Frank Gannucci
04-27-2018, 08:16 AM
Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "Catch A Star" & "My Fair Landlord":
Episode #155 (Syndicated episode #75)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Quiz Show” (‘53.) On some tapes, it’s attached to “Quiz Show” (‘53), “Songwriters” & “Double Anniversary Party.”
DVD: Attached to “Songwriters” & “Battle of The Sexes.” On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “”Expectant Dad”, “Goodnight Sweet Prince”, “Two-Family Car”, “Love Letter” (’56), “Finders Keepers” & “My Fair Landlord.”
Air Date: Sat. 12/15/56
"Catch A Star":
At the Raccoon Lodge, Ralph is playing cards with some Raccoons. Ed suggests playing "Knuckle-Knuckle." He explains the rules and Ralph is not impressed. The same thing happened in the episode entitled "The Hypnotist." The Raccoon meeting starts. Ed reads the minutes of the last meeting. Ed: "8:30pm, the Raccoon meeting was called to order and the president said he had very important matters to discuss. 8:31pm, one of the members said there was going to give free beer at the end of the meeting. 8:31:30pm, meeting adjourned." Gee, some meeting huh? By the way, I forgot what person said they offered free beer at the last Raccoon meeting. Anyway, the Raccoon annual dance gets announced but no one sold any tickets. One of them members said that one person said that their dances are too dull. Another person suggested that they get a big TV star to get tickets. One member suggested a guy who sells storm windows on TV. Ed suggests Zeppo Marx. Ralph says to Ed that if the Marx brothers need another brother, Ed would be Nutso. The Raccoon also say that they don't have enough money to get a TV star to come to the dance with them. Ed has an idea to solve that problem. His idea: Hold a dance. Ralph and everybody else think that that idea is stupid. Ed then says that Ralph Kramden knows a big TV star named Jackie Gleason. Ed & someone else say that Ralph brags about him. The Raccoon president says that with Jackie as the guest, they would have the most successful dance ever. The meeting is adjourned. Ralph is mad at Ed for spilling the beans. Ed: "You told me that you and Jackie are very close." Ralph: "Norton, with you as my friend, I will never need any enemies." They leave.
When you watch this episode on TV, this will be the first scene that you will see. At home, Ralph is alone in the kitchen and calls Ed a nut. Alice: "Why don't you tell the Raccoons the truth that you don't even know Jackie Gleason?" Ralph disagrees with that suggestion. Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Raccoons were this excited?" Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee." Ha! Ralph comes to his senses and goes down to the lodge to tell the truth. Ed comes in with the news that since word leaked out that Jackie Gleason was coming to the dance, 1,000 tickets were sold. Ralph says he can't go down to the lodge now. Ed: "If you told me anything, I will still be your friend Ralph." Ralph tells Ed the truth. He doesn't know Jackie Gleason. Ed: "You dirty rat." Ralph says that he did see him once and saved his life. How did he save his life? Jackie was going to walk across the street near a traffic light. Ralph saw him and stopped for the traffic light's red light. Ralph: "If I gone through the light, I might have hit him. I saved his life." Ed: "You didn't save his life, you saved your bus." Ralph: "He is a fat tub of lard." Ha ha ha! Ralph talks about how they are going to get him to come to the dance. Ralph: "You know what a guy like him gets a night, $100. I know he isn't worth that much money but that is what he gets." Gee, $100. That pales in comparison to the salaries that today's TV stars get. Ralph & Ed think of a plan. Ralph: "Suppose I don't get Gleason to come. Suppose I get someone just as exciting." Ed: "If you don't get Gleason, there will be an event just as exciting. The Hanging of Ralph Kramden." They will go down to the hotel where Gleason rehearses for his show and ask him to come and say it's for charity. In real life, of course Jackie rarely rehearsed for his shows. Alice: "What charity is this?" Ed: "Well, see we need a new pool table and when we get the money, we will give the pool table to a bunch of people if they have enough money for it." Alice: "My, you guys do a lot of good work." Ed: "We try. We try." Alice thinks that Ralph is crazy, but Ralph says they need to take this chance. Ralph: "Where would we all be if Christopher Columbus hadn't taken the chance and sailed for America?" Alice: "We would be in Italy and you would be telling everyone that you knew Gina Lolobrigida." Ralph: "Just for that remark, even if I bring Gleason to the dance, you are not coming." Ed: "You won't be invited to the hanging either." Ralph kicks Ed out.
