Frank Gannucci
07-06-2018, 07:52 AM
Honeymooners Box Set Reviews: Additional Sketches & Commercials (Part 3) "Honeymooners Parody From The Jack Benny Show with Audrey Meadows" & “Honeymooners Parody From The Red Skelton Show With Peter Lorre”:
TV: It was shown on the Sat. 1/25/58 episode of the Jack Benny Show.
VHS: I think it has been released on a Jack Benny Show tape.
DVD: I think it has been released on a Jack Benny Show DVD. MPI also has this on the Lost Episodes Restored DVD Box Set. It is part of “Additional Sketches and Commercials” which is also attached to “The Norton Interviews”, “Honeymooners Lost Radio Episodes” (Letter To The Boss & Love Letter), “New Featurettes” & “Scripts For Missing Episodes” (Alice’s Birthday, Easter Hats and on some DVD box sets: "Missing Pair of Pants" [some DVDs accidentally put the script for "Alice's Birthday" for "Missing Pair of Pants.").
This sketch opens up with a shot of what is supposed to be Brooklyn. The next shot is the “Kramden apartment.” The apartment looks somewhat like the original. Alice comes out. A person named Don Wilson from the American Tobacco Co. (and in real life the announcer of the Jack Benny Show). He conducts the survey. The first question is what is your name. Alice answers that it is Mrs. Ralph Kramden. The crowd laughs at that for whatever reason. Another question is what cigarette does her and her husband smoke? The answer: Lucky Strife. Don talks about how great those cigarettes are and than leaves. If you watched this on a Jack Benny release, the part where Don comes on is edited out. Alice answers the phone. It’s Clara. Alice is feeding her cats while she goes to New Jersey. Alice will feed the cats in Clara’s apartment since Ralph is allergic to cat fur. Alice: “That’s why he sneezes when I always wear that mink stole he bought me.” He wasn’t allergic to cats in “Santa & The Bookies.” A knock is heard. Alice knows it’s Ed. Ed (played by Dennis Day) comes in. Ed wonders how Alice correctly guessed who was knocking. Alice: “When a man works in the sewer all day, he doesn’t need a calling card.”
Ed helps Alice thread a needle. He “warms up.” Alice is trying to make extra money by making clothes. Alice got Ralph a new bowling ball. Ed: “Those cantaloupes you have been using have been messing up the alley.” Ha! Alice reveals that she used Ralph’s money ($4.89) and her money to give Ralph a new bowling ball. It will be a surprise for Ralph. Alice is keeping Ralph in the dark as far as making extra money goes. Ed somehow tied the string that Alice is using to his finger. Ed leaves but he says he will keep an eye out for Ralph. Alice makes the cat food. The phone rings again. It’s Clara. She is worried about her cats being fed. Alice tells her not to worry. She hangs up. Ed hangs upside-down in the Kramden window and tells Alice that Ralph is coming. Alice gets ready to hide the clothes that she is making in the bureau.
Ralph (played by Jack Benny with some padding under his clothes) comes in. Ralph: “Don’t you notice anything?” Alice: “No.” Ralph: “I have lost half a pound.” Alice: “That half-pound must have come out of your head.” Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE A RIOT!” Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph tries to deposit some more money into his bowling ball account by moving the calendar on his wall and trying to grab the money from an area in a hole in the wall. He notices that the money is gone. He goes into the bureau. He notices Alice’s clothes that she is making and thinks Alice took his $.89 to buy those clothes. When he asks her what is the meaning of the new clothes, Alice says it is not what he thinks. Ralph walks around in anger. Ralph: “I can’t understand you Alice. I don’t know what you want? What do you want?” Alice: “A revolving room so you can stand still.” Ralph: “You are asking for it Alice. Those dresses are going back or you will be the best-dressed woman on the moon. Powie-zoom!” Alice: “I can’t bear to leave all this luxury.” Ralph is still angry. Ralph: “You probably want wall-to-wall carpeting.” Alice: “We don’t need that. With you around, we got wall-to-wall fat.” Ralph yells loudly.
