This is the first episode in a Seinfeld Parody. It's just a script right now. I envision it as a cartoon or in CGI format. If there's enough interest in it/enough views/enough positive feedback I will continue with it.

My end goal is to write to full mini seasons - 10 episodes each, 15-20 minutes long when all factors are taken into account, then I'll try to pitch it to Jerry Seinfeld and whoever else owns the rights to the original series this is a parody of.

So if you like it, please share it with others. Thanks, enjoy!

Seinfeld Season 10: The Lost Episodes Episode 1: Just a Kiss

By M. Blades

[Tom's Restaurant] George: Did I tell you about this new girl I met.

Jerry: No, who is she?

George: Her name is, Lana. I met her while I was out buying some new khakis. She said she liked my pants, so we talked and I got her number.

Jerry: You remember Lana Lips? Maybe that's her.

George: Yea. (chuckles then snorts) Maybe it is. (pause)No wait, Jerry it is her. She looks a little different now because she's older but it's her. Oh my God, I completely blocked her out of my mind. There's a black-hole in the fabric of space and time in my head, Jerry.

Jerry: There's a lot of empty space in your head, I won't argue against that. (laughs, smirks, then smiles...takes a sip of coffee)

George: Very funny. How could I have blocked her out?

Jerry: You know, she kissed every guy in our High School. I heard she even kissed some of the girls. I remember she kissed the principle because he told her to have a nice day.

George: Did she kiss you?

Jerry: Well, yea. She pulled me aside at the end of gym class one day and laid a whopper on me. I've gotta tell you it really knocked my socks off. Whew, Lana Lips, you're lucky George. That kiss was the kiss of a lifetime. I've never been kissed by a woman so passionately before or since. (Jerry smiles and appears to be enjoying the memory)

George: You'd think, wouldn't you, but no. I've been on 4 dates with her in two weeks and nothing.

Jerry: Nothing? (expression of disbelief and curiosity on Jerry's face)

George: No invite in to her apartment, no kiss on the lips, just a peck on the cheek one way or the other. If I go in she turns her head. If she goes in she gives me the last second hook peck. I just remembered why I blocked her out of my mind. Every time she came close to being alone with me, she'd turn around and walk the other way. She shunned me, Jerry.

Jerry: That's harsh. The last second hook peck is what you give your grandmother to avoid kissing her on the lips. At least you're getting to first base.

George: That's not first base. First base is a kiss on the mouth at the least, technically a French kiss.

Jerry: (Sympathetically) It's a walk.

George: A walk? If I get to first base I at least want to get a hit to get there. I'm barely making contact. (Elaine and Kramer walk in together)

George: Well, I can't date her now that I remember who she is. I'm gonna just call it off.

Elaine: Why can't you date who George? What happened.

Jerry: Oh, George has been dating a women we knew in high school for two weeks and she hasn't given him a real kiss yet, just cheek pecks.

George: Thanks Jerry. (sarcastically) I don't get this woman, she used to French kiss random strangers like people shake hands. I have a hand, what, I don't get a shake? Every time I try to kiss her she turns her head. (Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer laugh)

Kramer: You know what you should do, George? Gently cuff her face like this. (Kramer demonstrates on Elaine) Then you go in for the kiss. That way she'll either let you kiss her or pull away early. It'll save you any embarrassment. (Elaine blushes)

George: It's a little late to save me any embarrassment. But yea, the cuff. That might work. I think I'll ask her out again.

Elaine: That was like 20 years ago. Maybe she's changed. Maybe she doesn't want to rush things. Don't push her, George.

George: I'm pushing Elaine, I'm pushing. I'm not getting shunned this time!

Elaine: Why don't you just tell her you want to kiss her?

Jerry: You can't tell a woman you want to kiss her. She can ask but a man can't tell her he wants to.

Elaine: Why not?

Jerry: That's like telling someone you're throwing them a surprise birthday party, it ruins the surprise.

George: Alright, I gotta go back to work. The Yankees made the playoffs. The first game is tomorrow night. I've got to set up the bobblehead giveaway.

Jerry: Who's the bobblehead of?

George: Mariano Rivera

Kramer: The Saaaand maaaaan. Oh yeeaaa. (Elaine rolls her eyes)

George: See ya guys.

(Elaine, Kramer, and Jerry say goodbye and Elaine wave as George exits.)

[Jerry's apartment George closing door]

George: I've got great news, Jerry. The Yankees gave everyone in management tickets to the opening game of the playoffs tonight!

Jerry: The assistants too?

George: Yes Jerry, me too. You're gonna go right?

Jerry: I don't know. Who else is going? George: I asked Lana out on another date, she's going to meet me at the gate. I called Elaine and Kramer but they didn't answer.

Jerry: I just got off the phone with Elaine, she's on her way over here now. They gave you five tickets? I guess all that sleeping under the desk has finally paid off for you.

George: Yea apparently. So you're in right?

