Frank Gannucci
06-16-2017, 07:36 AM
Honeymooners Episode Reviews: "This Is Your Life" & "Cottage For Sale":
Episode #69 (Syndicated episode #71)
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Halloween Party."
DVD: Attached to "Boys and Girls Together", "Anniversary Gift" & "Pickles." On the Restored Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to "Game Called On Account of Marriage", "Brother-in-Law" & "Peacemaker." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set it is attached to “Finger Man”, “Honeymooners Xmas Party” (’53 version), “New Year’s Eve Party”, “Santa & The Bookies” (’53 version) & “Cottage For Sale.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/16/54
Alice is home with Mr. Wilson the host of "This Is Your Life" TV program. They are going to do Ralph's life. She tells Trixie about it. Alice then thanks Mr. Wilson for agreeing to meet with her for lunch and they set a lunch date again. How are they going to get Ralph to California to be on the show? Mr. Marshall will send him there on business. Ralph doesn't know about this and shouldn't be told about it either. Alice leaves a note of where to meet him and where. Mr. Wilson leaves and Alice tells Trixie of all the prizes that they will get from that program.
Ed Norton comes in and says that the lunch that Trixie made was the most he ever had. After saying what he had, Trixie says that he accidentally took the bag of groceries and left the bag of lunch on the table. One complaint though, the little round cookies were very stale. Trixie: "Those were brillow pads!" Ed said that he didn't eat them; he gave them to his foreman for his lunch. Trixie leaves while Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph comes home and says that he saw Alice meeting another guy for lunch. He thinks that Alice is seeing another guy behind his back. He calls is Alice and asks her of what her day is. She lies about what she did all day just so not to spoil the surprise. She goes back into the bedroom .Ralph says to Ed if he can have that man, let her. Ralph (yells): "I'VE GOT TO GET HER BACK!" Ralph sees the note that Alice left just to remind her of where to meet Mr. Wilson for lunch. The place is an Italian restaurant. Ed sees two tickets to California. Ralph says that's that more proof. When Ralph sees that guy, he says he will kill him.
The next day at lunch in an Italian restaurant, Mr. Wilson and Alice meet and have lunch. Ralph and Ed come in. Ralph spots Alice but not the guy. Ed: "Now, here's a good chance to jump him." Ralph and Ed have lunch in the booth next to Alice's. Ed takes off his hat. That is one of the rare times you see Ed without his hat. Waiter (to Ralph): "Let me have your hat sir?" Ralph: "It's my hat. I'll keep it." Wow! That's being nice. The waiter asks Ralph and Ed for food. Ed asks the waiter to bring him A LOT of food for lunch, things like pizza and some spaghetti and meatballs. Oh boy! As Ralph tries to hear the conversation of Alice and Mr. Wilson, Ed eats his food LOUDLY. Alice and Mr. Wilson leave and a new couple comes in, unbeknownst to Ralph. Ralph comes out and belts the guy and finds out that he hit the wrong guy. Ralph, sans his jacket and Ed are thrown out of the place for causing a disturbance. Typical Ralph and Ed folks.
Ralph talks to Ed at a bus stop. He says that the place where the neighborhood congregates is the pool room so they will meet that gigolo there. He already knows that the mystery man likes Italian food and is going to California. Phil Cucco (pronounced Quock-O and played by George Petrie); the man responsible for getting Ralph and Alice together, comes in and says to another man that he will be going out to California to be in a This Is Your Life episode about Ralph Kramden's life. Ralph and Ed arrive at the poolroom. Ralph stands by the door in hopes of catching the person and asks them two questions. Are they going to California and do they like Italian food. One of the people is so big, that Ralph is afraid to ask him the questions and another one is a wrestler. Ralph spots Phil and finds out that he likes Italian food and he is going to California. Ralph invites Phil to his apartment later tonight for dinner. Ralph, Ed and Phil leave.
At the apartment, Ralph instructs Ed to go to his apartment and when he yells out the window: "It's a wonderful night out!" (kind of like in "Oh My Aching Back") to come down and say that he needs Ralph to get his sister who got in a car accident near Jersey just so Ralph can look on the fire escape and catch Phil in the act. Ed does that and leaves, but not before he asks Ralph that if he catches the guy real quick, could they go out bowling? Kind of like in "House Beautiful."
