A Honeymooners St. Patty's Day:

(Ralph & Ed are at the bowling alley.)

Ed: "Ralph, this bowling alley is going to have to give you the prize money."

Ralph: "With today being St. Patty's Day, I decided to wear green. The alley is going to give me the $50,000 in prize money for bowling a perfect game. Whoa boy!"

Ed: "What are you going to do with all that dough Ralph?"

Ralph: "I am going to invest it wisely."

Ed: "I would use it to buy beer and hot dogs."

Ralph: "So will I. Hahahaha!"

(Ralph bowls another strike.)

Ralph: "Strrrrrrrrrrrrrike."

Ed: "You are doing great Ralph."

(Ed slaps Ralph on the back which causes Ralph to drop the ball on his foot.)

Ralph (yells): "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU, YOU IDIOT?"

Ed: "I'm sorry. Be thankful that the ball is not rolling down the lane and it doesn't count."

Ralph: "Leave me alone."

(Ralph bowls another strike.)

Ralph: "Another perfect strike."

(Ralph smokes a cigar and than starts coughing.)

Ralph: "It pays to buy the best. I have got a feeling that tonight, NOTHING is going to stop me from bowling a perfect game and winning $50,000. Get the bag ready Norton."

(Alice's mom comes in and is in the lane right by Ralph. Ralph notices.)

Alice's Mom: "Hi Sonny Boy!"

Ralph (yells): "YOU ARE TRYING TO SCREW ME. THAT WILL NOT HAPPEN. GET OUT."

Alice's Mom (yells): "YOU DON'T OWN THIS PLACE RALPH UNLIKE THE DILAPIDATED HOME THAT YOU GOT."

Ed: "Your right. It ain't fit for a pig to live in."

Alice's Mom (yells): "RALPH, ISSSSS THE PIG."

(Ed laughs.)

Ralph (yells): "SHUT UP NORTON! AS FOR YOU, MRS. BLABBERMOUTH. I AM TRYING TO WIN $50,000. I DON'T WANT TO HEAR A SOUND OUT OF YOU."

Alice's Mom (yells): "I WANT TO SEE THE EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE WHEN YOU BLOW YOUR LAST BOWL."

Ralph (yells): "THAT WON'T HAPPEN. I AM A PERFECT GUY."

Alice's Mom (causing Ralph to get a gutter ball, yells): "YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW THAT I AM HERE."

(Ralph is steamed. Uncle Leo comes in.)

Uncle Leo: "Hey Ralph, am I too late for the eats on this St. Patty's Day?"

Alice's Mom: "You may be too late for the eats but not too late to see my big fat blob of a son-in-law make a fool of himself."

(Ed laughs.)

Ed: "Big fat blob. Hahahaha."

Ralph (to Ed, yells): "SHUT UP!" (to Alice's Mom): "YOU BLABBERMOUTH."

Uncle Leo (slapping Ralph on the back which causes him to drop the ball on his foot): "Ralph, it's GOOD to see you."

Ralph (yells): "OWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!"

Alice's Mom (yells): "YOU ARE ALSO NOT TO LATE TO SEE HIM CRYING LIKE A BABY."

(Ralph and Alice's Mom have a fight. People try to separate.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. Have a Happy St. Patty's Day. GOOD NIGHT."

(Crowd cheers.)