Mike: Have you heard from Molly?
Joyce: I'm sure everything's fine. We left her with Victoria.
Mike: No disrespect Mrs. Flynn, but those two sentences don't go together.

Mike:
Hey, ma! You feeling better today?

Peggy:
I put the potatoes in the oven, and not my head, so there's that.

I'm just so proud of how you turned out. You've got people who love and respect you, and I know it's not because of me. It's in spite of me.

— Jack Biggs [to Mike]

Samuel:
[to Carl while the guys are in a fishing boat on a lake] Please tell me why we are here. When did our people ever have good experiences on boats?

Peggy: Either call him by his Christian name, Jim, or his full name, James Douglas McAthur Biggs.
Molly: Jim it is.

Molly Flynn: Ma, please, just stay out of it.

Peggy: Yeah, stick to what you know. Orgies and edible underpants.

Mike: Maybe if you had talked a little less and listened a little more we wouldn't be in this mess!
Molly: Really?
Mike: Listen, I don't want a big fight.
Molly: Well, it's too late for that.

Molly Flynn: Thank God you're home, I need your help.
Victoria Flynn: What's going on?
Molly Flynn: Mom's gone missing, I've had to take care of Vince. I had to drag his wet, naked body out of the tub and onto the couch.
Victoria Flynn: Eeewwww.

Molly: That reminds me, make sure Victoria wears a bra tomorrow.
Joyce: I'll try, but it's like trying to keep a hat on a dog.

(Last lines of the series.)

Mike: "But I wouldn't change a thing."
Molly: "Not a thing. I love you."

(First line of the series.)

Samuel: "All right, officers. One beef and cheese deluxe, French fries and..."

Molly: Wait a second, you're dating my mother?
Vince: Hey, old soup is still good if you heat it up.