At the hotel, Jackie (as himself) arrives and goes into a phone booth. During their lunch hour, Ralph & Ed arrive. Ralph: "Do you have a person to call to tell that you are going to be late?" Ed: "Who am I going to call? I will just write a note, put it in a bottle and slip it down a manhole." Ralph & Ed decide that they are going to wait for Jackie Gleason since they can't go up to his hotel room. Ed: "With the way that Gleason is built it is hard to tell whether he's coming or going." Ralph calls the bus company. He goes into the phone booth to call. Immediately, Jackie Gleason pops out of the other phone booth that is connected to the other one. Ed doesn't see him. Ralph comes out. Audrey Meadows (as herself) arrives with her dog and it doesn't occur to Ralph & Ed that Audrey looks and sounds EXACTLY like Alice. Ed looks at Audrey and says that she looks good. Women from outside the hotel scream. A person comes in and says that those girls are murder and that they won't leave a guy alone. The audience claps. That person was Ray Bloch. It doesn't occur to Ray that Ralph & Ed look EXACTLY like Jackie Gleason & Art Carney. Ed decides that he wants to go upstairs and wash up. He says to the elevator operator: "Follow that cable." Soon, Art Carney (as himself) comes in and is mesmerized. Ralph (yells): "YOU'RE ART CARNEY! YOU'RE ART CARNEY!" It doesn't occur to Ralph that Art looks EXACTLY like Ed Norton. Ralph asks Art for his autograph. Art obliges and goes back upstairs. Ed Norton comes down and Ralph tells him that he met Art Carney. Ed: "You know some people say that Jackie Gleason is a riot but if you ask me, that Art Carney is the whole show." The audience claps as Ed said that that might have been Elvis and the girls tore most of his hair off. Ha! Ralph argues with Ed over who's funnier, Jackie or Art. Ralph asks the manager of the hotel: "Pardon me sir, but on the Jackie Gleason Show, who's funnier, Jackie Gleason or Art Carney?" Hotel Manager: "I can't say. I watch Perry Como." On The Honeymooners Reunion Special in the 80s, Jackie Gleason showed this clip and said that he and Art always got along well except during this episode. I don't know if Jackie was joking when he said that or not. A delivery boy comes in and has a delivery for Jackie but Ralph takes the delivery upstairs and pays the kid a dollar. Boy: "Jackie never gave me this much." Ralph goes to see him. But, Jackie (as himself) comes down and Ed Norton is so mesmerized by his appearance. Ed: "It is a pleasure for me to look at you in the flesh and there's so much of it." It doesn't occur to Ed that Jackie looks EXACTLY like Ralph Kramden and sounds like him too. Jackie (to the hotel manager): "Whatever he (Ed) is drinking, give me a case of it." Jackie leaves. Ralph comes down and Ed said that he saw Gleason but never asked him to come to the dance and that he left. Ralph is upset. Joyce Randolph comes in and it doesn't occur to Ralph & Ed that she looks exactly like Trixie. Ed: "Have I seen you before?" Joyce: "I don't believe so." Ed: "Have you ever worked in the sewer?" Ralph & Ed leave.
At the Raccoon dance, Ed says that this reminds him of his high school prom (the last dance he took Trixie to.) Ralph is upset because he thinks that Jackie isn't coming and that he will be killed. Alice asks him to take their coats. Ralph reluctantly does so. Alice has a plan. Jackie Gleason arrives (as himself) and it doesn't occur to everyone else that Jackie looks EXACTLY like Ralph. Alice had convinced him to come using a homemade anchovy pizza and a note explaining Ralph's situation. Jackie goes in to warm up the crowd. Ralph comes out and is happy to hear Jackie warming up the crowd. Obviously during this scene, Jackie's voice was on a tape recorder. With that, the dance begins on a happy note.
Time for the curtain call that is exclusive only on the DVD Box set. Jackie comes out. He says that it was hard work for the entire cast (as well as Ray Bloch, I assume) because they had to each play dual roles. He introduces the main cast one by one just like in the Color Honeymooners only except that they each stay on the stage until all three have been introduced. Jackie: “They are a good and faithful group.” Stanley Poss (off-camera) gives Jackie the signal that he has a minute and a half left. Jackie, in response, says: “You know what this is like? Sitting on a hot stove for three hours. A minute and a half is nothing. I can do it in a snap.” Jackie pauses for a few seconds to give the impression that he can’t think of anything else to say. Stanley Poss (off-camera) gives Jack the signal that he has one minute left and CBS has to air Christmas shows after. (This episode was shown on 12/15/56.) Jackie says to Stanley instead of mouthing the words “Christmas shows” like Stanley did, he gets him to say the words. Jackie: “Oh, your mother’s happy.” Jackie says that next week that they are going to repeat on of their Christmas shows and it is the one where the Poor Soul goes to Fantasy Land and runs into some very unusual happenings. Jackie: “Now, I have 30 seconds left. Funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater tonight…I was singing the song RUDY the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Imagine a reindeer being an alcoholic.” The audience laughs. Jackie: “I should have said that during the monologue. A minute and a half is nothing for me to kill. Good night everybody.” Jackie leaves the stage.
