to talk...hit the PM button...I am always here for you. You are the first friend I made on this board and if you need someone to talk to I am here for you. Hoping the pain and sorrow lessen for you. I know your mom wouldn't want you to feel sad and depressed for the rest of your life....Take care my friend and I am here for you.

Is a nursing home/Assisted Living possible for your dad?

My mom cared for him until she wasn't able to then I took over caring for them both. I promised her that I'd do my everything to try and keep him out of a nursing home. So, that's absolute last resort.

My mom cared for him until she wasn't able to then I took over caring for them both. I promised her that I'd do my everything to try and keep him out of a nursing home. So, that's absolute last resort.


If taking care of your father kills you or leaves you in poverty for the rest of your life it defeats the purpose. If your parents were healthy and in their right mind they would agree.

My Mother was not only my Mother, she was my "Mama", "Maw", and my absolute best friend. We had an extremely close friendship.

When she passed away in August (she was only 64), I was at ease with everything. I was grateful she didn't have to lay there and suffer from cancer anymore and that the good Lord took her on home. I'm a comforter and often care for others better than myself.

Now, I feel anger and depression. I feel like I just don't want to go on anymore; it's not to the point of suicide or anything but I just feel miserable.

I still have my Dad to take care of (I'm not as close to him as I was my Mama). My dad is not able to walk so I'm his 24/7 caregiver which only allows me to work 1 day a week....I have to pay my Aunt to stay with him while I'm at work. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. My mama kept me going but now I'm just lost.

Are these feelings normal?


Your feelings are very normal!! I'm very sorry for the loss of your Mama and she wants the best for you and to be happy ! She is in heaven now and knows you and her will be reunited some day but not just yet, so you need to stay strong and go on ! She doesn't want you sad and not wanting to go on anymore.!:( So keep her in your heart and in your thoughts and your Father well I really don't know what to say? You are a good person and a very good Son, but you can't become totally mentally and physically exhausted , you really need some help with him and your extended family should really see that!

If not is there any way you can qualify to get some help in the home with him? IDK your income level but possibly you could get a care giver worker in some hours a week to help you out with your Dad possibly at no cost or little cost , like I said I don't know your income level and it's none of my business , but I am just trying to help and there is a program in California like this, it's called IHSS / In home supportive services (I actually work for them) I think there is something like this in every US state ! ;)

And again your Mom is with the Lord and she wants you to go on and not be sad and upset, and your feelings are normal. I lost my Mom about four years ago and it still is sad, it takes time ! Keep your faith and I think it would be a good idea to talk with your Priest or Preacher , he can give you spiritual guidance and maybe have some good advice and referrals for help with your Dad!! ;)

God bless you Trent!! :):heart:

So sorry to hear what you're going thru and how you're feeling. Sounds like you have
"caregivers fatigue", which is very normal! When it comes to our parents, most of us would willingly and lovingly, do anything for their well-being. The angst comes when we become
exhausted, taking care of them! Here comes the guilt, and the depression! Have you tried
connecting with local and online caregiver support groups? You might be surprised of the
insight, support and ideas, you will receive! I'm praying for you!

My Mother was not only my Mother, she was my "Mama", "Maw", and my absolute best friend. We had an extremely close friendship.

When she passed away in August (she was only 64), I was at ease with everything. I was grateful she didn't have to lay there and suffer from cancer anymore and that the good Lord took her on home. I'm a comforter and often care for others better than myself.

Now, I feel anger and depression. I feel like I just don't want to go on anymore; it's not to the point of suicide or anything but I just feel miserable.

I still have my Dad to take care of (I'm not as close to him as I was my Mama). My dad is not able to walk so I'm his 24/7 caregiver which only allows me to work 1 day a week....I have to pay my Aunt to stay with him while I'm at work. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. My mama kept me going but now I'm just lost.

Are these feelings normal?

Your mom is no longer with you physically, but she is with you spiritually as she watches over you from heaven. She wants you to live your life and be happy. Keep her in your thoughts and remember the good times. Choose a favorite photo you have of her and display it in your home. Light a candle for a few hours in memory of her during special occasions, for example on her birthday or at Christmas time.

My mom passed on in 2007 and I've been through the full range of emotions that you're currently having, it is normal and part of the grieving process. You'll begin to feel better again as time goes along.

(...) I still have my Dad to take care of (I'm not as close to him as I was my Mama). My dad is not able to walk so I'm his 24/7 caregiver which only allows me to work 1 day a week....I have to pay my Aunt to stay with him while I'm at work. I'm just physically and mentally exhausted. My mama kept me going but now I'm just lost.

Are these feelings normal?

