(Ralph & Ed enter Joe The Bartender's bar.)

Ralph: "What a bad game. Those Devils got struck by the Lightning."

(Ed blows his nose.)

Ed: "Bad game Ralph."

Joe The Bartender (off-camera via voice over because it is Jackie Gleason in a dual role): "What will be gentlemen?"

Ed: "I would like to have a malt to drown our sorrows."

Joe (off-camera): "Bad game huh? Those Devils got destroyed. You know that Mr. Dunahey is a Devils fan. I think I see him all upset."

Ralph: "He sounds like us."

Ed: "You are a fan of the Devils Joe?"

Joe (off-camera): "Yes. I like the NY hockey teams."

Ralph: "You are just like me Joe."

Ed: "That's true. You two are built the same, sound the same and even look the same. Maybe you were separated at birth."

Ralph: "That is the STUPIDEST thing I ever heard off."

Ed: "Well we all know that the Lightning won't strike twice this year."

Ralph: "You are right Norton."

Ed: "It may strike FOUR times."

Ralph (yells): "I WILL PAY FOR YOUR DRINK NORTON. DO YOU KNOW WHY?GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE."

(Crowd cheers.)

https://selfdefinition.org/christian/images/Guggenheim-Gleason-2.jpg

Hey Craze, how ya doin'?

Just great Joe. The shmevils got their asses kicked tonight.

What would you expect Craze? The shmevils suck. Plus, NY only has one real hockey team. The utters don't belong here.

Do you know any shmevils fans Joe?

'Course not Craze. No *****der fans either. Every real hockey fan knows the Rangers are New York's team

But how did the shmevils make the playoffs when they suck Joe?

Accidents do happen. Sing us a song Craze!

KPf6Ed-XoXg

(Ralph & Ed just are at Dick's Sporting Goods..)

Ralph: "Norton, when the Devils come back to the area to take the next three games, we have to be there to show our support. Now, we should get some nice Devils jerseys."

Ed: "Do you think that they make jerseys in your size which is XXXXXL?"

Ralph: "Oh boy! You are a riot Norton. Keep it up and I am going to knock you into the fountain in the mall. You will be right at home."

Ed: "Take a look at the Lightning jersey."

Ralph: "The only good thing about the Lightning is that they play close to that action city, Miami Beach, Florida."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ralph: "Here is the jersey that is in my size."

(Ralph take it off and puts it on.)

Ralph: "Fits like a glove."

Man: "Sir, we have fitting rooms."

Ed: "Don't worry. My friend is too big to fit into those doors there."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ed: "I am taking my jersey for the Devils/Lightning game."

(Ed takes the Tampa Bay one.)

Ralph: "Norton, you idiot. That is the Tampa Bay jersey."

Ed: "Money is tight with me now Ralph. This jersey costs less money than the overpriced Devils one. Plus I like the blue. It is the same color as pool water and you know how much I love working with water down in the sewer."

Ralph (yells): "NORTON! YOU TAKE THAT JERSEY OFF AND PUT THE DEVILS ONE ON."

(They start fighting before they get kicked out.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. The Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph & Ed come into the Kramden apartment wearing NJ Devils jerseys.)

Ralph: "What a great game Alice. Me and Norton provided inspiration to the Devils that allowed them to beat the Lightning."

Alice: "Yeah sure."

Ed: "You should have seen how many hot dogs Ralph ate during the game. He must have had 70 of them."

(Ralph elbows Ed.)

Ralph: "These Devils jerseys gave the Devils inspriation. The NJ Devils drew their strength from our jerseys and us."

Ed: "That is why we are going to be at the game on Wednesday night to once again root the Devils on boy."

Alice: "Ralph, that is a great idea. Do you know what my mother is going to be on Wednesday night? She is going to be at the Prudential Center, the home of the Devils to root on her team. Maybe you will see her."

Ralph: "If I did, I will jump off the building."

Ed: "Don't do that Ralph. That won't be good for you nor would it be good for the planet Earth."