My thoughts: This is the episode where the viewer has to suspend disbelief the most. Another thing, when this episode is (or was) shown on TV, two of the parts that are edited are when Audrey makes an appearance as herself and when Ray Bloch made a cameo leaving the viewer to believe that only Jackie, Art & Audrey made cameos.
Episode #156 (Syndicated episode #80)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Income Tax."
DVD: Attached to "The Cold", "Halloween Party", "Lost Job" & "Ralph's Sweet Tooth." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Expectant Dad”, “Goodnight Sweet Prince”, “Two-Family Car”, “Love Letter” (’56), “Finders Keepers” & “Catch A Star.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/19/57
"My Fair Landlord":
One morning, Alice is trying to make breakfast and asks Ralph if he wants bacon or sausage. Ralph wants both. Ralph is late for work. The water isn't on so Alice yells to Mr. Olsen out the window in a nice way explaining that the water isn't on. Mr. Olsen yells in a nice way that he had to turn off the water so he can work on the boiler. Ralph gets informed of the situation, gets further aggravated when he finds out that they have no gas for the stove and yells out the window to Mr. Olsen: "HEY STUPID!" Yeah, Ralph isn't embarrassing Mr. Olsen at all (note the sarcasm). Ed (from upstairs, yells): "WHAT DO YOU WANT RALPH?" Ralph says that he is talking to Mr. Olsen about the lack of water and gas. Ralph yells in typical Ralph fashion to Mr. Olsen and complains. Mr. Olsen says that he is not making any improvements unless he gets a raise from the landlord. Mr. Olsen (yells to Ralph): "IF YOU WANT ANY IMPROVEMENTS, TAKE IT UP WITH THE LANDLORD." Ralph (yells): "YOU TAKE IT UP WITH THE LANDLORD AND TELL HIM THIS, IF THERE ANY IMPROVEMENTS MADE AROUND HERE, I AM LEAVING." Mr. Olsen (yells): "GO AHEAD AND LEAVE. THAT WILL BE AN IMPROVEMENT RIGHT THERE." Ed laughs and Ralph tells him to shut up. Ralph wants to leave the building and get a home. Ralph says that they need money for the house, just a small down payment. Ralph looks in the paper and sees a two-family home in Flushing. Didn't he just say earlier that he is late for work? The Kramdens would be the landlords and Ralph figures he would have the Nortons as tenants. Ralph: "I know his faults and if I had any, he would know them." Basically, Ralph said that he is perfect. Alice says for Ralph to think about it. Ralph leaves but runs into Mr. Olsen and says for him to do some actual work and not read comic books. Ralph leaves. Mr. Olsen is insulted. He does plenty of work and last night he was up until midnight waxing the stairs. Ralph (falling down the stairs, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ralph comes back in. Ralph (to Mr. Olsen): "So you had to wax the stairs, huh?" Ralph is convinced. They are moving out. Ralph yells out the window to Ed, but the window comes down on his head. That was not supposed to happen.