Phil arrives and Ralph instructs Alice to kiss him, which she does. Phil jokingly says to Ralph that he should have been married to Alice or something to like that. Ralph goes to the window and yells: "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!" Alice gets suspicious. They sit down and Ralph commends Phil for getting him and Alice together. Phil: "One of these days, I might surprise you Ralph." Ralph goes to the window and says: "IT'S A WONDERFUL NIGHT OUT!" The way that Ralph goes to the window and says those things, you can tell there's something up. Ed comes down and reveals the phony story that Ralph told him to say that being; he needs Ralph to get his sister who got in a car accident near Jersey. Alice: "Was the baby with her?" Ed: "I don't know. Ask Ralph." Ha! Ralph says that he will be back with in at LEAST an hour. He says that a couple of times. Ralph listens near the door, unbeknownst to Alice and Phil. Alice opens the door to find Ralph there and asks him for some ice cream. Ralph: "I'll be back in at LEAST an hour." Isn't it funny when Ralph said that "in at LEAST an hour" three times? Phil and Ralph go over old photos just as Ralph looks on from the fire escape. Ralph thinks that he knows for sure Phil is his culprit. Ralph goes back to the apartment, but by that time Phil left and Mr. Wilson came in. Ralph, without looking at who he's hitting, belts Wilson. Ralph looks and sees it's not Phil so he thinks that there are two men. Ralph wants to beat up Mr. Wilson and Alice explains that Mr. Wilson, the host of This Is Your Life, was going to do a show about Ralph. Looks like, Alice was afraid of Mr. Wilson's safety. Ralph now can't be on the show and the vacation plans for everyone involved with that episode gets canceled. Ralph is upset at himself at rightfully so. He apologizes and says the thought of Alice looking at another guy drives him nuts. Alice: "Ralph, it's all right. Not every woman is lucky enough to have a husband that is still jealous of her after 14 years." She said the exact same thing in "Brother Ralph" and an earlier episode called "The Ring." They hug and kiss.
Episode #70 (Syndicated episode #67)
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Jellybeans."
DVD: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand", "Alice Plays Cupid" & "Jellybeans." On the Lost Episodes DVD box set, it is attached to “Finger Man”, “Santa & The Bookies” (’53), “Honeymooners Xmas Party” (’53), “New Year’s Eve Party” & “This Is Your Life.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/23/54
According to John K's Book “To The Moon”, this episode was originally entitled “Cottage For Four.”
The VHS version I got with this episode I got for Christmas in 1996. It was the first lost episode commercial tape that I got. There was plenty more to follow.
This episode opens up with Alice and friends (including Trixie) playing cards. Two of the girls sing: "Down by the old mill stream." My friend saw this part and he thought that those girls sang awful. I agree. Ed Norton comes in and scares the girls by saying: "The joint is raided." He thought for minute he saw the Claudettes. Ed asks Alice if Ralph told her about their big secret. Alice says no. Ed tries to help one of the girls but he ends up costing the girl the game. They were playing Bridge and he thought they were playing Gin Rummy. All of the girls leave (sans Trixie).
Ed keeps on talking about the big secret. The girls seem disinterested as they clean up. Ed: "I know you are champing at the bit to hear about it." Champing? Sounds like Art screwed up his line a little. Ed instantly blabs the secret when he says that both he and Ralph are going to buy a cottage for the four of us for $989. Alice: "You are going to buy what for who and it's only going to cost how much?" Ed: "I can't tell you. It's a secret." Ha! Alice says it's another one of Ralph's dumb ideas. Ed: "Don't give him all the credit. It was partially my idea too." Ralph comes in and says hello to everybody. He even greeted Ed by saying: "Hi Ed!" One of the rare times he doesn't say "Norton." Ralph wants to surprise the girls by telling them his and Ed's secret. But he finds out that Ed beat him too it. Ralph (to Ed): "You dirty stool pigeon." Ed says that the girls dragged it out of him. Sure, they did. Ralph says that the cottage is part of "Paradise Acres." Ralph tries to explain the whole thing and since him and Norton are partners, that splits the cost to $494.50. Alice says that even with a $489.50 price, it's too expensive. Ralph is mad at Alice. The Nortons leave but not before Ed asks Ralph if right now is a good time about them buying a motor boat for next summer. Oh God! I can just see Ralph and Ed on a motorboat and falling into the water.