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON!" (normally): "But, I will think that it is a great thing that she will root on the Devils. This is a smart thing by your mom."

Alice: "No, she will be rooting on the Lightning."

Ralph (yells): "WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT? SHE WILL BE POISONIOUS TO THE DEVILS. SHE CAN'T BE ALLOWED INTO THE BUILDING. SHE WILL BE THE MOST HATED FAN IN THE BUILDING. I WILL MAKE SURE OF IT."

Ed: "I think that you would be hard Ralph. After all, all the people that I spoke to at the other NY stadiums/arenas, they said that they hate YOU the most."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT."

(Crowd cheers.)

(Ralph & Alice come home.)

Ralph: "You satisfied Alice? The Devils lost because of your mother."

Alice: "My mother? How could my mom cause the Devils to lose by two goals?"

Ralph: "Her constant yelling caused the Devils to lose their concentration."

Alice: "Her yelling? You yelled so loud that people thought that the glass barriers were going to break."

(Ralph gives Alice a mean look.)

Ralph: "Alice, if the Devils lose this round to the Lightning, I will blame your mother. She has the LOUDEST mouth that I ever heard."

(Alice laughs.)

Alice: "LOUDEST mouth? You should talk. YOU HAVE A MOUTH LIKE A BULLHORN."

Ed (from upstairs, yells): "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(Ralph goes to the window and sticks his head out.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON OR I WILL COME UP THERE."

Ed (yells): "I HEARD THE FACT THAT YOU THOUGHT THAT YOUR MOM-IN-LAW HAS THE LOUDEST MOUTH YOU EVER HEARD."

Everyone (from outside, yells): "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

(Ralph slams the window and the glass breaks.)

(Alice laughs as she goes into the bedroom.)

Ralph (yells): "I AM TELLING YOU ALICE. IF THE DEVILS LOSE, IT'S YOUR MOM'S FAULT. OOOOOH."

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Of course, the Miami crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)

(The TB Lightning won the Eastern Conference Divisional Finals, 4 games to 1, by beating the NJ Devils 3-1.)

(Ralph & Ed are at the lunch counter.)

Ralph: "What a disappointing game last night. What a disappointing series. The Devils got walloped."

Ed: "It was a dark, dark day."

Ralph: "Last thing we need is some loudmouth to come in and rub it in our faces."

(Charlie Bratton [played by Jackie Gleason in a dual role] comes in but is not seen.)

Charlie (off-camera, yells): "HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEREEEEE'S CHARLIE!"

Ralph: "Wow!"

Charlie (off-camera): "Hey Ralph & Ed. Those Devils got what they deserved. Whoa boy! What losers those Devils are. The Lightning struck them bard and struck them hard boy."

Ed: "They sure did. The Devils will want to forget this series."

Ralph: "You are soooo right."

Charlie (off-camera): "Those Devils played so bad, it was a joke watching them. I was laughing myself seriously while smacking my friend Clem."

(Charlie's "hand" slaps Ed.)

Ed: "You hit just like my friend Ralph here. As a matter of fact, you look and and are just as loud."

Ralph (yells): "OOOOOH, YOU ARE GOING TO GET IT NORTON."

Ed: "I'll get some ketchup."

Ralph: "I will sit on your stool. My stool looks like it will break...and don't you dare say it Norton."

(Ralph & Ed get up and Ralph sits down on Ed's old stool while Ed gets ketchup.)

Charlie (of-camera): "You know the Lightning sure showed the Devils who is the boss. Haha! The fans must have been soooooo disappointed. See ya Ralph."

(Charlie's "hand" slaps Ralph.)

(Charlie leaves off-camera.)

Ralph (yells): "ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGH!"

Ed: "Now, you know how it feels to get slapped."

Ralph: "I would like to knock his block off."

Ed: "If I see you two fight, I may be confused as to who is who. It will be like to mack trucks colliding or in your case, two buses colliding."

Ralph (yells): "GET OUT! GEEEEEEEEEEEEEET OUT!"

(Ed leaves.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"

(Crowd cheers.)