At the new broken-down home in Flushing, Alice is having a hard time scrubbing the floor. Trixie comes in. They complain about the new home. Trixie: "A Buckingham Palace it isn’t." Ralph comes in. He seems to be happy in his new home. He asks Trixie what she thinks of her new home. Trixie: "When we moved, I was afraid that I would get lonesome and miss the old place but this is as big a dump as that one was." She leaves. Ed Norton comes in and he is happy about his new home. Alice expresses her displeasure about the new home. Ralph says that she has been driving her nuts. Ralph: "It's been argue, argue, argue." Ed: "You got along so good in the other place." Ed says that the cellar is flooded. Ralph is upset. Ed: "Either it's flooded or you got yourself a new swimming pool." Ralph says that tomorrow night; he will get a pump and pump the cellar dry before Alice finds out. Ed says that he was hoping that Ralph would come over to his house and repair the things that needed to be repaired (like the bathroom sink, a few closet doors etc.) Ralph: "If you need anything to get fixed, fix it yourself." Ed says that since Ralph is the landlord, Ralph must fix it or he won't pay the rent. Ralph: "You sneak. What kind of sneak would think of doing something like that?" Ed: "I learned that from you. That is what you did for the landlord in the other place." Ralph reluctantly agrees to fix it but if it ends up more beautiful then his place, he and Ed are switching homes. Gee, Ralph is not nice. Ralph & Ed go over Ed's lease. One of the things is that Ed can't throw a party without Ralph because if he threw a party with Ralph, Ralph can't complain because he's a party of the first part. Ralph: "The landlord always gets the short end." It doesn't sound like Ralph is getting the worst of it here. Another thing in the lease is that it lasts for 99 years and there's a renew option. Ed: "Good because when I turn 142, I won't need to look for a place to live." After a few other things that Ed asks Ralph what they mean, Ed prepares to sign it but he does his usual warm-up. Ralph yells to Ed to sign the lease.
At dinner at Ed's new home, Trixie asks Ed to wash the dishes but Ed says that he is too tired because he worked all day. Ralph comes in with paint. He is going to fulfill Ed's request of painting the place. Ed asks him to do it when he is working because he can't stand the smell of paint. Ralph insists on doing it now. Ed wants a choice of colors. Ralph writes them down. Here's their conversation. Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want. Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?" Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that Technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea." Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?" Ed: "The door I haven't really thought too much about." Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything." Ed: "Good thinking. It should be delicate beige. Not a harsh beige, just a neutral delicate beige." Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and sauerkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate beige." Ed: "Yeah." Ralph (yells): "YOU'RE GETTING GREEN!" Ed: "Green is good." Ralph (yells): "IT WILL BE GREEN-GREEN!" Gee, what a nice landlord (note the sarcasm.) Ralph: "You can push me so far." Ed: "I can't push you at all. That is a job for a bulldozer." Ed sits down as Ralph paints...with his suit on? What kind of person paints with his suit on? Ed puts on a Mickey Mouse hat, turns on the TV and sings the Mickey Mouse song. This aggravates Ralph and he orders Ed to stop. Ed asks him to hurry up. Ralph hurries all right. He takes the paint cans and throws the paint onto the wall. Ed is upset and wants to leave, but Ralph won't let him because of his lease. (His rent is helping to pay Ralph's mortgage.) Ed: "Trixie, Ralph has a lot to learn about being a party of the first part."
At 3am, Ed wakes up Trixie and they start to make noise by their fire place (that is connected to the Kramden's fire place). They use noise-makers. Ed says to Trixie that they will build up the noise as they go. Oh boy! Ed (yells): "THE BRITISH ARE COMING. DOWN WITH THE LANDLORD." Ed throws a lit fire cracker up into Ralph's fire escape...and nothing happens. Ed: "It must have been a dud!" Ralph hears the noise and confronts Ed. Trixie goes back to sleep. Ed tries to make noise in Ralph's presence. Ralph claims that he loves the noise but by looking at him, you can tell that he hates the noise. Ralph then shows Ed how to make noise by taking a giant pan, hitting hit and yelling. A cop comes around and Ed tells him the whole situation. Ed also said that Ralph is the landlord and since he was trying to make noise to get evicted so Ralph came around and showed him how to make more noise. The cop understands but if he hears more noise, both Ralph & Ed will go to jail. Alice comes in and Ralph tells him that Ed wants to get evicted so badly that he is making noise. Ralph says that he is staying regardless. Alice asks them if they are going to continue this nonsense until one of them quits. Ralph says that is true. He leaves Ed's place and gets toasted from head to toe by one of Norton's giant firecrackers. With that, Ralph comes back in and kicks the Nortons out and just like that, the episode is over.
When I first saw this episode in 1997, I might have thought that this must have been the final episode since the Kramdens announce no plans to go back to their old apartment and that Ralph and Ed don't make up. It turns out that I was wrong.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
Episode #155 (Syndicated episode #75)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Quiz Show” (‘53.) On some tapes, it’s attached to “Quiz Show” (‘53), “Songwriters” & “Double Anniversary Party.”
DVD: Attached to “Songwriters” & “Battle of The Sexes.” On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “”Expectant Dad”, “Goodnight Sweet Prince”, “Two-Family Car”, “Love Letter” (’56), “Finders Keepers” & “My Fair Landlord.”