Jerry: If Elaine or Kramer want to go, i'll go.

George: What's the difference?

Jerry: I don't want to be a third wheel, that's the difference. Two's company, three's a crowd, and 4 or more is a tribe. (Jerry's buzzer rings) (Jerry walks over and answers the buzzer)

Elaine: It's Elaine

Jerry: Come on up.

George: four's a tribe? You're crazy, a tribe is like 50 or more people. (Kramer enters)

Jerry: Hey Kramer, how many friends make up a tribe?

Kramer: 4 or more.

George: What, that doesn't make any sense. 50 people, 25 maybe but not four.

Kramer: It's not about the size of the group after 3, it's the group culture that matters. (Elaine enters)

George: Hey Elaine, how many friends would you say make up a tribe?

Elaine: Probably 4 or more.

George: I don't believe it, I'm completely on my own on this. Whatever. Kramer, Elaine, I've got tickets to the Yankees playoff game tonight, you want to go?

Elaine: Yea, I'll go.

Kramer: The K-man is down.

George: Jerry?

Jerry: Yea, when do you want to leave?

George: I've got to meet Lana at the gate in an hour. You guys can go in and I'll wait for her.

Elaine: Ohhhh Lana is going to be there. (Elaine teases and makes kissy faces at George, they all leave Jerry's apartment)

[Yankee's stadium 3rd row behind home plate Elaine and Jerry are seated at the end of the row]

Elaine: These are great seats. We can see everything.

Jerry: I know. You can't get these seats. I've tried.

(Kramer comes down the stairs carrying nachos, Elaine and Jerry move over a seat and let Kramer have the aisle seat)

Jerry: Kramer, aren't you lactose intolerant?

Kramer: Yea but there's no dairy in cheese sauce.

Jerry: It still cheese, there's diary in it.

Elaine: He's right, there's definitely dairy in cheese sauce.

Kramer: You're both crazy. It's imitation cheese. They make it with powder. Ahhh(waves them off/up then down waving of hand)

Jerry: Alright, it's your bowels.

(George and Lana walk down stairs to 3rd row)

George: Lana this is Kramer, Jerry, and Elaine(they all say hello to each other, then George and Lana take the two remaining seats next to Elaine. Kramer beings eating his nachos bobbing his head side to side to the stadium music as he eats)

Jerry: (eagerly with a smile)Lana, remember me from gym class 10th grade?

Lana: No, sorry, I've tried to put high school of my mind. I've moved on from that period of my life. I didn't like high school very much.

Elaine:(whispers to george)See, don't push.

(Kramer taps Jerry on the should to show him the kiss cam is on George and Lana)

Jerry:(excitedly)Georgie, you're on the kiss cam!

George:(to Lana) What do you say, are you up for it?

Lana: Sure(George gently cuffs Lana's face with his hand. Lana quickly breaks free from the cuff while rising slightly in her seat and kisses George on his bald spot. Then, Lana stands up completely and waves at the kiss cam. The crow lets out a short aaaahhhh in disappointment. You can here the announcer say, "Don't worry folks, they're probably cousins" off in the background and the crowd cheering a little afterward. George hold his head down in shame, then he looks over to Jerry, Elaine, and Kramer. Jerry shrugs his shoulders with both his hands open as if to say I don't know what to tell you. The camera switches over to Kramer. Kramer is almost finished devouring his nachos but suddenly stops with a tortilla chip sticking halfway out of his mouth with his lips closed. Then, Kramer swallows what he had just finished chewing. A slow gulping sound then fierce gurgling stomach sounds play. Jerry notices an odd expression on Kramer's face.)

Jerry: Hey Kramer, are you alright? What's wrong with you?

Kramer:(cries out in a high pitch) It's the dairy Jerry! It's the dairy!(pause)I was wrong. Hot momma, I gotta go bad!(Kramer quickly gets up, spins around, and starts running up the stairs without paying attention to his surroundings. Kramer runs right into a vendor carrying popcorn and sodas. Popcorn and sodas go flying everywhere in slow motion. Elaine had been listening to Jerry and Kramer's previous conversation. The entire group stands up because of all the commotion. Kramer gets back up, clenches his buttocks together and awkwardly starts waddling quickly to get to the bathroom. Elaine yells to Kramer, "Run Kramer Run, (slow motion/Forest Gump reference) Run Kramer Run! Kramer hearing Elaine now begins to run transitioning from his previous waddle/fast walking. Jerry, Elaine, George, and Lana are all laughing hysterically at Kramer's misfortune)

[Subway train after the game. George and Lana sit together next to Elaine and Jerry. Kramer sits facing them on the other side]

Jerry: What a game! That was really intense. 2 outs in the bottom of the 8th, tie game, then (placeholder) hits the go ahead home run. Mariano closes it out with 2 straight punch-outs. George, thanks for inviting us.