Ralph argues some more with Alice. He says that every year on a vacation, both he and Norton spend $100. Gee, either vacation prices were really low back then or Ralph and Norton went to some small town nearby and stayed there for one night. Ralph says with this cottage, he can spend five years of vacation money and they can have that place for the rest of their lives. Doesn't Ralph know that if you go to the same spot for an annual vacation every year that it might get a little boring as far as the destination's scenery goes? That's why many families don't go to the same spot for an annual vacation. Alice still says no because she wants to save it and if they are going to start spending any money, she wants to fix up her winter resort (aka the apartment). Ralph says that when he wanted to buy that TV set and then the car, he got that same response. Ralph: "All our lives, we will save $1,000, $2,000 and do you know what's going to happen Alice? Neither one of us will get sick and we will be stuck with the money." Ha! Alice says no again. Ralph goes into one of his "Boss of the House" speeches. He calls himself the General and now he is ordering Alice to give him the money. Alice's response? She puts a bowl on top of Ralph's head like an army helmet and "salutes" him. Alice: "Har-har-har!" Ralph then says he doesn't want the money now; he just wants Alice to take a look at that model cottage down there on 34th Street. She says: "Yes." Ed Norton comes back down and Ralph tells him that he is the master of the house but when Alice hears it, Ralph is humble.
At the model cottage, we see two shady businessmen. One of them is going to try to sell Ralph this $2,000 cottage. Ralph comes in and "Mr. Mosby" (played George Petrie), one of the shady businessmen comes and greets him while the other shady businessman says that he is a customer. He leaves and the Ralph brings in Ed, Alice and Trixie. They go nuts over the cottage. "Mr. Mosby" leaves and then everyone sees all of the features of the cottage. Ed falls asleep on one of the bunks of the bunk bed after laying there for only a minute. Trixie wakes him up by shutting the ice box door. Trixie: "I don't know how he could get unconscious so fast?" Ralph: "He's got a pretty good head start." Alice says that at $989, it's such a bargain and says that Ralph is right in getting the cottage. The girls leave and "Mr. Mosby" comes back in. Ralph says that he wants to chop of a few bucks off the $989. "Mr. Mosby" says that the cottage is $2,000. Ed: "Ralph, you got a load of chopping to do." "Mr. Mosby" says that he is going to do what he did for his mother. Ed: "You are going to buy one for us?" Mr. Mosby says that he will take out some of the modern features and that will save Ralph and Ed $1,000. He also says that Ralph, Ed, Alice and Trixie our "Paradise Acres'" kinds of people. He said that about them a number of times during this episode.
The first weekend, Ralph and Ed come and discover that the cottage they bought is a big lemon. Ralph: "$998, we have been robbed." Didn't the cottage cost $989? Sounds like Jackie messed up his lines a bit. Ed says: "Maybe the girls won't notice the difference." The girls come in and the boys try to act all happy, but it doesn't work. Ed: "This cottage ain't such a bad place." Trixie: "Maybe not for a guy who spends most of his life in the sewer." Ralph says that he and Ed will have an easy time fixing this place up. Oh sure, they will. Alice says that all of them are going back home. Ralph: "When Norton and I come back next weekend to fix this place up so it looks beautiful, you'll be sorry." Don't you just love it when a person volunteers your services? Boy, I would have loved to see Ralph and Ed try to fix that place up and seeing them go through it in Ralph and Ed fashion. Obviously with different people, This could have been on the now defunct show "Trading Spaces." The episode would show how not to fix a place up. They leave.
They come back seconds later when the hear a wolf. Ralph says that he made a mistake and sarcastically says: "Go ahead and kill me." Alice: "Don't tempt me." It's cold so Ralph goes to the fire place to try to heat the place up, but there's no draft in the pipe. Ed bangs it black smoke comes out causing Ralph to cough. Ed: "I think Ralph is catching a cold." Ed says he sees firewood, so he goes over to get it and put it in the fire place. Ralph stops him. Ralph: "I don't need your help in making a fire. I know all about it." Ralph puts the wood in the fire place and puts kerosene from a lamp in there and puts a lit match in it. Within seconds, the fire place blows up and falls down. When that happens, a black screen comes on for a second. No one gets hurt. The audience applauds what just happened.