Air Date: Sat. 12/15/56
"Catch A Star":
At the Raccoon Lodge, Ralph is playing cards with some Raccoons. Ed suggests playing "Knuckle-Knuckle." He explains the rules and Ralph is not impressed. The same thing happened in the episode entitled "The Hypnotist." The Raccoon meeting starts. Ed reads the minutes of the last meeting. Ed: "8:30pm, the Raccoon meeting was called to order and the president said he had very important matters to discuss. 8:31pm, one of the members said there was going to give free beer at the end of the meeting. 8:31:30pm, meeting adjourned." Gee, some meeting huh? By the way, I forgot what person said they offered free beer at the last Raccoon meeting. Anyway, the Raccoon annual dance gets announced but no one sold any tickets. One of them members said that one person said that their dances are too dull. Another person suggested that they get a big TV star to get tickets. One member suggested a guy who sells storm windows on TV. Ed suggests Zeppo Marx. Ralph says to Ed that if the Marx brothers need another brother, Ed would be Nutso. The Raccoon also say that they don't have enough money to get a TV star to come to the dance with them. Ed has an idea to solve that problem. His idea: Hold a dance. Ralph and everybody else think that that idea is stupid. Ed then says that Ralph Kramden knows a big TV star named Jackie Gleason. Ed & someone else say that Ralph brags about him. The Raccoon president says that with Jackie as the guest, they would have the most successful dance ever. The meeting is adjourned. Ralph is mad at Ed for spilling the beans. Ed: "You told me that you and Jackie are very close." Ralph: "Norton, with you as my friend, I will never need any enemies." They leave.
When you watch this episode on TV, this will be the first scene that you will see. At home, Ralph is alone in the kitchen and calls Ed a nut. Alice: "Why don't you tell the Raccoons the truth that you don't even know Jackie Gleason?" Ralph disagrees with that suggestion. Ralph: "Do you remember the last time that the Raccoons were this excited?" Alice: "Yeah, the time that you told them that you knew Rudy Valee." Ha! Ralph comes to his senses and goes down to the lodge to tell the truth. Ed comes in with the news that since word leaked out that Jackie Gleason was coming to the dance, 1,000 tickets were sold. Ralph says he can't go down to the lodge now. Ed: "If you told me anything, I will still be your friend Ralph." Ralph tells Ed the truth. He doesn't know Jackie Gleason. Ed: "You dirty rat." Ralph says that he did see him once and saved his life. How did he save his life? Jackie was going to walk across the street near a traffic light. Ralph saw him and stopped for the traffic light's red light. Ralph: "If I gone through the light, I might have hit him. I saved his life." Ed: "You didn't save his life, you saved your bus." Ralph: "He is a fat tub of lard." Ha ha ha! Ralph talks about how they are going to get him to come to the dance. Ralph: "You know what a guy like him gets a night, $100. I know he isn't worth that much money but that is what he gets." Gee, $100. That pales in comparison to the salaries that today's TV stars get. Ralph & Ed think of a plan. Ralph: "Suppose I don't get Gleason to come. Suppose I get someone just as exciting." Ed: "If you don't get Gleason, there will be an event just as exciting. The Hanging of Ralph Kramden." They will go down to the hotel where Gleason rehearses for his show and ask him to come and say it's for charity. In real life, of course Jackie rarely rehearsed for his shows. Alice: "What charity is this?" Ed: "Well, see we need a new pool table and when we get the money, we will give the pool table to a bunch of people if they have enough money for it." Alice: "My, you guys do a lot of good work." Ed: "We try. We try." Alice thinks that Ralph is crazy, but Ralph says they need to take this chance. Ralph: "Where would we all be if Christopher Columbus hadn't taken the chance and sailed for America?" Alice: "We would be in Italy and you would be telling everyone that you knew Gina Lolobrigida." Ralph: "Just for that remark, even if I bring Gleason to the dance, you are not coming." Ed: "You won't be invited to the hanging either." Ralph kicks Ed out.
