Peter: Cross at the green, not in between!
Davy: He's been out in the sun too long.
Micky: He was no bargain in the shade.

A Dr. Marcovich & Peter line/quote:

A Micky & Davy line/quote:

Peter: Hey, look, guys! All the comforts of home!

Micky: [Repeated line] We're a minute short as usual

Micky: "Stand up, Davy, and show him how tall you are."
Davy: "I am standing up."

Mike: "Wanna read my palm?"
Micky: "Nah, I’ll wait ’til they make it into a movie."

Davy: [on the phone] Will you please look under Harmonica? H-A-R-M… Look, it’s a country! There is so! [hangs up]

Peter: "I have the fastest hand in the West."

Peter: How do we get into the adjoining room?
Micky: Very quietly.

Peter---"Oh, I don't think you guys are guilty, I just don't see how you could possibly be innocent."

Micky---"Its working. Its working."

Mike---"How do you know?"

Micky---"I saw the last scene. I saw the last scene."

Davy: Fifty thousand pounds? That’s a little heavy, that is.

Micky: You do and I’ll be sorry!

Micky: "We're being invaded by Martians!"

Peter: "We're as bad as any other group in town."

Peter: "What comic strip? This is the editorial page."

Musician: "That's The Monkees!"

Mike: Do you know we haven’t worked in a month?
Peter: Gee, it seems more like four weeks.

Rob Roy Fingerhead: "Long-haired weirdos..."

Davy: "Hark! I hear a knock on yon door."

Rob: "Where's your style?"

Rob: "More than a dollar a month."

Mike: "...we're not typical young people."

Micky: "Lousy boots."

Micky: "The lights! The lights! Where’d they go?"
Peter: "Someone turned on the dark!"

Davy: [on the phone] Will you please look under Harmonica? H-A-R-M… Look, it’s a country! There is so! [hangs up]

Micky: "He's just a typical, psychopathic killer."

Mike: "Oh, that guy is ugly."

Detective: "Then he quit the police force and joined up with Baby Face."

Micky: "What am I gonna do with an earring?"

Mike: Okay, fine, I got the number of this answering service out of the phone book, and we’ll just call ’em up… I mean, you never know how many new things are gonna open up for you when there’s somebody always there to answer your phone. You can get jobs and millions of things… there’s always somebody there, morning, noon, and night, twenty-four hours a day, they’re right there on the job and never fail.
Micky: Well?
Mike: Well, it’s… there’s no answer.

Micky: "They're throwing everything at us but the kitchen sink."

Micky: "They're throwing everything at us but the kitchen sink."

Mike: "Next time, will you keep your mouth shut?'

Black Bart: "I hate to resort to forgery."

Mike: Hello?… Yeah, Bruno just gave us physical therapy… Yeah, Peter’s somewhere in the hospital… Yeah, Dr. Schnitzler’s still missing… Okay, goodbye.
Micky: That was the police?
Mike: No, it’s TV Guide.

Lorelai: "Won't you come in?"
Micky: "On third thought, yes."

Davy: (to Wolfman) "...they're treating you like a dog."

Vampire: "Because he doesn't have a brain in his head."

Peter: "What a time to be caught without a turtleneck."

Peter: "You're right. Scares me to death."
Mike: "What does?"
Peter: "Fear."

Davy: I just saw a fella talking to a popsicle.
Mike: Oh, yeah. Let me know if the popsicle talks back.

Mike: "Are you ever a woman."

April: "Davy... Are you an artist?"
Davy: "Do fish swim?"

Mike: "That's right, baby, and fish swim."

Peter: "Hey. That's me. 'Tormented'."

Micky: "Peter, you can't expect the writers to know everything. Improvise."

Davy: "April is the cruelest month."

Davy: We were shootin’ a movie. Some cat came up and said, ‘You wanna shoot a movie?’. We said, “Yeah, we shoot a movie”. So we shot a movie.

The Monkees
Micky:

Micky & Peter:

Mike: Well, I see now, you can’t send a boy to do a man’s boj… uh, uh… job… badge… you can’t boj a boy to send a job…

Micky & Mike:

Mike: Look, man, it’s okay. Besides, you’ve go something the machine don’t have.
Peter: Hmm?
Mike: You got friends.
Micky: Hey, you got some friends, Pete? Bring ’em over someday!

Mike:

Leslie: (to Davy)"My father. He's very authoritarian."
Davy: "Well, nobody's perfect."

Peter: "He gets more girls that way."

Davy: "That sounds crazy to me."
Prince Ludlow: "I know; that's-that's what I told the producers."

Mike: "Come on, Davy, you know you're Mr. Charm when it comes to girls."

Peter: "I didn't see that part."

Max: "Poison?"
The Chemist: "Well, it ain't French dressing."

Micky: "...I can tell you who's gonna wear the pants in that family."
Peter: "With a figure like Wendy's, I hope it's her."

Peter: "Why can't her doctor work on his own thesis?"

Peter: (to Mr. Zero)"You have a lot of groovy instruments here."

Mr. Zero: (on telephone)"I have just purchased the soul of a Mister Peter Tork."

Mike: "...and beautiful music comes from beautiful harps."

Mr. Zero: "Innocence is at a premium."

Micky: "Devil or not, he's a rotten house guest."

Mr. Zero: "... you don't burn. All you feel is a sense of depression."

Blackbeard: "The rough sea makes rough men."

Mr. Zero: "I gave him the ability to play the harp... in return for a soul."
Peter: "You know, it was almost worth it."
Mike: "No, you didn't give him the ability to play the harp. You see... you see, Peter loved the harp. And he loved, he loved the music that came from the harp. And that was inside of him. And, eh, it came, um, it was... the power of that love was inside of Peter, it was inside of him from the first. And it was that kind of power, that-that made Peter able to play the harp. And, eh, you didn't have anything to do with it at all."

Mike: "...if you love music, man, you can play music."

[entering a spooky mansion]
Mike: Well, uh, it's a little gloomy, but we could probably work wonders with just a few geraniums.
Micky: Uh-uh, YOU decorate. I'M leaving!