Trixie blames Ralph. Ralph blames Ed. Alice says that this whole mess is Ed's fault and Ralph's. Trixie: "My Ed has got more brains in his little finger than Ralph has got in his whole head." Ralph: "He's still an idiot." Basically Ralph just called himself an idiot. The Kramdens leave and say that the Nortons will give them their $500 back.
Back at home, Ralph comes home from work and says to Alice about the ad he put in the paper about the cottage. A man is coming up to sign the papers so he can get the cottage. Ralph is still mad at Ed while Alice and Trixie have made up. Ralph: "Ed is not my kind of people." Ralph says that he has plenty of friends and they reason why they don't ask him out anywhere is because Ralph always hangs out with Norton. Ralph: "I got 50 over at the bus depot, 50 over at the lodge, 50 over at the pool hall. There's 100 right there." Seems to me that's 150. The Nortons come in while Ralph and Ed try their best to not see each other and talk to each other.
The man comes in and he is ready to sign the papers after he has seen the cottage. The man says that $1,000 is a good price for the cottage. Ralph and Norton make up. Ralph gets the papers and he writes down his signature while Ed writes down his. (The man needed both Ralph and Ed's signatures.) Ed even did his own warming up bit before writing his name down and Ralph did not yell at him because of that. That's rare. Ralph (to Ed): "You certainly got a nice hand." The man puts down his signature and leaves. All of the gang thinks they have gotten away with a fast one until the man comes back and says that he is selling the cottage to the state for $4,000. Not something that Ralph, Alice, Ed and Trixie wanted to hear. Ed is angry at Ralph for putting the ad in the paper and Ralph is angry at Ed. Ralph: "Alice, tell Ed that he is not my kind of people."
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.
Episode #69 (Syndicated episode #71)
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Halloween Party."
DVD: Attached to "Boys and Girls Together", "Anniversary Gift" & "Pickles." On the Restored Lost Episodes DVD Box Set, it is attached to "Game Called On Account of Marriage", "Brother-in-Law" & "Peacemaker." On the Lost Episodes DVD Box Set it is attached to “Finger Man”, “Honeymooners Xmas Party” (’53 version), “New Year’s Eve Party”, “Santa & The Bookies” (’53 version) & “Cottage For Sale.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/16/54
Alice is home with Mr. Wilson the host of "This Is Your Life" TV program. They are going to do Ralph's life. She tells Trixie about it. Alice then thanks Mr. Wilson for agreeing to meet with her for lunch and they set a lunch date again. How are they going to get Ralph to California to be on the show? Mr. Marshall will send him there on business. Ralph doesn't know about this and shouldn't be told about it either. Alice leaves a note of where to meet him and where. Mr. Wilson leaves and Alice tells Trixie of all the prizes that they will get from that program.
Ed Norton comes in and says that the lunch that Trixie made was the most he ever had. After saying what he had, Trixie says that he accidentally took the bag of groceries and left the bag of lunch on the table. One complaint though, the little round cookies were very stale. Trixie: "Those were brillow pads!" Ed said that he didn't eat them; he gave them to his foreman for his lunch. Trixie leaves while Alice goes into the bedroom. Ralph comes home and says that he saw Alice meeting another guy for lunch. He thinks that Alice is seeing another guy behind his back. He calls is Alice and asks her of what her day is. She lies about what she did all day just so not to spoil the surprise. She goes back into the bedroom .Ralph says to Ed if he can have that man, let her. Ralph (yells): "I'VE GOT TO GET HER BACK!" Ralph sees the note that Alice left just to remind her of where to meet Mr. Wilson for lunch. The place is an Italian restaurant. Ed sees two tickets to California. Ralph says that's that more proof. When Ralph sees that guy, he says he will kill him.