At the hotel, Jackie (as himself) arrives and goes into a phone booth. During their lunch hour, Ralph & Ed arrive. Ralph: "Do you have a person to call to tell that you are going to be late?" Ed: "Who am I going to call? I will just write a note, put it in a bottle and slip it down a manhole." Ralph & Ed decide that they are going to wait for Jackie Gleason since they can't go up to his hotel room. Ed: "With the way that Gleason is built it is hard to tell whether he's coming or going." Ralph calls the bus company. He goes into the phone booth to call. Immediately, Jackie Gleason pops out of the other phone booth that is connected to the other one. Ed doesn't see him. Ralph comes out. Audrey Meadows (as herself) arrives with her dog and it doesn't occur to Ralph & Ed that Audrey looks and sounds EXACTLY like Alice. Ed looks at Audrey and says that she looks good. Women from outside the hotel scream. A person comes in and says that those girls are murder and that they won't leave a guy alone. The audience claps. That person was Ray Bloch. It doesn't occur to Ray that Ralph & Ed look EXACTLY like Jackie Gleason & Art Carney. Ed decides that he wants to go upstairs and wash up. He says to the elevator operator: "Follow that cable." Soon, Art Carney (as himself) comes in and is mesmerized. Ralph (yells): "YOU'RE ART CARNEY! YOU'RE ART CARNEY!" It doesn't occur to Ralph that Art looks EXACTLY like Ed Norton. Ralph asks Art for his autograph. Art obliges and goes back upstairs. Ed Norton comes down and Ralph tells him that he met Art Carney. Ed: "You know some people say that Jackie Gleason is a riot but if you ask me, that Art Carney is the whole show." The audience claps as Ed said that that might have been Elvis and the girls tore most of his hair off. Ha! Ralph argues with Ed over who's funnier, Jackie or Art. Ralph asks the manager of the hotel: "Pardon me sir, but on the Jackie Gleason Show, who's funnier, Jackie Gleason or Art Carney?" Hotel Manager: "I can't say. I watch Perry Como." On The Honeymooners Reunion Special in the 80s, Jackie Gleason showed this clip and said that he and Art always got along well except during this episode. I don't know if Jackie was joking when he said that or not. A delivery boy comes in and has a delivery for Jackie but Ralph takes the delivery upstairs and pays the kid a dollar. Boy: "Jackie never gave me this much." Ralph goes to see him. But, Jackie (as himself) comes down and Ed Norton is so mesmerized by his appearance. Ed: "It is a pleasure for me to look at you in the flesh and there's so much of it." It doesn't occur to Ed that Jackie looks EXACTLY like Ralph Kramden and sounds like him too. Jackie (to the hotel manager): "Whatever he (Ed) is drinking, give me a case of it." Jackie leaves. Ralph comes down and Ed said that he saw Gleason but never asked him to come to the dance and that he left. Ralph is upset. Joyce Randolph comes in and it doesn't occur to Ralph & Ed that she looks exactly like Trixie. Ed: "Have I seen you before?" Joyce: "I don't believe so." Ed: "Have you ever worked in the sewer?" Ralph & Ed leave.
At the Raccoon dance, Ed says that this reminds him of his high school prom (the last dance he took Trixie to.) Ralph is upset because he thinks that Jackie isn't coming and that he will be killed. Alice asks him to take their coats. Ralph reluctantly does so. Alice has a plan. Jackie Gleason arrives (as himself) and it doesn't occur to everyone else that Jackie looks EXACTLY like Ralph. Alice had convinced him to come using a homemade anchovy pizza and a note explaining Ralph's situation. Jackie goes in to warm up the crowd. Ralph comes out and is happy to hear Jackie warming up the crowd. Obviously during this scene, Jackie's voice was on a tape recorder. With that, the dance begins on a happy note.
Time for the curtain call that is exclusive only on the DVD Box set. Jackie comes out. He says that it was hard work for the entire cast (as well as Ray Bloch, I assume) because they had to each play dual roles. He introduces the main cast one by one just like in the Color Honeymooners only except that they each stay on the stage until all three have been introduced. Jackie: “They are a good and faithful group.” Stanley Poss (off-camera) gives Jackie the signal that he has a minute and a half left. Jackie, in response, says: “You know what this is like? Sitting on a hot stove for three hours. A minute and a half is nothing. I can do it in a snap.” Jackie pauses for a few seconds to give the impression that he can’t think of anything else to say. Stanley Poss (off-camera) gives Jack the signal that he has one minute left and CBS has to air Christmas shows after. (This episode was shown on 12/15/56.) Jackie says to Stanley instead of mouthing the words “Christmas shows” like Stanley did, he gets him to say the words. Jackie: “Oh, your mother’s happy.” Jackie says that next week that they are going to repeat on of their Christmas shows and it is the one where the Poor Soul goes to Fantasy Land and runs into some very unusual happenings. Jackie: “Now, I have 30 seconds left. Funny thing happened to me on the way to the theater tonight…I was singing the song RUDY the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Imagine a reindeer being an alcoholic.” The audience laughs. Jackie: “I should have said that during the monologue. A minute and a half is nothing for me to kill. Good night everybody.” Jackie leaves the stage.
