Tiska Jones: "Gentlemen!...Please, please!"

Senator: "We strive to please!!"

Moe: (to Curly)"What are you up to now?"
Curly: "I got a perfect score!"
Moe: "No you haven't, you need another strike."
(Moe slaps Curly).

The baker: (to Mr. Lawrence) "I told you to be careful!"

Curly: (to Moe) "Why didn't you think of this before?"
Moe: "I did!"
Larry: (sarcastically) "What a brain."

Curly: "Don't go away."

Curly: "A tuttsi fruitsie."

Curly: "Pardon me."
Mr. Lawrence: "Certainly."

Mr. Lawrence: "Now I remember. The ice men!"

Shemp - "Ain't I as pretty as a picture?'
Moe - "Yeah, of an ape!"

Defense attorney: "...this intelligent, broad-minded and most intellectual jury."

Larry: "How does that applehead get a cold?"
Moe: "Slept with his feet hanging out the window last night."
Larry: "He would."

Curly:
"Little fly upon a wall,
Ain't you got no clothes at all?
Ain't you got no shimmy shirt?
Ain't you got no petty skirt?
Boo, fly. Ain't you cold?"

Curly: "...I still don't smell so good."
Party guest: "I'll say you don't."

Moe: "Yeah. Let's play some more!"
(Curly barks. Moe throws a pie at Ajax.)

But Der Fuehrer, we are Nazis, we have no Brains.

Moe - "I'll murder ya!"

Moe: Remind me to kill you later.
Shemp: I won't have time later.
Moe: Then I'll kill you now.

Curly: "Hold your glass up, shorty."

Police detective: "I don't want a coat. I don't want a coat. I DON'T WANT A COAT!!!"
Shemp, Larry, Moe: (in unison)"Ohhh, he don't want a coat."
Larry: (to Moe)"What he wants is a pair of our slick slacks."

"Yeah, it was so hot last night, I had to get up and take off my socks."
(Shemp)

Salon customer, to Larry as hairstylist, re: dye

"Henna color?"
Larry: "Henna color at all!!"

"Our genius ain't appreciated around here... let's scram!"
(Moe)

Shemp: "Eureka!"
Moe: "You don't smell so good yourself."

Curly Joe: But we're outnumbered.
Moe: You're outbrained too, but we have to try anyhow.

Curly: "A burnt stake is better than a cold chop."


[Curly on why he'd rather be burned at the stake than decapitated]

"Niagara Falls! Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch...!"
(Moe & Larry)

"I'm engaged to three beautiful girls! Just ask my secretary."
(Larry, to Moe)

"Gee, Moe, what mo' can a fellow say? That's all there is, there ain't no mo'!"
(Shemp Howard)

"With oranges, it's much harder."
(Shemp)

"Keep smilin', McGann!"
(Moe)

"I'm doing the elevator dance." "Elevator dance?" "Yeah, there's no steps to it."
- Larry and Ted (SOUP TO NUTS, 1930)

"Are you casting asparagus on my cooking?"
(Curly)

Curly's catchphrases:

"Woo woo woo."

"Hey, Moe!"

"Coitenly!"

"I'm a victim of circumstance."

"Swing it!"

"Hmmmmmm!"

Moe's catchphrases:

"Remind me to kill you later."

"Spread out!"

"Wake up and go back to sleep."

Joe's catchphrases:

"Not so haaaaard!"

"You big silly."

Sherry Rumsford: (to Curly)"You funny, funny man!"
Moe: (sarcastically)"Yes. Isn't he a scream?"

"Hey, wake up and go to sleep."
(Moe)

Larry Fine

I'm sorry, Moe, it was an accident!

"I'm gonna change my socks... what an experience!"
(Moe)

Moe: "I'll tell him a thing or three or two."

Professor: Oh see the little deer! Has the deer a little doe?
Larry: Yeah, 2 bucks!(laughs)

Curly: My father died dancing...on the end of a rope.

"Who are you guys?!" "You ever hear of the Four Horsemen?" "Yeah." "Well, we're the Three Smart Girls."
(Gene Morgan & Moe)

A burnt stake is better than a cold chop. (Curly, on why he would rather be burned at the stake instead of decapitated)

"Roses are red, and how do you do? Drink four of these, and Woo woo woo woo!"
(Curly)

Curly: I've got an uncle in Cairo.
Moe: Oh yea?
Curly: He's a chiropractor. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

"We're gonna be paupers... paupers!" "Are you kiddin? We're not even married."
(Moe & Shemp)

There's a thousand reasons why I shouldn't drink... but I can't think of one right now.