The next day at lunch in an Italian restaurant, Mr. Wilson and Alice meet and have lunch. Ralph and Ed come in. Ralph spots Alice but not the guy. Ed: "Now, here's a good chance to jump him." Ralph and Ed have lunch in the booth next to Alice's. Ed takes off his hat. That is one of the rare times you see Ed without his hat. Waiter (to Ralph): "Let me have your hat sir?" Ralph: "It's my hat. I'll keep it." Wow! That's being nice. The waiter asks Ralph and Ed for food. Ed asks the waiter to bring him A LOT of food for lunch, things like pizza and some spaghetti and meatballs. Oh boy! As Ralph tries to hear the conversation of Alice and Mr. Wilson, Ed eats his food LOUDLY. Alice and Mr. Wilson leave and a new couple comes in, unbeknownst to Ralph. Ralph comes out and belts the guy and finds out that he hit the wrong guy. Ralph, sans his jacket and Ed are thrown out of the place for causing a disturbance. Typical Ralph and Ed folks.
Ralph talks to Ed at a bus stop. He says that the place where the neighborhood congregates is the pool room so they will meet that gigolo there. He already knows that the mystery man likes Italian food and is going to California. Phil Cucco (pronounced Quock-O and played by George Petrie); the man responsible for getting Ralph and Alice together, comes in and says to another man that he will be going out to California to be in a This Is Your Life episode about Ralph Kramden's life. Ralph and Ed arrive at the poolroom. Ralph stands by the door in hopes of catching the person and asks them two questions. Are they going to California and do they like Italian food. One of the people is so big, that Ralph is afraid to ask him the questions and another one is a wrestler. Ralph spots Phil and finds out that he likes Italian food and he is going to California. Ralph invites Phil to his apartment later tonight for dinner. Ralph, Ed and Phil leave.
At the apartment, Ralph instructs Ed to go to his apartment and when he yells out the window: "It's a wonderful night out!" (kind of like in "Oh My Aching Back") to come down and say that he needs Ralph to get his sister who got in a car accident near Jersey just so Ralph can look on the fire escape and catch Phil in the act. Ed does that and leaves, but not before he asks Ralph that if he catches the guy real quick, could they go out bowling? Kind of like in "House Beautiful."
Phil arrives and Ralph instructs Alice to kiss him, which she does. Phil jokingly says to Ralph that he should have been married to Alice or something to like that. Ralph goes to the window and yells: "IT'S A BEAUTIFUL NIGHT!" Alice gets suspicious. They sit down and Ralph commends Phil for getting him and Alice together. Phil: "One of these days, I might surprise you Ralph." Ralph goes to the window and says: "IT'S A WONDERFUL NIGHT OUT!" The way that Ralph goes to the window and says those things, you can tell there's something up. Ed comes down and reveals the phony story that Ralph told him to say that being; he needs Ralph to get his sister who got in a car accident near Jersey. Alice: "Was the baby with her?" Ed: "I don't know. Ask Ralph." Ha! Ralph says that he will be back with in at LEAST an hour. He says that a couple of times. Ralph listens near the door, unbeknownst to Alice and Phil. Alice opens the door to find Ralph there and asks him for some ice cream. Ralph: "I'll be back in at LEAST an hour." Isn't it funny when Ralph said that "in at LEAST an hour" three times? Phil and Ralph go over old photos just as Ralph looks on from the fire escape. Ralph thinks that he knows for sure Phil is his culprit. Ralph goes back to the apartment, but by that time Phil left and Mr. Wilson came in. Ralph, without looking at who he's hitting, belts Wilson. Ralph looks and sees it's not Phil so he thinks that there are two men. Ralph wants to beat up Mr. Wilson and Alice explains that Mr. Wilson, the host of This Is Your Life, was going to do a show about Ralph. Looks like, Alice was afraid of Mr. Wilson's safety. Ralph now can't be on the show and the vacation plans for everyone involved with that episode gets canceled. Ralph is upset at himself at rightfully so. He apologizes and says the thought of Alice looking at another guy drives him nuts. Alice: "Ralph, it's all right. Not every woman is lucky enough to have a husband that is still jealous of her after 14 years." She said the exact same thing in "Brother Ralph" and an earlier episode called "The Ring." They hug and kiss.
Episode #70 (Syndicated episode #67)
TV: In two parts.
VCR: Attached to "Jellybeans."
DVD: Attached to "Hot Dog Stand", "Alice Plays Cupid" & "Jellybeans." On the Lost Episodes DVD box set, it is attached to “Finger Man”, “Santa & The Bookies” (’53), “Honeymooners Xmas Party” (’53), “New Year’s Eve Party” & “This Is Your Life.”