My thoughts: This is the episode where the viewer has to suspend disbelief the most. Another thing, when this episode is (or was) shown on TV, two of the parts that are edited are when Audrey makes an appearance as herself and when Ray Bloch made a cameo leaving the viewer to believe that only Jackie, Art & Audrey made cameos.
Episode #156 (Syndicated episode #80)
TV: Half-hour.
VCR: Attached to "Income Tax."
DVD: Attached to "The Cold", "Halloween Party", "Lost Job" & "Ralph's Sweet Tooth." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to “Expectant Dad”, “Goodnight Sweet Prince”, “Two-Family Car”, “Love Letter” (’56), “Finders Keepers” & “Catch A Star.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/19/57
"My Fair Landlord":
One morning, Alice is trying to make breakfast and asks Ralph if he wants bacon or sausage. Ralph wants both. Ralph is late for work. The water isn't on so Alice yells to Mr. Olsen out the window in a nice way explaining that the water isn't on. Mr. Olsen yells in a nice way that he had to turn off the water so he can work on the boiler. Ralph gets informed of the situation, gets further aggravated when he finds out that they have no gas for the stove and yells out the window to Mr. Olsen: "HEY STUPID!" Yeah, Ralph isn't embarrassing Mr. Olsen at all (note the sarcasm). Ed (from upstairs, yells): "WHAT DO YOU WANT RALPH?" Ralph says that he is talking to Mr. Olsen about the lack of water and gas. Ralph yells in typical Ralph fashion to Mr. Olsen and complains. Mr. Olsen says that he is not making any improvements unless he gets a raise from the landlord. Mr. Olsen (yells to Ralph): "IF YOU WANT ANY IMPROVEMENTS, TAKE IT UP WITH THE LANDLORD." Ralph (yells): "YOU TAKE IT UP WITH THE LANDLORD AND TELL HIM THIS, IF THERE ANY IMPROVEMENTS MADE AROUND HERE, I AM LEAVING." Mr. Olsen (yells): "GO AHEAD AND LEAVE. THAT WILL BE AN IMPROVEMENT RIGHT THERE." Ed laughs and Ralph tells him to shut up. Ralph wants to leave the building and get a home. Ralph says that they need money for the house, just a small down payment. Ralph looks in the paper and sees a two-family home in Flushing. Didn't he just say earlier that he is late for work? The Kramdens would be the landlords and Ralph figures he would have the Nortons as tenants. Ralph: "I know his faults and if I had any, he would know them." Basically, Ralph said that he is perfect. Alice says for Ralph to think about it. Ralph leaves but runs into Mr. Olsen and says for him to do some actual work and not read comic books. Ralph leaves. Mr. Olsen is insulted. He does plenty of work and last night he was up until midnight waxing the stairs. Ralph (falling down the stairs, yells): "DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Ralph comes back in. Ralph (to Mr. Olsen): "So you had to wax the stairs, huh?" Ralph is convinced. They are moving out. Ralph yells out the window to Ed, but the window comes down on his head. That was not supposed to happen.
At the new broken-down home in Flushing, Alice is having a hard time scrubbing the floor. Trixie comes in. They complain about the new home. Trixie: "A Buckingham Palace it isn’t." Ralph comes in. He seems to be happy in his new home. He asks Trixie what she thinks of her new home. Trixie: "When we moved, I was afraid that I would get lonesome and miss the old place but this is as big a dump as that one was." She leaves. Ed Norton comes in and he is happy about his new home. Alice expresses her displeasure about the new home. Ralph says that she has been driving her nuts. Ralph: "It's been argue, argue, argue." Ed: "You got along so good in the other place." Ed says that the cellar is flooded. Ralph is upset. Ed: "Either it's flooded or you got yourself a new swimming pool." Ralph says that tomorrow night; he will get a pump and pump the cellar dry before Alice finds out. Ed says that he was hoping that Ralph would come over to his house and repair the things that needed to be repaired (like the bathroom sink, a few closet doors etc.) Ralph: "If you need anything to get fixed, fix it yourself." Ed says that since Ralph is the landlord, Ralph must fix it or he won't pay the rent. Ralph: "You sneak. What kind of sneak would think of doing something like that?" Ed: "I learned that from you. That is what you did for the landlord in the other place." Ralph reluctantly agrees to fix it but if it ends up more beautiful then his place, he and Ed are switching homes. Gee, Ralph is not nice. Ralph & Ed go over Ed's lease. One of the things is that Ed can't throw a party without Ralph because if he threw a party with Ralph, Ralph can't complain because he's a party of the first part. Ralph: "The landlord always gets the short end." It doesn't sound like Ralph is getting the worst of it here. Another thing in the lease is that it lasts for 99 years and there's a renew option. Ed: "Good because when I turn 142, I won't need to look for a place to live." After a few other things that Ed asks Ralph what they mean, Ed prepares to sign it but he does his usual warm-up. Ralph yells to Ed to sign the lease.
