(Ralph & Alice are in the Kramden kitchen.)

Alice: "Now Ralph, you have got to promise that you will be nice to my mother."

Ralph: "Nice? Are you kidding? She will be the one starting the fight. She will say: 'Why don't you get more furniture for the place?' 'Why do you eat everything Ralph? You are so fat.' She is nose Alice. Noooosy."

Alice: "Now Ralph, I don't want you calling my mother a blabbermouth."

Ralph: "You don't want me to speak the truth?"

Alice: "Ralph."

Ralph: "All right. I won't."

(Alice's parents come in.)

Alice: "Hello Mom & Dad. Happy Mother's Day Mom."

Alice's Mom: "Thank you Alice. Why don't you get some more furniture for the apartment?"

(Ralph bangs his fist on the table.)

Alice's Mom: "Hello there Sonny boy. Why do you eat so much? You are so fat."

(Ralph bangs his fists on the table.)

Alice: "Ma and Dad, why don't you make yourselves at home?"

Alice's Dad: "All right."

(They sit down.)

Alice's Mom: "Now Ralph, I don't want you to eat all the food tonight. We need to eat ourselves."

(Ralph's face is meaner than ever.)

Ralph: "I'm on a diet."

Alice's Mom: "Doesn't seem to be doing much good."

(Ralph groans.)

(Ed comes down.)

Ed: "Hey Ralph-ie boy. My mother just came by and left."

Ralph: "Oh, she did?"

Ed: "Yeah. I gave my mother a card that had X's and O's at the bottom. Boy, I will tell you that Mother's are great. They tucked us in at night, they washed our clothes and cared for us when we were sick and injured and helped us out as far other things go. We would be lost without them."

Ralph: "I guess you are right. There is no mother in our families that are blabbermouths."

Alice's Mom: "You are so right Sonny boy."

Ralph: "You ain't a bad old crow at that. I will say that."

(They all get up to sing a song about what mother's do.)

(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)

Jackie: "Thank you. Once again, the Miami Beach Mother's Day's are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!"