Shemp Howard

"When Shemp pours on the charm, no dame can resist him!"
(Moe)

Moe: "We eluded them!" Curly: "Yeah, we got away, too."

(The Stooges are building a plane)
Moe: Where's your vise?
Curly: Vice? I have no vice, I'm as pure as the driven snow!
Moe: But you drifted.
(Moe hits Curly in the forehead)

Moe: Remind me to murder you later!

Moe: Wait a minute! You lamebrains can't do anything right can ya? Come on(Pulls Larry's Hair) You come over here!(sets them up on opposite sides, where they repeat the earlier shenanigans)

"Yeah, it was so hot last night, I had to get up and take off my socks."
(Shemp)

"Now remember... one slip of those blindfolds, and you'll feel my wrath!" "Don't try to bribe the boys."
(Edna May Oliver & Ted Healy)

“She was bred in old Kentucky but she is just a crumb up here.”
(Curly)

"Oh, look... a boid's nest!"
(Curly)

"I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat."
(Moe)

"Maybe they'll miss us." "That'll be an arrow escape."
(Larry & Curly)

Curly – “I grow on people!”
Moe – “So do warts.”

Moe, Larry, the cheese! Moe, Larry, the cheese! (Curly in the 1935 short, Horses Collars)

Moe: "We eluded them!"

Curly: "Yeah, we got away, too."

Remind me to kill/murder you later! (Moe, to others)

"Now remember... one slip of those blindfolds, and you'll feel my wrath!" "Don't try to bribe the boys."
(Edna May Oliver & Ted Healy)

"What school did you go to?" "Oxford." "Well you better go back to high shoes!" [crunch!]
(Moe and Curly)

"Little fly upon the wall, ain't ya got no clothes at all? Ain't ya got no shimmy shirt? Ain't ya got no petti-skirt? Boo fly, ain't ya cold?"
(Moe)

"Lay off that lamp will ya. That genius is working for me!"
(Shemp, to Larry)

Curly: "That's a coincidental."

Larry: Hey, quit horsing around you two. You're disturbing my coffee break.

"My uncle made a fortune in corn... at $10 a gallon."
(Shemp)

Curly: Oh, boy donuts! Where's mine?

Moe: They're small. Why don't you have two?

Curly: Okay.

[Moe sticks donuts in Curly's ears]

"Don't worry, I got what it takes to cure him."
- Moe

(The Stooges in a hotel looking at a bathtub)Curly: Oh look. A row boat.Larry: A row boat? You're crazy. That's a horse trough.Moe: Horse trough, row boat! In a hotel? That's a bathtub, you imbeciles. Go take a bath.

"Don't worry, I got what it takes to cure him." - Moe

Moe: "Mind your P's and Q's."
Curly: "Don't forget to dot the I's!"
Moe: "Certainly." (Pokes Curly in the eyes)

"And what were you doing in Paris?" "Oh, looking over the Parasites."
(Geneva Mitchell & Curly)

"Oh, see the deer. Has the deer a little doe?"
"Yeah, two bucks!"
- Larry and Curly

Moe (to Larry): Boy, is he umb-day!
Curly: You mean I’m umb-day in Pig Language?
Moe: You’re umb-day in ANY language!

"I'm the best musician in the country!" "Yeah, but how are ya in the city?"
(Moe and Larry)

"You remind me of a girlfriend in Detroit... but you look more like her stepfather!"
- Curly, to Bearded Lady

"Hey, did that sweater have a pink bow?!" "NO!" "You cut his ear off..."
(Moe and Curly)

"You're my type, baby. A woman!"
- Larry

"Guaranteed forever." "You should live so long!" [bonk!]
(Moe & Larry)

Moe: "We eluded them!" Curly: "Yeah, we got away, too."

"Why don't you drill where you're looking?" "Why don't you look where I'm drilling?"
(Shemp and Larry)

"My uncle made a fortune in corn... at $10 a gallon."
(Shemp)

Moe Howard: He's got a headache. [To Larry]

Larry Fine: No I don't!

Moe Howard: [Bangs Larry in the head with a hammer] How 'bout now?

