Andrew Keaton: Alex is reading me "Robin Hood," where he robs from the poor and gives to the rich.
Steven Keaton: That's not Robin Hood, that's Ronald Reagan.

[Uncle Ned is an alcoholic]
Alex P. Keaton: You just drank a whole bottle of vanilla extract.
Ned Donnelly: I'm sorry; did you want some?

Alex: Jennifer, can you hand me the water please?
Jennifer: Sure.
Alex drinks from the container
Alex: Mallory, I think you went overboard on the pepper.
Mallory: I only put in a cup.

Steven Keaton: I love you, Elyse.

Elyse Keaton: No, I love you more, Steven.

[Elyse and Steven make kissy noises through the telephone]

Alex P. Keaton: [shouting from upstairs] Oh, for crying... will you hang up the phone?