Air Date: Sat. 1/23/54
According to John K's Book “To The Moon”, this episode was originally entitled “Cottage For Four.”
The VHS version I got with this episode I got for Christmas in 1996. It was the first lost episode commercial tape that I got. There was plenty more to follow.
This episode opens up with Alice and friends (including Trixie) playing cards. Two of the girls sing: "Down by the old mill stream." My friend saw this part and he thought that those girls sang awful. I agree. Ed Norton comes in and scares the girls by saying: "The joint is raided." He thought for minute he saw the Claudettes. Ed asks Alice if Ralph told her about their big secret. Alice says no. Ed tries to help one of the girls but he ends up costing the girl the game. They were playing Bridge and he thought they were playing Gin Rummy. All of the girls leave (sans Trixie).
Ed keeps on talking about the big secret. The girls seem disinterested as they clean up. Ed: "I know you are champing at the bit to hear about it." Champing? Sounds like Art screwed up his line a little. Ed instantly blabs the secret when he says that both he and Ralph are going to buy a cottage for the four of us for $989. Alice: "You are going to buy what for who and it's only going to cost how much?" Ed: "I can't tell you. It's a secret." Ha! Alice says it's another one of Ralph's dumb ideas. Ed: "Don't give him all the credit. It was partially my idea too." Ralph comes in and says hello to everybody. He even greeted Ed by saying: "Hi Ed!" One of the rare times he doesn't say "Norton." Ralph wants to surprise the girls by telling them his and Ed's secret. But he finds out that Ed beat him too it. Ralph (to Ed): "You dirty stool pigeon." Ed says that the girls dragged it out of him. Sure, they did. Ralph says that the cottage is part of "Paradise Acres." Ralph tries to explain the whole thing and since him and Norton are partners, that splits the cost to $494.50. Alice says that even with a $489.50 price, it's too expensive. Ralph is mad at Alice. The Nortons leave but not before Ed asks Ralph if right now is a good time about them buying a motor boat for next summer. Oh God! I can just see Ralph and Ed on a motorboat and falling into the water.
Ralph argues some more with Alice. He says that every year on a vacation, both he and Norton spend $100. Gee, either vacation prices were really low back then or Ralph and Norton went to some small town nearby and stayed there for one night. Ralph says with this cottage, he can spend five years of vacation money and they can have that place for the rest of their lives. Doesn't Ralph know that if you go to the same spot for an annual vacation every year that it might get a little boring as far as the destination's scenery goes? That's why many families don't go to the same spot for an annual vacation. Alice still says no because she wants to save it and if they are going to start spending any money, she wants to fix up her winter resort (aka the apartment). Ralph says that when he wanted to buy that TV set and then the car, he got that same response. Ralph: "All our lives, we will save $1,000, $2,000 and do you know what's going to happen Alice? Neither one of us will get sick and we will be stuck with the money." Ha! Alice says no again. Ralph goes into one of his "Boss of the House" speeches. He calls himself the General and now he is ordering Alice to give him the money. Alice's response? She puts a bowl on top of Ralph's head like an army helmet and "salutes" him. Alice: "Har-har-har!" Ralph then says he doesn't want the money now; he just wants Alice to take a look at that model cottage down there on 34th Street. She says: "Yes." Ed Norton comes back down and Ralph tells him that he is the master of the house but when Alice hears it, Ralph is humble.
At the model cottage, we see two shady businessmen. One of them is going to try to sell Ralph this $2,000 cottage. Ralph comes in and "Mr. Mosby" (played George Petrie), one of the shady businessmen comes and greets him while the other shady businessman says that he is a customer. He leaves and the Ralph brings in Ed, Alice and Trixie. They go nuts over the cottage. "Mr. Mosby" leaves and then everyone sees all of the features of the cottage. Ed falls asleep on one of the bunks of the bunk bed after laying there for only a minute. Trixie wakes him up by shutting the ice box door. Trixie: "I don't know how he could get unconscious so fast?" Ralph: "He's got a pretty good head start." Alice says that at $989, it's such a bargain and says that Ralph is right in getting the cottage. The girls leave and "Mr. Mosby" comes back in. Ralph says that he wants to chop of a few bucks off the $989. "Mr. Mosby" says that the cottage is $2,000. Ed: "Ralph, you got a load of chopping to do." "Mr. Mosby" says that he is going to do what he did for his mother. Ed: "You are going to buy one for us?" Mr. Mosby says that he will take out some of the modern features and that will save Ralph and Ed $1,000. He also says that Ralph, Ed, Alice and Trixie our "Paradise Acres'" kinds of people. He said that about them a number of times during this episode.
