A Honeymooners Income Tax Day:

(Ralph & Ed are watching TV in the Kramden apartment. It is April 12. Alice comes out.)

Alice: "Ralph, what is with these unfilled taxes? It is April 12."

Ralph: "Relax Alice. They will get done. I got five days to do them."

Ed: "We got plenty of time Alice."

Alice: "Ralph, you said that two nights ago, you would do them the following day and you haven't done them."

Ralph: "Alice, I am too tired to go to H&R Block to do them."

Ed: "We got plenty of time to get them done Alice. Right now, we are busy watching the Yankees beat the Miami Marlins in Miami."

Ralph: "They are experiencing first hand how the Miami crowds are the BEST."

(Crowd cheers.)

Alice: "Ooooh, what procrastinators you two are. You will pay for being procrastinators."

(On April 16, Ralph is looking around all nervous looking for his taxes.)

Ralph: "Why does this always happen to me? Here it is 9p and the tax office will close in three hours."

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "NORTON! NORTON! COME ON DOWN!"

(Ed comes on down.)

Ed: "Whaddaya say Ralph?"

Ralph: "I can't find my taxes. Here it is 9p and the tax office will close in three hours."

Ed: "Relax. Maybe your taxes got stolen. If they did, the IRS can't blame you."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "Norton, when you die, you should give away your brain to a college so they can use it for a BASKETBALL."

Ed: "Hey, if the IRS finds out that you didn't get your taxes done, they aren't going to kill you."

Ralph: "They won't?"

Ed: "They won't do you any harm."

Ralph: "Good."

Ed: "The worst thing they can possibly do to you is send you to the Federal Pen."

Ralph (yells): "WHAT ARE YOU SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT FOR? HELP ME SEARCH FOR THESE."

(It is 11:30p. They still haven't found the taxes.)

Ralph: "Alice will kill me if she finds about this. She & Trixie went to see a movie tonight. Don't tell anyone about this including Alice."

Ed: "If she doesn't kill you, the IRS might."

(Ralph slams his hand on the table in anger.)

(Alice comes in.)

Alice: "Hiya Ralph & Ed."

Ralph: "Alice, I can't find the taxes."

(Ed gulps loudly.)

Ralph (yells): "ARE YOU FINISHED ALICE? ARE YOU FINISHED WITH THE 'IF-YOU-HAVE-ONLY-DID-WHAT-I-TOLD-YOU-SOS.' ARE YOU DONE WITH THOSE?"

Alice: "Ralph, I got our taxes done all ready. I got them done on April 13. I decided not to tell you to teach you a lesson not to wait until the last minute to do things."

(Ralph is all relieved.)

Ralph: "Wow. I was about ready to have a heart attack."

Ed: "With your weight, I am surprised that you didn't. At least, I got my taxes done on that day too."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GET OUT! GEEEEEET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

Ralph: "Baby, I am sorry for procrastinating. I learned my lesson. Baby, your the greatest."

(They hug and kiss.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.).