Ralph goes to get his dinner and takes the cat food (which he thinks is tuna salad.) Ed comes down. Ralph asks him to join him as they eat the “tuna salad.” Ralph must be a dope for him to think that cat food is tuna salad. They eat. Ed is given some milk and he drinks the milk like a cat. Ralph questions why Ed is drinking that way. Ed claims that he doesn’t know why. The phone rings. It’s Clara. She doesn’t have to go to Jersey after all. Alice says that she won’t be stuck with the cat food. Alice: “Ralph & Ed are eating it.” Ed: “This beats anything Trix ever made.” Ralph is not happy. Ed is kicked out. Ralph: “Turn on the light in the hallway.” Ed: “I don’t have to. I can see in the dark.” Ha! Ed is forced to leave. Ed leaves. Ralph is angry at Alice. A package comes. It’s Ralph’s new bowling ball but Ralph doesn’t know it. Alice gives Ralph a handkerchief to wipe himself. Ralph opens the package by simply removing the top. How can a delivery man deliver a package that can be opened that easily? Ralph sees his new bowling ball and the card that Alice gave him that says: “To my loving husband.” Alice tells Ralph the whole truth behind her making the dresses. It is so she can make extra money. Part of (or all) of that extra money was used to get Ralph the new bowling ball. Ralph: “Baby, you’re the greatest.” They hug and kiss. The curtain goes down. That is the end of the sketch as well as this episode of Jack’s show.
Jack does a curtain call. Jack thanks Jackie Gleason for allowing them to do this. Jack thanks Aud for working in California (where Jack taped his show) while Alice was still working in New York for The Honeymooners. Jack: “You retained that same mood. How did you do it?” Audrey Meadows: “That was easy after living in that hotel room you got me. I wanted to be in Hollywood. Not in Glendale.” She jokes that they moved Glendale out of Hollywood and nothing was sadder than seeing a hotel go downhill while still being in it. They hug. Jack thanks Aud. Dennis comes out. Dennis asks where the check is. Jack gives him the check. Dennis: “Va-va-va-voom!” Jack “kicks” him off the stage. Dennis leaves the stage as well as Audrey. Jack follows. The credits roll. At the same time the credits roll, a brand of cigarettes is shown on the screen. I’m sure that brand has been discontinued.
“Honeymooners Parody From The Red Skelton Show With Peter Lorre”
DVD: Attached to “The Norton Interviews”, “Honeymooners Lost Radio Episodes” (Letter To The Boss & Love Letter), “New Featurettes” & “Scripts For Missing Episodes” (Alice’s Birthday, Easter Hats and on some DVD box sets: "Missing Pair of Pants" [some DVDs accidentally put the script for "Alice's Birthday" for "Missing Pair of Pants.").
This opens up with a very similar opening to the Jackie Gleason show with two Glea-like girls announcing the stars names (of course Peter Lorre is among them. Each time one is done speaking; a “monster’s” arm appears, puts their hand on them and takes them away, scaring them. After that, dancers are dancing around a cemetery. They knock on headstones which causes the dead bodies (female dancers) to sit up before they are told to drop dead which they do. I think you can tell they are putting a sheet over themselves like they are going to bed. Men in black clothing appear scaring the girls. They also knock on caskets which causes the dead to sit up and dance with them. Eventually the males kill the girls and take the girls resting places by the headstones. The audience applauds.
Peter Lorre comes on stage as the curtain falls down. Peter Lorre does his best Gleason impression and even says that his orchestra leader, Davy Gross is the flower of the musical world. The camera focuses on Davy as he bops his head like Ray Bloch. Peter asks for some traveling music as he walks around the set. The music? “Funeral March.” Ha! At the end of the stage, Peter says: “And away we go!” Peter comes back on stage and says: “Now, I am even with you Jackie Gleason. I now have the information.” On Jackie Gleason’s Honeybloopers Volume 1, there is a “blooper” in which Jackie has to improvise an entire monologue due to his show running long on time. During this time, he does his imitation of Peter Lorre in which he says: “You don’t have the information for me Mr. Miller. I am supposed to have the information.” Now, its time for the skit.