The first weekend, Ralph and Ed come and discover that the cottage they bought is a big lemon. Ralph: "$998, we have been robbed." Didn't the cottage cost $989? Sounds like Jackie messed up his lines a bit. Ed says: "Maybe the girls won't notice the difference." The girls come in and the boys try to act all happy, but it doesn't work. Ed: "This cottage ain't such a bad place." Trixie: "Maybe not for a guy who spends most of his life in the sewer." Ralph says that he and Ed will have an easy time fixing this place up. Oh sure, they will. Alice says that all of them are going back home. Ralph: "When Norton and I come back next weekend to fix this place up so it looks beautiful, you'll be sorry." Don't you just love it when a person volunteers your services? Boy, I would have loved to see Ralph and Ed try to fix that place up and seeing them go through it in Ralph and Ed fashion. Obviously with different people, This could have been on the now defunct show "Trading Spaces." The episode would show how not to fix a place up. They leave.
They come back seconds later when the hear a wolf. Ralph says that he made a mistake and sarcastically says: "Go ahead and kill me." Alice: "Don't tempt me." It's cold so Ralph goes to the fire place to try to heat the place up, but there's no draft in the pipe. Ed bangs it black smoke comes out causing Ralph to cough. Ed: "I think Ralph is catching a cold." Ed says he sees firewood, so he goes over to get it and put it in the fire place. Ralph stops him. Ralph: "I don't need your help in making a fire. I know all about it." Ralph puts the wood in the fire place and puts kerosene from a lamp in there and puts a lit match in it. Within seconds, the fire place blows up and falls down. When that happens, a black screen comes on for a second. No one gets hurt. The audience applauds what just happened.
Trixie blames Ralph. Ralph blames Ed. Alice says that this whole mess is Ed's fault and Ralph's. Trixie: "My Ed has got more brains in his little finger than Ralph has got in his whole head." Ralph: "He's still an idiot." Basically Ralph just called himself an idiot. The Kramdens leave and say that the Nortons will give them their $500 back.
Back at home, Ralph comes home from work and says to Alice about the ad he put in the paper about the cottage. A man is coming up to sign the papers so he can get the cottage. Ralph is still mad at Ed while Alice and Trixie have made up. Ralph: "Ed is not my kind of people." Ralph says that he has plenty of friends and they reason why they don't ask him out anywhere is because Ralph always hangs out with Norton. Ralph: "I got 50 over at the bus depot, 50 over at the lodge, 50 over at the pool hall. There's 100 right there." Seems to me that's 150. The Nortons come in while Ralph and Ed try their best to not see each other and talk to each other.
The man comes in and he is ready to sign the papers after he has seen the cottage. The man says that $1,000 is a good price for the cottage. Ralph and Norton make up. Ralph gets the papers and he writes down his signature while Ed writes down his. (The man needed both Ralph and Ed's signatures.) Ed even did his own warming up bit before writing his name down and Ralph did not yell at him because of that. That's rare. Ralph (to Ed): "You certainly got a nice hand." The man puts down his signature and leaves. All of the gang thinks they have gotten away with a fast one until the man comes back and says that he is selling the cottage to the state for $4,000. Not something that Ralph, Alice, Ed and Trixie wanted to hear. Ed is angry at Ralph for putting the ad in the paper and Ralph is angry at Ed. Ralph: "Alice, tell Ed that he is not my kind of people."
Credit I think goes to (the original) Bill's 'Mooners Archives, eBay.com, tv.com, Honeymooners Lost Episodes Book, tvguide.com, honeymooners.net, Honeymooners Lost Episodes DVD booklet, Wikipedia.org, Yahoo Groups You're A Riot! & Amazon.com.