At dinner at Ed's new home, Trixie asks Ed to wash the dishes but Ed says that he is too tired because he worked all day. Ralph comes in with paint. He is going to fulfill Ed's request of painting the place. Ed asks him to do it when he is working because he can't stand the smell of paint. Ralph insists on doing it now. Ed wants a choice of colors. Ralph writes them down. Here's their conversation. Ed: "I want the walls to be brown. Not as dark as a hazel-nut brown. Not as brown as morbid milk brown. There's a certain way that the sun at Coney Island has a way of striking the hot dog's mustard which reflects off the hot dog through the sauerkraut. That's the kind of brown that I want. Ralph: "What about the moldings and window frames?" Ed: "I sort of visualize them as a misty gray. Did you see that Technicolor movie with Ricardo Cortez? I want the grey from his eyes. Not the iris part of his eyes, but the cornea." Ralph: "That kind of grey huh? What about the door?" Ed: "The door I haven't really thought too much about." Ralph: "I think it should be something neutral so it doesn't clash with anything." Ed: "Good thinking. It should be delicate beige. Not a harsh beige, just a neutral delicate beige." Ralph: "Let me see if I got all this right. You want the walls to be a brown like the sun striking through the mustard and sauerkraut on a hot dog. You want the moldings and window frames to be the gray of Robert Cortez's eyes. Not the iris, but the cornea and you want the door to be a nice delicate beige." Ed: "Yeah." Ralph (yells): "YOU'RE GETTING GREEN!" Ed: "Green is good." Ralph (yells): "IT WILL BE GREEN-GREEN!" Gee, what a nice landlord (note the sarcasm.) Ralph: "You can push me so far." Ed: "I can't push you at all. That is a job for a bulldozer." Ed sits down as Ralph paints...with his suit on? What kind of person paints with his suit on? Ed puts on a Mickey Mouse hat, turns on the TV and sings the Mickey Mouse song. This aggravates Ralph and he orders Ed to stop. Ed asks him to hurry up. Ralph hurries all right. He takes the paint cans and throws the paint onto the wall. Ed is upset and wants to leave, but Ralph won't let him because of his lease. (His rent is helping to pay Ralph's mortgage.) Ed: "Trixie, Ralph has a lot to learn about being a party of the first part."
At 3am, Ed wakes up Trixie and they start to make noise by their fire place (that is connected to the Kramden's fire place). They use noise-makers. Ed says to Trixie that they will build up the noise as they go. Oh boy! Ed (yells): "THE BRITISH ARE COMING. DOWN WITH THE LANDLORD." Ed throws a lit fire cracker up into Ralph's fire escape...and nothing happens. Ed: "It must have been a dud!" Ralph hears the noise and confronts Ed. Trixie goes back to sleep. Ed tries to make noise in Ralph's presence. Ralph claims that he loves the noise but by looking at him, you can tell that he hates the noise. Ralph then shows Ed how to make noise by taking a giant pan, hitting hit and yelling. A cop comes around and Ed tells him the whole situation. Ed also said that Ralph is the landlord and since he was trying to make noise to get evicted so Ralph came around and showed him how to make more noise. The cop understands but if he hears more noise, both Ralph & Ed will go to jail. Alice comes in and Ralph tells him that Ed wants to get evicted so badly that he is making noise. Ralph says that he is staying regardless. Alice asks them if they are going to continue this nonsense until one of them quits. Ralph says that is true. He leaves Ed's place and gets toasted from head to toe by one of Norton's giant firecrackers. With that, Ralph comes back in and kicks the Nortons out and just like that, the episode is over.
When I first saw this episode in 1997, I might have thought that this must have been the final episode since the Kramdens announce no plans to go back to their old apartment and that Ralph and Ed don't make up. It turns out that I was wrong.
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.