Frank Gannucci
05-05-2016, 08:06 AM
A Honeymooners Mother’s Day:
(Ralph & Ed are reluctantly at a golf course. Alice & her parents are there. So are Trixie and her parents.)
(Ralph & Ed are alone.)
Ralph: “It’s bad enough Norton that I had a bad game. What is even worse is that my BLABBERMOUTH of a mother-in-law is here.”
Ed: “I feel you. My mom-in-law is the most rotten person in the world. She is NASTY.”
(The girls come with their respective parents.)
Alice’s Mom: “Hiya Sonny Boy! Hopefully, you won’t get a heart attack with all that walking you will do today.”
Alice: “Mom, Ralph lost weight.”
Alice’s Mom: “Turn around Ralph. You will find it.”
Ralph (mouthing words): “Just one swing.”
Alice: “It was very big of Ralph for coming here on his day off.”
Alice’s Mom: “He knows something about being BIG.”
Ralph: “Ooooooh.”
Ed’s Mom-In-Law: “So are you Norton.”
Ed: “Yeah, I am just as big as Ralph. Ralph has got a heart that is…PRETTY BIG.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Now, it’s my turn to swing.” (mouthing words): “I would like to swing a fist at Alice’s Mom.”
(Ralph swings the club and much like in “The Golfer” & “Boy Next Door”, he hurts his neck as the club hits his neck.)
Ed: “Ralph, you forgot to address the ball by saying: ‘Hello Ball!’”
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
Alice’s Mom: “It is great for us to spend Mother’s Day like this.”
Alice: “I wish I was a mother.”
Ralph: “You would make a great mother sweetie. Too bad me and Ed’s parents couldn’t come. Our parents are down in Miami Beach. Miami Beach has got the greatest weather in the world.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ralph: “So, it was a choice of here or there. Me and Ed wanted to go down to Miami Beach but our bosses couldn’t give us the time off.”
Alice’s Mom: “You two must be sad.”
Trixie: “Especially since all of our parents are getting older.”
Ralph: “Yeah. I may disagree with Alice’s Mom a lot but we should all love our parents and show our mom’s special attention today.”
(They all break into song about what Ralph just said.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "And Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Happy Mother’s Day and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)
(Ralph & Ed are reluctantly at a golf course. Alice & her parents are there. So are Trixie and her parents.)
(Ralph & Ed are alone.)
Ralph: “It’s bad enough Norton that I had a bad game. What is even worse is that my BLABBERMOUTH of a mother-in-law is here.”
Ed: “I feel you. My mom-in-law is the most rotten person in the world. She is NASTY.”
(The girls come with their respective parents.)
Alice’s Mom: “Hiya Sonny Boy! Hopefully, you won’t get a heart attack with all that walking you will do today.”
Alice: “Mom, Ralph lost weight.”
Alice’s Mom: “Turn around Ralph. You will find it.”
Ralph (mouthing words): “Just one swing.”
Alice: “It was very big of Ralph for coming here on his day off.”
Alice’s Mom: “He knows something about being BIG.”
Ralph: “Ooooooh.”
Ed’s Mom-In-Law: “So are you Norton.”
Ed: “Yeah, I am just as big as Ralph. Ralph has got a heart that is…PRETTY BIG.”
(Ralph rolls his eyes.)
Ralph: “Now, it’s my turn to swing.” (mouthing words): “I would like to swing a fist at Alice’s Mom.”
(Ralph swings the club and much like in “The Golfer” & “Boy Next Door”, he hurts his neck as the club hits his neck.)
Ed: “Ralph, you forgot to address the ball by saying: ‘Hello Ball!’”
Ralph (yells): “SHUT UP!”
Alice’s Mom: “It is great for us to spend Mother’s Day like this.”
Alice: “I wish I was a mother.”
Ralph: “You would make a great mother sweetie. Too bad me and Ed’s parents couldn’t come. Our parents are down in Miami Beach. Miami Beach has got the greatest weather in the world.”
(Crowd cheers.)
Ralph: “So, it was a choice of here or there. Me and Ed wanted to go down to Miami Beach but our bosses couldn’t give us the time off.”
Alice’s Mom: “You two must be sad.”
Trixie: “Especially since all of our parents are getting older.”
Ralph: “Yeah. I may disagree with Alice’s Mom a lot but we should all love our parents and show our mom’s special attention today.”
(They all break into song about what Ralph just said.)
(Jackie walks on stage. Crowd cheers.)
Jackie: “The cast. First: Jean Kean."
(Audience cheers as Jean comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "Audrey Meadows."
(Audience cheers as Aud comes on stage and kisses Jackie on the cheek.)
Jackie: "And Art Carney."
(Audience cheers as Art comes on stage and shakes Jackie’s hand.)
Jackie: “Happy Mother’s Day and of course, the Miami Beach crowds are the BEST! GOOD NIGHT!”
(Crowd cheers.)