A Honeymooners Columbus Day:

(Ralph & Ed sit down on a bench next to the East River.)

Ed: "Ralph, I am sure glad that Columbus Day is soon. I need a Monday off from work."

Ralph: "You get a Monday off but I don't. I have to work on that day driving the bus."

Ed: "Hey, I guess I won't have to worry about you parking your bus over my manhole cover. Haha!"

Ralph: "Yeah, that is true. Speaking of Columbus Day, I wonder if there is anyone is this country living right now that has that name Christopher Columbus."

Ed: "If they do, I am pretty sure that love this day. Especially if it falls right around their birthday."

Ralph: "What would be even more ironic would be if they were born on a ship from Italy to the good ol' USA especially Miami Beach."

(Crowd cheers.)

Ed: "We are lucky that Columbus found America. I wonder what would happen if he didn't? How much longer would people believe that the world was flat?"

Ralph: "Probably a long time. I would just love to sail on a ship from Italy to the USA and on the way discover a chest filled with gold. We would be all rich. I would force you to jump into the water to retrieve it because you work in the sewer. I would be too scared to dive down there."

Ed: "If you ever did jump in there, Earth would lose all of its water in its oceans."

(Ralph rolls his eyes.)

Ralph: "YOU'RE A RIOT NORTON!"

Ed: "Yeah, what a fabulous journey that Christopher Columbus made. I wonder how long that voyage took."

Ralph: "Probably a couple of days at least."

Ed: "We can all agree that that voyage was great."

(They sing a song about Christopher Columbus' voyage.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. GOOD NIGHT!"