Larry Fine: Yeah, It's comin' on.

"C'mon... even if we can't find the Queen, we can at least get a drink."
(Larry)

(Larry and Curly sadly mourn the loss of Moe. Moe quietly sneaks up to Larry and Curly with an axe.)Curly: Poor Moe.Larry: Oh, woe is Moe.Moe: Oh, woe is you.(Moe swings his axe towards Larry.)Larry: (ducking down) WHOA, MOE!

"You're the anesthetist." "Don't call me names!"
(Larry and Joe)

"You mean I'm um-day in pig language?" "You're um-day in any language."
- Curly and Moe

"What'll the world do without me? What'll I do without myself?"
(Curly)

"Oh no, Dr. Jekyll!" "Dr. Jekyll? We must Hyde!"
- Norma Randall & Shemp (SPOOKS!, 1953)

"Oh no, Dr. Jekyll!" "Dr. Jekyll? We must Hyde!"
- Norma Randall & Shemp (SPOOKS!, 1953)

"Fruit salad... what'a'ya know!"
(Shemp)

Moe: "Mind your P's and Q's."
Curly: "Don't forget to dot the I's!"
Moe: "Certainly." (Pokes Curly in the eyes)

Curly: Aye-aye!
Moe: Aye-aye?
Curly:Aye-aye!

Moe: "T.H. What's that stand for?"
Shemp: "Let's see T.H....T.H....I got it...Teddy Hoosovelt!"
Moe: "Wrong, quiz kid!" [[slaps him**

"Say a few syllables! Utter a few adjectives!"
(Moe)

"One of us is crazy, and it ain't YOU!"
- Larry

"Laughing-yet, we are here!"
(Moe)

Curly – “I grow on people!”
Moe – “So do warts.”

"With oranges, it's much harder."
(Shemp)

"I had a dollar once---" "That's enough!"
(Larry and Moe)

Curly: "They got him!"

"My uncle made a fortune in corn... at $10 a gallon."
(Shemp)

professor: "If I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar, how much would you have?"
Larry: "One dollar"
professor: "You don't know your arithmetic!"
Larry: "You don't know my father!"

woman to Curley: "Would you be my boyfriend? You'll like me, I grow on people."
Curley: "So do warts!"

"This I like. And I get paid for it, too."
(Larry)

"This I like. And I get paid for it, too."
(Larry)

"The Stooges have landed and have the situation well in hand!"
(Moe)

Moe: Some choice! We're either gonna be burned at the stake or get the guillotine!Curly: I'd rather be burned at the stake.Moe: What for?Curly: Because a hot steak is better than a cold chop!

"With oranges, it's much harder." (Shemp)

Moe: "They threw a bomb..."

Curly: "Why don't you send it to a clinic?"

Curly: "Don't worry. You know the old saying: 'Easel come, easel go'!"
Moe: (strikes Curly) "Easel out of here!"

Curly: "Look at the grouse!"

"Don't worry, we always fix it right the second time."
(Larry)

"Oh no, Dr. Jekyll!" "Dr. Jekyll? We must Hyde!"
(Norma Randall & Shemp)

Hey! Wake up and go to sleep! (Moe)

"What are you shakin' about?" "I don't know - I'm in a hurry all over!"
(Moe and Curly)

Curly: "Low man again."

"You know fish is great brain food." "You know you should fish for a whale."
(Larry and Moe)

"I got a little booklet here, in how to train your memory in 5 easy lessons."
(Shemp)

Curly Howard: (Changing baby's diaper) You must be French. You've got a lot of oui-oui.

"Were did you get this mess?" "I bought it here." "Oh, what a beautiful messterpiece."
(Shemp & Vernon Dent)

Curly: "You're gettin' in my hair! RUFF!"

"Rome wasn't built in a day, and neit'er was Syracuse."
(Shemp)

If at first you don't succeed, keep on sucking till you do succeed.


Curly Howard

Curly: "Hey Toots!"

"I'll help you cash 'em in, before someone else gets a chance to cheat you out of 'em."
(Moe)

"I'm gonna change my socks. What an experience!"
(Curly)

"Were them funny noises comin' outta you or the piano?" - Joan Crawford to Larry (DANCING LADY, 1933)

If I'm going to work like a horse, I'm gonna eat like one.
(Curly)

"I baked a cake once, but it fell and killed the cat."
- Moe

"We baked you a birthday cake! If you get a tummy-ache, and you moan and groan and woe, don't forget we told you so!"
(Moe, Larry, and Curly)

"Did you come from behind that rock, or from under it?"
- Shemp Howard

"Train leaving on Track 4, all aboard!"
(Larry)

Moe: "There he is!"
(The Stooges shoot a loudspeaker tube.)