A gothic Alice Kramden named Malice Kramden is grinding meat. Malice (played by Audrey of course): “I must not grind this meat too much. Ralph likes it underground.” The apartment that is used looks nothing like the real Kramden apartment. Ralph (played by Peter Lorre) comes home. Ralph: “Hello Malice”. Malice: “Your lips are cold. Where have you been?” Ralph: “Driving a hearse.” Ralph says that the traffic was so bad, his passenger got up and walked.” Ralph hopes that Ed doesn’t bother him tonight. Cue Ed Norton (played by Red Skelton) coming down with a bowling ball in his hand. He wants Ralph to play bowling with him tonight. Ralph says no. Ed says that he can’t get his fingers out of the ball. It is so obvious that the ball being used is not a real bowling ball since I doubt that Red Skelton was able to fling a real bowling ball around like he did to that fake one in this sketch. Malice suggests head-shrinking fluid. Ed says that he will do it his own way which is throwing it like a bowling ball. The ball leaves his hand. The sound effects of a ball rolling down a bowling lane with pins falling down are heard. The camera even shakes a little bit. Alice says that they have “peasant under glass” for eating. Ralph doesn’t like that and says his “one of these days...POW! Right in the kisser.” Ed describes his day in the sewer. Ralph wonders if Trixie is home. So Ed checks by putting his head out the window and yells for Trixie. Trixie drops some silver things down which means to Ed that she is home. Ed: “She is probably coming down here now.” She does. A fat Trixie (who was one of the Glea-like girls) comes down and is angry at Ed who calls Trixie his fail BLUBBER. She chases Ed around the apartment with a rolling pin. Imagine doing this in yours neighbors house. They have an argument. Ed kept her waiting at home on their fourth anniversary. (Despite the fact that as far back as 1951, the Nortons were still married. This sketch was done in 1956.) Ed even says to Trixie: “Gee, what a grouch.” Ralph tries to make peace since it’s their anniversary. He is successful. Trixie asks for Ed to put his arms all away around her. Ed: “Let’s not make a federal case.” Ralph: “Aren’t they touching Malice? We should have a waltz.” Malice turns on the radio as the Nortons dance together. Ralph says that they have a surprise for them.
They sit the Nortons down so they can have the cake that the Kramdens baked. The cake says “RIP.” Ed: “Ralph, who is this guy Rip?” Ralph puts tall candles on the table and he and Malice give the Nortons a flower each. Ralph: “Four years ago, you two were buried.” Trixie: “Not buried. Married.” Ed: “He got it right the first time. Haha!” Trixie hits Ed with her flower. They are at odds again as they throw things at each other like they are on Jerry Springer (even throwing things that don’t belong to them. Imagine doing that at your neighbor’s house.) Ed even throws the cake at Trixie. This is easily the most gothic Honeymooners sketch of all time. Since no airdate is given, I wonder if this was filmed right around Halloween.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
TV: It was shown on the Sat. 1/25/58 episode of the Jack Benny Show.
VHS: I think it has been released on a Jack Benny Show tape.
DVD: I think it has been released on a Jack Benny Show DVD. MPI also has this on the Lost Episodes Restored DVD Box Set. It is part of “Additional Sketches and Commercials” which is also attached to “The Norton Interviews”, “Honeymooners Lost Radio Episodes” (Letter To The Boss & Love Letter), “New Featurettes” & “Scripts For Missing Episodes” (Alice’s Birthday, Easter Hats and on some DVD box sets: "Missing Pair of Pants" [some DVDs accidentally put the script for "Alice's Birthday" for "Missing Pair of Pants.").
This sketch opens up with a shot of what is supposed to be Brooklyn. The next shot is the “Kramden apartment.” The apartment looks somewhat like the original. Alice comes out. A person named Don Wilson from the American Tobacco Co. (and in real life the announcer of the Jack Benny Show). He conducts the survey. The first question is what is your name. Alice answers that it is Mrs. Ralph Kramden. The crowd laughs at that for whatever reason. Another question is what cigarette does her and her husband smoke? The answer: Lucky Strife. Don talks about how great those cigarettes are and than leaves. If you watched this on a Jack Benny release, the part where Don comes on is edited out. Alice answers the phone. It’s Clara. Alice is feeding her cats while she goes to New Jersey. Alice will feed the cats in Clara’s apartment since Ralph is allergic to cat fur. Alice: “That’s why he sneezes when I always wear that mink stole he bought me.” He wasn’t allergic to cats in “Santa & The Bookies.” A knock is heard. Alice knows it’s Ed. Ed (played by Dennis Day) comes in. Ed wonders how Alice correctly guessed who was knocking. Alice: “When a man works in the sewer all day, he doesn’t need a calling card.”