George: Ah, it's nothing, forget about it. (gestures a downward wave to indicate as much)

Kramer: Yea, thanks George. It's too bad we didn't get to the game in time to get a bobble-head though. I really wanted one.

George: Sorry, maybe next time.

(The train stops and passengers get off, a Mariano bobble-head falls out of a lady's purse by her seat opposite the subway door as she exits. Krammer notices the bobble-head a few seconds later. One passenger enters and pulls out a knife to rob passengers. George, Elaine, Jerry, and lana sit straight up in their seats startled by the robber though he is attempting to rob passengers in the other half of the train-car. Kramer never notices the robber. Kramer is focusing on the bobble-head. Kramer licks his fingers then quickly lunges to the ground to grab the bobble-head. While attempting to get up off the ground Kramer stumbles backwards into the would be robber knocking the robber out of the open subway train door. The door immediately closes blocking the would be robber from reentering the subway car. Kramer gathers himself and turns around to see the robber looking at him menacingly pounding on the door's window as the subway train begins to move again. The passengers all cheer Kramer for saving them from being robbed. Kramer turns to the passengers not realizing what has happened and cautiously raises his hand to give a motionless wave. Kramer slides back into his original seat.)

Elaine: You're a hero, Kramer.

George: (pats Kramer on his shoulder)Good Job!

Lana: That was amazing!

Jerry: What possessed you to do that, Kramer. You're fearless.

Kramer: It was the Sandman, Jerry. The Saaand Maaan!

Jerry: Incredible, two saves in one night.

[Jerry's apartment. Lana is hanging up the phone. Elaine is standing up a few feet from the kitchen counter with her purse on the counter. George is sitting in the chair. Kramer and Jerry are sitting on the couch]

Lana: Thanks for letting me use your phone, Jerry. My ride will be here shortly.

George: Do you want me to walk you down and wait with you?

Lana: (she starts walking towards George)No, that's alright. My friend doesn't live far from here. I had a wonderful time, George, thanks for asking me out again.(She leans in, George closes his eyes and puckers his lips in anticipation of a goodbye kiss. She gives George a quick peck on his right cheek then his bald head. Lana turns, George gestures to Elaine with his arms out to say did you see that.)

Lana: It was nice meeting you all. Goodbye, Jerry(Jerry has his arms crossed. Lana leans over Jerry then passionately French kisses Jerry. Jerry's arms go limp and fall to his side while he's being kissed. Jerry stares off into space. George bits the fist he's made with his hand to keep from screaming out in a fit of rage. Lana then steps a few feet to Kramer)

Lana: Goodbye, Kramer.(Lana leans over Kramer and passionately French kisses him. Kramer squirms and shakes about before fully submitting to the kiss. Kramer stares off into space. George grits his teeth hard. Lana walks towards Elaine.)

Lana:Goodbye, Elaine.(Elaine takes a step back and puts her hand out to signal she just wants to shake hands goodbye at most. Lana quickly closes the ground between them and wraps her arms around Elaine, twirls her around, leans her back, then passionately kisses Elaine. Elaine at first resists, holding her hands straight out. Then, Elaine submits and even wraps her arms around Lana as she kisses her back. Lana finishes the kiss, lifts Elaine back up and twirls her back to her original standing position. Lana then confidently struts toward the door. Elaine puts her right hand on her chest/heart, then begins fanning herself off with the same hand. George thrusts his fists down on his thighs like a kid throwing a tantrum. Lana opens the door, exits and closes the door behind her.)

George:(infuriated jumps out of his seat)What's the matter with you guys! Some friends you are!

Jerry: It was just a kiss. (apologetically) I, I, I didn't see it coming, she blindsided me.

Kramer: Yea, me too, blindsided.(George looks over to Elaine to hear her excuse)

Elaine: George, don't even. (Gives George a stern look and shakes her head)

George: Well, you should have turned your heads!(George starts frantically pacing behind the couch.)

Jerry: Oh man, Oh man, that was even better than the first kiss. She's got a tornado tongue.

Kramer: She tickled my tonsils. I don't know about you two but I need a stogie after a tongue wrestling match like that. (Kramer hands a cigar to Jerry and Elaine, they both accept the cigars.)

Elaine:(while taking the cigar from Kramer)I gotta tell ya, that really knocked my socks off. (George's anger continues to build as he continues pacing and listening. Elaine plops down on the couch in between Jerry and Kramer)

Elaine: Does this mean I'm gay?

Jerry: Gay for Lana maybe but not in general.

Elaine:(ponders for a short moment)I might wanna have kids one day. George, you better break up with her.

George: Of course I'm going to break up with her. (George starts walking toward the door. Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer light their cigars) It's definitely over now!(George opens the door)

George: Wow ho ho, she shunned me again!(George slams the door)

Jerry: Lana(stares off into space)

Kramer: (mutters)Lips(stares off into space)

(Elaine curls up to Jerry and puts her head on his shoulder. They continue smoking their cigars.)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hN2UBR-8QrU