Loudspeaker tube: "Ohhh! They got mee!"
Curly, Moe, Larry: (together) "For duty and humanity!"

Omay: "So this is what explains!'

Moe: "Let's give her the razzle dazzle!"

Curly: "It'll be a bullseye!"

Moe: "A bullseye, eh?"
Curly: "Yeah, but we got the wrong bulls!"

Moe: "This oughta pick him up."
Curly: "And lay him down, too."
Moe: "Out of the way!"

"D'ya see any spots before your eyes?" "Nah... but I used to see triangles."
(Larry & Moe)

"It's silly to be scared." "Yeah." "Boy! Am I silly!"
(Curly and Moe)

Curly: I'm sorry, I guess the "pesto-bismol" didn't help with the lobster.

Moe: [angrily] Did you eat the shells again?

Curly: I don't know; it was on the plate, and then it wasn't.

"Gentlemen, here are your quarters." "Oh, two bits apiece."
(Vernon Dent & Curly)

"Cheerio, Pi-Pip, and all that sort of rot, old thing, old stuff, old fishmonger, old skunk bait!"
- Larry (HEAVENLY DAZE, 1948)

Dudley Dickerson: "Dis house ha shore gone crazy!"

"When I want a haircut, I'll go to a barbershop!"
(Moe)

Curly: "Ohhh, professional jealousy, eh?"

"With oranges, it's much harder."
(Shemp)

Curly: "Hey! What's the idea?!"

Two more of Curly's catchphrases:

"Nyah-ah-ah."
"Oh, oh, oh, ohhh, look!"

"Everytime you've got it, I get it!" (Curly)

"I'll lead the way. Go ahead!" (Moe)

Curly: (to Moe)"A pickpocket. That's what you are, a pickpocket."

.prosecuting attorney (to Curley)
"DOYOUSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH"?
Curly: "Huh"?
prosecuting attorney: "DOYOUSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH"?
Judge: "ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
Curly: "He's talkin' pig latin; I don't know what he's sayin'!"
Judge: "HE'S ASKING IF YOU SWEAR..."
Curly: "No! But I know all the woids!"
Judge: "HE'S ASKING IF YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH!"
Curly: "Truth is stranger than fiction...judgey-wudgey."

professor: (to Larry)
"If I gave you a dollar and your father gave you a dollar how much would you have?"
Larry: "One dollar."
professor: "You don't know your arithmetic."
Larry: "You don't know my father."



Larry (reading): (I think it's Larry)
"Oh see the cat. Does the cat have any chicks?"
professor: "No, no-cats don't have chickens."
Larry: "Oh yea? Well once I had a cat and it got into the henhouse-and THAT CAT HAD CHICKENS!"

.prosecuting attorney (to Curley)
"DOYOUSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH"?
Curly: "Huh"?
prosecuting attorney: "DOYOUSWEARTOTELLTHETRUTHTHEWHOLETRUTHANDNOTHINGBUTTHETRUTH"?
Judge: "ANSWER THE QUESTION!"
Curly: "He's talkin' pig latin; I don't know what he's sayin'!"
Judge: "HE'S ASKING IF YOU SWEAR..."
Curly: "No! But I know all the woids!"
Judge: "HE'S ASKING IF YOU SWEAR TO TELL THE TRUTH!"
Curly: "Truth is stranger than fiction...judgey-wudgey."

The prosecutor wasn't the one who was administering the oath. It was the court clerk.

The prosecutor wasn't the one who was administering the oath. It was the court clerk.

well, whatever. I'll just say it was some guy in the court.

Every time you think, you weaken the nation.


Moe Howard

Moe: "T.H. Who's that"?
Shemp: "Lets see; T.H., T.H., T.H." "I got it! Teddy Hoosovelt!"
Moe: "You're wrong quiz kid!" (slaps him)

"Hey, do we know how to cook?" "Do we!" "Do we?"
(Larry, Moe & Curly)

Curly: (to man)"Your mother and my mother are both mothers."
Moe: "On his father's side."