Ed helps Alice thread a needle. He “warms up.” Alice is trying to make extra money by making clothes. Alice got Ralph a new bowling ball. Ed: “Those cantaloupes you have been using have been messing up the alley.” Ha! Alice reveals that she used Ralph’s money ($4.89) and her money to give Ralph a new bowling ball. It will be a surprise for Ralph. Alice is keeping Ralph in the dark as far as making extra money goes. Ed somehow tied the string that Alice is using to his finger. Ed leaves but he says he will keep an eye out for Ralph. Alice makes the cat food. The phone rings again. It’s Clara. She is worried about her cats being fed. Alice tells her not to worry. She hangs up. Ed hangs upside-down in the Kramden window and tells Alice that Ralph is coming. Alice gets ready to hide the clothes that she is making in the bureau.
Ralph (played by Jack Benny with some padding under his clothes) comes in. Ralph: “Don’t you notice anything?” Alice: “No.” Ralph: “I have lost half a pound.” Alice: “That half-pound must have come out of your head.” Ralph (yells): “YOU ARE A RIOT!” Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph tries to deposit some more money into his bowling ball account by moving the calendar on his wall and trying to grab the money from an area in a hole in the wall. He notices that the money is gone. He goes into the bureau. He notices Alice’s clothes that she is making and thinks Alice took his $.89 to buy those clothes. When he asks her what is the meaning of the new clothes, Alice says it is not what he thinks. Ralph walks around in anger. Ralph: “I can’t understand you Alice. I don’t know what you want? What do you want?” Alice: “A revolving room so you can stand still.” Ralph: “You are asking for it Alice. Those dresses are going back or you will be the best-dressed woman on the moon. Powie-zoom!” Alice: “I can’t bear to leave all this luxury.” Ralph is still angry. Ralph: “You probably want wall-to-wall carpeting.” Alice: “We don’t need that. With you around, we got wall-to-wall fat.” Ralph yells loudly.
Ralph goes to get his dinner and takes the cat food (which he thinks is tuna salad.) Ed comes down. Ralph asks him to join him as they eat the “tuna salad.” Ralph must be a dope for him to think that cat food is tuna salad. They eat. Ed is given some milk and he drinks the milk like a cat. Ralph questions why Ed is drinking that way. Ed claims that he doesn’t know why. The phone rings. It’s Clara. She doesn’t have to go to Jersey after all. Alice says that she won’t be stuck with the cat food. Alice: “Ralph & Ed are eating it.” Ed: “This beats anything Trix ever made.” Ralph is not happy. Ed is kicked out. Ralph: “Turn on the light in the hallway.” Ed: “I don’t have to. I can see in the dark.” Ha! Ed is forced to leave. Ed leaves. Ralph is angry at Alice. A package comes. It’s Ralph’s new bowling ball but Ralph doesn’t know it. Alice gives Ralph a handkerchief to wipe himself. Ralph opens the package by simply removing the top. How can a delivery man deliver a package that can be opened that easily? Ralph sees his new bowling ball and the card that Alice gave him that says: “To my loving husband.” Alice tells Ralph the whole truth behind her making the dresses. It is so she can make extra money. Part of (or all) of that extra money was used to get Ralph the new bowling ball. Ralph: “Baby, you’re the greatest.” They hug and kiss. The curtain goes down. That is the end of the sketch as well as this episode of Jack’s show.
Jack does a curtain call. Jack thanks Jackie Gleason for allowing them to do this. Jack thanks Aud for working in California (where Jack taped his show) while Alice was still working in New York for The Honeymooners. Jack: “You retained that same mood. How did you do it?” Audrey Meadows: “That was easy after living in that hotel room you got me. I wanted to be in Hollywood. Not in Glendale.” She jokes that they moved Glendale out of Hollywood and nothing was sadder than seeing a hotel go downhill while still being in it. They hug. Jack thanks Aud. Dennis comes out. Dennis asks where the check is. Jack gives him the check. Dennis: “Va-va-va-voom!” Jack “kicks” him off the stage. Dennis leaves the stage as well as Audrey. Jack follows. The credits roll. At the same time the credits roll, a brand of cigarettes is shown on the screen. I’m sure that brand has been discontinued.
“Honeymooners Parody From The Red Skelton Show With Peter Lorre”
DVD: Attached to “The Norton Interviews”, “Honeymooners Lost Radio Episodes” (Letter To The Boss & Love Letter), “New Featurettes” & “Scripts For Missing Episodes” (Alice’s Birthday, Easter Hats and on some DVD box sets: "Missing Pair of Pants" [some DVDs accidentally put the script for "Alice's Birthday" for "Missing Pair of Pants.").
