Ted: (to Joan)"Well, it's called 'diversification.' A company buys another company it knows nothing about, so it can lose money, declare bankruptcy, get a loan from the government, and make a fortune."
Joan: "That makes sense."

Various episodes:

Bonnie Brindle: No na na no no no!

Joan Lawson: That makes sense.


From the first-season episode, “Sibling Rivalry”:

Jamie, then later in the episode, Vicki: Be careful. Mom’s chili can burn a hole in your shirt.


From the second-season episode, “Victor/Vicki-Toria,” specifically in the scene on the baseball diamond wherein Ted hurts himself in an attempt to throw a fastball à la Fernando Valenzuela:

Jamie: Dad! Are you okay?
Ted: I think I threw something out.
Vicki (not in monotone): You look mah-velous dah-ling, really. Simply mah-velous.
Joan (rushing over): Ted, what happened?
Ted: I think I pulled a muscle.
Joan: Where?
Ted: Everywhere. Even my hair hurts.

Joan: "Isn't that called 'bribery'?"
Jamie: "Only if you lose. If you win it's called 'lobbying'."

Vicki the Robot: We don't have skeleton's in our closet... they're in the back of the condo.