Moe: (on telephone)"Get me Ripley! Yeah! Believe it or not."

Curly: "You are moidering the King's English!"

Moe: "Anything the Wright Brothers can do, the Wrong Brothers can do. Right?"
Larry: "Right!"
Curly: "Wrong! -- Brothers."

Moe: "We do the best work in town."

"I want my tip!" "I got one for ya... get out!"
(Curly & Moe)

Moe: [points at Snooki's Guinness beer hat] Just because it says genius on her hat doesn't mean she is one.

"I'm gonna change my socks... what an experience!"
(Moe)

Curly: "All quiet on the fish front!"

Moe: "Quiet, numbskulls, I'm broadcasting."

Curly: (singing)
"She was bred in old Kentucky
But she's just a crumb up here.
She's knock-kneed and double jointed,
With cauliflower ears."

Curly: "Because that ain't ration."

"Did you get the squeak out?" "Boy, we got everything out."
(Duke York and Moe)

"Dis house sho' gone crazy!"

"Sorry folks; dimmer postponed cause o' rain."

"Jes' turn on anything, you'll get it."

"He's got five dollars!!!!" (Curly)

"I'm doing the elevator dance." "Elevator dance?" "Yeah, there's no steps to it." - Larry and Ted (SOUP TO NUTS, 1930)

Curly: "Nice shootin', stranger."

Larry: "I wouldn't say 'yes' but I couldn't say 'no'."
Curly: "Would you say 'maybe'?"
Larry: "I might!"
Moe: "So be it."

Curly: "Oh. A radio! (pause) Two aerials."

Criminal: "Hey. You got us wrong."
Cop: "Yeahhh, but we've gotcha."

Dudley Dickerson: "Dis house has sho' gone crazy!"

Christine MacIntyre: I was just looking for a glass of water".
Dudley Dickerson: "Jus' turn on anything. You'll git it."

Dudley Dickerson: "Sorry folks, dinner postponed on account of rain."

Dudley8 Dickerson: "HELP! HELP! I'M LOSIN' MAH MIND!"

Dudley Dickerson: "Dis house has sho' gone crazy!"

Christine MacIntyre: I was just looking for a glass of water".
Dudley Dickerson: "Jus' turn on anything. You'll git it."

Dudley Dickerson: "Sorry folks, dinner postponed on account of rain."

just saw that I already posted these once before-o well; sorry!

"Six lions were tearing me apart, bit by bit! Six lions!" "Quit lyin!"
(Shemp and Moe)

Moe: (to Curly) "Where's your vise?"
Curly: "Vise? I have no vice. I'm as pure as the driven snow."
Moe: "But you've drifted." (He strikes Curly.)

Moe: (singing)
"We baked you a birthday cake."
Larry: "If you get a tummy ache."
Curly: "And you moan and groan and woe."
All three: (together) "Don't forget we told you so."

"That's enough! When you didn't know what you were talkin' about, you really had somethin'!"
(Moe, to Curly)

Curly: (bending to microphone) We will now pause for station identification. This is N-U-T-S.

"Why don't you drill where you're looking?" "Why don't you look where I'm drilling?"
(Shemp and Larry)

Curly shaving ice: "Were you wearing a pink bow tie? No, well here's your lip."

Oh... a simple job for simple people.
(Curly)

Larry: "Hey, there's something wrong with this cake."

Janiebelle: "Well, I call it 'Old Point Comfort'."
(She walks away.)
Moe: "'Old Point Comfort'? Tastes more like old comforter."
Larry: "I get the point."

"Don't worry, I got what it takes to cure him."
(Moe)

Moe: "Now I'm going to change my socks. What an experience!"

Moe: "We'll be shot at sunrise for this."
Curly: "Maybe the sun won't come out tomorrow."

Curly and/or Larry: I can't see! I can't see!
Moe: "What'sa matter?"
Curly and/or Larry: "I got my eyes closed."

Train Conductor: "All out for Syracuse."

Train Conductor: "All out for Syracuse."

Pebble: "Syracuse? This is where I get off."
(Pebble exits.)
Mattie Herring: "Where is he going?"
Hailstone: "The boy's from Syracuse."
M.H.: "Concentrate."

