(The Kramdens, Alice’s parents and the Nortons are at the Raccoon Lodge. They are ringing in the New Year.)

All (yell): “HAPPY NEW YEAR!”

(“To All Acquaintance Be Forgot” starts playing. Everyone is kissing their significant other. Ralph kisses Alice’s mother on the cheek. Alice notices.)

Alice (yells): “RALPH! THAT’S MY MOTHER.”

(Ralph realizes what he did.)

Ralph (drunkenly, yells): “YOU MEAN THAT I…EXCUSE ME. I HAVE TO THROW UP.”

(Ralph goes to throw up all over the floor.)

(Uncle George comes in.)

Uncle George: “Alice Kramden invited me. Am I too late for the eats?”

Alice’s Mother (yells): “YOU MAY BE TOO LATE FOR THE EATS BUT NOT TOO LATE TO SEE MY SON-IN-LAW MAKE A FOOL OF HIMSELF.”

(Ralph hears this and goes up to Alice’s mother.)

Ralph (drunkenly, yells): “YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU ARE A BLABBERMOUTH! A BLABBERMOUTH! YOU! BLABBERMOUTH.”

(Everyone tries to make peace.)

Ed (drunkenly, yells): “SO MUC FOR THE RESOLUTION ABOUT GETTING ALONG WITH ALICE’S MOTHER.”

(The cops get called. One cop tapes Ralph on the shoulder.)

(Ralph turns around.)

Cop (yells): “CALM DOWN SIR OR YOU WILL BE PUT UNDER ARREST.”

Ralph (drunkenly, yells): “IT’S THAT BUM HARVEY WHO HAS INSULTED ME IN THE PAST. TIME FOR HIM TO PUT UP HIS DUKES.”

(Ralph punches the cop.)

(Ralph goes to jail. Ed, Alice, Trixie & Alice’s parents visit Ralph in jail.)

Ed: “I see that one of your plans went to pot.”

Alice’s Mom: “The pot is Ralph’s stomach.”

Ralph (yells): “GET OUT MOTHER. GET OUT!”

(The families try to make peace.)

Jackie: "Ladies and gentlemen, we don't normally step out of character this way, but I want to change things up. Let's introduce every one of the cast. First: Jean Kean."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "Art Carney."

(Audience cheers.)

Jackie: "And Ryan Seacrest.)

(Crowd cheers as Ryan walks on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)

Jackie (yells): “HAPPY 2017! THE MIAMI BEACH CROWDS ARE THE BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”

(The end.)