It'd be fun to chronicle all of Eddie's funny lines--add to this thread as we go along, if you'd like:

(Eddie The Businessman)

(As he enters the boys' room) "Relax, it's only me. You can stop pretendin' you're doin' your homework."

(Tell It To Ella)

(To Beaver, of course, as he's looking in the paper for a current event, again): "Whatcha doin', readin', or just lookin' at the the pictures?"

"Hey, I hear they gotcha in solitary confinement. What'ja do, spill jam on your bib again?"

Here's one from Don Juan Beaver. "What's the matter, junior. You get drummed out of the Mouseketeers?"

(Bachelor at Large)

(to Beaver)

"I've always been my own boss, squirt. Somebody throw a blanket over the kid or somethin'."

"Who left your cage open?"

"Hey, creep, you got a visa to come into my neighborhood?"

(to Wally and Lumpy, kind of singing)

Come ona my house

My house a come on

I'm a gonna give you candy.

(Bachelor at Large)





(to Wally and Lumpy, kind of singing)

Come ona my house

My house a come on

I'm a gonna give you candy.

Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give a you
Apple a plum and apricot-a too eh

Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house I'm gonna give a you
Figs and dates and grapes and cakes eh

Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you candy
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you everything

Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you Christmas tree
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you
Marriage ring and a pomegranate too ah

Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house I'm gonna give a you
Peach and pear and I love your hair ah

Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house a come on
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you Easter egg
Come on-a my house, my house, I'm gonna give you
Everything, everything, everything

Come on-a my house-a
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mriXncI96lw

From Beaver’s Typewriter: Eddie walks in as Gilbert and Beaver are at the typewriter.

“What are you two doing forming an ignorance club.”

Gilbert tells Beaver not to make any deals with Eddie. Eddie says “Who are you the Better Business Bureau?”

Silent Treatment: “Hasn’t your mother heard about the child labor laws. That stuff went out with Oliver Twist.”

Beaver Sees America: “Who’s gonna blow my wittle nose and tuck me into bed at night? You play your cards right and you’ll make Oliver Twist look like an amateur.”

My favorite: “Hey if it can happen to Fabian it can happen to anyone.”

(Beaver, the Sheep Dog)

(Eddie's shots at Beaver, after he came in to the boys' room. Later in the scene he gives Beaver the insults for Shirley):

(to Wally): Wassa matter with Chicken Little?

(to Beaver): Whadaya mopin' about, Junior?

(Beaver briefly explains)

(to Beaver): Aw, come on. Did Papa send ya to your room without your supper because ya spilled your pabulum?

(to Wally): Wassa matter with his hair? That's the way they're wearin' it this year (pause) down at the dog pound.

Eddie really had the best lines next to Ward.

(More Blessed to Give)

(to Gilbert)

You stay out of this, hydrant head.

Eddie, after seeing the suave vest in the window, plans to buy it with the $15. Looks in his wallet.
Eddie: Yeah I’ll have enough for a baseball bat.
Lumpy: What do you need with a baseball bat?
Eddie: You don’t think I’m gonna wear that around the women without some sort of protection do you? Not verbatim

(The Credit Card)
(About Beaver)

Junior here is the only kid in the eighth grade that still rides a tricycle.

Edward Haskell was a lifesaver in season 6. Watching Beaver and Wally in their room in Beaver Sees America with their boring, staged chatter about Beaver not able to tell his parents he doesn’t want to go, we see Eddie enter the room and it means we’re in store for some good laughs.