Moe: (to Henry)"Good morning, sir. I'm the census taker. Are you married or happy?"
Woman: (offscreen)"Hen-RY!"
(Henry ducks. A clay pitcher flies out and hits Moe. It breaks on him; he falls down a few steps.)
Moe: "Married."

Moe: "Shoot the money to me, honey."

Curly: "Crematory?"
Moe: "Boy, that's a real hot foot."
Larry: "Let's get out of here."

"I can't help myself, I just gotta chase after blondes."
"What do you do with them?"
"I don't know. Ain't caught one yet."
(Shemp)

(The Stooges are about to attend a fancy ball)
Moe: Now then, gentlemen, remember your etiquette. (He then gives both Larry and Curly a slap.)
Larry: What's that for?
Curly: We didn't do nothin'!
Moe: That's in case you do when I'm not around!

Moe: "You ain't gonna get anywhere with a single tree."

Curly: "You burn me up!"

Moe: "You'll take the lower and like it."
Larry: "I'll take the lower but I won't like it."

Larry: "We're trapped like rats!"
Moe: "Speak for yourself, rodent."

Curly: "Defrost me!"

"You're supposed to be singing about the voices of spring, not the eruption of a volcano."
(Shemp)

I tried to think but nothing happened!
(Curly)

The Stooges, recently made dictators of Moronika, are addressing a rally.
Curly: (bending to microphone) We will now pause for station identification. This is N-U-T-S.
Larry: (Moe brandishes a small mallet) When you hear the conk on the dome, it will be exactly 3 o'clock, Bolonia watch time. (Moe strikes Curly on the head)
Curly: 3 o'clock, Bolonia watch time. ("Bolonia" is a reference to Bulova brand wristwatches.)
Larry: 3 o'clock, Bolonia watch time.
Moe: (a'la a horror-show announcer) It must be three o'clock! (laughs evilly, and then Larry and Curly join in).

Moe selling Bright-O – “If you have a knicknack with a nick in it, we’ll knock the nick outta the knicknack with Brighto!”

"I've been asked to get married lots o'times." "Who asked you?" "My father and mother."
(Shemp & Larry)

I'm positive about the negative, but a little negative about the positive.
Curly Howard

"Poor Moe!" "Oh woe is Moe... Whoa, Moe!!"
(Curly and Larry)

Don't you dare hit me in the head... you know I'm not normal.

Curly Howard

Moe: "Now, remember: No liquor. No foolin' around. Et cetera."
Larry: "Are we allowed to smoke?"
Moe: "You don't see any signs around, do ya?"

Larry: "Is there a traffic light around here?"

Curly: "Ahh! A maschazino cherry!"

Professor Richmond: "Looks like I'm going to lose my wager."

Larry: (to Moe)"Hey, where's your dignity?"
Moe: "Spread out."
Larry: "Where's your dignity?"
Moe: (slaps Larry)"There it is."

Moe: "My dear fellows, this is our punishment for associating with the hoi polloi."

Arthur: (to Mable)"The same to you, and I don't mean fish."

Moe: (to butler)"Keep your shirt on, big boy. We were sent for."

Larry, Curly, and Moe: (unison)"At your service day and night we do the job and we do it right. Acme."

"This ain't gettin' us no place! We'll have to blast!" "Wait a minute. Maybe we can pry him out!" "It'll take longer, but go ahead."
(Larry & Moe)

Moe: Them's fighting words in my country!
Bully: Oh, yeah? What about it?
Moe: Nothing. Lucky for you, we're not in my country.

"You snore like a roarin' lion!" "I do not! I stayed awake all last night to see if I snored, and I didn't!"
(Curly & Larry)

Curly: Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk.
Moe: You're next.
Curly: But I had a bath.
Moe: When?
Curly: July 4th, 1910. I was too young to fight about it then.
Moe: What are you gonna do about it now?
Curly: Take a bath.

Shemp: "A dogfish!"
Larry: "I hope it ain't got fleas."

I lost my ba-lance" "Oh, ya lost your ba-lance, eh?" "Yeah" "Well go find it!"
(Larry and Moe)

"Can I help it if this is my face?" "No, but you can stay in the house, can't 'ya?!"
(Shemp Howard & Harry Gribbon)
"I had the 7-years' itch once and scratched it out in a week."
(Shemp)

Moe: "I'm Halliday."
Larry: "I'm Terraday."
Shemp: "I'm (fill in the blank) day."