YES

I'm sorry to hear of your loss...everyone grieves at there own pace, in their own way.
You not only have the "stages of grief" that you are going through, but you also have the overwhelming job as being caregiver to your dad.
I'm not sure how you are doing all of this with little help.
The aunt that you are paying -- is it your dad's sister or your mom's sister?
Either way they should realize that they are part of the family unit and should be willing to help. Here is what is known as the "Stages (or cycle) of grief

SHOCK & DENIAL-
PAIN & GUILT-
ANGER & BARGAINING-
"DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
THE UPWARD TURN-
RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-

What I have listed above is known as the 7 stages of grief (others say there only are 5)
For a more detailed explanation of each stage above, it can be found here:

https://www.recover-from-grief.com/7-stages-of-grief.html

this one has a chart listed inside
(some people need visual to better understand)

https://qz.com/832951/the-stages-of-grief-in-one-chart/


here is one for 5 stages:

https://funeralresources.com/grief-and-loss/five-stages-of-grief/


With all that I have given to you, please keep this in mind. It is only a tool for you to have a better understanding of what you are going though.
Also:

Keep these points in mind as you read:

You're really not going crazy!

Many others have had to travel this hard road before you. You are not alone.

Grief is a long-term process, and you will have good days and bad.

There is hope-- brighter days lie ahead for you.

You will never return to your pre-grief state, but you will eventually find joy in life in new ways that you invent.

There really are no true "stages of grief" and no time frame for mourning.

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I know I'll get through this, I have to, I have no choice lol.

I'm just gonna take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I know I'll get through this, I have to, I have no choice lol.

I'm just gonna take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.





Matthew 6:34 :):)

It is...

...last week or something like that, I almost wanted to break-down because I was in the Church Hall Basement and it was a shell of its former self...many people who came and went did a lot of commitment in that building...my mom was one of them!

I can only talk about this to a handful of people since some don't understand! The Church Hall Basement between 2000 and 2017 was a tutoring room, a youth group room, and a modern worship area. No more people, my new pastor turned everything upside-down!

I have lost both my grandmothers and my other grandmother died last year in March and my other grandmother died in 2007 and when my grandmother died it left me very emotional because we were close and she was nice and she even taught me a little Spanish and even though she's been dead for so long my mom still misses her a lot. So you may be feeling very emotional because of the loss of your mother but here's some questions that might work for you,
1. Do you ever feel sad at times when you wish she was there for you?
2. Have you considered going to your church and talking to your pastor about your mother?
3. Have you talked to any relatives since your mother's passing? Sometimes a chat with your relatives can cheer you up when you're down
Hope this advice helps you,
Bestie

My mom cared for him until she wasn't able to then I took over caring for them both. I promised her that I'd do my everything to try and keep him out of a nursing home. So, that's absolute last resort.

How about a home health care worker? Your father could stay at home and you could get out of the house more to work and socialize.

How about a home health care worker? Your father could stay at home and you could get out of the house more to work and socialize.

He does have a home health aid that gives him a bath once a week....I do it the other times.

In order to get more help, basically, I'd have to give them permission to take our property after he dies...then I'd have no home. Believe me, I've looked into everything possible for help and there really isn't anything there unless you sign over your assets/estate.

I'm a survivor, I'll be ok. It's tough, but I'll be ok!

I think I’m going to start seeing a therapist because things just aren’t getting better. It seems I’m sinking more into a deep depression. My head constantly hurts, I always feel angry/defensive, and I’m eating way too much.

At least I know there’s a problem, I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get my life back.

I think I’m going to start seeing a therapist because things just aren’t getting better. It seems I’m sinking more into a deep depression. My head constantly hurts, I always feel angry/defensive, and I’m eating way too much.

At least I know there’s a problem, I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get my life back.

Sorry to hear you are going through all of this, and hope you get the help you need.

I think I’m going to start seeing a therapist because things just aren’t getting better. It seems I’m sinking more into a deep depression. My head constantly hurts, I always feel angry/defensive, and I’m eating way too much.

At least I know there’s a problem, I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get my life back.

Trent I’m so sorry you’re going through all of this and that I missed this thread; I was very busy with work in October and wasn’t on the boards a lot.

It’s normal to have grief especially when you were VERY close to a loved one. I think seeing a therapist is an excellent idea and a sign of STRENGTH; it shows you’re taking hold of the situation and letting a professional help you sort through the feelings. Maybe a grief support group might help too-see what your therspist thinks. Please take care of yourself and let us know how things go. God Bless. Feel free to p.m. me - you’re one of my favorite posters here.

I think I’m going to start seeing a therapist because things just aren’t getting better. It seems I’m sinking more into a deep depression. My head constantly hurts, I always feel angry/defensive, and I’m eating way too much.

At least I know there’s a problem, I just hope it doesn’t take too long to get my life back.

Really, really sorry to hear you're still struggling, but I'm not surprised. Your mom's death was just a few months ago. I'm glad you are seeking out a professional who will help. But your friends at SO are also willing to listen.

Your therapist might also be able to advise you on things you can do to relieve some of the burden of caring for your dad.

Hang in there!

Thanks everyone for your kind words.

I know I'll get through this, I have to, I have no choice lol.

I'm just gonna take one day at a time and not worry about tomorrow.

May you find the happiness and contentment that you seek (and pray for). God Bless you in 2019 and remember the love that you shared with your mom never dies but will always be a part of you forever.