This opens up with a very similar opening to the Jackie Gleason show with two Glea-like girls announcing the stars names (of course Peter Lorre is among them. Each time one is done speaking; a “monster’s” arm appears, puts their hand on them and takes them away, scaring them. After that, dancers are dancing around a cemetery. They knock on headstones which causes the dead bodies (female dancers) to sit up before they are told to drop dead which they do. I think you can tell they are putting a sheet over themselves like they are going to bed. Men in black clothing appear scaring the girls. They also knock on caskets which causes the dead to sit up and dance with them. Eventually the males kill the girls and take the girls resting places by the headstones. The audience applauds.
Peter Lorre comes on stage as the curtain falls down. Peter Lorre does his best Gleason impression and even says that his orchestra leader, Davy Gross is the flower of the musical world. The camera focuses on Davy as he bops his head like Ray Bloch. Peter asks for some traveling music as he walks around the set. The music? “Funeral March.” Ha! At the end of the stage, Peter says: “And away we go!” Peter comes back on stage and says: “Now, I am even with you Jackie Gleason. I now have the information.” On Jackie Gleason’s Honeybloopers Volume 1, there is a “blooper” in which Jackie has to improvise an entire monologue due to his show running long on time. During this time, he does his imitation of Peter Lorre in which he says: “You don’t have the information for me Mr. Miller. I am supposed to have the information.” Now, its time for the skit.
A gothic Alice Kramden named Malice Kramden is grinding meat. Malice (played by Audrey of course): “I must not grind this meat too much. Ralph likes it underground.” The apartment that is used looks nothing like the real Kramden apartment. Ralph (played by Peter Lorre) comes home. Ralph: “Hello Malice”. Malice: “Your lips are cold. Where have you been?” Ralph: “Driving a hearse.” Ralph says that the traffic was so bad, his passenger got up and walked.” Ralph hopes that Ed doesn’t bother him tonight. Cue Ed Norton (played by Red Skelton) coming down with a bowling ball in his hand. He wants Ralph to play bowling with him tonight. Ralph says no. Ed says that he can’t get his fingers out of the ball. It is so obvious that the ball being used is not a real bowling ball since I doubt that Red Skelton was able to fling a real bowling ball around like he did to that fake one in this sketch. Malice suggests head-shrinking fluid. Ed says that he will do it his own way which is throwing it like a bowling ball. The ball leaves his hand. The sound effects of a ball rolling down a bowling lane with pins falling down are heard. The camera even shakes a little bit. Alice says that they have “peasant under glass” for eating. Ralph doesn’t like that and says his “one of these days...POW! Right in the kisser.” Ed describes his day in the sewer. Ralph wonders if Trixie is home. So Ed checks by putting his head out the window and yells for Trixie. Trixie drops some silver things down which means to Ed that she is home. Ed: “She is probably coming down here now.” She does. A fat Trixie (who was one of the Glea-like girls) comes down and is angry at Ed who calls Trixie his fail BLUBBER. She chases Ed around the apartment with a rolling pin. Imagine doing this in yours neighbors house. They have an argument. Ed kept her waiting at home on their fourth anniversary. (Despite the fact that as far back as 1951, the Nortons were still married. This sketch was done in 1956.) Ed even says to Trixie: “Gee, what a grouch.” Ralph tries to make peace since it’s their anniversary. He is successful. Trixie asks for Ed to put his arms all away around her. Ed: “Let’s not make a federal case.” Ralph: “Aren’t they touching Malice? We should have a waltz.” Malice turns on the radio as the Nortons dance together. Ralph says that they have a surprise for them.
They sit the Nortons down so they can have the cake that the Kramdens baked. The cake says “RIP.” Ed: “Ralph, who is this guy Rip?” Ralph puts tall candles on the table and he and Malice give the Nortons a flower each. Ralph: “Four years ago, you two were buried.” Trixie: “Not buried. Married.” Ed: “He got it right the first time. Haha!” Trixie hits Ed with her flower. They are at odds again as they throw things at each other like they are on Jerry Springer (even throwing things that don’t belong to them. Imagine doing that at your neighbor’s house.) Ed even throws the cake at Trixie. This is easily the most gothic Honeymooners sketch of all time. Since no airdate is given, I wonder if this was filmed right around Halloween.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.