Curly: "A victim of circumstance. But I'll do it."

"What is this you're doing?" "The elevator dance." "Elevator dance?" "Yeah, there's no steps to it."
(Larry & Ted)

"Noontime means luncheon for someone / Nighttime means sleep for the same / Daytime means brightness for someone / But to me they all mean the rain."
(Ted Healy)

Hailstone: "Sooo, the Axis partners want to roast us, eh?"

Hailstone: "Gentlemen of the Axles, your blitz is on the fritz."

Hailstone: "Give me that world, Herring, or I'll marinate ya. LET ME HAVE IT!!"
(Field Marshal Herring breaks the globe on Hailstone's head.)
Hailstone: "My world. You nitwit, you shattered my world!"

I shoot an arrow into the air, where it lands I do not care: I get my arrows wholesale!
Curly Howard

"If I'm lying, I hope you drop dead!" (Ted Healy)

Moe: (sarcastic) "Smart girl."

I don't know. It was my idea, but I don't think much of it."
(Moe)

"We was the hit of the show!" "Of course there was only 3 acts." "And 2 of the acts was detained elsewhere."
(Larry, Curly & Moe)

Larry Fine: Hey, quiet down you two, you're disturbing my coffee break!

"Keep smilin', McGann!"
(Moe)

Curly: "Come out, come out, where Esther you are."

Bullfight announcer: "We hope you enjoy them too many. Thank you."

Curly: "To the fair queen of the fiesta, I dedicate this bull, and I do mean bull."

Hassan Ben Sober: "I am Hassan Ben Sober!"
Shemp: "I had a few too many myself."

Aggie: "Oh. Hello, Moe, what do you know?"
Cavemen Larry and Shemp: (unison)"We just got back from a dinosaur show."

Caveman Shemp: "After seein' you I believe in first fright."

"Yeah, it was so hot last night, I had to get up and take off my socks." (Shemp)

Larry: Hey, little fella, want a peanut? Dolphins love peanuts, you know. Here you go. Catch.
[Larry tosses peanut to dolphin and it falls into its blow hole.]
Curly: Oh, my God! I think he's snufficatin'!
Larry: Don't worry, pal, I know the Heineken maneuver.

I lost my paternity pin." (Shemp)

"What did you do for patient in 72?" "Nothing! What'd he ever do for us!"
(Del Henderson & Curly)

Curly: "With a hooty hoot hoot."

Scotsman: "Are you laddies by any chance from Loch Lomond?"
Curly: "No, we're from Loch Jaw! Nyuk nyuk nyuk."

Curly: "A winner every time."

Signor Cantino: "What you try to make for me, a fruit salad? Pigs!"

Curly: "A twirl, a dance!"

Curly: (to Moe) "You can't spoil my dinner."

Moe: "I'll get you later."

"Professor Von Stupor?" "Von Stupid? Oh, you must mean him!"
(Gladys Gale & Larry)

Curly: "I can afford to lose a few pounds. I'm too pleasingly plump as it is!"

Curly: "You know, we're not supposed to flirt with the customers."

Moe: "Yes, sir, practically a Shetland pony."

Curly: "You know, that's the first mouse I've smelled that smelled like fire."
Moe: "What did you expect a fire mouse -- I mean, a firehouse mouse to smell like? A petunia?"

Curly: "It's -- you know."

"Don't get nervous like I was. I shook so, my handcuffs fell off."
(Ted Healy)

"Buffalo Bill." "Buffalo Billious." "Just Plain Bill."
(Curly, Moe and Larry)

Curly: "The morbid the merrier."

Moe: "What a beautiful place!"
Larry: "Reminds me of the reformatory."

Moe: "Well, I can see the darkness!"

Moe: (to butler) "Thanks, Dracula."

"They're gonna go to work and like it. And if it's absolutely necessary, I'll go to work too."
(Moe)

Moe: "He ain't progressive."

Moe: (to woman) "Sit down, shorty. Stuff's here and it's mellow."

Arthur: "I know where three moths are going."

"Aw, don't be a baby! It's all in fun." "I hate fun!"
(Dick Wessel & Shemp)

Curly: "Hmmm! Nice work if you can get it."

Moe: "I heard you the first time."

Larry: (looking up) "Is that the sun up there?"
Curly: (looking up) "I don't know. I'm a stranger in town."

Curly: "He's got his legs on backwards."